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Advice needed

Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by Claire1408, Aug 5, 2017.

  1. Hello, @Claire1408@Claire1408, welcome! Given your concerns, even though we're a minority here I'd think that feedback from other women in this forum will be helpful to you as a female and potential KH. So, I'd love to offer one question to start with, for your consideration: Is it to play a game, or will it be a Commitment to Chastity and to You? Most here would agree that to some men, 'chastity' is fantasy game. They watch way too much porn, they get excited about the novelty and buy expensive toy-cages to wear hanging between their legs. In the process they string their female partners along with pretenses of chastity, demand attention and teases, but slip out of their silly toy-cages whenever they want to continue masturbating regularly. They simply role-play with their wives --though sometimes they pretend it's real or they use it as an phony 'cure' to having cheated or been caught consuming lots of shady porn. In doing so, they defeat the respect they profess to the real Chastity cause --and they abuse the trust of their female partners. My warning to you is: you could be made to play this silly game. Suggestion: find out conclusively which is it for your partner --if he truly has the mindset for it (including a real transfer of power and control to you)-- and decide accordingly. And if he really wants to commit to you under a Chastity agreement, make him agree to wear the MOST SECURE device you can find. A Neosteel Arch, a Lori #1, Steelworxx Locker 3 or similar might help. Then, as you rightly told him, set your own rules for it, and make them count. Be consistent and firm, but also have FUN. And remember, ensure your emotional, domestic and sexual satisfaction are taken care of FIRST. Otherwise, you may just end up being another one of his fleeting, porn-fueled fantasies. Keep us posted! All the best.
     
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  2. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
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    #27 Joroincharge, Aug 6, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2017
    This is absolutely the right way to start. Next thing is (unless you already have) is to get a good secure device which is capable (should you choose) of being worn 24/7. The plastic versions, e.g. cb6000, while OK for starters and getting the right fitting for measurements etc. are not really good enough for this. You need to be looking at steel,MatureMetal or similar AT VERY LEAST with you controlling the key. You may find he needs 'breaking in'.Not a problem if you plan properly......:):):)
     
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  3. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
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    Ace advice!!
     
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  4. Now ladies while I don't disagree with any of your advice lets not scare her off lol. She needs to try chastity first to see if she enjoys it. Serious matters like expensive and secure devices can come a little later. I think its perfectly fine to start out with chastity as a fantasy "game". If you find you enjoy it and decide to make it more serious, then yes by all means take steps to make sure he isn't cheating at the game. No one likes a cheater :p
     
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  5. I just dont know i managed to get him to give me the keys and have told him i will decide when and told him if he wants it then it has to be with the cb6000s so right in at the deep end i guess for both of us .

    Should i make a list of rules ?????
     
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  6. It depends on what you like. My wife has no particular rules, but if she were to give me some I would follow them. I would say go with what you will enjoy, tease him on occasion and you will see him latch on to you more that you would have ever expected but don't be pressured to let him out. This is your time to deny him the pleasure and enjoy it being about you.
     
  7. I was thinking and not sure if im on the right track but the teasing and a lot of it but denie him pleasure but give him a target of 2 weeks good behaviour and i dont know maybe 20 orgasms for me and he might earn a release from chastity and the opportunity to cum by doing it himself , but then say if he waits a further 2 weeks maybe i could give him an orgasm . ?
     
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  8. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B
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    I think you're over thinking about everything. It's early days with you, so far. As long as you let him know that you are in control of his chastity, then just see how it all goes for the first few weeks.
     
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  9. Too much too soon then ?
     
  10. @Claire1408@Claire1408 Hello , just to be clear , you now have him locked in a cb6000s and you have the keys right ?? .
     
  11. As of about 10 mins ago i put proper lock on it hid one key and was thinking of putting other one on a neclace as have read that some women do this .
     
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  12. O. K great just needed to know as what I am going to say may not have been much help if you don't already have him locked . I think the best approach here is to take it slow and steady , at this stage trying to set targets and make to many rules may not help you , just let him wear the device for a day or so and see how it goes if all is well you can then either , extend the lock up or give him a release, up to you , but make it clear to him that things are now on your terms and you decide how it goes , you can slowly work up to longer lock up as you go , lets say this time you have him locked for 4 days then give him a release , the next time you could lock him for 8 days and so on , doing things this way will give you both a chance to get used to things and also gives you thinking time and a chance to gage his reactions , during any of this you can of coarse tease him and have him serve you as you wish , so I say slowly will win the race , hope this is of some help to you
     
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  13. Being as you are both so very new to this, slow and steady would probably be the smart choice.

    Neither one of you know for sure if this is something you will like, or are capable of continuing. I have seen many fail when they want to extend lockups before they even have a device that is capable of that kind of wear.

    Over thinking releases and orgasms is another pitfall. Sometimes men have an idea in their head that orgasms will be every ___, and get upset if their kh gives them one to early or not when promised. It is usually much simpler and has less hurt feelings, that he knows that he will be locked and unlocked on your schedule and not his(that is once you two have figured out his ability to safely stay caged). So even if he had his heart set on a long lockup and you felt like having it unlocked for sex...part of chastity play(at least for us) is that my opinion on sexual matters will be heard, but has no bearing on the outcome.

    Chastity has a way of evolving as you two find what suits you best. There may be some activities that spark your interest that you would like to implement, there may be some kinks that he has that you may be willing to dole out as a treat.

    Chastity has a way of forcing, or facilitating communication that he was unable or unwilling to do before. I suggest u take full advantage of this and truly get to know each other.

    Good luck
     
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  14. Here are a couple is suggestions:

    Rule #1: You are now in control of his sex --you decide. He's to serve and please you to hope to earn release.
    Rule #2: If in doubt, see rule #1.

    And of course, if he has any trouble learning the rules, a few corrective sessions should provide the discipline you need. A proper spanking is always a good start. Needless to say, the rest is up to you.
     
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  15. Joroincharge
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    I could not have put it better myself. You are in the box seat. You have him by the balls and he'd better know it. So you make sure you get what you want and he does as he's told.
     
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  16. Lots of men have porn that is just fantasy, and being forced to do something by a female is often a turn on

    For his particular fantasy I'd guess if you told him "if he doesn't put that cage on you'll get your gay work colleague to force him to have oral sex"
    He probably doesnt want that, but I'd imagine he would really like the idea of being coerced into chastity.
    Then just keep telling him he's staying caged forever because his dick is useless
    All just words, but words he wants you to say to him
     
  17. In addition . We / i looked through his phone . He has a lot and i mean a lot of forced gay and forced bi porn pictures with captions on them .
    I asked if its also what he wants to try along with the chastity and reluctently as i said the chastity will stop if he isnt honest and he said yes ......should i indulge ?

    Im finding more and more out about my husband and his new found thoughts every day am i wrong to thin
     
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  18. @Claire1408@Claire1408 men and porn is a slippery slope. I'm sure if you asked him ten years ago this type of fantasy material would have been a turn off for him. But as he has indulged himself in porn for sometime(most likely) his fantasies have also changed. Its like a kid in a candy store. They gorge themselves on something for a while and then move on the next best thing. The next thing you know you are strangely turned on by such things as forced gay porn. Its mostly because the old porn got boring and no longer exciting. He is most likely not gay, hence he would not need to be forced lol. He probably finds it a turn on because of the fact that he is not gay. To him its just all fantasy. Its a turn on. Its up to you if you want to indulge him in these fantasies also. If it sounds like fun then go for it. If it doesn't interest you at all then just stick to what floats your boat. After all you are the one in charge now. If you want, you can, with time, make his only fantasy all about you and nothing else with the right control and teasing ;)
     
  19. While for some people this is a life style, I think for most it is an adult game. For a game to be fun all the players need to know the rules and agree to abide by them. In my real life my job forced us to play for keeps in order to survive so as a result I don't play card games, board games etc because I will do anything to win. Its who I am and at one point it was probably a "turn on". When my wife talked to me about this I asked her point blank if this would improve our sex life and result in more sex as I feel our sex life is poor. She said yes that it will improve but not to expect more sex since she was in control and it was all about her ( obvious drinking the CM koolaid). I told her it was about us and that if my goals and expectations we not met there is no reason to go down this road. I also asked her what she would be willing to trade in exchange for this level of control. I suggested that if chastity was that important I would be happy to take full financial control so she wouldn't be burdened, and she could focus on being a keyholder. No answer so far. For us this is turning out to be a really rough road and I don't think she was expecting any pushback since most of the posters on the CM site embrace the lifestyle.
     
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  20. There is so much great advice on this post already, that I almost feel that there is nothing more that can be said that hasn't been said already. It is important that you are comfortable with this arrangement you have an important role to play in all of this, but in my opinion it is equally beneficial for both parties.

    But it starts with a clear conversation about what is okay and what is not okay. We are new on our journey, so new that last night was my first night to be locked up all night, but we had a open discussion about what we were wanting out of this and what our limits are. And this is something that only you two can outline. Some of the things we discussed were:

    1. Other people in our play, threesome/cuckolding (we decided this was not in our comfort zone)
    2. Max time to be locked (gave this decision to her and we started out slow, just a few hours, then a day, now she said at least 48 hours)
    3. Can other people know about it (gave this decision to her, and she was quick to tell one of her friends while she was staying with us)
    4. Humiliation (Settled on her being able to demand a pic of me locked whenever she wants and I have 2 minutes to send it regardless of where I am)

    The important thing was that we were on the same page when the adventure started and things have grown from there. If one person is expecting something much more than the other, inevitably someone is going to be disappointed along the way or push for too much.

    I feel like my fiancé really embraced the concept due to her ex having a huge porn issue, and locking me up means I can't have a release without her permission. And now she is growing more into the role and feels way less pressure. As they say, "power corrupts, absolute power absolutely corrupts." Just go at your pace and see how you like it.

    Wish you the best of luck no matter what your adventure is ahead.
     
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  21. Are you really asking if you should "indulge" him by having him have sex with men? I'm not judging the act, find it weird that you are so nonchalant about it. Most women would freak out at a possibility of their husband being gay.

    He admitted that it isn't just fantasy and wants you to help him facilitate the activity...so the question isn't about him really anymore...how do you feel about it? If it's something that doesn't bother you, turns you on, or something you want to experiment with, then it's up to you. If the idea is a turn off, you don't want to share him with a man, or the thought upsets you, then there shouldn't be a reason to say that isn't something you want and leave it at that. Even then, you might need to talk to him to see if this decision is something he can live with.

    A lesser solution is to keep it in fantasy. Explain beforehand that the things you say are just dirty talk...and when you two are intimate tell him all sorts of things you are going to make him do when you find a "boyfriend". It can stay right there in fantasy land and never has to intrude in your real life. This can be done as often or seldom as u see fit, and if you really want to turn his dial up, tell him you are considering actually doing it(you don't actually have to consider doing it).

    Sounds like you guys need to chat, which as luck would have it, is done rather easily and honestly when locked up.

    Good luck
     
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  22. He assures me he is not gay .

    I watched some of his forced bi femdom and i must admit i did get excited about the thought of making him do it in a consensual way
     
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  23. Sounds like you are doing great.
    I would expect a few road bumps and misunderstandings. It's an intense experience for him, and probably for you too.

    For years I never got the "forced bi" and some other stuff, but now I do.
    He longs to "Feel Submissive" to you. I'd say the goal is to make him feel very submissive to you, while you find what you enjoy to do most. so you can experiment, and often ask him how submissive he feels on a scale of 1-10. You want to find ways to push his buttons & motivate him while having lots of fun yourself.

    I would say "forced bi" probably seems fairly shocking to him, so he fantasizes that you might do that to him ("force him") and that PROVES he has really submitted to you. Hence, feeling very submissive to you. But a million things would likely make him feel submissive to you. So you can invent ways that sound fun to you and see what works.
     
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  24. Pegging may be another way to give a similar feeling of submission for him, without introducing someone else. Most important is that you move at a pace that you both are comfortable with. Best of luck!
     
  25. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
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    It depends on what YOU want. You don't 'indulge' as if you do he is topping from the bottom. You either require or prohibit, as you choose. .It's a control issue: you need to be in control and the chastity is the lever so you can.
     
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