WhatThe****IsThatLongButtonAtTheBottomOfMyKeyboardFor?? It takes up so much ****ing space!!!!!
Got stopped by the police on my way home. "Any idea why I followed you Sir"? he asked. "Because my tweets are funny"??
I went to the sperm bank earlier. The lady asked if I wanted to masturbate in the cup. I said "I'm good, but not ready for competition yet"
Just saw a sign in the bookies' window. OPEN SUNDAY 11-2. I took that bet, they're open every Sunday.
AT LAST!!!! the wife has agreed to having some good hard ANAL sex!! What the **** is a strap-on?
I have finally conkered my fear of horse chestnuts.
Insomnia, the bane of my life. Never mind, only two more sleeps till Xmas
Its lucky sexual innuendo isn't a crime or is be going down.
Fireworks
Marijuana
My local booze has announced a £500 prize for the best Halloween costume at this year's party. My wife won last year. She wasn't happy. She'd...
Does it matter if you haven't seen the first 2048 Bladerunner films?
My wife said "You're naked and covered in oil and glitter. WHY"? "You said I never glisten" I replied "LISTEN!!! I said you never LISTEN"
Me "What happens if a condom tears"? Dad "Look in the mirror"
Fifteen
I'm not sure how being intoxicated is a reason for cheating. I know it makes a handy excuse but it is, quite frankly, a piss poor reason. If you...
Crib
Sea
No. It's solid. I'm hoping it's just because I'm new to chastity and overdid it on my first attempt. I've been out a few days and everything has...
An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a horse and a chicken walk into a bar. The barman says "is this some kind of joke"?