24/7? What's missing? Where's the next step?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mistress Watchful, Mar 25, 2010.

Random Thread
  1. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,287
    Likes Received:
    876
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    I just blogged this but realised it may be better posted as a thread question...

    Everyone goes on about the wanting to be 24/7, but to what extent is this really needed?

    pet does most (all?) of our housework, he is my chauffeur, he cooks most (all?!) of the time.

    He babysits the kids when I go off to party, he makes sure I have clean clothes, a bath run, a glass of wine/water/cup of coffee.

    A lot of people will say that's not 24/7, that's a normal loving relationship.

    How often is kink involved? I would say to some extent every day. It is mentioned every day even if something doesn't happen every day.

    Yesterday was a very busy afternoon kinkwise (charlotte reappeared), and the day before was for me, I made friends with Mr H.

    Throughout this week I've been receiving compliments on my "performance" at WhipLash, and have 3 requests for play this coming Saturday... so maybe I can be considered a RL Domme now!

    What is missing? Why aren't we where I want to be, even though we've come so far?

    I think it's all down to respect.

    pet is a cheeky brat, and although I can contain that to some extent at home, I do find myself wishing he was more "sub-like" in public. I know he's more kinky than submissive, but I still think he needs to check himself in public (vanilla or kinky) and be a lot more respectful.

    I'm wondering how I cross the line from "nagging girlfriend" to "Domme in charge"...
     
    MyDB likes this.
  2. Rachel
    Offline

    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,337
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    From a subs point of view

    Mistress Emma,

    As you and everyone here knows i have had my share of trials and tribulations. First things first. Have you and he had a discussion along these lines? Second, maybe you and he need a word you can say so he knows when he needs to rein himself in even if it just Pet or Charlotte with a certain tone to it. Kinda like the "look" MM gets in her eyes. She doesn't have to say a word but if shes look at me the way she does i know it is time to check myself. The problem with the look is if i am not looking at her i don't receive the message. Just use it before things go to far. Use it all the time at home, in the car, at parties, in vanilla and in kinky situations. Something else you may consider. i have no idea how you keep him in check at home but perhaps tell him you are gonna do the same thing in all situations when he gets a bit cheeky. If he doesn't like it at home imagine how humiliated he will be when it happens in public. On the street, in a store or at a kink party in front of dozens of people. Not only that but by using it all the time you will establish boundaries and pet will learn just where the line is. And when he gets it right let him know how happy you are to me an ounce of praise means more then a pound of punishment.

    Now on pet's part does he make the same mistake over and over or are they all different. Anyone can screw up once but repeated offenses of the same thing are not tolerable. This is something pet needs to be conscious of and maybe he needs to change himself some. Pet needs to be instructed on the use of the oft talked about "little voice". Now knowing the little voice and listening to it are two completely different things. i myself am guilty of not listening soon or often enough to the little voice. Perhaps you can get him a one on one session with the master of the little voice Mistress Michelle's' Pet. He often hears my little voice before i do when i am there. He just looks at me and says little voice, little voice.

    Also don't be too hard on him as i know for myself as much as i want, need and desire to be the perfect submissive sissy for MM we were raised to be somewhat dominate ourselves. Changing years of ingrained behavior is a difficult thing at best. Ask me i know.

    MM's sweetpea
    Your friend
    Rachel
     
  3. tj246
    Offline

    tj246 Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    25
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    yes my wife keeps me lock in cb3000 and yes 24/7 also

    now i do the cooking cleaning,wash shopping for food
    she has me in panties an she will at any time come home with friends as i serve them as a good husband even tho in my panties which most know about it is still our life our relationship

    even since my wife put my cb on an lock the key our life has grown 10 times over minus the penetration sex
     
  4. mikecb
    Offline

    mikecb Long term member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,554
    Likes Received:
    219
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    MW,

    My >guess< here is that the things pet does now, he does freely, and may well do even if you didn't ask. However, when you push on the edges of his limits or assert control, he balks rather strongly. From reading your blogs, it seems like just about every time you push him to do something he doesn't really WANT to do, it becomes a big emotional scene.

    I think the only way for that to improve is repetition. He's got to learn that you can be the boss, and when it's all said and done, he's "OK". Nothing bad happens. With enough conditioning, perhaps he'll begin to react less strongly when you take charge.

    I think you have to have a conversation and see if he really WANTS 24/7 D/s. If he says yes, then HE has to agree to work harder at acting more submissive, and YOU have to agree to keep pushing him. You may even have to come to agreement about punishments. Perhaps pet should give you a list of punishments that you can draw from, if he is cheeky when you don't want him to be. Then, make sure YOU follow through.

    So I guess my advice is "practice makes perfect" ;-p

    I guess building a D/s relationship must be a lot like buying a chastity belt. You don't just pop one on, and it works immediately for 24/7. It takes practice, adjustment, and many tries. Honestly, I think you guys are doing AMAZINGLY well. I'm totally jealous. It's only been a few years. You have a whole life ahead!

    mikecb
     
  5. Celtic Queen
    Offline

    Celtic Queen Senior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    I'd second all the comments thus far and go so far as to say that you can almost separate kink from D/s in some regards as they have wholly different emotional skills and pulls.

    Kink, in a consensual couple, is good, fun stuff. Any power play is within a defined scene and boundary and has a end time when you both go off and do separate things sometimes with different people. 24 /7 is a permanent (hopefully) handing over of the reigns within a committed relationship and I covered a lot of how I feel about it in the rrjones thread. For a woman faced with being the Domme, it's a damn big ask and in nature, we are given over to the female qualities of understanding, empathy and consensus building. Being a Domme is often a Dictatorship - not a natural thing for a well balanced, loving wife or girlfriend and culturally, to behave as a ball busting bitch or a shrew is always portrayed in a negative light. If you've gone through the mental process I did, perhaps you feel a little bit resentful that suddenly it's all down to you to run the show now you have picked up the label of "Mistress". Having chewed that one over and worked in through, actually in my mind, it's largely semantics anyway. My observation is that long term stable marriages are always in effect an often subtle matriarchy - we are just accelerating the process and agreeing up front with effective communication. I love the quote from Sissyfrills post " I am going to love you the way you want to be loved".

    There is almost a parental element in the D/s lifestyle that - exhaustingly at times - requires the Domme to be constantly on the ball and highly self aware or risk having her softer, more nurturing nature manipulated to serve the male sex drive. Bratty behaviour requiring a spanking is very similar to a child's tantrum attracting the attention that they crave. On a positive note, as women, we have all the devious, subtle female skills at our command to mould the rather more blunt male beast. We have evolved these skills over millenia to retain / harness male resources and skills to safely rear our young so the innate skills to control the male is in all of us. There's got to be some evolutionary reason why the male penis is shaped, usefully, just like a handle to tug them along in the direction that we need them to go in!!!

    Gentle, tiny re enforcements over a period of time create and build on that moulding process. As earlier posts say, doing stuff freely such as housework and cooking is not enough if that is behaviour that is natural to the sub. You have to stretch them to keep their interest - this is where most of exhausting stuff comes in as you have to keep on being creative and novel to get where YOU want to go.

    My advice would be to think outside of the bedroom. I know that there are household tasks that my hub hates ranging from DIY to ironing sheets so that's often where I focus my attention when giving him tasks although there is always some kind of sexual connection / treat to keep him motivated. There is no point in just sticking to the stuff he loves - oral service etc, he needs to have his submission re enforced. We are about to implement another big change in our relationship which illustrates this. Hub has always paid his share since we've been together but I am about to take all his money off him and hand him back pocket money- when he runs out, he is going to have to ask me for cash. In real terms, the household bills will get paid the same, he won't run out of socks and I will still do the majority of the cooking - which I enjoy- but this simple change will drive his submission just a little bit further as it re enforces who is boss. There is no abuse of him ( Wallet worming / cash pigs strike me as bizarre), his standard of living wont drop but each time he has none of his own money, he knows that even in his macho world of work, ultimately, he is working for his Mistress and her Authority. This is all discipline. Punishment comes when even after all the boundaries have been set down, he still transgresses. It's my view that the punishment must be something way on from the spanking and consenual BDSM. One of my favourite threats is that I will punish hub until he safewords - I have only had to do this once and whilst it does take a lot of energy and, dare I say it, an element of cold cruelty - it certainly stopped the unwanted behaviour in its tracks. It sounds harsh but punishment has to be something they fear otherwise, bad behaviour just prompts playtime....

    The more I have been living this way, the more it does make sense and the happier hub seems to become. You know you have fully adopted the concepts when you read the newspaper about some sink estate domestic violence etc and think, dont waste money on police and social workers, round all the blokes up a stick em in CB6000s and train the womenfolk to take responsibility. Hell, if that turned up in the Budget, I'd vote to spend my taxes on it !!
     
  6. Kali
    Offline

    Kali No access to my Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Messages:
    268
    Likes Received:
    472
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    Let me start with this; I do what I do because I love Madam and want to be the biggest source of things that make her life better.

    I'm kept lock up; that's a big part to keeping my head in the right place. I do all the household tasks. I work from home so I'm able to do that nad still earn a good living. I cook and have dinner ready whan Madam arrives home from work every evening. At madam''s requirement, I am always crossdressed unless in a situation that would out me to family and most friends. I am not passable in any sense of the word, so doing things like grocery shhopping means a very judicios selection of clothing (female only) that allows me to conceal the breast forms that madam requires and not draw too much attention to myself when in stores.

    Madam has taken what was a sideline kink for me and made it my life. At times this scares me; most times it puts my head in the place of wanting to do whatever will make madam's life better and more enjoyable. My goal is to get to the place where my desires don't matter. I trust Madam completely and know she would never cause me permanent damage or do things that would cause harm to the relationship with my adult children.

    I'm still working on getting my head to the right place, but then I am sitting here, wearing a maid's uniform, whicle on a scheduled break from my daily tasks and allowed to spend time on the computer. So I've clearly ,ade my chioce, though I do admit I question my ability to follow through and as honesty is one of the keys to our relationship, have made that clear to Madam. But all I can do is try my best.
     
  7. riki1
    Offline

    riki1 owned by Wife

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    Mike always has such thoughtfull answers and i just thought this in particular cut to the chase.

    Just one thing though, everyone loves a vacation. And a vacation doesn't mean we hate our everyday lives. Its as true in the vanilla world as the D/s i think. And in both worlds, mistaking a vacation for the 'real' world is bound to create regrets.
     
  8. cbtok
    Offline

    cbtok Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2010
    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    54
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    Most of the really deep kink and hard play i have experienced is while ON vacation -- to a place apart, a dungeon rental, a kink retreat. And that really works to get things out of one's system ... So that they can build up once again.

    Kind of like being locked up, then let out for release, then locked up again!
     
  9. Tigerlilys_bitch
    Offline

    Tigerlilys_bitch Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2009
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    Alot of people who say "thats not 24/7" are probably the same fantasists who think that a 24/7 D/s relationship is is defined by the sub constantly kneeling on rice, the Domme constantly in thigh boots and the main bedroom actually decorated like something from the Spanish Inquisition where both Domme and sub sleep in leather pyjamas. Either that or they have such a narrow definition of what a D/s relationship is as to not make their opinion really worth worrying about.

    If one partner is generally/always dominant, and the other generally/always submissive, and you both live under the same roof, to me that makes it a 24/7 D/s relationship, even without "play".

    FWIW, i dont think its fair to really judge a persons submissivness by their "public" personna. There are many aspects of real life that make it very difficult, and whilst not impossible, sometimes doing the doting, devoted, on all fours sub thing can be a bit tricky, even in a kink friendly environment. Especially as just because one is sub, it means any idiot with a penis thinks he can ignore me and make a move on the (thoroughly uninterested) Dommely one (and yes, She could handle them, but i personally feel better making them aware that i submit to Her, not to anyone who wants to get off with Her).

    Its also difficult if you have a relationship which would/does work as "vanilla", because part of that is about being playful and laughing together. One of the things i absolutely love about Mistress is i can tease and poke fun at Her sometimes, knowing that a) it usually makes Her laugh because she doesnt take herself too seriously b) She'll happily give it back ten times worse c) if i do get too close to the edge, She'll let me know and i know at that point i need to check myself (before She wrecks myself) which gives me the consistency i need.

    Granted, its probably considered "bratty" by some, and the "Thats not 24/7" crowd would dismiss it as unsubmissive, but alot of the time, bratty is used when "playful" would be a better word and sometimes, yes, it is a way of attention seeking, but surely thats better than being totally disinterested? :)

    i'm pretty certain that if my entire time was just spent being a dour, serious, only speak when spoken to type sub, Mistress wouldnt have been interested in me in the first place. The important thing is consistency, knowing that i can both have fun, but if i start going too far, i'll get a warning.

    Ultimately, its all about communication. He needs to know your expectations of how you want him to act (which will may well change over time), and find out the boundaries of "tolerance". By the same token, if he oversteps the mark (and he is aware of that), its maybe worth trying to find out why. There may not always be a reason though. Somethings just happen.

    Lastly, personally i wouldnt use the fact people want to play with you as validation of being a "RL Domme" - it runs deeper than that, and for me, its more about attitude, personality and enthusiasm for it that defines a "RL Domme" (that said, your comment was probably tongue in cheek in which case ignore that part!).
     
  10. Celtic Queen
    Offline

    Celtic Queen Senior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    LOL @ TigersLilybitch,

    You are absolutely right and only the fantasists who think that porn films are fly on wall documentaries about how everyone else conducts their love life could have a view like that! (kneeling on rice though..hmmmmm, good punishment)

    24/7 D/s is a varied as people are which is why it takes such a great amount of communication to make it work.Otherwise, we could all just read the manual and get on with it!

    The public persona point you make is a good one. The thought of my hubbie being out in public spinelessly trailing after me wearing a collar leaves me cold. That's not the man I fell in love with and unless we have a vacation in Other World Kingdom, the very fact that it's secret and personal to us keeps it special. The fantasy of the whole world being a FemDomme universe is exactly that. Outwardly, I need hub to be real, functional yet respectful. Nothing out of the ordinary with that even in the most vanilla of circles.
     
  11. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,287
    Likes Received:
    876
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    There are so many wonderful comments here.

    I have briefly replied to those commenting in my blog, and I will comment further here later... but right now I'm running late for work, and as much as I'd like to delegate to pet, I don't think he's up to the job LOL.
     
  12. Rachel
    Offline

    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,337
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    Tiger Lillys bitch,

    Very well thought out post. i too get to joke and talk seriously with Mistress. We are 600 miles apart and with that i don't get to see her nearly often enough. This makes the line a little hard to find and without being able to see her when we chat it is difficult to know sometimes when i am approaching the line. i cross it sometimes without actually knowing i was in a precarious posititon. i am learning just where the line is albeit a little to slowly at times.

    MM's sweetpea
     
  13. Ladynsniffer
    Offline

    Ladynsniffer Essentially a eunuch

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    39
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Las Vegas
    Local Time:
    10:54 AM
    Ahhhhh, but, don't we subs fantasize about serving ball busting bitches (lol).

    Living a FemDomme lifestyle 24/7 cannot be defined by appearances but rather by the nature of the relationship. While I certainly consider my relationship a 24/7 lifestyle, I still must take a shower in the morning, put on a suit, and head off to work. We like the money I earn. However, we do fantasize about being wealthy enough for me to stop working and have the freedom to abandon my vanilla appearance to the outside world.

    If we dig deeper in to our relationship, I think you would discover that we really are 24/7. At work, I use all my talents to be successful. But, under my suit, my penis is heavily pierced, I have a few tattoos to symbolize my submissiveness and cuckold status, and I am often in a chastity device. I have been completely faithful to my wife, And inside my head, I always look to her as my superior. My wife, on the other hand, does not have to work. She is a Princess and loves her role in our marriage. She controls the money, takes naps, goes out to lunch with friends, has a lover come over from time to time, and in general does whatever she wants to do (including visiting me for lunch every now and then).

    Every evening when I get home, I take off my suit and put in my nose ring. I am generally naked and ready to serve until the next morning. My wife's mood will define our evening activities. It is certainly not a "perfect" lifestyle because life will dictate that we look like any other couple if we are out with family or friends (and, yes, several know about our lifestyle). We have a comfort level now that works for us. We easily move between appearances to the outside world and what happens in our home.

    This begs the question about going that last step. What if ... The answer is that we do not know if we could live 24/7 as Princess and eunuch slave. Given how we accept our roles in our marriage, I think we could go to the next level. But, writing about this possibility would quickly become a fantasy story which is better left to another time.

    marcus
     
  14. Mistress Tigerlily
    Offline

    Mistress Tigerlily Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    I replied on the blog yesterday, however the responses to this thread got Me thinking

    I think mikecb is correct in that it will take practice and adjustment. Sometimes things work, other times they dont. From time to time, something that didnt work initially does when tried again at a later date. There is no one size fits all solution.

    Celtic Queen raises some interesting points and whilst I dont concern Myself overly with the sociological/anthropological theories pertaining to D/s and Female Domination, I can relate to some of what she says and agree to an extent that you can almost separate kink from D/s.

    Presumably My bitch is referring to relationships that are openly D/s rather than vanilla ones which can also share a similar dynamic in that one person is largely dominant, the other submissive. I was reading elsewhere about female lead relationships and how they are supposedly different to D/s ones. I must say I dont recall the exact definitions/distinctions as I didnt read the entire thread.

    I would imagine for some, it is difficult for them to show their submissiveness in public especially for those still coming to terms with being submissive. Being in a kink friendly environment doesnt necessarily mean one can show submission even if it is acceptable in that environment.

    I can look after Myself but find My bitchs guard puppiness endearing :) For the most part :p

    Playful and bratty are used interchangeably so I can see why that could lead to misunderstandings. Interesting point about the attention seeking, thats something I hadnt really considered.

    Communicating what you want can sometimes be tricky especially when it seems the other person is unreceptive. Try to persevere though :)
     
  15. cockislocked
    Offline

    cockislocked Senior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2009
    Messages:
    240
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    Female Lead Relationships 24/7

    i think the main difference between an FLR and a D/s relationship is one of 'where it is conducted' What i mean is that D/s has a lot more sexual/bedroom play and an FLR extends, in my experience anyway, out further into the vanilla world. So whilst W/we definitley practice both the FLR side is the greater aspect of O/our relationship. It is used to solve problems and issues that may arise. my Mistress has the final say and decision, but She always will listen to my view. She is both intelligent and articulate and knows that whilst i am Her submissive, i have much to offer on the intellectual and decision making that needs to go on in our lives. W/we have likened our FLR relationship as a company ownership split 49% 51% with Her owning the casting vote. It works very well for U/us. i confess the adjustment for me has been hard, but the changes in me are for the best and i like what i have become. Her submissive and a better man for it by far.
     
  16. Mistress Tigerlily
    Offline

    Mistress Tigerlily Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    [FONT=&quot]That makes a lot of sense. It seems Im in a FLR relationship in addition to the D/s one ;) It sounds as though it works well for you :)[/FONT]
     
  17. icarus_101
    Offline

    icarus_101 Babygirl

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2008
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    24x7 is really a question of attitude.

    Consider a number everyday event... Tesco's e.g.

    Do you want your sub walking about behind you like a wimp, waiting to be informed what to do?
    or do you want to be able to say "Go get the frozen peas..." and little worm goes and does what he is told?
    or do you want to say "Here's the shopping list, go..." and he'll go to tesco's on his own and get it right?
    or do you want to chain the wimp to the cellar wall while you go off and get the shopping?

    It's all up to you how you want to do whatever it is that you wanna do.

    There is no right way, just loads and loads of wrongs.
     
    bondinchas likes this.
  18. Celtic Queen
    Offline

    Celtic Queen Senior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    I had a think about this in terms of how subs behave in real life following on from icarus's posting. First off, ofcourse it is absolutely down to the couple and how they prefer to interact. I know I had a hard time initially getting my head round what "I want to serve you" actually meant in real life.The way I eventually reconciled it to myself was that I thought about people who had worked for me over the course of my career. I have always disliked creepy yes men and valued the staff that were self starting and showed iniative. I have always enjoyed having folks who got the job done by use of their own talents once I had set the expectations, boundaries and direction. I've always been deeply suspicious of people who were over deferential to me and I never tolerated anyone undermining my position as I have always worked damn hard to get where I got. I expect my authority to be respected at all times without challenge but I do not want a brainless robot for whom I have to do all the thinking. I was first attacted to my hub for his intellect, I don't expect to have to think for him now he is my sub. Naturally, everyone's dynamics are going to be as highly individualised as any vanilla relationship - out of the bedrooom, everything gets more complicated by the real world intruding. I guess that's why many of the D/s relationships never make it into 24/7. It's bloody hard work and it does take a lot of self knowledge and confidence by the Domme / Mistress....
     
  19. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,287
    Likes Received:
    876
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    5:54 PM
    I love this place! Everyone is so different, but everyone has such valuable views and opinions that can all be pick and mixed to provide the right answer.

    Let's first do a quick check of the relationship I have with pet:
    * All money is mine - CHECK.
    * Pet does shopping/cooking/cleaning/other household duties - CHECK.
    * Sex is when I want, how I want - CHECK.
    * Pet does everything he is asked to do.... eventually! - CHECK.

    So it's all there in theory.

    Am I happy with my life the way it is? Mainly, yes. I have the perfect boyfriend that all the other girls want. Romantic, polite, does all the chores, treats me like a princess...

    The key to all this has got to be down to fine tuning. The basics are there.

    In between posting this and today we have had two quite revelatory experiences/days.

    The first was Pedestal. This made pet realise the he didn't want the "Porn Domme" he wanted much more mental control. This is especially important in our relationship because he's not into pain (which is good in some ways because at least I have a guaranteed way of punishing him!)

    That night/next day was a bit of a struggle, but really had a lot of "a-ha" moments.

    The second was Consensual Kink. Another night out. I did give pet a flogging at this one and he did enjoy it. I also made him experience a Violet Wand Brush which he was very resistant about, but this really seemed to "flick a switch".

    Again it was a difficult night. I was asked to play on several occassions but actually spent most of my night with pet's hooded head in my lap.

    Don't get me wrong, we had a lovely time, it was nice for us to be the kinky us. We also had an amazing conversation with the lovely other half of Bunnie, the organiser of CK, who said we made the club look good (we made an effort to dress!) All in all it was a good night, but left us both realising things.

    I need someone who likes pain (that's ok, hopefully when cupcake is back we can sort out where we're going).

    pet realised that he needs to let go. Completely. Without question.

    He says for the first time he actually felt 100% sub and completely trusted me to do anything I asked of him that night (eg the Violet Wand)

    This led to a very long conversation today where pet said that he no longer wants to have any choice about anything. No boundaries about what I can/can't do in a club, with or without him. He wants to submit alllll the time.

    And this time (after a bit of a struggle) I believe him.

    I can see in his face today when he realises he's being a brat, and he checks himself with a smile.

    On the bratty/playful thing, I completely agree. I'm very much a fun loving person, and that daft banter is something we need to keep hold of. It's the behaviour in public that was bugging me because I felt he was undermining me in public, because he knew he could get away with it.

    We are working on that, and I will reprimand him in public now, and he will accept it.

    Thank you for your amazing opinions, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading them.
     
  20. cynthia_deville
    Offline

    cynthia_deville Mistress Rob's slave

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2010
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM
    ]Mistress Emma,

    i have been following this thread for a few days now and have waited to toss in my two cents. i have not personally met any one from this site, although that is changing very soon. Those that have been in contact with me seem very genuine. i have to view Yours and pet's life from a distance and then the only benchmark i have to go against is my own life and heart.

    This lifestyle is just that and i don't know that there is a switch to turn it on and off. the measure is often common sense. You have answered many of the questions in Your previous post and as riki continues to remind me that there is a continuum that we find ourselves on. Where on that continuum we may be today is likely not our final destination. Today it may be sub, but as the relationship evolves it can slide ever closer to sissy or slave or any number of points in between.

    i think it is the actions we do in between the moments of intense activity that help to really define the relationship It appears in all sense of the word that Your relationship is 24/7 and that it will ever evolve deeper as pet continues to discover the depths of his own submission and that deep seated need to defer to You all things.

    cynthia
     
  21. Burger_01
    Offline

    Burger_01 Chastity Geek

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    37
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Local Time:
    3:54 AM
    I have never, anywhere, seen a thread with such detailed responses! Amazing and fantastic efforts from everyone above.

    I agree with others, that the situation MW has posted sounds like 24/7 to me. But regarding Pet's cheekyness in public, I might be able to make a suggestion (being a cheeky sub myself!).

    We found recently that we're both still not being clear enough about what we want. I know everyone says it 100 times a day, but communication is critical. Maybe pet isn't aware that he's upsetting you (I'm sure he wouldn't mean to), maybe what you consider one day to be a bit of cheeky fun, is considered the next day to be annoying or insulting (women are hormonal beasts afterall, and we know the goalposts shift as required :p).

    We've saved ourselves from a couple of grumpy times recently by making it exactly clear why we are bothered with each other, and it's a nice feeling when you get it right.
     
  22. Rachel
    Offline

    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,337
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Local Time:
    1:54 PM


    Mistress Emma you have been witness to the playful sometimes girlfriend like banter MM and i have at times and i never want to lose that. The trick is in knowing when it is ok and when it annoys her. It is a fine line for any sub/sissy to walk just check him when it is not before he crosses it. All we really want to do is deliver joy and happiness to our Mistress' we just need someone to help us drive the delivery truck sometimes.

    The last line reminds me of a trip to an adult store.

    MM's sweetpea
    Your friend
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice