Advice... I struggle with being embarrassed

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by MelbourneGayChastity, Oct 11, 2021.

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  1. MelbourneGayChastity
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    I would seriously appreciate your advice.

    I am a gay guy and my partner and I have dabbled in chastity.

    I have a metal clunky device that we hardly use.

    I know he is into it because we do discuss it, he likes the idea of me being with others and wearing the device.

    He also likes the idea of my being in chastity and not being allowed out until I have achieved certain tasks.

    There is one thing discussing it and another thing doing it.

    We have a great relationship and I shouldn't feel embarrassed. But I am... it's a whole other level of vulnerability of telling him that this is what I want...

    ... No... this is what I need.

    I long for him to lock me up and for me to not be able to orgasm and just fulfil his every desire. Even starting off for a week locked up.

    I feel like there is a line between fantasy and reality that I am struggling to leap because of my own embarrassment, it feels like a whole other level of vulnerability.

    Finally giving up on your partner knowing innately who and what you are.

    I think the other issue is that we previously tried it.

    I wore the device for one night and later on the next day he said "oh I forgot you we wearing it" and so I felt stupid.

    I would really appreciate your advice on how to overcome these issues and make this a reality?
     
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  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    Opening up always makes you vulnerable. There's no way round that. If they don't respond the way you hope or expect, that can be very difficult. But if you don't open up and have that conversation, you'll never know, and you'll never achieve your desire. Good luck.
     
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  3. travel joe
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    travel joe Member

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    I totally feel you and can see where you are coming from. That fear of opening up is really unnerving however the hardest part (subjective opinion) is over - the both of you are already discussing your kinks and interests which is great. I assume you trust him, and if so, then taking that next step to continue to let him in on that kink/fantasy/interest is important to learning more about yourself and your relationship.

    For me, I struggle where you have already succeeded (kudos to you). I'm still dating, trying to find that person right for me, and brining up that I have an interests in chastity has never really ended well for me.

    One piece of advice I can offer though is that fantasy is most definitely not the same as reality. So before you take that step with him, really think it over yourself and understand what you are trying to say, what you want to communicate, what you expect and how routed in reality that really is. That is really easy to say, but extremely hard to do in practice.

    All the best and based on your name I'm guessing you're in Melbourne - great to see another Melbourne person on here. Stay strong in lockdown.
     
  4. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    If you've already talked about chastity, done some playing with it i encourage you to continue with your partner. Both talking and trying it. I understand your embarrassment feelings. I have the same issues with chastity and crossdressing but have an unwilling partner, so it seems worse. Just remember if you both want it, you don't need to feel 'bad' about it. There is nothing inherently wrong about chastity or denial. Love works in all kinds of ways, and these are more or less just different ways for the two of you to express your love for each other. Try to continue to be open with him about your needs, as well as listen to him about his. Being vulnerable with a partner, is one thing that is special about love, in my opinion. good luck and enjoy.
     
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  5. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    I'd say you both need to lay all the chips on the table is be 100% honest about this. If he really did forget about you wearing, I don't think he is really that into it at all... unless he is playing a fun/teasing head game with you.
     
  6. mikecb
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    mikecb Active member

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    Ya, it sounds like you've already dabbled with it. The hard part is done. From your post, it didn't sound like he was really negative about it. I'd simply say "I really like being locked in the chastity device. Are you game to play with that some more?" He'll either say yes or no. That's scary, since if he says "no", there's potentially a major relationship question here. If he says yes, I'd start small. I wouldn't pour my guts out proclaiming you want to be locked for months at a time or anything. There's plenty of time for that down the road, if you are both having fun. It gives you both time to explore.

    From my own experience, I think it's a conversation you want to settle early in your relationship. I was already in a committed long term relationship when I fessed up my life-long chastity kink. It was really too late. I wish you the best in airing this out and getting a positive result!
     
  7. madams-sissysub
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    You just have to take the plunge, I know it can be hard, but you have to go for it! I’m sure you won’t regret it!
     
  8. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Active member

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    If your struggling to have ‘the’ conversation, don’t jump in at the deep end but bring it up in a fun way. Say you’ve got a idea for the weekend, something like he locks you up from getting home on Friday to Sunday evening… one long game with some fun! The role play will help ‘normalise’ it and it may be easier to talk about doing it again… perhaps for a bit longer? See how it develops!
     
  9. tvalex
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    tvalex Active member

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    Some really good advice here. You know him best,, but if you never open up to him. He will never know how you feel.
    He has already said he likes the idea. Perhaps he thinks you are not so into it after all.
     
  10. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Active member

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    If he is accepting of it, I don't think you're risking much by telling him.
     
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