I read here frequently, but post very little. Im not a particularly good writer. Anyway, I am the typical tale of a husband who desires to be locked and my wife refuses chastity all together. In the past couple of years I have been riding a roller coaster of testosterone treatments and my sexual desires that really raise cane with my emotions. She has no interest, or even negative interest in chastity. Another story. What I want to ask here, my wife is wanting to get a massage table so that we could enjoy massages from each other. Mostly me massaging her is how it would work. One of my biggest desires/turn ons, would be to give her massages while locked and would be perfectly happy to stay locked after and just let her drift off to sleep. I am so jealous of this part of MASH2214 tales. I have shared this with her on several occasions how much it would mean to me to be able to do that. She so far has never responded when I bring that up. I know that this is selfish, but when she has me give her massages and of course she wont let me lock, (she has never seen me locked), it is depressing to me, to the point of just wanting to cry. My interest in her massage at that point is not very enthusiastic. Now that she is pushing for us to buy a table, should I vocalize that the chastity part would really help my enthusiasm? Or should i just keep my mouth shut and suffer on? Thanks so much for any responses.
Where are You @Mash2214 Chime in here !!! I hope she changes her mind or gives it a thought. Hell the worst that can happen for her with You locked while massage her is that she will get a good massage and she doesn’t have to worry about your pecker getting in the way!! Should be a win for her! It’s really hard for some people. To get into bdsm kink chastity in their heads . I hope it works out man
I think that since she has indicated she wants a massage table, for her, on her terms, it would be a mistake to tie it to chastity or a chastity device at this point. Without knowing her specific objections to chastity, it’s hard to say more. However, you can practice chastity without a device. It’s definitely harder to get in the submissive headspace that way, but if you can, you may find yourself more enthusiastic about massages. Over time, let her know that you’re practicing chastity, and perhaps the changes she sees in you will open her mind to letting you wear a device as an outward expression of your chastity.
LoneMan, Is it possible that your wife has, perhaps without knowing it, given you an opportunity to earn being locked? A massage table is, after all is considered, equipment. Just like a cage. Could you surprise her one evening with a brand new table, outfitted with fitted sheet, warmed towels, hot stones, oils, low, sensuous music, and an "I am here to make your day" attitude? There is a woman on youtube, Adina Rivers, who has a nice tutorial on erotic massage. Watch that! Take notes! Blow your wife's mind and make her ask you: Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" Going forward, make it all about her. Lighten her load. Provide her with sex the way she likes it. Your desires do not enter the picture. If there is a chance, your reward will come naturally.
I’m Chimed in @Ma’ams Slut , nice post Thank you for the compliment @LoneMan. For taking the time to read about as you put it my tales. I think I need to clarify something first. Our massage table has become a very important part of our lives together but if you noticed I don’t post very much about when I massage MissShelly. The reason for this is her massages are not sexual massages they are almost all the time massages for her to relieve tension and be totally relaxed ( now with Terrie that’s another story) most of the time MissShelly falls asleep after about 45 minutes. My point is that you need to give a massage and I mean Give. You consentrate on every single muscle, this is where a blindfold can help cut down on distractions. Even when not blindfolded I close my eyes a lot to just feel the muscles. Giving a massage is not about your sexual satisfaction, but personally I normally get wet and drip when I give her one. I highly recommend getting the table and a warmer for it. Than you set the massage up with soft lights solving music ( utube works great) warm oil if possible and the most important thing. You completely giving her the soothing and relaxing massage she wants, this isn’t about your pleasures. Ones you have given her a few massages in this way I think she will be more responsive to you being Locked during them so your excitement doesn’t get in the way. Communication in a relationship is very very important even more so when you want to include Chastity. This is an area that I believe you need to work on. If your reason for Chastity is to stop self pleasuring yourself and commit your energy towards her and her pleasures , like massages and foot rubs. This needs to be communicated to her, and than the hard part starts you have to commit to serving Her needs and not getting depressed if you don’t get what you want. If you’ve read my Journal you may have heard me talk about the time when MissShelly almost completely ignored me and didn’t have any interest in me being Locked. This was a difficult time that we grew through together and I believe you can also if your relationship is based on Love for each other. I hope this helps a little. Chimed out
In reading your story (more like your plight) we really feel for you. If it was just as easy as going out and buying a massage table, then we would say by all means go out and do it ASAP. But, do you think that will really be the catalyst that changes the dynamic of your relationship? You could certainly try and see what happens (massage tables are relatively cheap and if it works - it will be one of the best investments in your relationship that you ever made.) But, when you say your wife has no interest (in chastity) and has never seen you locked ... then it seems that aspect of your interpersonal relationship has to be addressed in some form or fashion. If purchasing the table and giving her a massage (while locked) works for you ... even if she doesn't see you locked or isn't aware ... then we guess that is as good as it is going to get for you. By the way, we do have both a massage and a gyno table. Mistress does receive massages as a part of FLR. This how it works for us: Typically I am in latex (either a catsuit or jeans or Bermuda shorts with a snap off codpiece that allows my cage and balls to be exposed). When I massage Mistress's neck and shoulders - standing at the top of the table by her head - if I have done a good job with her massage up to that point - she may grab my cage and balls and twist and tease them. Obviously, there is no orgasm, but it is the icing on the cake in terms of our massage play and positive reinforcement for me that I am pleasing Mistress. Good luck. We wish you well in whatever you do.
Wow, You have gotten a lot of good advice. I'm going to give some at the end of this but don't do anything I say... I give the worst advice... Seriosly... In fact stop reading here and just skip my post... It's the worst... First I would like to address the testosterone/hormone treatment and it's roll in what you are doing. Every search leads to - Testosterone treatments make you hornier, therefore, maybe you shouldn't be caging your junk... Just saying... It sounds a lot like those idiots who take Viagra then lock their junk... Great read... Not very realistic idea... I agree with @Ma'ams slut It's hard for some people to get into this... But I disagree that you should just do it anyway... Not if she doesn't want it. I think @Mistress B - Although blunt, speaks the gospel of this whole website! I'll bet that leg of hers goes all the way up... Maybe you should start by listening to your wife.... This is your fantasy, not hers. Perhaps if you spent a little while focusing on what makes her happy you may find happiness with your relationship.. And yourself... How about @boisub advice... Don't make a massage table conditional or some trick to get her into letting you wear chastity... Unless you want her to hate the table, hate you giving her massages, and resent you for trying to take something for her and turn it into something for you... Maybe you could learn how to give a massage first like @sixofthebest said... You don't need a table for that... Or a chastity device... But you could watch a video or two and start making her happy... Then, @Mash2214 should have made this his first paragraph instead of his 5th paragraph - Communicate with her about how you want to stop self pleasuring... Why don't you do it without a device for a while... There are lots of NOFAP, reboot websites that talk about the benefits... ie. testosterone increase... without treatment... and by the way maybe after you stop shaking your snake for a month, like he said, you might TALK with her about continuing with a device to continue your progress. Just don't expect her to participate... Because this is your fantasy not hers. Wholy CARP... I would love to be a latex covered fly on the wall @Fit To Be Tied house... I'll bet you see some crazy shiz at their place... Probably looks like a plastic wrap factory in there. Even the dog squeaks when it walks around. Now here is my advice... First stop slapping your happy stick! you don't need a device for this. Just learn some self control for crying out loud. Second... If you don't already give her the best massages in the whole world without a table, maybe you should buy her a weekly massage at a pro shop... She will get a good massage, and nobody will be trying to put their dingaling in her... Or manipulate her into kinky sex toys that she's not into like chastity devices. In fact, go get a massage with her. I'm a pretty manly guy... But I got a massage with my wife... she got the girl and I got the dude... He rubbed my feet and almost turned me gay... Is that PC... I don't care.. It's funny, it's true, and I think of him often....I'm just saying... Get a massage with her and stop punching your monkey... Mike drop!
macmagna, By putting this together as you have, you have highlighted the gathered wisdom, caring nature, and value of membership in this community. And you are hilarious. What a great post! Jamie
Patience,patience,patience... The whole massage idea is a great opportunity for you to pamper your wife . Chastity,with or without a cage ,will make you focus on your wife and finding ways on how to make her happy. My KH/Wife is absolutely vanilla,not interested in PIV and consistently rejected the idea of me being caged.......until one day agreed under the condition of not being involved or having to do anything......until she sucumbed to enjoying all the benefits that chastity brings ....and now absolutely rejects the idea of returning to the previous situation because " you would stop being nice and I won't let this happen!" Good luck!
I agree here, don’t put things together, get the massage table first, then maybe after a few massages, gently bring up chastity again.
What are her objections to a cage? What have y'all discussed so far? Marriage is about communicating as well as give and take. I'm curious how you brought up the topic and if you kept it simple or dumped the whole "chastity program of your dreams" on her.
There is a lot of great advice here. You posted this under vanilla wife. My wife could not be more vanilla so my comments are based upon a similar experience. First the massage table should have no part of this discussion. Get the massage table and focus on pleasing her. A vanilla wife has no idea what chastity is or what you want. She is thinking you want her to be this wild dominant and that is not her nature. She likely even went online and did some research and really got freaked out. She does not understand why you would want this and certainly sees know benefit for her. She is probably also concerned that she will hurt you and it would make her some kind of a monster if anyone found she locked your penis. It sounds like you have not really thought about any of this and have never really talked about it. You should think about why you want it, how she might benefit. Let her voice her concerns and objections . You cannot communicate enough. If she gives signs of understanding ask if she would be willing to give it a try. If she does, remember this needs to be about her. Keep the communication going and hopefully she will find a benefit. Also be realistic in what your wife would ever be interested in.
It’s a surprise to see this post pop back up. Just as a report, at this time, we do not have a massage table. She still occasionally mentions that we need a massage table, and my response is always minimal. I had told her if she wants one, she should order it. She still refuses to dip her toes into the waters of MC, but during the summer, she did start a couple of discussions with questions regarding my masturbation habits. Each question from an angle I didn’t see coming. I did also learn from her, that when I first seriously brought up chastity to her, last summer, she was hurt that I had purchased a cage, and used it on my own, without her, before talking with her. She felt I was hiding something from her. Lots more has occurred during this summer but I doubt it’s anything anyone here, cares to read about.
Does she want a massage table? Yes. Should you get a massage table? Duh! Yes! Lol That subject really doesn’t have anything to do with chastity cages. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a talk with her about how important it is to you and ask her to do you a favor (with all the caveats of a reluctant kh such as not bugging her, no complaining, and keeping it basically her unlocking you when she feels like it and leave the kink for when or if she’s ready). Those however are two separate issues that do not rely on one another. Buy the table, have fun giving your naked wife a sensual massage in style, and when you guys are in a good place, you can ask her to do you a favor, and help you out controlling yourself. Have fun and good luck!
Update For Christmas I got her the massage table. I have not made any reference to chastity in regards to the table. I have given her several massages. I have received one three minute massage. I still would very much like to give while being locked.
none of us know your family dynamic but at least as far as the massages go isn't it bit one sided? You never addressed how she feels about you and it appears( from your posts) she doesn't like contact or to initiate. Just wondering what the rest of your intimate relationship is like and if that has any bearing on the chastity thing.
Yes, you got it! For us, it is one sided. That is how it works. Every Tuesday night I give her a hot oil massage in front of the fireplace, with candles and massage music playing softly. A long massage. Sometimes, it includes three or four, happy beginnings. I start her off with a nice glass of excellent champagne, then a light, full body caress, followed by working out the kinks and knots paying special attention to her quads and feet, finishing with a gentle overall rubdown. Infused almond oil is my favorite. It is one of the most intimate acts that we experience. And, she sleeps so soundly. That, is all I need.