A new journal for a growing femdom and chastity marriage

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  1. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    I thought it was time to start a new blog, I wanted a new clean blog where I could highlight where Mistress Wonder Woman and I are in our femdom, FLR, chastity marriage. So much has changed, it’s been small when looked at from a day to day standpoint but looking back at the last 5 years there have been huge changes overall. Wonder Woman’s confidence as a Domme has really shown through this year. She had been in school for her masters degree since 2016 which had been a major wedge in our personal/intimate lives. I think because we had so little private time for each other it really made us lust for each other when she wasn’t so exhausted from her extensive studies. I had a lot to learn about being a submissive over this time period, as it turns out both roles take a lot of effort with trial and error to find a groove that works for both partners. There was a lot of awkwardness and shyness about what we were doing in the beginning, Wonder Woman and I don’t necessarily come from any sort of a kinky background. We both very much like sex and get very much into it when we have alone time and we’re not too tired. I also wouldn’t describe our sex lives leading up to chastity as vanilla, not really any bdsm stuff except for dabbling in a little restraint play a few times. My big thing was requesting Wonder Woman to wear slutty vinyl outfits during our play time. God I loved seeing her in all those short dresses and tight skirts, her big breasts squeezed into those silky smooth vinyl tops.

    This is where there was a change in our bedroom play. After several years of buying these outfits and asking her to wear them almost every time we had sex she started to become resentful of them. They were uncomfortable and hot and she was tired of wearing them. She started to feel that I was always asking her to wear them for me to cover up her body and she flat out at refused to wear them for me. I had taken something special and something I loved into something insulting to Wonder Woman. She put her foot down and got her way, this was well before chastity but thinking back I feel like she took more control of our sex lives at that point and things were definitely more on her terms. Nothing extreme, but she wouldn’t give in to my wants it was what she wanted.

    Fast forward a few more years and I discovered chastity. I discovered chastity because I was looking at porn, at this time in my life I was masturbating pretty heavily. I had always masturbated a lot looking back through my life and it wasn’t until the discover of chastity that I knew that my bad habit was bad me and bad for our relationship. There were also other factors that were at play here too, when we decided to have a child we were having a lot of sex. Even after we knew we had a child on the way we continued to have a lot of sex up until the last couple of months before our child was born. Unfortunately the actual birthing process was quite traumatic for her and did a lot of temporary damage. She was sore and things burned and there was a lot of healing that took place over the course of the next year. There was a deep intimacy between us. we were intimate with each other a few times over the next year but it was very hands off for me because everything below Wonder Woman’s waist was painfully sensitive. This didn’t help my masturbation problem, in fact it worsened it. There was less time for us with the new baby so I literally had to sneak off to do it, how pathetic is that. So finally after the discover of chastity then having all these submissive feelings and desires come forward plus me coming to terms that I had a masturbation problem I realized how much time and energy I wasted on being selfish instead of focusing that energy on my true love. This was a real eye opener for me.

    Then came time to confess my bad habits and ask for chastity to be in our relationship and take things from there. I had gone to a couple of chastity related websites and luckily I had hit the right ones for the most part. I can’t remember the name of the website now but it looked at male chastity from a realistic healthy relationship standpoint and not just porn fantasy. They had a list of tips and suggestions that would help you become a better partner to your wife in general. I read through the list several times mentally cataloging the best and most applicable suggestions. Now was the hard part, I needed to ask her to be my key holder, to lock me in chastity.

    I remember I was on an overnight trip and my wife and I were texting each other before going to bed. I couldn’t stand it any longer, I had to ask my wife for us to try a chastity relationship, there was something about the idea of the who lifestyle that just felt so right. I cowardly texted her about the idea of it, she was quite surprised but intrigued. I got the “we’ll talk about it later” when we see each other response. I was on pins and needles although the next couple of days until we finally got to sit down and talk about it. I had it all planned out in my head, my reasoning, why I think it would be good for us and empowering for her. Of course things like this never go as smoothly as planned especially when you’re as nervous as I was. I got my explanation out the next I could but she was still on the very unsure side. She said “let me think about it”.

    An entire week went by without a word from her about chastity. It was driving me insane, I brought it up again and she was really reluctant to talk about it, feeling shy and unsure. I dropped it and a few days went by, I popped onto Google and looked up key holding books. After being as thorough as I could in researching these book because I know many are written by men under the guise of a dominatrix or are just purely unrealistic fantasy. I ended up finding a book simply titled Male Chastity written by Lucy Fairbourne. It’s very realistic and low key while bringing up most of the activities that occur in a chastity and FLR relationships, not focusing to much on one thing or just the kink. I let my wife know I bought her a book on the subject and it was going to be here in a week and she said she was open to reading the book. As the week went on she kept asking me if I knew when the book was going to arrive. She seemed to be getting more excited about the idea of chastity and female led relationships. Finally the book arrived a day earlier than promised, she came home from her job at the time, she got herself a glass of wine and went into our bedroom and read the book cover to cover over the next 45 minutes.

    I was waiting in our living room with slightly sweaty palms, I wasn’t sure if she was going to love or be revolted by the idea. When the door opened I looked over to the hallway and she emerged from the bedroom. She had a huge grin on her beautiful face and her first words were “we’re doing this!”. My heart skipped a beat and I felt so relieved. We started chatting about the book and she said it was informative but not the most well written book she’s read. She said the only thing she was unsure about was the female led relationship part but she liked the idea of controlling me sexually and my cock being her property.

    The next day I sent her some links to some chastity devices that I had reviewed and thought would be good options. I chose the Holy Trainer V2 at the time thinking it was a softer resin based cage and I sent her the model with the options of black, white or pink. I secretly hoped she’d pick the pink one, I like the idea of some mild feminization but it turns out that a feminized male is a huge turn off for her. She picked the black one and I ordered it. We were only about 4-6 months into chastity before I decided the HT was a piece of junk and not good for long term wear. It chafed me horribly after long walks, pulled off fairly easily and the material always left an unpleasant odor after a day or two of wear. It never seemed like I could get clean enough to get that smell to go away. It wasn’t to long before the cage broke near the lock which was very disappointing. I got it replaced under warranty but I was kind of over the HT at that point. I had read enough good things about the knock off cages from eBay so I decided to take a look there, I also decided to go with metal over plastic.

    I found a short steel cage and ring for about $35, it showed up in the mail a few days later. I showed my mistress and it was like her eyes lit up with big hearts. She thought it looked so good on me and told me how much she hated the HT. She said she hated seeing a chunk of black plastic between my legs, it was ugly. My new one was high polished stainless steel and it allowed my mistress to see more of her locked property. She went from not really even eating to look at me down there to fondling the new cage locking up her property. It was more like a piece of jewelry than anything else. That cage worked fine for a while but was heavy and could be uncomfortable at times. So that prompted me to look for a lighter and smaller cage which I found almost a year after we started chastity. That one was by far the best ball trap cage I owned and most attractive. It’s still my mistress’s favorite but I have since graduated to a chastity belt for more control and the security. It took four and a half years to get to the belt, it was a combination of both my mistress and I becoming more hardcore about chastity.
    To be continued... Up next, years 1, 2 and 3 learning my place...
     
  2. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    Year 1:
    This was probably the most awkward year in feeling comfortable in our new roles. She and I were both excited and she was chomping at the bit to take the reins. Only problem was we were both on 2 very different pages with our wants. She was happy to be given the control but she wasn’t ready to really delve into much kink. I on the other hand ignorantly assumes that giving her control meant that she was automatically going to be willing to crop me, put me in a collar and panties and slap on the strap-on...basically all the fantasy stuff I’d been looking at. Not to mention I’ve been into femdom my entire adult life so I’d seen plenty of porn to skew what’s realistic for a somewhat vanilla couple.

    Mistress was taking things at her pace and I was wanting the full dungeon experience. My patience and obedience was not anywhere it needed to be. To be honest I’m surprised there wasn’t a time where she just told me to piss off and we’re not doing this anymore. Mistress was torn with her time, she had just started going back to school and was still working part time. Our son was also about a year old at that point so needless to say we had a lot going on, there wasn’t a lot of private time for us. Things were still fun though, I don’t want to sell short the experience we had early on but I looked right over most of it and didn’t appreciate her efforts as much as I should have.

    Mistress’s workload to earn her masters was immense, she was ready to pass out every night by the time we were alone in the bedroom. Much of my service to her started out with comforting massages and back rubs before she fell asleep. Her school work was starting to give her tension and anxiety the further she delved into her studies. There were many times I felt locked and forgotten about because there just wasn’t enough time for us to truly have any intimacy let alone privacy. Yet she tried for me, even with all that she had to do she started to develop her domme attitude and behavior. What I found odd was that she was more focused on my sexual pleasure and orgasms than she was about receiving pleasure. This drove me crazy because I imagined myself going down on her everyday giving her multiple O’s and her teasing me till I was leaking but not allowing me to O.

    She discovered she really likes to stand behind me and masturbate me. Especially after discovering how easily she could get me off after I’ve been locked up for a while, sometimes a little penetration would happen to but that was more later on. She marveled in how fast I’d O, 15-30 seconds and sometimes less if she really has be going. I’m sure she found this intriguing because in the past I could pretty much choose when I wanted to cum. She could be going down on me or whatever but because I masturbated to much I was desensitized. We hadn’t had much if any PIV sex in that first year or the year prior due to a traumatic child birth. She was very sensitive down there for quite some time which I’m sure I’d why she preferred to touch me versus me touching her. Thinking back on it it really played well into our lifestyle, initially I was ungrateful for what she was trying, I was upset that I wasn’t allowed to focus on her body as much as I’d like. But there again I was missing the point, she was very happy with how things were going and it made her feel powerful and in control. I could feel her excitement when things went according to her plans. I think I then realized the domme bug had bitten her and she was very much enjoying herself.
     
  3. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    Years 2 and 3...

    I’ll sum up these two years because they were pretty similar in regard to how we progressed. There was a lot of growth for me and even more limited time for mistress. For much of the first year I was a classic topping from the bottom wannabe sub, I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought kink had to be a big part of the relationship and one of my biggest fantasies was to be pegged by mistress with a strap-on. I had asked her to do this for me years before and it was met with some serious awkwardness and skepticism. It made her uncomfortable and the premise wasn’t right for her. With chastity it seemed like a more realistic possibility and so I finally pushed her into trying it. It went well enough for anybody’s first time but I could tell that at the time she wasn’t into it and was just appeasing me. Afterwards I found I didn’t enjoy the experience as much as I could have, it wasn’t her fault, it was my fault. I was directing my own fantasy and I completely took everything special out of the experience. I could tell that she wasn’t really into it and once realizing that I just felt kind of dumb for thinking she would like it if she just tried it. Being one of my top fantasies I desperately wanted her to like it but thereafter realized that if I wanted chastity and FLR to be real and see where we can take this I was going to have to be on my best behavior and let her make the final decisions.

    Moving forward I promised myself that I was going to do my best to take care of her and serve her in the ways that she wished. It was hard because the more school ramped up the less time she had, plus she started to have some issues with anxiety. I really tried my best to do everything I could for her that I thought would help. She liked and still enjoys being catered to, She had chosen for me to be her butler/slave to serve her every whim. This was a lot of fun but could be tiring as well, sometimes I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed to get her a drink and I would be regrettably grumpy about it but I would still push myself to do it. Mistress would also keep pushing and continue to break me in as her slave. Much of these two years a lot of the sexual focus was still on me. With her anxiety flare ups she was prescribed an anti depressant that combats anxiety but unfortunately it also combats sex drive. Back then she’d have me locked on average of about 10 days, I would get roughly 3 O’s a month and she would sometime want only 1 maybe 2 in that time frame, it was really frustrating and sometimes I took her lack of wanting me to touch her personally but that’s what she wanted. It felt so backwards, I should’ve been going down on her while still locked and she should be having 10 times the orgasms I was having. But again, that’s what she wanted.

    With no more topping from the bottom from me and keeping my mouth shut I we weren’t communicating very well. Whenever I tried to talk about chastity I would get shut down because she thought I talked about it too much. Admittedly I did because even a couple years in it still felt new and exciting. The sad part was that she really shared my enthusiasm for chastity, she just wasn’t as vocal about it plus not having the time to really explore it. How do you explore each other’s desires when you only have maybe an hour alone together before pure exhaustion wipes you out. I just tried to deal with the lack of attention between lock ups but one of my faults was that eventually I’d boil over every 4 or so months and complain that I felt locked and forgotten. Obviously that sounds obtuse because I was being released multiple times a month in most cases but the irony is there was literally zero intimacy in between those times. She was so fraught with stress sometimes even hugs or kisses felt kind of rare but that’s because she had to lock herself into her office so she could get her work done. That is a lot of the intimacy I crave, I love kissing, caressing, holding and being close to my mistress. There was just really not a lot of that because her mind was so occupied plus the anti depressant weren’t a help in that area either. Although it would be unfair to say the anti depressants didn’t help her, I’m not sure she could’ve continued school without them.

    With the feeling of lost intimacy I would boil over from time to time but usually at the worst times. Seemed like it was usually within a month of her finals, it makes sense because that’s when she would be the most occupied. Often times I felt like a single parent having to run our son around to his appointments and getting him where he needed to. Although that’s unfair for me to say because she had to pick out son up when I was at work and there were times she had to get through her studies while trying to keep a toddler occupied. But then there’d be those times when we did have time for each other and we’d make the most of it. I think it made us miss and appreciate each other even more and reminded us how solid our love for each other was and is. It was just a tough time for everyone but we got through it and our love for each other is stronger than ever.

    Upcoming, year 4, my awakening...
     
  4. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    very interesting, cant wait for year 4 :)
     
  5. Erin Cumswlows
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    Wow , you are a very lucky husband. She sounds like an amazing person. For her to be able to see how the benefits are in her favor.
     
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  6. Erin Cumswlows
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    I think most of us who get into the D/s relationship are trying to top from the bottom.
     
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  7. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    Whoops I made a mistake, we still need to talk about year 3, I got my time frame mixed up in regards to when I had my big epiphany. Right at the start of year 3 for us which would be May because that’s when our chastiversary is, I went out and bought some new dress clothes and I made a reservation at one of mistress’s favorite restaurants. I’m not sure what hit me, it was like common sense and Cupid hit me with a sack of bricks but I felt it necessary to treat my lady to a nice evening out, re-confess my undying love for her and apologize for my behavior as a sad excuse for a submissive. I had a big epiphany a few days prior to making these plans. What I had realized is that in the 3 years we had been living a chastity lifestyle, my sole motivation for serving her and being her slave was so she’d be willing to explore the kink I wanted us to explore. I was serving her for myself and not for her benefit. This is also why I’d blow up every so many months because I was trying very hard to fulfill her wishes and when I thought I was being a good sub I thought I deserved more involvement from her, i.e more kink on her end. I was performing all my tasks and chores and anything else she asked of me for the wrong reasons, I wanted more out of her. I realized I shouldn’t be doing all of this for kink, I should be doing all of this because I’m deeply in love with her. After that thought sunk in I got a warm fuzzy feeling all over, it was like falling in love for the the first time again.

    I know it’s hard for a lot of guys to back off from the kink they desire, it falsely appears to be the main goal in these types of relationships. When I became a member of fetlife I was looking for like minded people and of course found them. What I also found was that almost all of the women who identified as Dommes on that website had a sentence or two dedicated to the fact that they weren’t kink dispensers and they were certainly looking for more than just kink. I think that speaks volumes because obviously all of those women have probably been approached by so called ”subs” who are really just looking for a play thing. I can understand how offended these women are when they have the gift of dominance to give. Don’t kid yourself either, dominance is a huge gift to receive from your partner. It takes time, patience and effort as well as self confidence to be a domme, I’ve seen all of those traits in my mistress as she has grown into an amazing dominant.

    Guys, please be respectful to your ladies, if you give more than you’re trying to get you will feel a satisfaction and solidarity in your relationship. Just remember when you do something for your KH, truly do it for her and not for some underlying master plan, because if it appears you’re just doing things for her to get something out of her, your plan will collapse and your partner will feel used. I’m glad I “grew up” and realized my errors, now our FLR, D/s relationship is an amazing ever evolving way of life for us now they Mistress and I are on the and page.

    I promise year 4 is coming soon! I’m back to work and my time is severely limited again. It feel good to be writing this all out. I’m looking forward to talking about all the developments that gave happened in years 4 and as we’re going through year 5.
    Thanks for reading and feel free to comment and ask questions. I always enjoy a little Q & A, it helps me rethink things from different perspectives.
     
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  8. Erin Cumswlows
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    Soon enough I will be walking down the path to my own lock up. I am choosing to do this for her happiness. I no longer feel the need for my kinks. I do know the power of giving total control to my wife. I always do everything for her. I gave up expecting to fulfill my kinks. I actually want permanent chastity. I only have to wait for her to come to this conclusion.
     
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