A growing feeling of disconnection

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Jasmic68, Mar 19, 2018.

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  1. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I have been a member of the Mansion for over two years and it has been a (mostly) friendly, welcoming and helpful environment. I would never have been successful with this lifestyle without it and I have enjoyed interacting with other members. I have enjoyed the messages from members who have enjoyed my journals and found my experiences helpful. Something has changed though. Over the past few months I have seen the amount of time spend here drastically reducing.

    I cannot tell why this is. I am not bored with the chastity lifestyle and my FLR is as strong and definite as it was when we first recognised it for what it is. My Wife, Elle, has been ill for over a month and is still getting over a very nasty period of weakness and fatigue that has limited her enjoyment and involvement with the chastity side of things, but at no point has she forgotten about or benefitted from this new dynamic. (Even after two years we still think of this as a new phase in our 30 year relationship.) She is very much looking forward to being able to start playing and exploring more and has been extremely happy with my levels of care and attention.

    I am not saying that the membership of the Mansion is to blame, or that the posts are any less interesting than they were a year ago, it is just that my own enjoyment of reading and interacting has plateaued or actually disappeared. I read a post yesterday where someone opined on what 'real chastity' was and how everyone who wasn't doing it that way was just playing. In the past I would have responded but this time I just clicked away. While I have been commended and told this was sensible I actually see this as a problem, I didn't care enough to object or put across an opposing view.

    I am no longer even annoyed by the obvious fantasists, the 'yesterday I told my wife about my need for chastity, today she bought a device, locked my penis up and threw away the key and all my underwear, made me wear knickers and I licked her to three orgasms this is brilliant' brigade. They used to wind me up, now I read about two sentences, spot the pattern and click away. Slowly the amount I have even bothered reading threads with titles that flag the possibility of this has reduced.

    The simple fact is I am no longer interested in sharing details about how many orgasms my Wife has had or how they were achieved, or details about how long I have been denied or what ways Elle has teased and denied me. These things still happen and we still love them. My Wife has far more orgasms now than she did before we started this and she shows no sign of getting bored with any of this. Why would she!? I am so lucky to have her as my Wife and Mistress. She is the single most important reason we have been so successful in making this lifestyle work.

    I hope this hasn't come across as a complaint. I am honestly super happy with how my life has developed, chastity has been the biggest thing to ever happen to me, it has changed everything. I think my reason for writing this post was as a result of realising that I might have reached a point that many previous members of the Mansion have got to. I have joined in with discussions asking what has happened to all of the old established members, why have they quit altogether or stopped posting regularly. For me it isn't because I have stopped using a device or being chaste, far from it, I just feel less inclined to share all of the day to day details of what we are getting up to.

    This place has been brilliant and I repeat my opening message, I would never have got to where I am now without it. I appreciate the help and advice I have received and I like the way it has developed recently.
     
  2. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I have like you, been lapsing in giving detailed accounts of our escapades. Obviously (wink) I have not hit my limit yet about ignoring the “real” way of doing this. I was actually thinking on the same lines as you and was contemplating why. I had noticed I was mainly reporting just so I could physically check on my orgasm count lol.

    I do know some reasons, a few of the members that had joined or become active near the same time I started participating have stopped posting. Some used to give very detailed accounts and thought provoking questions....now....there is only so many ways to explain buying a cage or talking to a spouse about holding your key.

    Another reason is that as different as we all do this, there is a growing intolerance of anyone that doesn’t go into the whole female superiority theme.

    Online mistresses and subs have really taken front and center stage. A female here, a real honest to goodness female that enjoyed being a keyholder complained of someone asking her to be his keyholder without getting to know her or obviously reading her profile (although he was polite and not being a jerk or anything), and most everyone thought she should have been nicer letting him down, been more clear that she didn’t want another sub, or ignore it as the price you pay for being wanted. I couldn’t believe it! I’m not saying he needed to be nailed to the cross, but her being miffed that a strangers first interaction with her was to ask for personal relationship wasn’t out of line in the least. That’s like hanging out in a adult store and politely asking every female that enters if they would like a relationship...well she had it coming, she was in an adult store, she should just say no if she isn’t interested. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw how most responded.

    And lastly, we have hit a normalcy with chastity that reporting our exploits is getting repetitive. I’m not saying I’m bored experiencing them, but I’m sure reading that she got off and I didn’t is probably not that informative anymore. We have in no way stopped experimenting, and she still surprises me, especially with her words, but’s it’s more subtle now, and difficult to express.

    I haven’t stopped, but have found I haven’t logged into chat in some time, my usual welcome is now fairly short, and I have missed the retelling of our exploits fairly regularly now unless I received an O so I could keep track. I am hoping it is just a lull, and some couples return.
     
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  3. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Long term member

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    Perhaps this site is mainly used by people getting started in the chastity lifestyle. We first stalk for a bit, peeking in from the shadows. Then make a profile and get some advice. Figure out how to get our wives on board and start a blog. but after time, while still enjoyable, the experiences become repetitive. Then at some point we outgrow the site and go off to practice chastity on our own. Unfortunately according to some, “we’re doing it wrong.” (Sarcasm).

    Fortunately though, our stories are left behind to inspire the next generation and to help provide the answers couples need to make chastity work for them. I hope to be around here for a good time still to come, but in just a few months our blog has slown down as well. I’m sure eventually it will stop completely. But again, our record will be preserved and if it only helps one couple then we did our part.

    Now, please excuse me, I need to go read more threads because I just found out yesterday that we are still doing this all wrong. (Sarcasm again)

    -the footman
     
  4. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    Can you point out where these things are happening please, I can't say I have noticed.

    I know you are not pleased that there is now 1 forum on the site for single people, but please stick to facts.
     
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  5. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    Maybe you have read and said every possible thing there is to say about chastity :)
     
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  6. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I would suggest you stick to the facts please. I am in no way upset there is a forum for singles. Just because I don’t enjoy that particular kink doesn’t mean I am upset with it’s pressence.

    As far as incidents...look no farther than any casual keyholder or cagee asking for a lil guidance...it’s met instantly with “I would never do that to my mistress, I haven’t asked to be released in ____, I am happy to do anything for ___, you should be punished for asking, she is superior to you in every way and you should be greatful that she indulges in your very presence...etc etc etc,. Not...I am not in a physical relationship with my kh and so have little to add, or I’m not sure how I would handle that, since I don’t have the mother of my children involved in this. Its all about making someone feel they aren’t giving enough.

    Most of it probably isn’t meant to make anyone feel bad. More importantly, I was responding to his post with my own similar opinion, and you felt the need to tell me to stick to the facts, and I got news for you, opinions are not facts. It has that feeling and I expressed it.
     
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  7. Lakeman
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    Lakeman Long term member

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    I think this is a natural progression. While I haven’t been here as long as @Jasmic68 or @Nicoftime , I’ve been on CM long enough, and have worked out what devices work best for me, and how chastity works best for us, that I also don’t have the same level of thrill, engagement and learning here as I did when I first started.

    I also agree that the telling of our escapades becomes repetitive, I’m only adding to my journey blog occasionally. But — that’s all OK, everyone is at different stages with this. As to the question of the “female superiority thing”, the different forum categories are supposed to allow us to look for the type of content that most suits our interests, I stick to the mainly vanilla sections, but that just my interests. A different (rival?) chastity forum was established specifically to address this issue, and only deals in vanilla aspects of chastity. But, it’s not a very active community, so I guess you can’t have everything!

    To @Jasmic68 and @Nicoftime , perhaps you can think of yourselves as wise elder statesman of this community! I know it would be a less interesting place without you both here.
     
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  8. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    @Jasmic68, Exactly... that is why I dropped away (that and being told I was wrong about my spiritual beliefs by a Mod. I just got to be a PITA... I've tried getting back into it, adn it's just not the same as it was before...

    Glad to hear you're doing well, and hope Ellie feels better very soon
     
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  9. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    That’s enough of the elder statesmen talk lol! I am not going anywhere was just empathizing that like him, there is a connection that isn’t as strong, but hey I’m also not the same fella I was when we started.

    Ya know even if the site itself were changing and it’s not just me losing interest...these type of sites evolve as well. It certainly isn’t anything like it was in 2009, and change isn’t always bad. For awhile there, there was a period of many new keyholders joining and becoming active, many more than I had seen before.

    Thanks for the nice words...elder, now I feel like a grandpa!
     
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  10. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Long term member

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    Isn't all of this just natural evolution? The early days of excitement as things are new (site presence, not necessarily LS). And yes, most of us have probably exposed more than just the caging part of our LS and pondered why everyone else wasn't as domme as x,y,z. In any situation, pace ebbs and flows, irritants come and go, the real thing for me; is the spirit still alive!
     
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  11. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Absolutely. Chastity has introduced myself and Elle to all sorts of new wonderful ways to be intimate, they are still hugely enjoyable and doing them is in no way boring or repetitive. Somehow though writing about them is.

    Thank you for all of your thoughts and ideas. This is actually the thing I like the most about the Mansion, these conversations about more than just when we last had an orgasm.

    Actually Nicoftime, I don't even have to check into the Mansion to check up on how many orgasms I have had as so far this year I have had absolutely none at all whatsoever lol. Elle has really got into the swing of this denial thing and has even started telling me that I am not allowed to have an orgasm whilst she is in the throes of having one herself. As I said there is no chance of this lifestyle going by the wayside, I was just feeling that my involvement in the Mansion had ebbed and in a way that made me sad.

    So yes,
    Absolutely.
     
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  12. Panda2010
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    Panda2010 There's a fine line between pleasure and pain

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    Hi guys
    I joined up to CM a couple of years ago and was inspired by people like @Jasmic68 . I didn't hang around for long back then, but I did come back (not cum bak) a few months ago.

    I have a feeling that the Mansion is a great place for newbies to explore male chastity/FLR or whatever and find their feet so to speak.

    At the moment, I feel that I am floundering around bit, trying to find my feet. And I appreciate all the insights provided by members like @Jasmic68, @Breathe, @Beautiful and her footman, @ineverknew, @Mandynjack, @Mistress Jules, @Joan.t, @Nicoftime, @Mash2214, @El Guapo, @DonnaSue, @Joroincharge, @Allen1987, @jemima and so many more ... (aplogies for anyone I have missed). I love all you guys for the real and personal perspectives that you provide on CM.

    Thank you for you honesty, integrity and your just downright capacity to reveal your really personal thoughts and experiences. Some of what I have read here is really personal and raw. And I thank you for your honest and heartfelt contributions. I aim to keep my contributions 'real'.

    From what I have seen in recent months, I suspect (correct me if I m wrong) that when some of us find our feet and we are comfortable with where we are at in this lifestyle we move on and don't need CM as our 'life support' quite so much. (sorry for the less than wieldy sentence lol).

    So yes, please guys and girls keep living the lifestyle, whatever that means for you and your dearest. If your lifestyle has evolved beyond what CM can offer, then so be it.

    I wish you well. Happy to keep in touch.

    And if the recent generation of CM members can offer constructive advice/help/experience to the new generation then we can all contribute to the ongoing evolution of this lifestyle, whatever form this might take.

    I wish everyone well.

    And so ends my Epiphany
     
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  13. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Everything has its lifespan, and that includes enthusiasms. When you first discover a new place like this, you spend lots of time here. You become a regular. Over time it starts to become slighty less urgent to check for updates. New posts become a bit predictable. Your interest wanes.

    That's life.
     
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  14. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I will say as new realities set in, although very erotic at the time, become more natural as time unfolds.

    Thinking back it was
    1. I can’t believe I’m going to wear this and only get out if she unlocks me.
    2. She doesn’t seem to unlock me very often, I can’t believe I am going to be wearing this all the time.
    3. I haven’t touched myself for over a year, I can’t believe I’ve given that up forever.
    4. She prefers me this way, and has said that she has no intentions of ever giving this up, I can’t believe I’ve just agreed to given up all of my sexual input for the rest of my life.

    And then that’s it. Oh I’m sure we can keep it very interesting and I am certainly not bored, but once the fantasy becomes every day reality, it’s no longer the headline news, it just is what it is. What a roller coaster it was and still is, plus I am a firm believer that being locked all the time (at least for me) can lean towards some testy remarks, grumpy attitude, and something like waking on the wrong side of the bed. I suppose that doesn’t help the sometimes feeling of disconnect.
     
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  15. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I want to make it absolutely clear that my interest and participation in the Chastity Lifestyle is as strong, if not stronger than ever. It is also very clear that Elle is showing no signs of any reduction of how interested she is in continuing either, if anything her enjoyment is still very much growing. The inspiration for this post was more a feeling that i had nothing to add to the discussions being held in the Mansion.

    My current denial period is a good indication of how much Elle likes saying no in comparison to yes. For some reason the chastity Mansion ticker isn’t working but I know i am approaching three months since she last said yes. Last night she locked me up in my new steel device which is distressingly comfortable. Elle had allowed me to be on the honor method for most of this year after I developed a reaction to my Holy Trainer but when I asked her if we could continue that way she told me that she prefers me locked up, she likes the feeling that it gives her.

    I will continue to update my journal when I feel I have something worthwhile to add, other than that I will continue to spend time joining in with other discussions if I find them interesting.
     
  16. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    If you don’t mind, which device did you end up getting? I know with your mods it was going to be a lil tricky.
     
  17. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I can clearly remember one of my moments of realisation. I was out walking my dog when completely out of nowhere the thought that I hadn’t masturbated for almost two years hit me. Why on earth did I give that up? I thought, and more importantly why am I getting so aroused by the thought that Elle doesn’t let me masturbate?
     
  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    It was this one, only not the anti off version.

    https://www.aliexpress.com/item/Anti-off-version-short-paragraph-male-chastity-stainless-steel-ball-stretcher-sex-ring-for-men-male/32729430795.html

    I had the 40mm version but the ring was way too tight. This one is the 45mm version and it is very comfortable. I’m not sure if it would have fit so well if I had not been wearing the Holy Trainer for a long time, but so far it’s been a good fit.
     
  19. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    What was interesting was Elle couldn’t exactly define why me wearing a device made a difference, it just does. She feels different when I am in one to when I am not, and she says my attitude is very subtly different when I am locked. So locked I remain.
     
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  20. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Looks like a nice one, reminds me of my Rigid Chastity (current) device. You may need to take a soft cloth and a pliers and bend the vertical bars closer...a lot can slip past them as they are set up.

    Hope it’s comfy, you’ll be wearing it awhile :D
     
  21. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    She is not opposed to giving me little breaks of a few days, but very much appreciates when I lock back up, and more and more lately she has mentioned immediate lock up as a condition for release before hand.

    She hasn’t tried to explain it(she doesn’t have to) but I guess it’s similar to your Elle, I must just act a little different when it’s off.
     
  22. Lakeman
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    Lakeman Long term member

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    I have one with the same base ring, incredibly comfortable. If you find the cage is too closed in, there are many available with that same base ring, but with more open cage designs.
     
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  23. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Elle asked me how the device was feeling after my first 24 hours wearing it. Distressingly comfortable was my reply. Good, she said, you won’t need to ever take it off, will you!

    :eek:!!!
     
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  24. Lakeman
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    Lakeman Long term member

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    “Honesty is always the best policy”. Hmm, perhaps not always!
     
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  25. DarkKnight
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    DarkKnight In service of the Dark_Queen

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    For me, being here is a lot like panning for gold. You have to wash through a lot of alluvial to find the shiny gold flake and the occasional nugget. It is a bit off putting that so many ask the same questions over and over when a simple search of some key words would yield many answers. Maybe it's because we need instant gratification or I suppose, it's an easy way to ease into the bigger conversation. Hell, I don't know. Like you, I feel that I haven't anything new to add so better to stay quiet and watch the circus.
     
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