3 years ago, I had my last orgasm by my own hand.

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Peter Rabbit, May 5, 2021.

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  1. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Three years ago I had my last orgasm by my own hand. She decided my last had been my final last year.

    I didn’t realize it was to be my final at the time. My wife gave me both my first strictly-guided masturbation-instruction session, and my last orgasm by my own hand on the 5th of May 2018.

    She has since decided it would become my final after the events of October 2020.


    She guided me to masturbate for her.

    “Stroke three times for me.
    Stroke three time with the other hand.
    Now stroke until you cum.
    You can go faster.” she said.

    “I want to enjoy it.” I complained. I wanted to stretch this experience out.

    This had become a once in a year event. It had been over five months since the prior time (2017-12-03) - which completely flattened me - and another 1 year and five months before on 2016-06-30.

    I complied after edging myself for a while. I have the faintest memory of the climax itself, but I remember how I felt afterwards.

    I wrote:
    “I am so so flattened. My ears are warm. I Haven’t been flattened from a full orgasm like this in a while. Perhaps self stroking is the most draining?”

    I’m probably right. I remember feeling like I was in a warm bath up to my ears after I brought myself to climax.

    She told me: “Sometimes you need to be reminded”

    She was really keeping me calibrated.

    Teasing me in one direction, and then resetting me … so I know what I am missing. Her glorious Pussy. My own hand.

    She enjoyed watching me. She kissed my face and penetrated my ear with her tongue.


    And that was it. I’m grateful to have captured the event as much as I did. It does seem very distant now, being 3 years in the past today.

    Last year, I nearly cried when she told me that this will never happen again. I said it was unfair that I didn’t know it was my final.

    I was pouting. I felt trapped and unfairly punished. I was acting bratty and entitled… as if I earned spelt hint for going so long without stroking to orgasm.

    She said “I’m sorry that you didn’t know, but you’re done.”

    No more. Ever again.
    She was serious.

    I am still allowed to self-stimulate my mind, my ass, and my nipples. But I’m not allowed to self pleasure my cock again.

    That’s it. It’s over. It’s her decision.

    She knows this is best. It doesn’t matter if I’m sorry for arguing or begging to orgasm as she let me edge.
    There’s nothing I can do or say.
    She’s not angry with me. But she will not put it in my hands again. It didn’t work. She didn’t like it.

    On the 15th of November 2020 she said that I don’t have to make the decision now to accept permanent masturbation denial. I can live under her enforced chastity. I don’t even need to be grateful.

    She had me get down on my knees on the kitchen floor. She explained that her decisions are final and that she wants to maintain control. Letting me stroke myself reduced her control. It was her mistake. She’s sorry. I don’t have to apologize.

    The thing is she wants control.
    She doesn’t want to give up control.

    Then on the 18th of November 2020 she reaffirmed all this with a monologue:

    “There was something particularly off-putting about you telling me how very good it would be to orgasm.”

    “I told you I wasn’t enjoying you begging for it, and you weren’t listening. You kept going. I let you out. I let you stroke… and you became entitled and got pushy about cumming.”

    (I interrupted with words about unfairly severe punishment)

    “No. It’s not punishment. It’s not too severe. It’s a decision. You won’t masturbate again. I’m taking care of you. I will not put you in that situation again.”

    (I had apologized again)

    It doesn’t matter that you are sorry. And the more you focus on it the more certain I am it’s the right decision. I’m going to start ignoring you if you keep asking to masturbate. You don’t do that anymore. It’s over. You’re done.

    “I’ll keep you caged, hold your key, and enforce your chastity.”

    Then she softened her tone and cooed at me:

    “Don’t worry. It will get easier with time. The memory will fade. I know you can do this. You don’t have a choice.

    She put real emphasis in those last words.


    And so, that memory is fading. The memory of 2018 May 5th, my tenth self-stimulated orgasm since I first wore piercing-secured Contender chastity cage in 2014, is fading.

    I captured the memory as well as I could.

    She did say it doesn’t have to get easier. She’s allowing me to struggle with this. I’m allowed to hold on to the faint tremors from years past. I don’t even remember the climax. Again I only really recall just how good and warm my ears felt afterwards.

    It’s fitting: the longer I grasp onto these memories the more difficult it is to let go.



    So, I hope you enjoyed my account on this third-year anniversary. It’s become important since my wife made it clear it had been my final just last year. She decided. She pushed. She encourages me. She knows I am best kept in enforced chastity, all the time.

    We will see what these following years bring.
     
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  2. TonyF25
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    TonyF25 Active member

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    I'm only allowed to masturbate when my wife allows me to after she unlocks me. She is fair about. Sara is a hotwife and dates. If she comes home satisfied, she will.unlock me tell me all about her date, and let me jerk off. If she is not satisfied when she returns, she will tell me all about it , but not unlock me. We share in the pleasure, but also share in the frustration.
     
  3. Maid Denise
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    Maid Denise Maid for my Goddess

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    Oh don't feel so bad about not touching yourself. My dear you are not alone in our world . March 26th 2018 was my last time touching myself . Of course March 26 2021 was my 3 year anniversary of me being locked up in the cage . Like you I will never touch myself again. Look on the bright side . At least you're KH let's you be the woman you want to be .
     
  4. cody halter
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    cody halter Member

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    i understand your situation bunnyboy.
    Master was the same way control and ownership wise.
    Although He didnt have me locked in a cage permanently, my hands on my penis was heresy.
    i was locked up a lot, but He had other means as well, including this locked soft leather jock strap he had made in England and He installed a catheter tube to piss out of so i never got to take it off to go to bathroom when we had to be apart.
    It was many years that i didnt masturbate.
    That didnt mean i didnt orgasm though.
    He would release me, cuff me and fuck the cum out of me every month or so one way or another. Cock, dildo, we tried fisting but im a small boy and we didnt have much luck with that im afraid.
    With enough stimulation i can orgasm while locked in a cage. Butt it takes some effort.

    And He liked to tie me up and edge and milk me while watching leather porn. He wouldnt let me cum until the boy in the movie did, and in some of them, they were locked up and didnt cum either, so that night ended in ruin.
    If He let me cum, then i got to drink it and He would sometimes deep throat me and add His own.

    i too often found myself selfishly begging pleading Him to let me cum too. i just couldnt help myself sometimes, the need was so great. But even one Please! That was always a mistake.
    my orgasms and fluids were owned and controlled by Him.
    Sound familiar? and that would mean i screwed my cum chances.

    Quite frankly, i do not believe that i would or could continue to be in chastity forever without being able to orgasm occasionally.
    Masturbate, well how is that going to happen after all?
    But prostate stim and mental overload will reward me for services rendered.

    Your situation would be to hard for me to live in im afraid.
    i havent jacked in about a month now, even without the cage on.
    Im now timing how long it takes to get to the first spontaneous cum dump, but im also using an anal vibrator to see how deep in need i have to be to orgasm that way too.

    Data gathering in this the shortest most confining device i have ever been locked in.

    my praise for your stamina and devotion bunny!
    You are a man of rare quality.
     
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  5. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    good luck with it. You sound as though you're at ease with the decision.
     
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  6. subrick
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    subrick Junior Member

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    Congratulations and thank you for sharing your journey with us.

    My last orgasm was some time before 4/10/2020 when my Lovely Wife decided to lock me up. At the time, neither of us had any idea how long this lockup it would last, but as the weeks & months went by, She has really taken to fully enjoy holding this power over me. And we began working on our FLR soon after that lockup began. She has asked me if I could live the rest of my life being locked by Her, and I responded "Yes, I believe I could.". She said "Good! It may just be that way." I asked her about the possibility of an orgasm and she basically stated that in her mind, being locked means NO orgasms for me of any kind. She told me to just continue to enjoy HER orgasms.

    Interestingly, though, I find myself not really missing them any more. I CRAVE for HER to have Her orgasms and do everything possible to make she Her orgasms are everything She needs them to be. My enjoyment of Her orgasm has replaced my personal need for one.

    I don't even know what day my last orgasm was, but after a year, I don't really care. The memories of my own orgasmic pleasure are fading, but for me, they've been replaced with much more VIVID experiences of Her own orgasms, which bring BOTH of us pleasure, not just me. Focusing on HER pleasure is what is important.

    Good Luck, it sounds like you are BOTH in a good place. Best wishes that it continue as you both wish.

    ~subrick
     
  7. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Thankk you. I admit I am still in the process of acceptance and learning gratitude. I don’t think it will ever get easier. I have these surge flashes of intense longing, but my frustration is a feature, she says. It’s good to stay hungry, she tells me.

    What I have accepted is that this isn’t about punishment. This is about her keeping me in a good state of being, mental and physical. I am a good boy and she’ll keep me that way.

    Postscript: “spelt hint” should read “something”
     
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  8. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Why thank you! I’m really pleased by your compliment. I’m not caged literally permanently. I’m in >99%, not 100% (There’s another thread for that discussion) She lets me out for edging and spills. I’ve had two full orgasms in 4 months. It’s not like I’m never touched. I will never allowed the freedom to fondle my cockhead again. That’s all. “It’s a small part of me” according to my keyholder.
     
  9. Tom Allen
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    Tom Allen Member

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    The idea of "never again" is often difficult for us to comprehend.
     
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  10. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Thank you @Den737
    It’s great having these forums to find support. We are very lucky to have keyholders to take care of us so completely. :)
     
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  11. madams-sissysub
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    Congratulations on reaching your mile stone!
     
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  12. Maid Denise
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    Maid Denise Maid for my Goddess

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    Having a keyholder is only one of the many joys of being in chastity and being owned, but being able to communicate with others in our lifestyle is a blessing in disguise . If you ever need to reach out , just drop me a line . Do by best to help out.
     
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  13. slave-in-FLR
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    slave-in-FLR Member

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    @Peter Rabbit your post made me extremely horny. Maybe that is why my Wife is going in the same direction. And I guess it is my near future too.
    But as far as I understood from your next posts you are still alowed to cum from time to time. How do you cum? Are you unlocked for cumming? Do you have PIV sex? Does your Mistress stroke your cock?
     
  14. Kat9s toy
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    Kat9s toy Active member

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    @ peter rabbit - Wow! That's got to be a head trip! Finding out your last, meaning your most recent, is indeed your Last! Even though it was some years ago. I'm sure messing with your head is her intent, don't you think?

    When I was new to chastity, about 15 years ago when it was still a "game," I told Mistress that I wondered when she'd let me cum again. She just smirked and said, "Maybe never?" I thought she was kidding, but it was over 1 year before she allowed a release.

    These days, she hasn't said she won't let me have a full orgasm again, but it has been about 4-1/2 years. Seems likely. The last time I had a ruined, she was kind of ambiguous as to whether it was my last for a while or my "last." She does like the control & messing with my head.

    I am guessing your keyholder/partner is similar in that regard. Enjoy your journey! :)
     
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  15. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    She edges me, and gives me mostly perfect ruined orgasms… the ones that keep you hard, and when you don’t twitch, clench or spurt.

    She unlocks me when she wants.

    She chose PIV sex four times last year: mostly special occasions. It will be twice this this year through May, so far. I am definitely caged through this month.

    She does stroke me. But she often prefers not to grip and just fondle my “magic spot”, on the underside behind my PA piercing, aka the frenum. She can bring me to the edge and slowly spill over with the lightest touch from a finger or two.

    She doesn’t worship at the altar of the glory of my wonderful cock ;) She enjoys making me a gooey mess but still hard and wanting.

    So I still get “exercise” but I’m completely dependent on her. I also have no stamina anymore. She’s eager to keep me full, brimming with cream, and easily spilled.
     
  16. shannonsanders
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    shannonsanders Active member

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    I made it 3 years with no self love, and then sometimes life circumstances get in the way, and I “started over” without permission. So good for you on showing better will power.

    We have PIV once a month, and ruined HJs about 1-2 times a month.

    The upside is we are using cage more now.
     
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  17. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    We had a similar conversation. I suggested I could be caged as long as she wanted. She pushed. “When? When you give this to me?” I agreed to indefinite and limitless chastity and orgasm denial. She said “This will be fun.” She proceeded to push hard ideas of permanence into my quivering mind. She started talking spending about the rest of my life caged. I squirmed in discomfort but she kept probing deeply and holding firm. But that’s another story…. ;)
     
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  18. cagedfellow
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    cagedfellow Active member

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    @Peter Rabbit I'm glad for you to have left that control to your kh. I'm glad she still let you cum sometimes! :)
     
  19. gary170
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    gary170 Active member

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    Sounds a little similar to our marriage my wife also had its the end for me
     
  20. Ukpsion
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    Ukpsion Member

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    Wonderful read, thanks for sharing
     
  21. mwsubmissy
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    mwsubmissy Member

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    yep the memory of my last time masturbating is so long gone after ten years
     
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  22. castitas
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    castitas Member

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    What is an „orgasm“?
     
  23. Miss Amandas boy
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    Miss Amandas boy Submissive to Mistress Amanda

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    A long time for me too, but no great loss as pleasure received from Miss A's hand is far greater than anything I could give myself.

    Usually every 7 to 14 days but it can be longer.
     
  24. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Yes. I’m still struggling. It’s been 222 days since begged and argued to go back to the days when she let me stroke to orgasm. She repeated her real disinterest in me ever having stamina and control again.

    We talked today. I wasn’t being pushy but I brought up wearing my cage indefinitely, and how having other people know I am caged makes me squirmy. She explicitly told me it’s ok for me to squirm. It’s ok for others to know and see me caged. She’s not giving me any excuses to get unlocked. She’s not seeing any situation in which I’d be left alone and uncaged.

    “Your doctor saw it” she reminded me today, and she was talking about going back to our piercing shop and having me seen again, but wearing in my cage.

    She once said she’d just swap me into my 100% plastic Evotion Wearable cage for an MRI. But I do think in truth she’d actually let be alone and uncaged then.

    I brought up massages in chastity and that I’ve braved that recently, and it makes me squirmy. She

    I’m not facing permanent orgasm denial. I’m not literally going to be caged from now on without one second of removal. But her control is permanent, as far as she lets me see.

    And while I have truly begged and openly mourned the loss of my stamina, and how my “fucking days” have waned into the past… she gives me zero hope that we’d ever go back. She likes me better this way.

    Never again will I get to fuck and last inside her. Her pussy will always have power over my cock. Never again will I be completely satisfied and spent. I doubt she’d ever give me three orgasms in a day again (1895 days ago).

    I don’t think she’d ever go for 10/10 on the caged denial scale, @Tom Allen
    But she knows. She probed the depths of my mind. She sees I’ll spill out in my cage when she presses those buttons. The threat itself is fun for her. The mindfuck is best.

    Even today she enjoyed teasing me that after I spend five weeks in a single cage, that she’s going to just swap me into my second GlansArmor (the extra guarded one) with the keys I vowed to never touch or use.

    I once had stamina. I once fucked. I once basked in the glory of my own long and thick cock. I once felt like a porn star. A top. And everlasting sex machine. I had pride. I still do a bit, but it’s chastened and constrained.

    I know “the grass is always greener”, Tom, but I do wish my own wife loved penetration as much as your lovely wife does. At least then I’d get to channel that frustrated energy into thrusting and fucking. I do miss that.

    But I’m finding if I physically milk my prostate the “crazy thoughts” go away. If I’m too full and brimming, then my thoughts wander to more reckless behaviors.

    Frankly that’s what got my cage exposed by a doctor in front of his nurse. That’s what made me brave enough to explain my female-led orgasm-denial relationship well enough to a urologist that her nurse came out to smirk at me afterwards, and put her hand on my shoulder.

    And she likes me full and brimming and a bit crazed. So

    I really can’t see a way out. It’s not my decision anymore. It’s not my concern. There’s nothing I can do to maneuver my way out of this. She’s only encouraging me to embrace enforced chastity as my way of life from now on.

    Yes. You’re right.

    “Never again” is a very difficult thing to wrap your head around. Even after many years of chastity and many months since expectations were made clear.

    I don’t think it will ever get easier.
     
  25. Tom Allen
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    I'm just going to point out that Mrs Rabbit has embraced one aspect of denial... it's just not necessarily the one you would have wanted.

    On my end, being permanently locked in a cage isn't the aspect of denial that I would have fantasized about back when we started. But then... if you got what you wanted, then it really wouldn't be denial, would it? ;)
     
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