Sorry for the long post but this is something I have been wanting to ask for a long long time and this seemed like a place to get some thoughts. Not sure how much of this is relevant but I thought some background might offer some insight to the question. I have been married for over 20 years to my beautiful wife and soul mate. In my business life I am self-employed and run a business with many employees and this also requires me to be in charge and deal with many different situations and problems. She is an executive in her company and continues to get promoted and is a rising star. She is incredibly smart and motivated. She is definitely more assertive and a natural leader and I am more laid back and this dynamic has always worked well for us. In the last few years we started playing around with bedroom BDSM and in every case I have played the dominant role. We are both in love with each other and this is something that makes a huge difference in our mutual happiness in our lives together. We do almost everything together. For as long as I can remember (Probably around the age of 12 or 13), I have fantasized about a female dominated relationship. I figured out rather quickly as I got older that this was not overly attractive to most women and have not talked about this with ANYONE my entire life. I have fantasized about my wife taking charge of our relationship dynamic for as long as we have been together Now that I am getting older, close to 50, I have been wanting to explore this side of my personality with my wife. I have chickened out many times when I was close to having this conversation over the years. I think it will come to her as a fairly big surprise but you never know. I do believe that there is some hard wiring for men and women concerning this. I have a deep fear that sharing this with my wife will cause her to become less attracted with me as a man. I wonder if I am being a little selfish telling her about this desire as I could not ask for a better partner or relationship. For the last 20 years our marriage has been incredible and the last thing I would want to do would be to fuck that up in any way. It feels like an easy out to say this is how I feel and if she loves me she should just accept it. I realize way more men have this desire than women. So the question is this and I would love to hear a woman’s point of view, if you were with a man for the last 20 years and have a great relationship would want to suddenly hear that he wants you to get involved with a female led relationship? Would you think to yourself, you have kept it in this long why do you want too suddenly throw a monkey wrench in everything? Am I being short sided and risking something that is not broken for a fantasy? Can I woman who is married to a man that has become submissive to her truly stay happy for the long term in this type of relationship? Again sorry for the long post, it’s been many years in the making. I value any feedback and thanks in advance
The question you want to ask her is a question that 90% of us have had to ask our partners. Some say yes and some say no. But I'm sure that if the two of you have lead a successful marriage for the last 20 years your wife will hear what you have to say without judging you for the man you are and her feelings will not change about you regardless of her answer. If you've already been playing in the bdsm realm, chastity and FLR are part of bdsm so it really wouldn't be far fetched to pose that question to her. If you are honest with her and you explain why you want an FLR and what benefits it might posess for the two of you I'm sure she'll listen to you and consider your side. Throwing a wrench in the gears would be an over exaggeration to your situation. It's more like suggesting driving a more scenic route versus taking the interstate. If this is something you really want then you should ask her and be honesty
I am in what I consider to be an FLR and have been since I met my girlfriend, later my Wife, 28 years ago. I say I consider because until recently my Wife disagreed that she was in charge. Since we started exploring chastity play she has become more assertive and very recently finally agreed that she is in charge. The thing is, what do you mean by FLR? If you mean a relationship where the woman is the lead and is supported by her partner, a partner who follows a clearly defined set of rules but uses their initiative then that is one thing. It is a 24/7/365 arrangement, not a game you play at the weekends. It is at the core of who you are and what you do. It is not only about sex, it is about the way you treat each other with respect and honour. If you mean something closer to FemDom where the control is enforced by heavy bdsm scenes, whips, chains then that is a completely different thing. I know there is a lot of advice out there about living an FLR lifestyle but in reality if the woman is to be in charge then she has to be the one to decide what the FLR is going to be. My Wife has just joined the Mansion so if I get a chance I will ask her your main question about how would a female feel when suddenly asked whether they wanted to be in charge. You do have the classic issue that chastity raises. You have been thinking about this for years and now, suddenly, you want to give your wife all of those thoughts and information gathered over decades. You cannot expect her to listen and respond immediately, she will need time to begin to understand what an FLR really is. Also she will need to understand what the advantages for her are. My own relationship is a 60/40 split when it comes to making decisions. My Wife is absolutely in charge but she will not micromanage me. If it got to the stage where she had to tell me every little thing I needed to do she would rapidly get annoyed with me. I will be asked about major decisions but ultimately she will decide. I am lucky that my Wife, Mistress Elle (@Our Arrangement ) always thinks of her family before making such decisions, and always puts our wellbeing at the top of her agenda. If I had gone to her and asked her to become my 24/7 femdom mistress I am pretty sure the answer would have been no.
You could ask her to give you her thoughts on the subject of FLR and express your curiosity to experiment with a FLR lifestyle. It is not like you are presenting your wife with an ultimatum. A strong relationship founded on trust and mutual respect should be able to weather any such topic. If you maintain an open heart and mind to hear her thoughts on the subject and respect her feelings, I can see no harm coming from it.
My wife and I now have what I would consider to be an FLR in the bedroom. We have tried this multiple times and in the past it always failed because I had expectations of how it needed to be that I voiced. This ruined it for her. The most important thing that I have found for this arrangement to work is that you have to let her be in charge and you need to be okay with her setting it up. I would set it up as follows: "I would like you to be utterly in charge in the bedroom. To that end, I want to purchase a male chastity device and give you the keys. Here are some resources you can use to find out more. If you'd like to select a device for me or with me, I'd be honored and grateful. If the idea of me wearing a device bothers you, we can use the honor system until you're comfortable. I love you very much. My goal is to increase our intimacy and mutual sexual excitement and pleasure." If she's the researching type, you will likely end up with her version of the relationships discussed here. If she's not, (my wife isn't) it will be a slower transformation and you will have to be more patient with her. Don't whine, badger, or complain. If it's been three weeks and she hasn't touched your cock, remember that you asked for this. You know your wife better so you might appeal to her sense of leadership and tell her that you would be happy to help her relieve stress (non-sexually and sexually) when she's home without the need for you to get sexual release. You need to make her believe that she's taking things off her plate, not adding more.
Sorry I missed this post before. If it's any help, I only found my dominant personality in my late 40s and I have not looked back since. I am gutted I didn't know about this scene before. Maybe all your other half needs to know is that it is not always the female that is submissive - most porn and literature portrays it that way unfortunately. When I realised that dominant females were a thing I realised what had been wrong with my world for years lol. I do hope things have moved on well from the OP but I thought I would throw in my tuppence worth just in case.