5 month thoughts

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by luvinlocked, Jan 17, 2017.

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  1. luvinlocked
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    luvinlocked Active member

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    i thought I would share just a few of my thoughts and a few things I've learned after 5 months of lock up.
    #1 fantasy becomes a very challenging reality if you have a keyholder that enthusiastically takes over her new role(I do! My wife is great!)
    #2 don't expect your keyholder to know exactly what to do. You've read all about and fantasized about chastity not her. She will need time to feel her way through this very new lifestyle.
    #3 if done slow and right with communication and understanding on both sides male chastity can bring you closer and make a marriage happier and stronger than ever!
     
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  2. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    You got it right. We started our 5th year of chastity this month. It only worked for us when we discarded all the stuff we read in online blogs about my wife becoming a dominatrix calling her Mistress and doing all the things on the same list that you see on every chastity website that you are supposed to feel like doing just because you are locked and denied for a few days or weeks.

    I had to teach my wife to be a keyholder and also to make it feel less like a chore. First two things is that if you think you cannot escape or masturbate while locked, you are wrong if using a ball trap device. Heck you can cum by holding a vibrator against any device that comes into contact with your penis.

    To make keyholding easy for my wife I promised not to try to escape and not to masturbate, locked or unlocked. She did not enjoy being my warden making sure I was locked all the time. Then we did away with our contract can games because my wife grew to feel that they took all control away from her. She had to wait until my release date as a game set it or following the rules in our chastity contract. Next thing we did was have only one rule. My wife makes all the rules, does not have to tell me what they are and can change them at anytime without prior notice. In other words. she does what she wants and that can change from day to day. These changes made my wife's keyholding responsibility easy. I am not going to grab my penis and start jerking it uncontrollably when I am unlocked. If I did not want to be denied I would not have asked for chastity.

    Aside for just hiding one key and covering the emergency key with plastic and layers of paper and tape, each section initialed so that if I opened it, she would know, she just had to let me know to stay locked or unlock before we had sex. If unlocked she would edge me until I could not take anymore. She likes to use a vibrator on herself and I get to please her orally as a special treat which is probably unlike some of the younger wives. My wife has her best orgasms with a vibrator as many women do. I find it more submissive to not be allowed to make her cum and be replaced by a vibrator.

    My wife started out very submissive. She did not consider it sex if I did not cum. She called it fake sex. That took almost a year for her to get out of her head. In year two she was OK without me having an orgasm but she balked on longer term denial. By year 3 she was OK with 2-3 months orgasm denial an guilt was a thing of the past. In year four she took me to 4 months without an orgasm once but then felt sorry for me. In year 5 we stopped 24/7 lockup because we are both in our mid sixties (old folk can be kinky too.) and medical issues tend to pop up a few times a year. So we do it while we can but no longer than two months of denial and then a few weeks break afterwards before starting again.

    You hit the nail on the head about communications. Set aside either 15 minutes a day or a half hour a week, to talk about chastity; what works, what does not, what has to change or something new to try. It is easy for we men to talk about chastity incessantly since we feel the cage on our penises all the time and are sexually aroused almost every minute of the day. Our keyholders are not denied or locked up so they do not think about chastity much at all until it is time for sex. My wife used to get annoyed because I was always talking about chastity and sex. Setting aside a time for talk helped solve the problem.

    Also important to view chastity play as a joint effort. You both work towards the same goal. No one is locked up against their will despite some of the fantasy posts you see online. We agree on how many orgasms I get each year and even then, that is a ball park figure so my wife has a lot of leeway and control over that. At least my wife knows how many I would like in a year and can work around that number either going higher or lower. That is it. That is the way we do it and YMMV since we are all unique. One thing we have going for us is that we have not had intercourse for about the last 20 years. BDSM and my wife having a full time female lover had something to do with that. So it is easy for my wife. She does not want intercourse and does not need my penis at all. She is happy with her vibrator but loves to tease and edge me so we do have sex.
     
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