Advancing into an FLR

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by shauntonius, Apr 29, 2022.

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  1. shauntonius
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    shauntonius New member

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    Hi everyone, this is my first post and I was hoping for some feedback/advice on how to progress my current relationship into an FLR. I feel like we’re on the right path but there’s still a lot of work to be done!

    First off, I’m 36 and my wife-to-be is 36 as well. We’ve known each other since high school and we’ve always been friends & flirted, but only started dating when we hit 30. So we have a great bond & history together.

    I’ve always been submissive and I’m really attracted to the whole idea of an FLR, but I’ve also always felt a little bit ashamed of that - and so I’ve tried to hide it somewhat in relationships (including this one). I’ve shown sides of being submissive in the bedroom very occasionally but that’s all. But it’s reached the point now where I’d really love to progress my relationship with my fiance into an FLR. But I want to do this very slowly and carefully so as not to scare her away.

    So for the past couple of months I’ve been slowly & subtly hinting to my fiance how I like it when she tells me to do something when she wants it done. E.g. making her dinner, or fetching her a drink, or fetching the washing. And she’s responded to that by occasionally being a little bossy and asking me to do things for her - sometimes with please attached but other times not. For example last night before bed she said to me, “I’ll have a 20 minute foot massage now”. So I consider things like this to be progress. But it’s not all the time, and sometimes she still asks for my consideration before doing some things - like switching TV channels or something - which I’m hoping she doesn’t feel she needs to do soon. I’m also aware that sometimes when she ‘orders’ me to do something, it might be in a playful way to humor me. And that’s something I’m hoping changes too.

    Other positive things to note are that I’ve made all dinners, washed up 95% of the time & made her breakfast every day for about the last 4 weeks, and she seems to enjoy it. Whereas before, we’d occasionally make dinner/breakfast/wash up together. So just her being content with me doing all those things for her seems positive. I’ve also massaged her feet/legs/bum most nights before bed and I’ve encouraged her to take advantage of my willing/horny state - to the point where she’s jokingly said she’ll have to stop having sex with me to keep me pliable. But again, this isn’t all the time and it’s just occasional comments she makes.

    She’s also teased me about wanting to dress me in womens clothes once or twice and said she’d like to humiliate me, as well as tie me up and tickle me (I’m very ticklish). But I’m never sure how serious she is about this because we’ve never actually done any of that.

    Anyway, all of this seems to be moving in the right direction, even if it is very slowly. But was hoping for feedback from anyone with experience in an FLR, male or female, as to how positive this progression seems. And also any advice on how I can (very slowly and carefully) advance the relationship into a more fully-fledged FLR. I will also say that we’ve never actually had any proper discussion about FLR or anything like that & that I am still quite nervous and shy about bringing it up with her. So ideally I’m looking for a gentle approach so as not to upset anyone :).

    Any help would be amazing. Thanks! And apologies for the long post!
     
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  2. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    hello @shauntonius and welcome to here and i hope you like it here as well.
     
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  3. MSDB321
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    MSDB321 Long term member

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    Hi welcome.
    Seems like you are on the right track. Some of the things she has said indicate that she might be interested in being more in charge.
    I think you need to respond more positively when she says things like:
    “I’ll have a 20 minute foot massage now”
    "she’s jokingly said she’ll have to stop having sex with me to keep me pliable"
    "She’s also teased me about wanting to dress me in women's clothes once or twice and said she’d like to humiliate me, as well as tie me up and tickle me"
    If you don't respond then she may get the idea that you are not interested in her control. My guess is that as a woman she already knows you are a bit submissive.
    Communication is the only way, pick up on it when she says something that could be interpreted as her being in charge.
    Good luck.
     
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  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Welcome

    I don’t know your history exactly, but if she’s mentioned dressing you femininely or humiliation…you don’t have to beat around the bush too much, she’s already thought of it.

    Being male and being told to wear something that is not male is an act of dominance. It’s meant to make you feel embarrassed, vulnerable, and obedient. It’s not to see if you would look cute in an outfit, although some can really pull it off.

    I know you don’t want to scare her off, but you are planning on marrying this woman. It’s only fair that you be honest with her as well as yourself. Forever is a long time if you realize you didn’t really know each other or trust them.

    I would suggest sharing fantasies or turn ons. Make a night of it, have some drinks at home together, share a few things about yourself that you want the person you trust the most, to know the real you. It’s easier sai than done, but do you really want this to be something she will be upset about that you didn’t share earlier? What happens when she does? Is it going to be a fun yet awkward conversation or an reprimand for deceit?

    I suggest you ask to share some fantasies and turn ons, you tell her yours, and judge her reaction.
     
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  5. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Hello and welcome to the Mansion.

    If we all had a pound for the number of times we've heard this question.... ;-)

    Seriously though, the secret is through conversation. You've known each other for 20+ years? You could try telling her that you've noticed that she's becoming more dominant, wait for the reply, and then ask how it makes her feel. Or you talk about the fact you've found yourself becoming more submissive to her recently and enjoy it. See where the conversation takes you. You might want to ask if she wants to try a whole weekend of her being bossy - don't confuse her with BDSM terminology as she may freak.

    Small steps, unless she's a closet dominatrix its going to take a while until you get to where you both want to be.

    Whatever you decide upon, enjoy the fun.

    A
     
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  6. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Among other things, try just opening up a little bit more ... over time.

    For example, you can just let her know how something that she did really turned you on. Maybe, "You know last night when you told me to rub your feet? It made me feel so crazy inside. It's a little scary, because I feel like I'm losing control you, but at the same time I like it so much that I hope you will do it again some time."

    You can over-share easily, so use this as a rule: Don't overwhelm her, but never hide things from her that she would appreciate hearing from you.
     
  7. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    Recurring theme from the helpful replies: go slow and communicate with your spouse! You've clearly identified that as top priority yourself, so be reassured you are doing great.

    Evolving into an FLR can take years, and that isn't a con. The evolution is just as amazing as the destination. That is, if there even is a destination. Relationships are always changing as we grow older and learn more about each other. Good luck!
     
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  8. Lady&sub
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    Lady&sub Active member

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    A lot of talking and patience - dont underestimate either of those!
     
  9. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Talking is the key.
     
  10. madams-sissysub
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    I agree! And welcome here.
     
  11. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    You havent been around since then.. how are things moving along..? Lucky for you that your marriage starts on the right note.. making you wear feminine clothes may just be a starting point.. but thats not all… how about male chastity…? Her cup of tea..? Assuming you both already have plenty of sex since knowing each other for so long.. im sure she wouldnt mind abstaining from penile penetration for some time.. while you continue your role as a sub-husband..
     
  12. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Long term member

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    what i am hearing is how you wish things could be. how you want your future wife in your flr fantasy. the changes she needs to make so she can submit to your vision of a flr and play the role accordingly.
    the real question you need to ask is are you willing to submit to a non-consensual consent agreement or will you remain in charge in a consensual flr. depending on your choice determines what you do next . if it is ncc then you need to ask her, "if pigs could fly and i would do what ever you command how would you envision the most perfect life for the two of us?" you can ask her to consider flr or bdsm or any kink at all. just understand she gets to say and you will obey forevermore.
    if you choose a consensual flr you need to take charge and help her make your fantasy come true to the best of her ability. so long as she desires to love and please you your vision of a flr has a chance of success. the secret is she needs to believe she is in control even though you would maintain the real power.
     
  13. NorCalMan
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    NorCalMan Member

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    Wife and I watched a lot of FLR videos. She had great interest in orgasm tease and denial, ruined orgasms, chastity and rules and subsequent punishments. It definitely is a process with discussions and agreements along the way.
     
  14. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    He has already signed out… sighed
     
  15. cagedfellow
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    cagedfellow Long term member

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    #15 cagedfellow, Jan 9, 2023
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2023
    As many others have already mentioned, you seem to be on the right track.

    I'm surprised you've already reached a good level. You seem to already have a submissive attitude in everyday life. What more would you like to have in your relationship?

    Is it about sexuality and your practices?

    Why not just tell her your sexual desires and fantasies?

    We all have fantasies. She will certainly not be surprised to know that you have it, on the one hand, simply summing up to her what you aspire to.

    One of the keys is openness and communication. She certainly can't blame you for being honest and maybe she already feels it anyway.

    Take courage, consolidate on a piece of paper the most important fantasies cook a good meal a small bottle of wine and go for it.

    And be patient. Double, triple patient. You've been nurturing fantasies for years that she might never heard of it.

    Then she might not like it. What do you think can happen? If nothing happens, will you love her still? And even if she doesn't like your kink, she might do it anyway for you because she loves you isn't she? Well, both of you can mutually share every fantasies. My wife fantasies was to make love in the middle of a corn field... Well that was fabulous. :)

    Good luck!
     
  16. Caged for life
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    Caged for life Long term member

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    Thank you for writing this, it helps more of us than you know, I truly valued this input.
     
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