a new year and the game begins!

Your welcome, but in honesty Ma'am, i would suggest that even when things do get crazy You continue to draw. That way the game works as a reinforcement of the D/s dynamics and becomes one of the "little things" that helps to sustain a relationship.

I really do think it is better to put the REWARD of the draw off until both people have the time to actually make it fun. Some might feel that the orgasm becomes a debt that the dominant owes to the submissive, but the reality is the game itself is a gift the dominant is allowing the submissive. After all, in my version Goddess has 100% veto rights over all aspects of the game. Speaking of veto rights....

Before I left on this last business trip Goddess called me into Her room just as I was getting ready to walk out the door. We talked a bit about life in general and after a few minutes asked if i had time for a quicky... HELL YES!

So i brought Her to a couple quick orgasms and then warned Her i was close to cumming (She allowed me in bareback :happy0158: )... and She said cum!

Afterwords we both admitted that we needed that close little bit of bonding time. Let's face reality, that after over 20 years of marriage and 20 years of awesome sex, having mutual orgasms still brings us closer together and reaffirms our bond. That might sound a little sappy, but it is the truth and what works for us. The fantasy of chastity and cuckolding might be hot and get us worked up, but the reality is we are two people in love who need, who crave, that physical contact and sense of oneness.

A female dominant friend of ours (one of Goddess's mentors in fact) asked me recently if I knew how lucky I am. I told both Her and Goddess I do indeed know how lucky I am and wish everyone could find that moment of bliss that seems to come so often and easily to us.

Shit, now I'm getting all sentimental!

 

It's been a while...

So it's been a long while since I posted. I have been busy and am in need of more time! lol

So the game goes on with only a few draws a week as I have been out of town a lot. All red marbles :spider:

Monday was particularly fun though... Goddess and I fooled around a bit and She let me cum during sex despite the red marble. Turns out She actually had ulterior plans... after sex She had me get the sounds out and She proceeded to fuck me!

Afterwords She admitted was that only reason She let me cum was because She did not want me getting hard while we did the sounds like i did the last time. (FYI: getting erect while using sounds is dangerous and play has to stop until the erection subsides).

Unfortunately the down side was that since i had just had a cum i was 1) less submissive than normal (i was still submissive, just not sexually so) 2) my cock was more sensitive than normal and could not handle very large sounds.

Still, it was fun and i am glad i have such a wonderful Goddess!

Now we are getting ready to go to a kink filled weekend at Winter Wickedness. Decided to post a link to the event since the Christian right has already picked it up and is protesting the event and hotel!

Also, this is technically our 1 year anniversary of lifestyle D/s. This was the first event we ever went to and is what kicked off our transition from bedroom kink to lifestyle. I am giving Goddess a few special gifts which I will post later next week.

 

A not so great weekend...

Last weekend was supposed to be this great get-a-way kink-filled weekend and i had such high hopes for it... to bad things fizzled!

We were supposed to go to a nearby city for a weekend long BDSM function. Unfortunately the Christian fundamentalists found out where it was taking place and held protests. This of course brought in the media as well as the city health inspectors.

Although this was somewhat troublesome for Goddess who has to keep Her sexual activities low-key due to Her job sensitivity, we were not about to let the religious extremists win, so off we went.

We checked into the hotel early... no protesters or news crews present, so we were off to a good start.

As we were getting ready I snuck out a card i had made for Goddess and surprised Her with it when She came out of the bathroom. She was delighted to get the card and it nearly brought Her to tears. Weekend as looking even better...

She went back into the bathroom to do Her hair and i snuck out the first present. The chain mail necklace and earrings (see photo). Within the heart of the necklace is suspended a naked man. Goddess was REALLY happy. Oh my, things were looking great!

So then She returns to the bathroom to brush Her teeth and i put out the last present... the chain mail flogger. Oh my, was She excited about that! I was really looking forward to a great weekend!

Then we went down to the event and it began to unravel...

The health department had said that they would not allow any needles or cutting at the event.. nothing that draws blood. Ouch! Goddess had this great needle scene planned too! Thursday She had me glue red feathers into the back of 45 needles which She was going to put into my pack in the shape of a large heart! Couldn't do that now and that broke Her heart (we will be doing that next weekend for valentines though... *sigh*)... strike 1

Also, because of the protesters the chef at the hotel had organized a buffet for meals during the weekend. This was cool, except that meant that 1/3 of the space that was supposed to be used for dungeon play was now reserved for seating for meals! Strike 2...

So the event gets underway but the organizers had turned down the heat because there were so many people (350 or so). So now it was so cold in the event room that every little thump hurt like hell and i was ultra sensitive. I could barley take a few hits with the thuddy floggers, let alone the chain mail one or even the single tail... a few strokes and i was whimpering like a baby and ready to cry red! Strike 3...

We returned to the room (which was freezing because of a poorly working heater) and got our fireplay stuff. At last... heat! Sadly everyone else had the same idea and when we got to the "extreme play" room, we had to wait for a table. Short wait, but Goddess cut our play short because so many people were waiting to use the facilities. Understandable and reasonable, but still... strike 4

We went to bed hoping for a better day on Saturday...

The morning comes and i wake up with a friggin' migraine! Oh life sucks! Goddess had me service Her, which i did dutifully (5 orgasms for Her, none for me.. Grrr... but that is expected). She then sent me down to fetch breakfast while She worked out. After which we ran off to the classes.

SO the classes we wanted to go to were all canceled. Some in part because of the no needles or blood rule and the other because the presenter (nationally known) was sick. So we went to some and were left feeling rather bummed out. I ended up going back to the room to try and lay down and get rid of the migraine. It didn't work...

Goddess fetched me for dinner, but not before informing me that She had found someone that She wanted to have sex with! i was happy for Her, but was still feeling pretty crappy. i told Her i needed Her help to get back into the right head space and She said that was not a problem.

After dinner She took me up to the dungeon and promptly left me! So much for the proper head space! :spider:

She returned 45 minutes later (seemed like 2 hours!) and informed me that Her friend was a dud... oh great! So now we were both feeling like crap. She later told me that She felt bad about leaving me like that in the first place and even worse when Her lover turned out to be a limp dud who couldn't get Her off.

So She tried CBT, but the equipment was packed and we were both out of sorts so we packed it in and went to bed at 10 (If you have not been to such an event as this, then you know this was really, really early!)

Once back at the room Goddess climbed on top and road me to several orgasms and when i warned Her i was going to cum She let me (i actually didn't want to at this point since i was physically sick from the pain of the migraine). After i came She had me clean Her out before we cuddled into bed together and drifted off to sleep.

Sunday the migraine had gone down to a regular headache, but i was unable to shake it during the drive home so it was a miserable end to a less than stellar weekend. :anim_39:

 

I was venting somewhat on my previous post. The weekend was a flop and although i was miserable during parts of it (and seriously disappointed when we got home) it was overall a worthwhile event.

To be honest the protesters were the least of the issues once we were inside and behind closed doors. There were police officers at the hotel in the lobby the entire weekend, so we really didn't have any concerns about the protesters getting inside.

I don't have an issue with them not liking what we are doing, my issue is with them preventing me from having fun (I could understand it and even support them if what we were doing was illegal).

 

The necklace was custom made by Woodbury Chainmaille Artisans. The hanging man inside I got extra from Here but just found it cheaper Here!

The people at Woodbury chainmail are awesome and highly recommend them to anyone wanting to get chain mail work done!

Based on your location, Xcite I know that there are some major events near you. All you have to do is find the time and money to go... like that's easy to do in these tough times!

 

The week in review

This last week was rather interesting...

i went away Tuesday and Wednesday for business and it turns out Goddess called one of Her stand-by studs to cum on over! He had other commitments that night so they only had time for a quickie, but he gave Goddess several wonderful orgasms with his large cock before he had to leave. To be honest, i think Goddess had more fun telling me about it as i fucked Her Thursday night!

Of course, up to this point i had not drawn any marbles at all this week since we were simply too busy but still as i was getting close to orgasm Goddess asked me if i wanted to cum and i said "no"

She was surprised to say the least! Then i told Her that i wanted to hold the edge until this weekend (which was supposed to be a great femdom event).

She shrugged and pushed me off, leaving me horny and desperate to climb back on. She later told me that this really upset Her because She enjoys the closeness that comes when She allows me to orgasm inside Her. Of course, i didn't realize this at the time, but it set the stage for what was to come on Valentines weekend...

 

Valentines weekend

So this weekend was supposed to be another super kinky femdom weekend... is it any surprise that it fizzled?

We were supposed to go to the local dungeon Friday, but we were simply too tired so we called it off... after Goddess told me that a bill for our daughter's extra curricular activities that was coming due had doubled because our daughter (19 years old) had not given us complete details and only after Goddess had done a bit more research was the issue brought to light. The amount was not insignificant and I was not pleased to say the least. The entire evening crashed and burned as i fumed and ranted and raved.

Needless to say, there was no drawing of marbles that night!

Eventually i settled down and we went to bed together to talk and drift off to sleep.

Saturday morning brought new love and a hope for better times. We snuggled, talked and i finger Goddess to a few orgasms before we got up and rushed around getting ready for the trip to one of our friends house for a valentines day treat.

The friends are a femdom couple who we often spend time with and for valentines day the subs of many such couples were putting on a high protocol dinner for the ladies. There were over a dozen couples involved in all and it was very high energy!

I spent the entire dinner time in the kitchen (about 2 hours) doing dishes, making sure things were organized and generally overseeing the kitchen subs. It was hot, grueling work and left me in tired and sore and feeling very under appreciated. I later told Goddess that I was jealous of the subs that were in the dining room serving the food and generally waiting on the women. THEY got to live the fantasy of actually serving and had the gratification of the thank-you's and could overhear the conversations and laughter while we few in the kitchen had the lowliest and most miserable jobs.

Now don't get me wrong here, i loved being a part of this and would willingly do it again (hopefully for a smaller crowd). It just left me tired and sore. The one caveat is that Goddess had a seat where She could see me working the entire time in the kitchen. This is not that surprising though.. Her seat was one of honor, directly to the left of the hostess.

So after we cleaned up the dishes for the Women, we subs sat down to eat the left overs. There was so much food, that even when we were done there was enough for 2 more meals!

After the meal the guests were told about a game that the hosts had devised. Each of the submissives were given a small packet of information and the role of the dominants was to "interrogate" each submissive to get that information. It was more or less a bastardized interrogation scene and in the end it was a game gone awry because all the dominants thought that they had to force the subs to "red out" (red being the universal safe word of course). Now several of us subs are what is known as "pain sluts".... masochists who get off on heavy pain. I was perhaps the wimpiest of these (and that says a lot of about the people we play with!).

Goddess knew She would never get me to say red using pain so She devised a more ingenious plan. Unfortunately it was also one that would crush the entire evening and indeed jeopardize our marriage. The plan... when i walked down the stairs and handed Her my papers She asked me "do you want to play this evening?"

i of course answered "yes Goddess"

She smiled and said, "Good, then all you have to do is say red right now."

i felt like i had been kicked in the guts! This was not play, this was punishment! The only time She refuses to play is when i have been bad! Had i not just spent 2 hours slaving unselfishly in the kitchen? She even hugged me after dinner and complimented me on my hard work! What was going on?!? This was supposed to be fun, a game, not punishment! i was tired, hurt and upset, but i refused to give in. It's not in my nature. When i play, i play to win and so i said "no Goddess, i will not say red"

So I was blindfolded and stood in a blindfolded as Goddess and several Mistresses played with other subs. I heard the sounds of heavy play and occasionally Goddess would return and ask me if i was ready to say red yet. Of course i refused, the object of the game was to not say red. Slowly the jealousy grew and i began to go from being stubborn for the sake of wining the game, to being hurt that She would stoop so low to win Herself. After about 30 minutes Goddess then said if you don't say red you wont get sex for 3 weeks, but now i was pissed and continued to refuse so i was then sent back upstairs and ignored for a while longer as Goddess continued to play with other people. i think i was hurt by this more than any of the cuckolding that we had ever done. Cuckolding was just sex, but this bdsm play had become something special between us. i felt betrayed...

Finally people began to tire and say their good-byes. As we sat and bid person after person farewell, Goddess asked if i was ready to say red yet. i still refused because at this point i had already given up hope of playing at all this evening and just sat a smiled at people hiding the hurt and anger i was feeling. Goddess then said, "If you don't say red you won't get sex for 4 weeks" i shrugged and smiled, thinking "i guess that 4 weeks of masturbating then"

Hearing Goddess's ultimatum, one of the subs (a female) that Goddess had bruised badly spoke up and said, "Jeez, *******, just say red already. 4 weeks is not worth it! Hell, 3 weeks isn't worth it! Look what She did to me to get me to try and say red!" (BTW, this particular was not a pain slut and HATED being spanked)

So i broke down and with "fine, here, take it... red" handed Goddess the paper. She immediately took me down stairs and put me on the cross where she and 2 other Dommes flogged, whipped and scourged me. All the while i gritted my teeth and took the pain while not enjoying it a bit.

Then Goddess led me over to the needle area where She put 30-35 needles in my back in the shape of a heart (i had glued feathers into the needles a week and a half ago). Everyone was delighted at Goddess's handywork... accept me, who was still pouting and refusing to let go of my anger.

The next morning i got up early and drove around town waiting for everyone else to wake up. About 2 hours later Goddess called wondering where i was and told me to come back and get Her. We loaded up the truck and headed for home.

On the way home i finally let loose and Goddess let loose and we had a very emotional (for me at least) talk. Once home we had some make-up sex (which was amazing) and talked some more. A lot of issues come to light, not the least of which was the fact that i was still trying to top from the bottom (here i thought i was over that!). Another issue that came out was that i am still dealing with my depression. What role this plays in this is still unclear and i hope we can work through it.

So now we are in a weird area... we still want to continue with a D/s relationship, but it is kind of odd right now. There is no direction and chastity as well as the game is probably out for the short term.

Although Goddess and i will remain together, i don't know where this will lead...

 

Pictures from the weekend

Almost forgot... here is a picture of the needle work. If you look close you can see the marks She left with Her single tail. The lessons She learned last week made Her much more vicious with it! If you look REAL close you can see small circular bruises on my back that are from the chainmail flogger i got Her last weekend.

I will try to get a picture up later of the paddle i made for Goddess for Valentines also. Her V-day presents were a paddle, a stir-stick with a heart on top which She likes to use for CBT (She broke the last one She had) and a pair of BDSM emblem earrings which were supposed to attached to the earrings i gave Her last weekend, but did not arrive in time.

 

We have had that comment in the past (Vanilla and D/s) about how great our marriage is. Not bragging, that is just what people have said... even from my parents. That is one of the reasons i posted... so that others could see that no matter how much trouble they were having that others also have trouble. There is no such thing as a "perfect" relationship. It would be nice, but the truth is it is hard work and just when you think you have it figured out something always comes up to make it more difficult.

It was indeed emotional torture. I do want to be clear though... Goddess did NOT intend to torture me, She wanted me to say red immediately so that we could play. She never expected me to last more than a few minutes, especially when after She told me that most of the femdoms would play with me when i said red. *sigh* i should have trusted Her, given up right away and let the women have their way with me... i would have been let a very battered and happy subbie!

We do have a lot of indivudual issues to work on and a lot of it will have to wait until things settle down at work for us both.

In the meantime, some things are already working back to normal. After writing this blog last night i gave Her a nice sensual body massage and asked if She is ok with our stopping chastity play. She answered in surprise, "we haven't stopped. Why, did you jerk off or something?!?"

Oh shit... back in the dog house because of course i did! So now i have unwittingly earned a black marble (assuming the game is still going, which i am unclear about at this point). In the very least i pissed Her off, which is not good. :mad0214:

"sigh* back to the basics.

 

the toys i gave Goddess...

So i finally got around to taking some pictures of the rest of the stuff i gave Goddess for valentines day. I have put them here and the paddle i have put in my profile pics as well.

I would certainly like to know if the paddle design is something you might consider buying or not, since i am gearing up to start a business making and selling wooden BDSM toys and furniture.