A friendly outsider asks...

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Jimi123, Jan 25, 2009.

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  1. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Hi everyone. Some time ago I found this place when Googling "strapon sex" I can't remember which thread it was but of course I found the rest of the forum and was interested, puzzled by some, turned on a bit by other parts slightly freaked out by some. In short pretty normal.

    Anyway a little while ago I replied the following inside a thread that really wasn't about people asking questions about Chastity and it was very nicely suggested that instead of asking there I start a new thread and reask. The idea being that #1 I was hijacking a thread which I do NOT want to do and #2 I might get more feedback.

    Anyway, I've read a lot of the threads came up with some basic ideas of what this is about (Big picture type of thing) Its been already pointed out that people are different and some subscribe to more of less of this set of steps and others pick and choose which ones. I wonder however if some just have not accepted their fate or been told this IS the plan so get ready for the next stage. As I asked in the other thread.

    I would like your feedback!

    Chastity and denial (And Humiliation?) are tools to re-educate men into a new sort of lifestyle. Some go beyond this and add physical punishment like whips etc. *The S&M part that I didn't really "get" in the original post.

    The early stages are either serious denial for rather long terms as a sort of boot camp or... Its highly filled with kinks and sex to encourage the male to accept increasing controls.

    More advanced stages increase the denial and make almost total the service aspect of the male so that he becomes less a factor in any (typical male) decision making, sex, finances etc. *It was pointed out that some couples don't think that changing the role in finances is a part of "the deal" only the sexual control parts.

    At some point in this the male is broken fully and gladly (or not) accepts his fate. Some own their new position with such gusto that they hate orgasm because it may lower (for a short time) their desire to serve their dominant female.

    The female part of this I'm not fully understanding. Clearly its good to be King (or rather Queen) but having a neutered male for a lover can't be that good no matter how well he does oral sex? Or Maybe I don't get that part?

    Another stage for some (many? all eventually???) is that the male is feminized. This maybe part of the males wish? (*Or is just a way to humiliate him?) or to aspire to what he thinks is perfection? ie the Female? Or is it the woman dom that wants him put in his place or? Again, I'm not clear on the motives. Help?

    Cuckolding seems like a natural next step when the woman seeks a non chastised male companion in bed to give her what she is by now lacking from her chastised (and possibly feminized) male. The chastised male who is now totally devoted to his female dom is more then happy to see this, assist her and even watch and clean up (Cream Pies) Some even participate with the male bull to give the female dom a visual thrill and to add to his humiliation.

    Or course there are wide variations on this. I've seen blogs from couples that never use Chastity or denial but are very active in Cuckolding which seems a more advanced stage. I've also seen posts from people who use Chastity for very short term control then have wild sex together on a very regular basis.

    The part that puzzles me is that so many eventually follow the basic pattern and I wonder if that is the real goal of either of both of the people in a couple doing this and if everything else is just a short term stage or error?
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Is part of the thrill (for the male sub) wondering when the next step will happen?

    Just a couple of additional and probably even dumber additional comments. Are some of the male subs ashamed of their sexual needs at all? Do they for example find it repugnant to do vanilla male/female intercourse for example? Is Chastity and giving up their control a relief? And not being able to masturbate a plus? Is being denied a plus and not a punishment? I ask that because some posts seem to indicate subs being very turned on by loosing games where they may earn and orgasm (for example) or joy when the Dom changes her mind at the last minute and ruins orgasms or insists on increased days of chastity.

    How much of this is mostly BDSM but with a twist and how much of this is more along the lines of what I suggested. Steps or stages of converting a husband/lover/male into a sexual servant / cuckold.

    Anyway, please forgive me for any really dumb questions. I do NOT intend any sort of insult to anyone.

    Thanks for taking the time to ponder!
     
  2. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Great questions and I can only touch on what your wondering about. It seems that each on us is on a unique path that evolves and changes as time passes. I don't think there is any ultimate direction that ALL people will end up taking when they dive into this world of chastity, femming, humiliation, cuckolding and such.

    When one enters this alternative world one or both participants may only be willing to go so far. Others may have a defininite goal (like cuckolding) in mind. When there's two people involved it seems like communication is VERY important and as you dive deeper it becomes even more important.

    I can only speak for myself. I have had a lot of fantasies about this stuff and explored it ONLY on my own. I haven't taken steps to try to involve my wife. I don't think she would like it, but there is a STRONG desire in myself to continue exploring my own femming. This seems to be driven by a strong desire to be submissive. I love that feeling.

    Dressing up and feminizing, denying my sexual desire to play with myself or make love to my wife, and prolonging the time of release all build upon those ideas and play off those fantasies. It's all about submissiveness and if I could live in a perfect world it would include being utterly dominated by a powerful woman (women) and serve them in an utterly humiliated fashion as a de-maled gurl. There is something so profoundly erotic and deeply rooted in my mind with this concept that I can hardly articulate how strong of a feeling it is. The one thing I know is that when I am in chastity and unable to touch myself I become so totally excited that it really is quite an experience... It's an experience of having NO CONTROL. The excitement is deep in my mind and does things to me that nothing else ever has. It is VERY POWERFUL and worth every moment.

    I'm sure you'll get better answers from more experienced people on this subject. But for what it's worth - this is what I have to share. I am anxious to read what others offer.
     
  3. Chastiman
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    Chastiman Member

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    Good Questions

    I think that even though you have deduced a pattern you will find that there are individual differences. My wife is my Mistress and I enjoy serving her. I am locked up constantly and limited to one or two orgasms a year. I please her in other ways. She loves Solarcaine, as it works as a numbing spray. We can have regular intercourse for her without worrying about me climaxing. I am feminized at times and spend time as a sissy maid for Mistress. With all that however having my wife/Mistress take on another lover is out. We are monogamous and fully intend to stay that way. As much as we would enjoy it, we would quit the lifestyle before we allowed it to ruin our relationship.

    What brought us to this lifestyle? I have a very high pressured, stressful job where I am constantly making important decisions that affect a lot of people. When I am home, I like to leave all of that at the door and be the submissive. It is an escape for me. I think this lifestyle has brought my wife and me closer together as I now spend more time with her and it makes us communicate more.

    I hope this helps to answer some of your questions.
     
  4. richard
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    richard Just me

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    I dont think many couples set out with a particular goal. I think it's mainly natural experimentation. Different couples progress to different final states.
    Not all are sissies and not all females are interested in sissies.
    Not all are into cuckolding.
    Not all are long term.
    Whatever floats the couples boat.

    The only thing to say really is that the female in the relationship does decide.
     
  5. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Thank you very much for all your posts. I think the last comment made the most impact. "The women will decide." I also think I understand much of what has been said and can sympathize a bit with wanting someone else to take charge once you get home and in the bedroom in particular.

    The female domination part of this really takes what we are saying kind of more as a observational thing tho doesn't it? I mean if the ladies have decided the (long term) goals are more along that line I suggested what you or I say or do really doesn't matter much? And "if" the goal is subtle changes in the male (typecast) rolls - ie male dominated society then? I'm reminded of the old story about how to boil a frog. :manga_partypopper:

    You never just boil the water and chuck the poor guy in. He would hop out when the scalding water hits. But if you slowly warm the frog? He goes to sleep and pretty soon he is cooked. *or he gladly allows his chastity belt to be clicked locked. Or he no longer seems that upset to be wearing female panties or he helps guide a bulls cock into his mistresse's snatch or even performs clean up duties of errr all sorts.

    Anyway for what its worth I'm finding this very interesting! A little scary and at times erotic.
     
  6. PuppyMastersPet
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    It's seems that quite often when you post a question that you are seeking the “big picture”. I don't mean any offence by this remark but perhaps you could take a step back stop questioning the whys and wherefores of BDSM.

    As you can see from this site alone there are many different categories of people, each person enjoying different aspects of BDSM some 24/7 some enjoying a little play now and again. Some people like humiliation some not.

    I recently researched feminization in a bid to find the “theory of everything” but ended up realising there are so many different shades of people that it's impossible to group them all up.

    Maybe it would be an idea to share your experiences with us and as your diary grows you may get a better understanding of what it means to enjoy a BDSM lifestyle, if that is what you enjoy.

    It would be frustrating if some one who wasn't really interested in the lifestyle continually questioned those who do enjoy a BDSM lifestyle. I don't mean any offence but I am sometimes confused by your posts. I do enjoy a good debate and your question aren't offensive as such but I would think you must have some understanding of what it means to enjoy chastity, BDSM and feminization by now.
     
  7. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I never suggested I wanted to debate. I don't want to argue with anyone who is into any kink. I think you are finding offense when none is intended.

    My coming here was as I said. Google Strapon and one of the links is this site. I was curious about the subject and for anyone interested knowing if there were men who used them who had physical problems (ED Impotence) and I'll admit some curiosity about women using them as well which was satisfied quite well reading some of the diaries. Very hot stuff! So, anyway don't take offense. I admit to some curiosity about this and while I do very much appreciate the responses I'm still wondering. Also why are only subs responding (Oops! Sorry Mistress Watchful you did inject a comment - thank you!)

    You can't get much from me on my interests in BDSM because I don't even understand it very well. Thus all the questions.

    Do I find some aspects of it erotic? Sure. I think the idea of a man with his cock locked up for a while building up lots of sexual tension is very erotic. As as some of you have pointed out thats what you do in your relationship. Whats I was curious about were those that went that next step and did this as a full time thing. And the unlocking part was NOT for sexual climax but for milking or ruined orgasms. Thats harder for me to grasp except that part of this is giving up control so you get what you asked for.

    I am starting to understand that its many different things to different people. Some may just like that short term tease and denial thing on a short term basis. What I was curious about is can you do that and not have it lead to the next step? Or is it even the "goal"?

    If the big picture thing bothers some of you how about in Pieces? Feminization. This I might understand a little better since I have a TS friend but again there seems to be a wide variety of people here that go from dressing up fem to those that dabble with hormones and ? Are there those that really seek or have GRS? I've seen some stuff on the web but? Who knows. "I" think in an abstract way it would be hot to see how the other side lives but nope. Not in reality for me. I can see how others would find it exciting enough and want to do it for real however. However from the Dominant woman's point of view? I'm not sure I understand it. Is it a desire to try things on the REALLY wild side in a "safe" way? By that I mean not really having to become bisexual but play at it? Or???

    Cuckolding. I thought I got that what with the sub being not available for routine sexual duties. But maybe I was just way out of it. Swapping hotwifeing, etc being maybe a less hardcore version.

    I dunno. Anyway, if questions about your lifestyle bother you please don't be upset and please don't assume I'm doing it to upset you. Thats not my intention. Ok?:happy0030:
     
  8. Lady_Kismet
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    Lady_Kismet Member

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    It is hard sometimes to not take offense even when none is offered. If that makes any sense. I think alot of it is how you term things. But your curiosity is to be commended, since most of us started on a path to kink through curiosity. But my definition of kink is very broad, guess it comes from reading way too much. I tend to think wanting to be bitten by your lover to be kink, as Anita Blake puts it somethings are kink and some vanilla people just don't realize they are doing it.

    Your questions are valid and as a "Mistress", I don't identify as one really too much of a desire to be the one tied up and begging, I don't think I can offer too much. every experience is different to each person. I myself couldn't think of cuckolding my partner, but that is my thing. I can see the attraction but doubt I could actually do it. I never thought that locking up my bf would be as exciting as it has turned out to be. Now I enjoy it to a point, I think that is because i am learning to trust myself and enjoy my more dominate other self. Sometimes it is a desire that needs to be explored.

    Without getting into a psychological discussion about the needs of people in a society where there are few boundaries and roles for men and women are daily becoming less distinct. I comes down to listening and helping your partner achieve a sexual satisfaction and release. Sexual release is more than an orgasm, though that is our favorite bit. That boneless sinking into the bed and the urge to smoke a cigarette. It is all about perception and enhancement. I will say after I get a good caning just being held and petted is just as good as receiving an orgasm.

    I guess some of us receive our greatest pleasure by giving pleasure to others. And when we get the release or are allowed to orgasm it is so much more it takes that to a whole other level. To lock up my bf and know no one else can touch him he is mine and no one elses is a turn on, I won't deny that. To know that he has to ask me makes me feel just a little powerful, but in the same token he has a degree of power over me. He can if I become mean or push his limits too far he has the right and the ability to take off that chastity device. I think that is what most people looking in see is him subjugated to my will. But he is only there because he chooses to be, and if I cross a boundary or a line then he has every right to tell me to go to hell. Power exchange is a heady thing and often it is easy to think they have no power, but I have seen enough subs top/dom from the bottom I know they have as much power as the person holding the key.

    I switch with my bf/Master and if anything it has made our relationship stronger. It pleases my sub nature to Top/Dom him because I am giving him pleasure and the same goes for him. That is a hard concept for some but like I said everyone experiences things differently. Pleasure is such an odd little duck, what gives pleasure to some may not give it to others. I know there are a few things that others find enjoyable, but are too out there for me. Besides the torment makes the release so much better. The excitement and or fear depending on what your doing can be a heady rush for both parties. The effort to control so that you can please another by exercising control either as Top/Dom or sub/bottomcauses the release of that control through orgasm or other things that much more powerful.

    Hope this helped kinda tired long day at the office.
     
  9. dubsub
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    dubsub Member

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    Hi Jimi,
    I can fully concur with Lady Kismit when she says that while offence is not meant by you it can be misunderstood. You are not understanding the inner feelings of certain people who are members of this site because you do not share their persuasion. I am a fully fit male who has had a good sex life with my wife for over 20 years. She has always known about my fetish desires to be dominated. It is that trust that has led me to be totally faithful to her and to love and respect her. In the last few years we have a young child who is now 3. Not schoolgoing yet but a big obstical to regular sex as she likes to crawl into our bed at night.
    We now have a routine that each morning after I drop the other children to school I return home. I am then caned and belted for about 50 to 80 times on the bare backside and then 6 on the hand. My wife then goes back to bed where our baby is still asleep. baby comes down at about 10 and I do the housework and mind the child until 1 pm. My wife takes a big lie in. I then wake her with a coffee at one and take the child out to collect the other children from school. I am always in chaste or locked up and I service my wife each day or evening. My wife now has about 6 or 8 orgasms a week and I have none. We are totally happy and I am in Heaven most of the time. It works perfectly for us but while I do know people on this site understand in full our relationship I expect it will be totally alien to you. Therefore while I can explain it to you please do not condem us as it works for us and our sex life is more healthy then a lot of the people of our age we know.

    dubsub
     
  10. PuppyMastersPet
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    I'm not offended as such, as to say I don't take offence to your questions mealy question the reason behind the questioning. I often get the feeling with some of your questions that there is some underlying motive to find the psychological reasoning behind why we do what we do.

    You seem to have pondered the same subject in quiet a few of your posts which makes me think that it's not simply a question in passing but you have either a deep desire to know or a reason to need to know.

    I stopped question why I enjoy the things I enjoy a long time ago. I have experience many forms of BDSM play in such a short space of time, at one time my thirst for new experiences. If you are looking reasoning it might just come down to simply leaving reality behind for a short while, often people refer to swapping roles, when at home become completely the opposite to how they would usually act I.e. a dominant business man type becoming submissive to his partner at home etc.

    I'll leave it at that. I don't want to hijack your post, you have as much right as anyone else to post in this furom. I just felt I needed to voice my concern and opinion.
     
  11. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Thank you for your reply. I really am starting to understand it better. Being "teased" and not let to orgasm does make it feel better when it does happen so while my experience is maybe like a 1st grade level and yours is at the collage level I do "get that" a little. The control aspect that you talk about really makes so much more sense then anything else I've read. Having a person being "true" to you because they must makes perfect sense to me what that would be a plus as well...

    Kink really is different strokes for different folks. I imagine our sex life is pretty wild compared to people who just do missionary position sex for example.

    Anyway I really (Honest) do not mean offense to anyone. Tone doesn't come across in text and if anyone thinks I'm sending out some its just my failure as a "riter" ;-)

    Thanks again for your thoughtful replies everyone.
     
  12. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Yes I think you understand me in that I am interested in the motivation behind it and the bigger picture. I'm curious because some aspects of this do buzz my buzzer and I find it interesting. Other parts I guess my first take on it is that I would not care for it but I'm smart enough to know that I don't know (what I don't know) and maybe I'm looking for some kind of simple

    The reason we do A is because B is so great.

    And that I can say "Oh!! B!!! Why didn't I get that of COURSE! And then rush out to buy a CB6000 (or whatever) ;-)

    Honest tho... I'm not here to point to others and say "Your just too kinky" etc. Thats NOT my bag. I'm sure others would be happy to do that to us who were ubber vanilla but I don't feel any need to do that to others.

    I think most of us start life being more Vanilla and try things and learn things that make our sex lives better as we go. One of the things about this that concerned me was that I was worried it was one of those ALL or nothing things. And there is a huge amount of trust involved which I can see for most of the Subs is very appealing. I think I understand that in a small way as well. The idea of swapping power with a woman is an amazing concept in this male dominated world btw. And for whats it worth as I think about the males that dominate their wives and then have sex with other women outside the marriage for example this cuckolding biz is rather more civilized if nothing else! And perhapes thats one of the appeals to both.

    Anyway, thanks for the continued incite.
     
  13. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I bet Jimi is either scientist or an engineer! :happy0028:

    Whilst I can see that questioning is a good idea, it does not always lead to the answer.

    Why do people smoke or drink when it is bad for them? Why do overweight people indulge in chocolate in their depressed "I'm fat" moments when it just adds to the problem?

    Because they enjoy it!

    They may never be able to tell you why they enjoy imparing their liver, increasing their chances of cancer or adding to their weight problem...

    (I have now offended anyone who drinks, smokes or eats chocolate... but hopefully you get my point!)

    I'm not sure that A always leads to B. In fact we did a little on causal effects of statistics this week and it was fun! I had my hair cut this morning and was then hit by a car - does that mean having my hair cut is dangerous!

    Anyway... I'm going right off the mark. Lol!

    I loved being submissive because all the weight of decision was taken away from me. I became Dominant because I was asked to! I do like it when it's working well, but it becomes the bane of my life when it's not!

    I can see why people might like some things, but I may never like those things myself (golf, football, etc!)

    Sometimes you just have to "appreciate" and respect that you will never know... because it's just not the way you were made!
     
  14. newsub4a
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    newsub4a Senior Member

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    I have had the same thoughts myself!

    Well said.

    The truth is that everyone that has a kink and acts on it is starting out on a path of self exploration. The answers they find are their own and often beyond explanation. Even psychologists can't really explain it and simple write kinky behavior off as deviant and call people involved in ti as "mentally disturbed". (Yes, BDSM is considered a mental illness)

    Within the BDSM community this journey is often referred to as "seeking your bliss". In other words, finding the things that make you happy and complete you.

    Are there people who have emotional and mental issues in BDSM? Sure there are. Are there people that are into extreme behavior? You had better believe it!

    So question all you want Jimi, but in the end you will probably never truly understand why those that play do what they do. There just as many different answers as there are people playing. The only one single truth that I have ever found is that we are all seeking our bliss and for some, this is our path.

    And that was the point I just spent 30 minutes typing trying to say!
     
  15. Lady_Kismet
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    Lady_Kismet Member

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    Ohh seeking your bliss like that I have to remember that like how that sounds!
     
  16. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Dear M.W. You've pegged me! Err not in the sexual way but yes, you "got" my background. And you made a rather brilliant comment that asking questions does not always provide the answer. At the very least you must ask the correct question! :anim_39:

    As to my A leads to B I think my concern was that "playing" at this might well lead to "B" I think I've probably read just a bit too much "porn" on this topic which does seem to follow a thread. How that works with real people in real life however is (as we all know) a very different thing.

    Your analogy on Football etc is well taken. I just don't see me (or my DW) doing the whips and chains thing but as I've learnt thats not always an aspect to this.

    Oh! speaking of football they had Joe Namith (SPelsexed?) present the superbowl trophy to the winning team and my DW told me how hot she thought he was. *no big deal. Then she adds "In particular I really liked him in pantyhose." *He was known for having banged up knees and did a TV Commercial in pantyhose saying "If these can make MY legs look good think how good they will makes YOURs look. Thinking about this site (Feminization forced or otherwise etc) I'm quite sure I turned a bit red.
    :character0114:

     
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