A keyholders diary...

Lady Jen

The way to go is to get a good Shibari rope book and practice, practice, practice. A Lady who knows the ropes - is special.

Midori always comes up but there is a guy in Chicago area who teaches it - i'll find his name. i attended Boston seminar two years ago and have an excellent book (that i need to find).

But here's a start:

http://www.amazon.com/Seductive-Art-Japanese-Bondage/dp/1890159387

There are all kinds of books below this on the Amazon page.

When i was 13 point suspended and pierce played and then swung around by two Mistresses - nirvana.

curtsey,

Aline

 

Family Jewels....

I totally agree Mistress Watchful! I have this book. It is definitely a must read!

:butterfly:

 

I am so happy that the general consensus among the Goddesses is to treat a man's cock and balls as precious jewels instead of as disposable carrots or radishes.

I encourage you all to buy this book! :character0117:

Respectful :cat:

 

Goddess Jen,

I struggle finding the words to explain my feelings on this topic, but I'll try to explain. For me, it can be difficult to transition from subby to equals, so I can imagine how hard it can be for you or my Mistress to transition from equals to dominant Mistress. For me, since I recognize the difficulty, it’s also why I fully appreciate the effort I know she puts into it for our happiness. I bet your pet feels the same.

There are various reasons for me to prefer my Mistress have complete control in the bedroom, but outside the bedroom, I believe most relationships must be based on equal ground where comprimise is the best tool used to make the best decisions for the family. I would fear an imbalance in power in the relationship outside the bedroom would cause unhealthy feelings of resentment and become damaging in most relationships.

Regardless of what "lifestyle" a couple choses to live, both partners needs must be met for it to work. No one should expect a lifestyle to 24/7-365 without occassional breaks whether its a vanilla lifestyle or a dom/sub lifestyle. The way I think about it is even the vanilla couple eventually decide to try something new or different to prevent things from becoming boring. So why should it be different for a dom/sub couple? Why wouldn't they need an occassional night or weekend of vanilla relations? Again, in my opinion, these breaks from the norm help each partner's needs be met so they can be happy and deal with all the challenges that happen in day-to-day life with work, family, and finances.

I hope this makes sense to you (and others) and helps.

Respectfully,
boy toy (bt)

 

Goddess Jen, this post was so good to read. It really makes me feel comfortable with getting back to what makes me and my wife us. And it makes me feel like we will be able to get back to the less 'nilla stuff eventually too. I've probably become a bit obsessed with being submissive and my wife is surely burnt out on being dominant. Reading your experience with your pet/husband makes me feel much more comfortable in enjoying the way we were for awile and trying to incorporate the Domme/Sub relationship slowly. Thanks for all of the interest you put into my situation as well. It's been a real help to have you to talk to. Have a great day!:jumping0045:

 

You are very lucky. It's taken us 3 years to realise that, and we still can't find the balance.

I was speaking to my potential new Alpha today who was talking about the exact same thing.

In his previous relationship he and his wife were 24/7, actually it was more like 25/8!!! The only way he can now differentiate between D/s and R/L are to be unfaithful to his new, very vanilla partner.

But he is happy, I'm not sure she will be if she ever finds out. That's probably why potential will remain potential, but we are still aiming to set a date for that coffee!

 

Goddess Jen, Thanks for brining up an area that both my wife and I have already struggled with. For us we are definitely one of those couples who have realized we need those vanilla moments. Actually she needs them a lot. For us the lifestyle is more of a form of foreplay if you will. She loves the control of keeping me chaste but does not appear to have any desires of being the Domme in the true sense of the Domme role. With my vanilla job roles and largely by her request she wants me to maintain the head of the houshold role in terms of being an authority figure with the kids, the creditors, etc. I think this is where the disconnect happens for us. When I am chewing someone's but for over charging us on something, she cant just say hang up and now get on your knees. LOL

I think you have already figured out as many are you have to find a way that works for both of you without either of you loosing your identity of who you truly are. I could see being a 100% submissive just as easy as I could see being a 100% dominate. I think it is the areas in between and the frequency of the time in between that causes the most problems.

Not sure if any of this makes sense but I say as I have always said it is about the communication obviously. I am not sure there is a perfect way to do this as many, like myself can turn the roles on and off at the flip of a switch while others need time to get into the role, and for each person those steps are unique to them. Friends of ours put it best once when she told me that outside the house she expects him to be the kick ass business and sales man that he is. However inside the home he can share responsibility in major decisions including kids but she calls the shots everywhere else at home ESPECIALLY when it comes to when and how they have sex or play time. Anyway, that is my rambled two cents. LOL

 

Right now my Wife is in "Domme mode" and my reaction is like Goddess Jen's husband. I hesitate for a few difficult days but have no choice.
For us it seems that i can switch easily into submission, then it takes a few weeks for Her to build up pressure and after that She just goes on and wants me locked up, gives me orders to do this and that and expects me to obey.
At this stage i usually get a few difficult days wondering if it is such a good idea with chastity. No, i am not complaining but it is a strange psychology?

 

Lady Jen

His name is Master Z (and look for Shibaricon as well). He'll get You going. He's an excellent teacher.

http://www.leathersins.com/kinkykollege/ZChicago.htm

Thanks for sharing the downtime of Domming. It becomes overwhelming - breaks are necessary. Great to read You here.

Curtseying again,

Aline

 

finding balance.

I understand the dilema of balance. I have served 24/7 in the past and the struggle turned out to be far too much work for us both. In time and with her leadership she assumed more and more control. I struggled with this, but today i wonder why. A woman is far better suited to lead than a man. She is emotionally better equipted she is more spiritually in tune and most of all she is free from the all consumming male ego, that threatens to destroy all it meets. I beleive that once a woman begins to find her power there is no putting the genie back in the bottle. Besides how selfish is it to limit the woman that you love and adore. Be submissive, live the life and support her through everyday life so she will have more time and energy to grow to her full potential. As submissive men it is our pleasure and duty to serve in all areas to our utmost capacity.I want my Queen to grow to her full capacity in all dimensions of her life. If i love her, and indeed i do, to limit my service would be very disrespectful of her. I serve, i suffer and she grows. I know no other way. I beleive it is inevitable. Female rule is the future!

 

hmmm, by all appearances W/we are a vanilla couple...but there is no doubt in either mind that i am Her slave 24/7. vanilla sex is more the norm, but Mistress decides when, where and how. sometimes She will ask me to choose positions, oral, penetrative, anal...but mostly it is Her choice.

in all life matters Mistress makes the final decision, but i am almost always consulted.

i serve Mistress...PERIOD. i have failed if Mistress has to ask for anything. when i fail or break one of my rules i am punished.

 

there is NOTHING wrong with You, Goddess Jen...it's just the way You are wired. this world would be a much better place is Women ruled and all men served.

do You have a clear set of rules for Your pet? Mistress and i worked on my rules in the very beginning and W/we revisit them from time to time. it's much easier to serve when you know exactly what is expected of you.

 

Maybe you should consider going ProDomme and make some extra money whilst getting out your frustrations?

Or like Ms Michelle, have several different "types" of submissives... she makes it work very well for her, a lovely sissy, a wonderful painslut and married to a great submissive... and all the others online and who visit her every so often.

Sometimes one just isn't enough!

 

Goddess Jen I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all!! As others have said we all have these thoughts. Even myself who has to be in control through various parts of my day to day activities, I often find myself fantasizing and wondering what it would be like to be completely devoted to a Mistress as a full time slave. This means we all have our fantasies and thus you are not alone. Relax, smile and who knows maybe MIstress Watchful is right. Perhaps you just need a slave to play with from time to time.

 

From a fan

Goddess Jen,

Did someone say you are sick? Can I give you a breath of fresh air?

:manga_blowkiss:

 

I would love that!

 

Respectful you kill me! You go!