3 years ago, I had my last orgasm by my own hand.

Three years ago I had my last orgasm by my own hand. She decided my last had been my final last year.

I didn’t realize it was to be my final at the time. My wife gave me both my first strictly-guided masturbation-instruction session, and my last orgasm by my own hand on the 5th of May 2018.

She has since decided it would become my final after the events of October 2020.

—
She guided me to masturbate for her.

“Stroke three times for me.
Stroke three time with the other hand.
Now stroke until you cum.
You can go faster.” she said.

“I want to enjoy it.” I complained. I wanted to stretch this experience out.

This had become a once in a year event. It had been over five months since the prior time (2017-12-03) - which completely flattened me - and another 1 year and five months before on 2016-06-30.

I complied after edging myself for a while. I have the faintest memory of the climax itself, but I remember how I felt afterwards.

I wrote:
“I am so so flattened. My ears are warm. I Haven’t been flattened from a full orgasm like this in a while. Perhaps self stroking is the most draining?”

I’m probably right. I remember feeling like I was in a warm bath up to my ears after I brought myself to climax.

She told me: “Sometimes you need to be reminded”

She was really keeping me calibrated.

Teasing me in one direction, and then resetting me … so I know what I am missing. Her glorious Pussy. My own hand.

She enjoyed watching me. She kissed my face and penetrated my ear with her tongue.
—

And that was it. I’m grateful to have captured the event as much as I did. It does seem very distant now, being 3 years in the past today.

Last year, I nearly cried when she told me that this will never happen again. I said it was unfair that I didn’t know it was my final.

I was pouting. I felt trapped and unfairly punished. I was acting bratty and entitled… as if I earned spelt hint for going so long without stroking to orgasm.

She said “I’m sorry that you didn’t know, but you’re done.”

No more. Ever again.
She was serious.

I am still allowed to self-stimulate my mind, my ass, and my nipples. But I’m not allowed to self pleasure my cock again.

That’s it. It’s over. It’s her decision.

She knows this is best. It doesn’t matter if I’m sorry for arguing or begging to orgasm as she let me edge.
There’s nothing I can do or say.
She’s not angry with me. But she will not put it in my hands again. It didn’t work. She didn’t like it.

On the 15th of November 2020 she said that I don’t have to make the decision now to accept permanent masturbation denial. I can live under her enforced chastity. I don’t even need to be grateful.

She had me get down on my knees on the kitchen floor. She explained that her decisions are final and that she wants to maintain control. Letting me stroke myself reduced her control. It was her mistake. She’s sorry. I don’t have to apologize.

The thing is she wants control.
She doesn’t want to give up control.

Then on the 18th of November 2020 she reaffirmed all this with a monologue:

“There was something particularly off-putting about you telling me how very good it would be to orgasm.”

“I told you I wasn’t enjoying you begging for it, and you weren’t listening. You kept going. I let you out. I let you stroke… and you became entitled and got pushy about cumming.”

(I interrupted with words about unfairly severe punishment)

“No. It’s not punishment. It’s not too severe. It’s a decision. You won’t masturbate again. I’m taking care of you. I will not put you in that situation again.”

(I had apologized again)

“It doesn’t matter that you are sorry. And the more you focus on it the more certain I am it’s the right decision. I’m going to start ignoring you if you keep asking to masturbate. You don’t do that anymore. It’s over. You’re done.”

“I’ll keep you caged, hold your key, and enforce your chastity.”

Then she softened her tone and cooed at me:

“Don’t worry. It will get easier with time. The memory will fade. I know you can do this. You don’t have a choice.”

She put real emphasis in those last words.

—
And so, that memory is fading. The memory of 2018 May 5th, my tenth self-stimulated orgasm since I first wore piercing-secured Contender chastity cage in 2014, is fading.

I captured the memory as well as I could.

She did say it doesn’t have to get easier. She’s allowing me to struggle with this. I’m allowed to hold on to the faint tremors from years past. I don’t even remember the climax. Again I only really recall just how good and warm my ears felt afterwards.

It’s fitting: the longer I grasp onto these memories the more difficult it is to let go.

—

So, I hope you enjoyed my account on this third-year anniversary. It’s become important since my wife made it clear it had been my final just last year. She decided. She pushed. She encourages me. She knows I am best kept in enforced chastity, all the time.

We will see what these following years bring.

 

Thankk you. I admit I am still in the process of acceptance and learning gratitude. I don’t think it will ever get easier. I have these surge flashes of intense longing, but my frustration is a feature, she says. It’s good to stay hungry, she tells me.

What I have accepted is that this isn’t about punishment. This is about her keeping me in a good state of being, mental and physical. I am a good boy and she’ll keep me that way.

Postscript: “spelt hint” should read “something”

 

Why thank you! I’m really pleased by your compliment. I’m not caged literally permanently. I’m in >99%, not 100% (There’s another thread for that discussion) She lets me out for edging and spills. I’ve had two full orgasms in 4 months. It’s not like I’m never touched. I will never allowed the freedom to fondle my cockhead again. That’s all. “It’s a small part of me” according to my keyholder.

 

Thank you @Den737
It’s great having these forums to find support. We are very lucky to have keyholders to take care of us so completely.

 

She edges me, and gives me mostly perfect ruined orgasms… the ones that keep you hard, and when you don’t twitch, clench or spurt.

She unlocks me when she wants.

She chose PIV sex four times last year: mostly special occasions. It will be twice this this year through May, so far. I am definitely caged through this month.

She does stroke me. But she often prefers not to grip and just fondle my “magic spot”, on the underside behind my PA piercing, aka the frenum. She can bring me to the edge and slowly spill over with the lightest touch from a finger or two.

She doesn’t worship at the altar of the glory of my wonderful cock She enjoys making me a gooey mess but still hard and wanting.

So I still get “exercise” but I’m completely dependent on her. I also have no stamina anymore. She’s eager to keep me full, brimming with cream, and easily spilled.

 

We had a similar conversation. I suggested I could be caged as long as she wanted. She pushed. “When? When you give this to me?” I agreed to indefinite and limitless chastity and orgasm denial. She said “This will be fun.” She proceeded to push hard ideas of permanence into my quivering mind. She started talking spending about the rest of my life caged. I squirmed in discomfort but she kept probing deeply and holding firm. But that’s another story….

 

Yes. I’m still struggling. It’s been 222 days since begged and argued to go back to the days when she let me stroke to orgasm. She repeated her real disinterest in me ever having stamina and control again.

We talked today. I wasn’t being pushy but I brought up wearing my cage indefinitely, and how having other people know I am caged makes me squirmy. She explicitly told me it’s ok for me to squirm. It’s ok for others to know and see me caged. She’s not giving me any excuses to get unlocked. She’s not seeing any situation in which I’d be left alone and uncaged.

“Your doctor saw it” she reminded me today, and she was talking about going back to our piercing shop and having me seen again, but wearing in my cage.

She once said she’d just swap me into my 100% plastic Evotion Wearable cage for an MRI. But I do think in truth she’d actually let be alone and uncaged then.

I brought up massages in chastity and that I’ve braved that recently, and it makes me squirmy. She

I’m not facing permanent orgasm denial. I’m not literally going to be caged from now on without one second of removal. But her control is permanent, as far as she lets me see.

And while I have truly begged and openly mourned the loss of my stamina, and how my “fucking days” have waned into the past… she gives me zero hope that we’d ever go back. She likes me better this way.

Never again will I get to fuck and last inside her. Her pussy will always have power over my cock. Never again will I be completely satisfied and spent. I doubt she’d ever give me three orgasms in a day again (1895 days ago).

I don’t think she’d ever go for 10/10 on the caged denial scale, @Tom Allen
But she knows. She probed the depths of my mind. She sees I’ll spill out in my cage when she presses those buttons. The threat itself is fun for her. The mindfuck is best.

Even today she enjoyed teasing me that after I spend five weeks in a single cage, that she’s going to just swap me into my second GlansArmor (the extra guarded one) with the keys I vowed to never touch or use.

I once had stamina. I once fucked. I once basked in the glory of my own long and thick cock. I once felt like a porn star. A top. And everlasting sex machine. I had pride. I still do a bit, but it’s chastened and constrained.

I know “the grass is always greener”, Tom, but I do wish my own wife loved penetration as much as your lovely wife does. At least then I’d get to channel that frustrated energy into thrusting and fucking. I do miss that.

But I’m finding if I physically milk my prostate the “crazy thoughts” go away. If I’m too full and brimming, then my thoughts wander to more reckless behaviors.

Frankly that’s what got my cage exposed by a doctor in front of his nurse. That’s what made me brave enough to explain my female-led orgasm-denial relationship well enough to a urologist that her nurse came out to smirk at me afterwards, and put her hand on my shoulder.

And she likes me full and brimming and a bit crazed. So

I really can’t see a way out. It’s not my decision anymore. It’s not my concern. There’s nothing I can do to maneuver my way out of this. She’s only encouraging me to embrace enforced chastity as my way of life from now on.

Yes. You’re right.

“Never again” is a very difficult thing to wrap your head around. Even after many years of chastity and many months since expectations were made clear.

I don’t think it will ever get easier.