A loving couple, both love PiV, but he wants to be locked, and unlocked by her. She isn't interested

There are certainly a number of us in your situation, yes. Varying degrees of acceptance of sorts to down right rejection whilst others might now be wishing they had never mentioned chastity!!

 

Not as long into it (mere weeks) and sort of very similar. I wear my cage 6 days out of 7. Our sex life rotates around weekends (about the only time we have time) so I get unlocked Saturday morning before PIV, locked up again Sunday morning after whatever Sunday brings.

She plays along a bit when the mood suits, but for the most part just goes along with "my thing". Its not that shes vanilla, she can be quite kinky and when in the mood, very sexually secure, but sex is down her list of priorities and not something she actively thinks about a great deal.

I have been trying to get her to read a couple of guides on keyholding over the last month or so, but there are always roadblocks thrown up as to why she hasn't gotten to it, its her way of deflecting / deferring when theres something she doesn't want to do.

Im not pushing, I keep wearing my device, I guess you could say voluntarily at the moment and I try and be attentive to her needs (not just sexual, but household and daily life stuff) and when it comes to removal of the cage for maintenance (shaving), sport or play, I ask permission, hoping that she will start to take more interest and then maybe take charge more.

If she doesn't, I don't know what will happen. I doubt I'd go years waiting for her to participate, but for now I like the sensation of being caged. Only time will tell I guess......

 

Your issue is not unique. I also brought chastity around 18 months ago in our relationship and she was rather shocked. Although accepting my wish to be come chasted, my Love showed initially a significant reluctance to my cage. I guess there were a lot of things she did not understood, once I brought her "my message".

After this, I started to focus on changing my "traditional" behaviour - abandon masturbation and porn - and we "slided" into orgasm denial first. I asked her to take over full control over my orgasms, to which she agreed. This was much less "confrontating" than discussing about my cage. She really liked excercising on me to let me stay denied during PIV and pleasuring her without orgasming myself first. During that period the frequency of our intimate moments increased and simultaneously I started her to explain about my feelings and elaborated on my experiences of "mood swings" after orgasm. Once she recognised this phenomena, she was convinced that denial and stay chasted is something we both like and needed in one way or another. This process took more than a year. Now, I am allowed to orgasm every 4-6 weeks and I wear my cage every day 16/24. During the night my Love prefers unrestricted access to her property, but after a release I am allowed to wear my cage 24/24 to "build up the chemicals in my brain a bit quicker". Now, we can discuss everything about staying denied and chasted, and she becomes much more familar with it.

What I have learned is that the entire process should have started with myself first, rather then confrontating her with a cage - and all the things I read from the www. This seems to be a less optimal start. Once stopping masturbation and watching porn, I felt gradually a change in my behaviour and a significant different kind of interest towards her. I could have done this also without bring her my message about the cage first. Sex and orgasming in the "traditional way", became now less relevant for me. Treating and pampering her became paramount.

So, perhaps, keep "chastity and cage" for a while out of the discussion and concetrate on the mental aspects first. If you have sex all days like you describe, just ask her to keep you denied and let her enjoy orgasming only. Tell her that you still want to pleasure her, but at the same time you want to learn from your own brain and body. In the mean time make sure you forget about "possible old habbits" yourself. Then, you both should evaluate the results after two weeks...she might be amazed on what this can do to her own benefits and how a man can change!.

 

This is a good read
http://www.tickleberry.co.uk/male-chastity/lock-him-up/

 

Ask her if you can keep a key in her purse so you can lock up when she gets home or you are both home an you just lock up in the morning and let it evolve from there. She would have no responsibilities with any of it and would hardly ever see it.

 

And that is exactly were I think staying denied should help you. Chastity, but denial in particular, learns you to climb a mountain without putting yourself at first. Your Queen is mandatory to be served, not the goal of yourself….So, your Queen may reach plenty of orgasms whilst you reach only a minimum at her wish and instructions. And staying denied is a huge mountain to climb...

If this is what you want to achieve, you will need your Queen isn't it? I am definitly not a master in teaching here, but what helped me enormously to get my Love onboard, is to forget about myself and start to learn that a e.g. a foot pampering massage to my Love is even satisfying a lot....

I can only share my experiences with you, and conclude for myself that chastity is not equal to sex and sex is not chastity. It is all about your ability to put your Queen always at first and forget about yourself...

 

I got your point, in that case you both should enjoy playing and see what is comming across. Have fun!

 

My wife and I also do not do denial. But we find a lot of value from chastity due to the increase in communication and intimacy. Also it is a lot of fun. The only right way to do this is the way that works for you both.

 

Not in my opinion. Everybody involved has a say in this. If it is not something you are interested in you should simply say so. There is another post going on where a Keyholder is asking people what their limits are and what their safeword is. I thought about it and my safeword is 'No'. If there was something I don't want, I would talk about it with my wife.

 

It sounds like you are looking for the same things from the chastity cage as me and my wife. She also had a very hard time getting used to it now she makes sure I am locked even though we have PIV often and we are in no way a dom/sub relationship. I think discussions around your first post are a great start plus I will add a few suggestions. I definitely have a jerking issue that hinders my interest and performance. I changed the phrase to asking if she will manage the cage and my penis because I am not good at it and not use the word control. I said similarly to how I am better managing finances. We also call it my cage not chastity device. We also discussed how she had done "duty sex" many times because she knows my drive is stronger, even though she was obviously not in the mood. . Neither of us enjoyed that kind of sex. The most impactful discussion that really changed everything is when I told her if she helps me manage my urges by keeping me locked until she is really ready that being inside her feels like the first time we made love every time. She was glowing after that comment and she finally admitted that she could tell how I felt and she really enjoyed sex plus it never feels like it is something she ever has to do if not in the mood. We never set time limits but on occasion it has gone for weeks when things in life get crazy and I never pressure her to take it off.

 

I understand that it is not exactly the same but I figured out my wives issues and ways to show her the benefits. I think you need to figure these things in your relationship. Why does she feel it is complicated? What is the reason for her dislike? How can you show her a benefit? I think you need to have some long discussions on your needs and more importantly on her needs and figure out if she will try it to improve your relationship.

 

you just gave yourself the best advice, take it slow and don’t be pushy! Good luck on your journey!