1st time doing chastity as Alpha male...guidance please!

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Joey G, Feb 9, 2021.

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  1. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Just go get the key and give it to her. Or take it and cut a small piece of paper then have her put her initials and date on it then wrap it in clear tape so that if you get the key you will destroy the paper. Tell her that you had an extra key in case of am emergency and until you know that you could wear it long term and now that you know that you can that you want to remove all temptation. If you do not want an emergency key then just give it too her and tell her all that have fun
     
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  2. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    A few options -

    Put a 1.2 filled bowl of water in the freezer, when frozen, put key in and top up with warm water (which will melt a bit of the old ice) and put back in freezer. Key now stuck in middle of large ice block, no "quick and easy" access.

    Get a kitchen safe from Amazon or similar with a timer lock, that way you can still get it, but there is at least a cooling off period.

    Fess up about the secret key and give that too her too. You are either committed to it, or your not. Having a backout option is a bit too easy. Now I have 100% access to my keys, so can unlock anytime I choose, but the dynamic with Mrs Sen and me is different and we aren't at the "keyholder" stage (yet). What she then does with the key is at her discretion.

    Really, it depends on so many factors, but the first is absolutely how much you want to hand over control
     
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  3. Fetish
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    Fetish Junior Member

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    Throw the key far far away.
    Or maybe you want to tell her that you cheated on her all the time for last several months? Just stop cheating and throw that spare key away. You could buy second lock with 2-3 keys and agree with her for spare key secured in your pocket but for now IMHO it's better to throw the key away (and Your feeling, and your "mind-posture" will change too). This kind of play has much more fun when spare key is not accessible.
     
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  4. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    You’ve learned how to wear a chastity cage without issue. You’ve also learned that after a brief time being free that you actually miss the emotions and feelings of being caged. In my opinion it’s time to remove the training wheels and secure the second key so that it’s difficult to use it whenever you’re feeling horny. It’s time to tell her about it because sooner or later she’ll find out that most locks come with 2 keys and then it will be a lot harder to explain. Sealing it in paper and tape will still let you carry it in a wallet and have it available in the event of a true emergency.
     
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  5. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    A true alpha, confident in his masulinity, would man the fuck up and tell her instead of being deceitful. Stop acting like a child lol.

    A true alpha would have no problem with his lady owning his manhood, confident in the knowledge that she won't be able to leave you locked for more that 20 minutes without being able to satiate her urge for ALPHA-COCK.

    A true alpha is a man that can control himself, not some pitiful little jerkaholic with no self control.

    A true alpha loves his lady more than anything and will save himself for her, not be spiling his most precious seed, the giftt of life, into a tissue or a sock while having an emergency wank to calm his little beta-nerves before a meeting.

    A true alpha can look his lady in the eye and be honest with her when he hands his lady the key and says "you now control my cock, my erections and my orgasms".

    What kind of beta loser has a secret key so he can cheat on his lady and on his promises, lol.

    I guess the question is; Are you a true alpha?

    (Hint; We already know)
     
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  6. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    I loved this. lol. seriously great motivational read!
     
  7. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    #357 Joey G, May 1, 2021
    Last edited: May 1, 2021
    Hey everyone,

    So I need your honest help here....

    So we were doing the chastity thing as you all know and then I wanted a break from it.

    All of sudden last night at work she is emailing me and she hits me out of no where and says "I don't know how to say this without being mean but I'm bored and not in the mood anymore...and when we do have sex it's always the same positions..."

    I was shocked but handled it appropriately. Asked simple questions and then told her flat out if she is trying to indirectly break up, I'm a grown man she can just tell me. She insisted that's not what she wanted but she has been feeling "weird" recently. So spoke a bit more and I left it alone.

    This morning she came home and gave me a blowjob and jumped on my dick. She has been up my ass all morning.

    Now so you guys know..I can have sex with her 3 times a day but SHE is the one usually sleeping, busy, or not feeling it. I am always aggressive and always up for it.

    I was chalking it up to hormones. She is only 26 and had a child so maybe she needs a hormonal adjustment like birth control?

    My crazy mind is like maybe I should bring up her locking me up again and me being her cage slave again but I honestly see that making things worse.

    I am too up her ass so going to give her space BUT do you think chastity is good for this situation??

    No way we lack in sex or it's boring. Some other underlying issue going on.

    Thoughts!?
     
  8. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    If she says she’s bored then it’s time for a chat and ask her what things she would like to try and where does your chastity fit into all this and you can let her know what things that you would like to try. And remember that trying things does not mean that you do not have to keep doing it if one of you do not like it
     
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  9. TonyF25
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    TonyF25 Long term member

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    Be honest with her. Tell her you liked the experience. If you try to trick her into locking you up, she might not be happy about it. But if your honest and she likes the idea , the possibilities are endless.
     
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  10. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Is she bored when you are locked up, or just unlocked? What does excite her?

    I found out from my wife (GF at the time) that she had grown bored with our normal sex, even though it was plentiful. Her/our answer was chastity, wherein sex became a living control fantasy with a million turns. Yours may be completely different of course but as others have said, communicate and explore then communicate even more.

    PS: if you do lock back up ya gotta lose the extra key. How can you get her to be honest with you if you arent with her?
     
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  11. Miss Amandas boy
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    Miss Amandas boy Submissive to Mistress Amanda

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    I agree. We have a V3 and it is very comfortable to wear.

     
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  12. corsac
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    corsac Long term member

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    I know my wife loses all desire when I am unlocked. Our sex life is far better if I stay in the cage. And you really have to give her the extra key! It will benefit both of you in this dynamic.

    Let go of that last bit of control, it will help!
     
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  13. Miss-Amanda
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    Verified Female

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    I have just seen they have a new version. Might be time for an upgrade
     
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  14. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    I still get crazy urges to get back into chastity and have my Fiancee control my release and orgasms. I want to have her boss me around and remind her friends again that she has me in a dick cage and SHE is in charge.

    Then I jerk off and cum and I go "What the hell is wrong with you!" Lol it's an on going battle.

    I can't get over the FEAR that doing chastity long term will make my relationship worse...especially after she hit me with that "bored" comment.

    I need some guidance. Help a brother out guys!

    **ADD ON**

    So since she mentioned that I back off a lot and have been giving her personal space. She has become more responsive and engaging in sex. Which is great. Perhaps I was smothering her too much. Giving her space seems to be doing the trick...
     
  15. corsac
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    corsac Long term member

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    Man, I wish I had better news. In my experience, once you have gone down the chastity rabbit hole, there is no going back. Instant bliss once the cage is on! But if allowed an orgasm, no desire to put the cage back on. A little time goes by, cage starts looking good again. It never leaves you alone! LOL!

    I’m sure your fiancé is processing things as well. It is difficult not to overwhelm our Keyholders in that first week locked. Our minds are spinning a mile a second with every fantasy we’ve ever had! And let’s be honest, at times, ones we never knew we had! Try your best to keep an open communication about everything you are feeling and take it slowly. That fantasy brain will just cause trouble!
     
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    werqu New member

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  17. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    **MONDAY UPDATE**

    Hey everyone! So I recently was able to get things back on track with the Fiancee. Had to dial back some old habits and things are smooth again.

    No chastity has been mentioned for over two weeks until yesterday during dinner! She goes "You should of wore your cage tonight so it looks like you have a big bulge." Recap: She would love to make it look like I was "packing" but then remind me I had a little dick locked away in a cage. (I loved it)

    So she brought it up...to be honest I am craving the lock up denial and for real this time
    throwing away the spare hide away key. Leaving myself fully in her control.

    I am just fearful it brings me back to the issues I just fixed. For lack of better words I started being Alpha again and she loves it. When I get that cage on after a few days I become "weak minded" and begin to beg and plea to orgasm.

    She starts to deny me, tease me, all that good stuff. If anything I learned it was to much all at once.

    What do you guys suggest? Respectfully, any younger couples out there doing this? (Late 20's-30's) ?? If not I still welcome guidance of course!! Thanks!

    -Joey
     
  18. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    Well for one, I wouldn’t “throw away” the spare key! Just give it to her on a necklace.

    I think you’re overly focused on the alpha-beta aspect of chastity. In reality, it’s an anti-masturbation device. The time you spend masturbating is time and energy you’re not devoting to your significant other. This causes friction in a relationship. When caged you can spend more time focused on your relationship. It doesn’t mean you are automatically submissive in all aspects of your life. If she has both keys and institutes a no begging rule, you’ll learn how to cope better.
     
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  19. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    Hey everybody! Could use some help here please.

    So I am at the point where I really miss being caged up by my Fiancee. I know she loved having control and bossing me around telling me to do things and I would do it. I MISS IT.

    Here's the issue. Recently she told me she was bored/not in the mood for sex as much. I pulled a 180, gave her a lot of space and pulled away a little bit and her whole attitude turned around. I was just way to up her ass 24/7 about being released and begging all day about teasing me. It was a choir vs a fun benefit for her..I want to change that.

    She is back to being super sexual, and asking me to do things with her way more often. So I mentioned being caged very briefly and she goes "Oh not the cage again...I was starting to think I was dating some wimp."

    So I played it off and changed the subject. I know I came at her the first time as wayyyy to aggressive and was over the top with the begging and crying about release.

    I know she enjoyed telling her friends about having me caged! and telling me what to do! I want more of it. Not sure how to bring it up again without turning her off. I need some ideas please!

    I do know that this time around I will not beg at all. I will just suck it up. I do enjoy her telling her friends and bossing me around so how would I bring that up?

    Keep in mind too she is 25....I need a smooth way to bring it up where it's shown as a benefit vs another choir. Bad first round experience for her.


    I want it for real now but I don't want to F up what I just fixed. Thanks!!
     
  20. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    SMALL UPDATE:

    Sorry small update. I randomly said screw it and locked up right after I wrote the above message. My Fiancee said she is on her way home with her friend to join me at the pool.

    I simply texted "babe btw...I locked up earlier. I want to prevent myself from jerking off and give you a really big load."

    She responded "lol oh wow yay"

    and I left it alone. so moving forward what do you all suggest as far as behavior/asking for release etc? Just shut my mouth? Ask if she needs anything done? Or SHOW her how I work locked up without saying anything?
     
  21. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    She knows that it’s on you now. I would leave it at that. Maybe put the key on one of your nightstands or dressers where it can be seen and ready to get if needed. Then it is there where she can either leave it or take it if she wants. Either way I would now just go about your routine just like you would if you were not caged. The only difference is where you are helping her more and being nicer from being secured. But do not go over the top with it. Hopefully she will see how it changes you and say I can get use to this
     
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  22. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    Beautifully said. I really like that game plan!

    The key has always been on her car keychain. She drove in her friends car so I just took her keys and locked up.

    I will keep my mouth shut. lol
     
  23. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    I think it is difficult when we are the ones with something attached to ourselves not to think about chastity / orgasm denial pretty much constantly whereas for our keyholders/wives/significant others/mistresses etc, it can be lengthy periods where they don't even think about it.
     
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  24. Robins toy
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    Robins toy Active member

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    Okay, I'll chime in. The problem I see is that you want Her to control the things that only you can really control. If you want to let Her control your orgasms, then cage up! If you want Her to control your psyche, stop now. Only you can control that part of you. The desire for her to humiliate you is a fairly common desire. It is not unhealthy, generally speaking.
    Most of us here cage up because we want to let our significant other control when, how and if we have an orgasm. We give control of our urges to another. It seems that you want to make Her responsible for your urgese and that is unfair to Her. If you want to beat off more than you want to make Her happy, then beat off. If you want to have a truly wonderful relationship with Her, then change YOUR mind, not Hers.
     
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  25. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    Great read, thanks for responding!! I will apply this.
     
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