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Advice needed

Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by Claire1408, Aug 5, 2017.

  1. My partner wants me to lock him in chastity ....should i ?
    Its a big question i have to ask as we are happily married and settled but above all this i found chastity porn and forced bi and gay domination porn on his phone .

    Tho he said this is just fantasy when i approached him about it .

    The question that bothers me most is the fact he wants to wear a chastity device and give me the keys and tell him things like his "cock is useless and small "
    so should i indulge him with this and what are the pro and cons also has anyone any experience on this to give me ideas on what i am supposed to do once he is locked
    up ???
    Mash2214 and sissybitch like this.
  2. Hello and welcome to chastity mansion ,yes indulge him but on your terms , that's to say if you are not happy with the porn he is viewing tell him it stops or you wont lock him , once you have him locked make it your game not his , only unlock him when you want not just when he asks ,you can also have him do things that benefit you to earn his release , and also remember if he is not willing to play on your terms then you always have the option of unlocking him for good and not indulging him at all , so in a way you have to take his idea and work it back on him by only doing things how you want not how he wants you to do them , if he is really serious about it all he will do as you say if not then he probably wasn't that serious about it to start with , so make things all about you and how you want them to be and I think once you get started you will soon see it can benefit you and not just fuel a fantasy for him
    JiL, Mash2214 and Claire1408 like this.
  3. My wife keeps me locked now, and uses it for her advantage. I introduced her to it a while back and we worked our way into it. She now keeps me locked other than when she wants me. It has been good for us, she will readily tell ppl on here that it keeps me much more affectionate. Since she has started she has realized some true benefits, and now tells me she really enjoys having me locked up. Communication is something extremely important when it come to this lifestyle when he is locked up you will be controlling something that he has always had access to, Also the devices need to fit properly for ,his comfort, if it is going to be worn for prolonged periods of time. Take your time. and if you have questions dont be afraid to contact me I will be happy to try and help if you need it. My wife @TimidKeyHolder@TimidKeyHolder I am sure would be happy to help as well.
    Mash2214 and Claire1408 like this.
  4. @Claire1408@Claire1408 , that decision is really up to you. If I were you I would spend some time investigating what chastity really is. I know thats a bit difficult as there is tons of fantasy built into this. But spend some time to research and then make the decision. There are many aspects of chastity and many kinks surrounding this, you will have to choose which ones you are interested in or the ones your husband is interested in and you are willing to play along with. But to start with the basics male chastity is basically a transfer of power your man to gives to you over his sexual release. He will no longer be able to masturbate to porn or anything else really and will be beholden to your desires. A lot of men enjoy this and feels it will bring you two closer to each other. Since he no longer has the satisfaction from masturbating to porn he will come to you as his only outlet for sexual release. You may find he is constantly horny and pursuing you lol. But the key to all of this is that if you play, its on your terms, not his. As the key holder you get to decide what you want to do and not necessarily indulge all of his kinks and desires. There are few women on here who are involved and can help answer your questions also. Hopefully they will chime in or send you a PM. Good luck :)
    Mash2214 and Claire1408 like this.
  5. Dear Claire,
    I'm CB1984's wife. As he had mentioned it is working out rather nicely for us. With that being said, it did not just magically happen overnight. Yes, it was originally his idea approximately a year and a half ago. My first thought was why the hell would a man want his dicked locked up? My husband was patient and did not push the topic too strongly, instead let me research it and understand it on my own. ( It has been great chatting with people on here). It has been an on and off topic in our household for quite some time. This past time I feel like I have fully embraced the role as keyholder. He has been locked up nearly 24/7 for about a month now. Let me tell you, it is wonderful. You had mentioned that you are happy in your marriage. I too am happy in my marriage. I would say we have a near idyllic marriage, we very rarely fight, and we are a great team... the only thing that was lacking was intimacy. With chastity it has been the cherry on top! He is attentive and more affectionate. Although I was very hesitant about the idea at first, I would now recommend it all ladies. It has been a great thing for the two of us. Everyone thinks of different things when it comes to chastity, you just have to find out what works best for you and your hubby. Or maybe it is not for you, and that is ok too :) Best wishes. Message me if you ever want to chat.
  6. Joroincharge

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
    Staff Member Moderator

    Mar 10, 2009
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    IMO this depends on what you want for yourself. The essence of it is that to succeed you need to want to take control. So when you have him locked the first thing is he has to learn to do as he's told. Whether he likes it or not. Once you have that mindset the sky's the limit: you get whatever you want! And you play hard and for keeps.
    slave_m and Claire1408 like this.
  7. Chastity has been our sex life for the last 4+ years. It improved our intimacy, marriage and gave made me the Master of my Domain. Seinfeld reference.
    Claire1408 likes this.
  8. It sounds like he has specific fantasies that he wants you to perform. If you want to lock him up, do it, but make it what you want. If you aren't comfortable with humiliation by telling him he has a worthless tiny cock then don't do it. Want a foot rub, make him give you one. Again, make it what you want and not what he wants per se.
    Claire1408 likes this.
  9. Welcome
    And it's great you came here.
    My suggestion is to do what you're doing, .....
    In other words take your time, don't rush, think about things and be open and honest.

    Men have a tendency to push for what we want. We do this because we often don't think about partner first, we think about our wants and desires. So, by doing what you're doing you're slowing this, you're creating a new dynamic and shifting the power.

    This may be something you want or not. It's probably something he wants and doesn't know or know how to express yet.

    If you read many of the posts here by keyholders you'll see the successful ones get this and have used it for their benefit (and their partners).

    My suggestion to you is to go slow. Hell want to go faster but there are reasons to it including getting adjusted, the mental changes, etc.

    I'd also suggest making it fun. Have a good time with this. Don't be so serious that you hate it. In fact look at it as a way to explore, try things and grow as a person. Enjoy the journey and don't be afraid to laugh.

    Tease him a bit. What sane man wants this. We're all a bit nuts in some way. So take advantage of it. See above.

    Finally do things as you feel comfortable. This goes back to don't rush. He's going to start all excited, then things will get a bit hard for him. He'll want to get out, he'll make excuses and seem like he's playing games. It's part of the process and changes. Be patient, and be a bit firm. This will be the hardest part and where being comfortable is going to be a challenge. It's at this point that you'll have to make a big decision. One that will be huge if you work through it. And one you'll be amazed with after you do.

    I offer these as things to think about. Your journey is unique but many here have done it and will help you if you choose to do it. We'll root for you and support you as friends. It won't be easy at times, in fact there will be bumps in the road. But you can survive them and when you do the rewards are so worth it.

    So good luck and hope you decide to take the journey as our saying things can give you an idea but until you start it, you really won't be able to understand as words only offer a glimpse as you literally and figuratively will hold the key to how it goes.
    Claire1408 likes this.
  10. If it were straight porn I wouldn't think too much if it, but you may want to have a deeper conversation about the gay and bi nature of his porn viewing. If he has sexual desires outside of what you know about, you need to understand them thoroughly.
    RexVa, Claire1408 and NsToy like this.
  11. All of your advice is appreciated , tho the thought of it is starting to sound ok it is the thought of people we know finding out , how would we get round this ??
  12. All of your advice is appreciated , tho the thought of it is starting to sound ok it is the thought of people we know finding out , how would we get round this ?? As for the straight porn , he said it just didnt do anything as much as the gay bi femdom strapon , he said its just different ...
  13. Why would people you know have to find out? People only have to know as much as you tell them.
  14. I wear mine all the time and no one knows. I've yet to go through airport security with it but other have. People don't pay attention to a man's crotch that often. He will probably sit down to pee at first, depending on the cage he might have to, so that is how you can keep people from seeing him in a bathroom. It's natural to think be concerned that someone might find out but it isn't that often that someone figures it out if you are just a little careful.
    Claire1408 likes this.
  15. I dont know why anyone would find out but what if he has it on and there is a problem .....?
  16. I think it would be pretty difficult for anyone you know to find out unless you tell them. Most devices are completely hidden and very discrete under pants. I know some men have worried about their young children finding the device by accident while crawling around on them, but again kids wouldn't really understand anyways. As for the porn, I wouldn't worry too much about it. He has spent his life dealing with straight porn, obviously something new peaks his interest, his interest doesn't necessarily mean he is gay or bi. They could just be fantasies.
    Claire1408 likes this.
  17. You can have him carry an emergency only key. I had one sealed in an envelope with her initials on the seal. She would know if it has been opened.
    Claire1408 likes this.
  18. It is possible he could have an emergency with the device on, though not likely. Its important for him to wear the device enough to know he is comfortable with it on before venturing out too much. Take incremental steps. Wear it at home as much as possible, then wear it to work and such. You can also provide him with an emergency key he could put in his wallet. Wrap it up in paper and put your signature on it then tape it. That way you can tell if he has used it and he has a key in case of emergencies.
    Claire1408 likes this.
  19. The key is to play safe. He has a lock box in his truck with a backup key. If there were any issues he can ask me for the passcode.
    slave_m and Claire1408 like this.
  20. I have spoken to him . I wasnt sure how it would go or what his reaction would be but it was however an interesting chat .

    I told him that if we do this we do it my way with my rules or not at all , he agreed
    I said its a lot to take in and that i have spoken to people about it on a website , he looked shocked as its not something i would normally do he asked if anyone else would know and i assured him that at the moment its only us that know . I think he craves the thought of others knowing so i told him i was thinking about talking to a friend of mine who has been close with me for years and she is pretty open minded .but i wasnt expecting him to smile about it ......???
    spider203, servinher, slave_m and 7 others like this.
  21. In an emergency the nurses and doctors won't care.
    A friend of mine had a major medical emergency and they simply cut the lock off.
    I laugh wine I here people make a big deal I've emergency keys.

    With all the tools EMS and ER folks have cutting the lock can actually be faster then finding the key if some is unconscious. But that's a whole different discussion and debate.

    The time I went to the hospital, my ex brought me a change of clothes. The one nurse who saw the panties she brought simply smiled and acted normal. Never a word was said which was sad for me as she was a beautiful older lady and I would have loved to have flirted with her.

    As for others knowing. I share my kinks with my kinky friends, my counselor and my doctor. No one else needs to know unless I decide to tell them. Most people who aren't kinky are interested for a bit if you share with them then go about their lives not caring. Sure you could run into a jerk that wants to embarrass you or harm you but that is a small chance.
  22. You have recieved a lot of good advice from some very good people. To add my two cents worth. The secret to my wife's and my success is Love Honour ,Respect and Communication. I've been locked for 7 years and 3 of them almost 24/7. I treat my wife like the greatest person in the world. I do anything and everything for her in return she teases me and explores my sexual kinks, on Her Terms, when and how she wants. It can be a Win Win relationship where you both get what you want and need.

    Communicate openly with each other and if you do it with Love in your Heart things can workout for you.
    spider203, sissybitch and JiL like this.
  23. Btw asking a group on a chastity forum if you should lock someone in chastity should be clear. What answer would you expect if you asked a bunch of cattlemen if you should eat beef, or vegans if you should go vegan? Of course we'll say yes.

    The better answer as you've seen is do it if you feel it's right. I know the group herd pat answer is easier but the reality is you should do what's best for you and yours. So try it and see how it goes. Nothing says you must make a life long decision now. And nothing says you can't change your mind at any time.

    Oh and go vegan, so us beef eaters have more steak! ;-)
    TimidKeyHolder likes this.
  24. No one else needs to know. I've worn a cage for years with panties and a red bum a lot of the time and No One knows if my Mistress doesn't want them to. What's behind closed doors or your pants can stay private
  25. Well stated.
    sissybitch and Claire1408 like this.
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