Advice needed for KH vs subs behavior

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Xtactic, Apr 2, 2020.

Random Thread
  1. Xtactic
    Offline

    Xtactic Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2020
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    108
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Hypnotherapist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Greece
    Local Time:
    10:13 PM
    These last few days my wife and keyholder totally ignores me. She doesn’t tease me, doesn’t bother to unlock me through the night as she used to (and I dare not to wake her up) so I had to deal with my aspect of rejection. I kept reminding myself that it’s her call, all are her call, and I said nothing. Nevertheless today we had a discussion. I asked her if she is ok with me or something bothers her and she said that everything is ok and I should not worry, probably it’s just a phase she is going through with the death toll rising from the pandemic, the lockup in the house for three weeks already and a month to come, not the best scenario indeed.
    At some point, and here I need your contribution, the cage was mentioned. She told me that she doesn’t like seeing it. She said that she enjoys the benefit of the change to my behavior a lot and since I like it she is ok with it because it really makes me a better person. She, anyhow, said also that she would prefer me to be like that without the cage since sexually it doesn’t arouse her. She also likes the idea that I surrender and that she has control over my orgasms and even erections, that fact that I can’t masturbate although since I was like that from the beginning she has accepted that.
    Her highest principle in life is freedom and I understand that keeping me locked contradicts her beliefs and I really appreciate what she is doing as it is clear to me that she does it for me. I told her that if at any point she wants me out she just has to tell me and I would do it but she said that she likes my behavior when I am locked.
    She anyhow mentioned that if a person takes cocaine and dances the full night on, it’s not him dancing but the cocaine, that’s the analogy she used for the cage and my behavior and I find it a legitimate and true analogy.
    What she likes specifically is more or less what most subs experience. I pay a lot of attention to her, I never argue, I never interrupt, I immediately serve, willingly and without being asked take care of household, I don’t ask or push for sex, I am even much more patient with children. I used to be already tender and kind but with the cage on, we are talking about a whole new level!
    I also wonder if her being dominant at times was because she liked it or because she knows I like it.
    I understand that what I have to do is to get the cage off so she can touch and feel my cock as she said she likes while maintaining the super charged level of careness and obedience but I am not sure if I can achieve that, at least yet.
    When the cage is off I feel empowered once again and cannot easily comply to the role of the beta male. I cannot easily submit to her although it has happened before. FLR as I write these lines is the only way but guess what, that’s another night me being locked and can’t even remember the last time I orgasmed. FLR doesn’t sound great when I am a free bird, specially after I cum. Then we are at point zero.
    I am really skeptical and going to analyze that with introspection the days to come. Any advice from your experience is welcomed and thank you so much that you took the time to read this huge post!
    CM is a great place and I am grateful I have discovered it!
     
  2. Unlucky
    Offline

    Unlucky Active member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2018
    Messages:
    947
    Likes Received:
    1,369
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:13 PM
    It sounds like your wife wants the results of chastity but doesn't want to put in the effort to actually make it work and is justifying that by trying to make you feel bad by implying that the effort you put in when caged isn't real.
     
  3. Xtactic
    Offline

    Xtactic Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2020
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    108
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Hypnotherapist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Greece
    Local Time:
    10:13 PM
    Thank you for replying, well, I haven’t thought of that. You are right when you say that she wants the results of chastity yet I am not sure about the effort. She believes that I can fundamentally change. What you say is tough and I will consider it as it is an aspect it has never occurred to me.
     
  4. Kiesela
    Offline

    Kiesela Active member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2019
    Messages:
    234
    Likes Received:
    2,499
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    8:13 PM

    You shouldn't really be pestering her.
    You need to be patient and hope that her mood changes to suit you at some point.

    Perhaps its best to consider yourself lucky that she entertains your kink in the first place.
     
    bondinchas and Xtactic like this.
  5. buildup
    Offline

    buildup Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2019
    Messages:
    625
    Likes Received:
    413
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    8:13 PM
    Stop wearing the cage and submit. You need to put more effort into this if you are into chastity.
     
  6. Her_boy_joseph
    Offline

    Her_boy_joseph Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2020
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    255
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New England
    Local Time:
    3:13 PM
    I think you need to give her what she wants and submit fully to her without the cage.

    Cageless chastity isn't easy but you said yourself it doesn't feel as good after you cum - so don't.

    If you give her what she wants (what should be what you want, anyway) maybe in time she'll give you what you want. Maybe she'll discover she likes the cage when it's her choice to put you in it?
     
    Isopropylforyou, Xtactic and buildup like this.
  7. Ma'at Rebekah
    Offline

    Ma'at Rebekah Active member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2017
    Messages:
    294
    Likes Received:
    266
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    ma'at
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    usa
    Local Time:
    2:13 PM
    since your wife seems to take no real pleasure in being dominant and unwilling to feed your needs maybe you should offer her a role reversal and you be master and she the slave.i know if my puck made such an offer i would snap out of what ever funk i've been in. i'll say this, you have helped me take stock of the areas that i may have become a little lax in, soon i will take corrective action. thank you
     
    Xtactic likes this.
  8. Unlucky
    Offline

    Unlucky Active member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2018
    Messages:
    947
    Likes Received:
    1,369
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:13 PM
    Be the best husband you can be, be as happy as you can be individually, don't be passive aggressive, and don't play games, but also don't kill yourself trying to give her everything she wants if she's not willing to put in extra effort herself. The idea that if you give her what she wants long enough then she'll suddenly give you what you want is nonsense. For one, that's not how people work, and secondly, healthy relationships are not purely a series of exchanges.
     
    BunnyAthalus and Xtactic like this.
  9. jvabox
    Offline

    jvabox jvabox

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2008
    Messages:
    124
    Likes Received:
    200
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Local Time:
    1:13 PM
    I have had the same experience as you in the beginning reading on here and other places realize that patience was the key I love the Chastity part of the FLR relationship so once locked I let it ride, as she got more comfortable one night I stripped for her foot massage after a while she started requiring that just at that time. After she got used to that I asked her how she felt a out the cage I said it seemed like she was afraid of it her comment said it looked painful. I showed her that it wasn't it was just a little maddening for me cause it was doing it's job . She is becoming slowly comfortable with it has taken total possession of the keys snuggles against the cage just to feel me twitch, once I explained I had no control over that. It's a slow patient process for sure. Hang in there be patient communicate without pushing I feel your frustration
     
    mrfelix, bondinchas, tvalex and 2 others like this.
  10. Xtactic
    Offline

    Xtactic Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2020
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    108
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Hypnotherapist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Greece
    Local Time:
    10:13 PM
    I couldn’t resist to Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate your contribution! I have update and will share it later on! :)
     
  11. tecolote
    Offline

    tecolote Active member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2018
    Messages:
    699
    Likes Received:
    954
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Government
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    California
    Local Time:
    12:13 PM
    I don't buy her cocaine analogy. The coke doesn't dance all night, the dancer uses the coke because it gives them the energy to dance all night. Also, coke comes with risks and other downsides that don't compare to the chastity downsides.

    She just might not be into it. Take it away, and she may change her mind about that.
     
    Xtactic and Unlucky like this.
  12. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    4,736
    Likes Received:
    2,860
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    7:13 PM
    agreed, give her some space for a while, pushing matters will only push far in the opposite direction, hope you resolve it.
     
    bondinchas and Xtactic like this.
  13. PouchPantyLover
    Offline

    PouchPantyLover Active member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2017
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    2,207
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Hawaii
    Local Time:
    9:13 AM
    First off relax, we are all going through an unprecedented moment and everyone is dealing with it differently. I'm seeing more and more posts (including my own) on this type of reaction right now. I think on some level our wives want us to be knights in shining armor instead of submissives in shiny cages.

    Secondly the give and take and push and pull of this lifestyle is natural. Being dominant is actually more difficult than being submisive. It requires assertion and leadership as opposed to reaction and routine service. Practically know one is going to simply pick up that mantle and know what to do. There's a learning curve.

    You're doing the right thing in that you are communicating. Maybe you're not hearing what you want, but at least you're discussing it. Keep that up. Do what feels right for you. Don't worry if you take two steps back after taking three steps forward. It's all going to be OK.
     
  14. MsFreya
    Offline

    MsFreya New member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2020
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    a really enjoyable one
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Hamilton, Ontario
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:13 PM
    I find the comments interesting, from the "submit, it's your duty" to the passive aggressive "take it away and see how she likes it" Looking forward to the original poster's update!
     
    Xtactic and Kiesela like this.
  15. Unlucky
    Offline

    Unlucky Active member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2018
    Messages:
    947
    Likes Received:
    1,369
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:13 PM
    Nobody said that.
     
    bondinchas likes this.
  16. Xtactic
    Offline

    Xtactic Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2020
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    108
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Hypnotherapist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Greece
    Local Time:
    10:13 PM
    What really amazed me is that every single one of the replies, no matter if I agree or not, if I can relate or not, is a reply worth considering and it could as well be the best way to proceed, for that I so much thank you all, yesterday I couldn’t hold back my enthusiasm and just reply to thank you, today, I owe to you an update, feeling truly honored that I can share it with you.
    I was sitting quietly watching Netflix, expressionless, motionless, I was I think what you described passive aggressive. My Queen noticed that of course, after all that was my stupid way of expressing my dissatisfaction and asked me if everything is ok. I looked at her while keeping awareness to my feelings, I was not angry, I was not upset, I was sad and just looking at her I said nothing. She asked again in a caring tone and I replied that I prefer to stick to my right in silence. She said ok but she would like to know what bothers me, so I told her that, listen, if I tell you now how I feel, I will have to criticize you or judge you, that would mean arguing with you. I wouldn’t like to argue with you as you have said that you enjoy that much the peace and tranquility chastity has initiated in our relationship. I much more prefer to trust you. Doing so would mean that I would cancel that effect. She asked me to go ahead as she really wanted to know. So I went ahead, calmly and respectfully to her: I don’t interrupt you anymore, I don’t argue anymore, I don’t stand up to my belief of something being right or wrong, I don’t bug you around with sex, I am extremely caring and sweet all the time, when you are awake and when you are asleep, you told me you like this yet i want you to know that it requires effort from my side to do it. I have always been sweet to you but my ego was coming first, for this to change it takes effort. I am feeling neglected, yesterday that you have chosen to spend the whole day isolated in your room and today that we have been hugging together and you started scrolling the social media for an hour. In the past, you know that this was the case, I would allow my feeling of being neglected to stand up and you know how this ended each time, with a fight, smaller or larger and since I know the result of that reaction of mine, I have decided to react on a different way in order to get a different result and that, as it is a foundamental issue of mine requires a lot of effort, I can’t handle it easily yet it is my job to do not yours. Then we discussed on that and the way chastity affect us. She said that this is like a theater, while you act you become the hero of the play but it still remains a play, is not real. I then proposed to her a suggestion: Since you have admitted that you enjoy the results, why you don’t just enjoy this performance instead of worrying that it will end as it is just a performance, while at the same time you recognize that this may ultimately serve into training me to merge with the role so as we both get to keep the benefits of it, with or without the cage on? It is sometimes very hard for me to deal with a different approach on issues well build inside my character, the cage is just a symbol, not just of your dominance and control you have over me but a symbol of the control I choose to give up. The sexual stimulation is the cherry, my reward, a side effect that helps me going on. I was that close to ask you to hand me the key and go and masturbate but I chose not. I decided that this is a leap I must take in order to get evolved as a person. And just as an orgasm sets me back to square zero physiological, just like this asking you for the key would set me back at square zero mentally. Now you know exactly how I feel, at least I have tried to communicate it to you, if you want I can take the cage off, if you find that it upsets our life, I can take it off, I would never do something that you dislike, but if you enjoy what you are experiencing, you may as well keep experiencing, without wondering if that’s a result of chastity that may fade away when the chastity is gone. It’s you call to make, you know where I stand and you may wonder why I haven’t bought you flowers ever before chastity and you are right, I have never bought you flowers before despite that I was loving you that much, it’s the cage that pushed me into expressing my love to you in that way, as I cannot express it anymore with the most intimate part of me, it’s the cage that forced me being able to get erect just by smelling your scent, you are right, before I would take for granted that I can hold you or fuck you, now, from that new viewpoint I have chosen to stand I make sure I make use of every chance I have to express my interest, I get arroused even from the smallest thing that otherwise used to pass by unnoticed, now, nothing is for granted. She said she loves me and we kept watching Netflix. After some time she went in the shower, she wore sexy underwear and a robe, she came to me and told me: I think it’s time for your release, go clean up. We made pationate love and she told me that I may cum, most likely the best orgasm I have ever had! A chemical bomb had just gone off in my brain, I was sitting there almost unconscious, drooling. She told me that today is the “cumming” day. Then we just hugged and after 20 minutes I asked her if she would like to make love again. She was shocked as I never do it a second time and told me that her legs still ache. How about a blowjob then, since it is a cumming day I suggested. And soon after we ended up making love again, her orgasming repeatedly and me actually being able to serve her even after the numbing effect of the cream has wear off. And another chemical bomb went off, finally. And then she said, ok, I think it is time to get back in your cage now, right?

    You are right when you describe it as an emotional roller coaster, it sure is one. And as she told me, “I cannot understand how you feel with the cage on, I cannot understand how it affects you mentally as this is happening inside you” the only way for an easy ride is to communicate, to openly and honestly communicate. And it seems like there is not such thing as an easy ride more like an easier ride, unless there is a naturally perfect sub - dom match but I would imagine that challenges would appear even there. In my case I was careful not mentioning any strong words like dominance, submission, slave as these words would hit hard on her belief system, I used only words that would imply those. After all it has to be a mutually enjoyable experience for both eitherwise it won’t be for anyone.

    Once more thank you all for your interest and your suggestions which I found really helpful!
     
    Yiwei Chen, Kiesela and bondinchas like this.
  17. tvalex
    Offline

    tvalex Active member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2020
    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    234
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Southern England
    Local Time:
    8:13 PM
    It's good that you had this talk. Hopefully your communication will only make your relationship stronger.
     
    Xtactic likes this.
  18. Her_boy_joseph
    Offline

    Her_boy_joseph Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2020
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    255
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New England
    Local Time:
    3:13 PM
    She's obviously into it....maybe not as far along as you'd like but she's definitely doing more than just standing in the doorway watching. She's in. Be patient, enjoy the anticipation, and let her explore the room...it's HER room.

    A few people thought she wasn't trying? I never got that from your first post... Trying to understand IS trying.

    Keep the lines of communication open (when necessary) and I wish you continued adventures! I'll definitely be reading along.
     
    bondinchas and Xtactic like this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice