Habitual masturbator getting started.

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by ChastityUrges, Jan 26, 2023.

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  1. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    I am a 45 year old male. Husband to a wonderful (yet very vanilla) wife. We have been together since college and have two children. Successful careers and the grind of family life has caused much difficulty in our sex life. Honestly, our sex life hasn’t been great (from my pov) since maybe a few years after our nearly 25 years together. This is mainly my fault as I have resorted to porn addiction and masturbation because I felt my wife is very vanilla. For a long time I focused on trying to get her to allow me to fuck her ass. She hates it yet I kept pushing. She did finally give in (giving it to me maybe a few times a year) but I realized that if the woman isn’t into anal it is not really fun. The anal thing (caused by my porn addiction) made sex in general very awkward. We had PIV sex maybe once a month with an anal session a few times a year. Sometimes we would go through cycles of sex more often than once a month. Sometimes it would be months of no sex. Something needed to change. I discovered chastity a couple years ago and finally got the courage to mention it to her about a year ago. Didn’t say anything at the time about a device. I just said it would be interesting if I made her orgasm and I didn’t. We never did that in our entire relationship to that point. I can make her have shuddering orgasms (oral only…my dick is pretty small) and we did the honor system for a couple months. I serviced her orally about 4 times a week. One of those times she allowed me to have PIV and cum in her. I also have a cum eating fetish and told her I want her to make me clean her after. She let this happen (although she thought it was strange) but seemed to enjoy it after a few times of doing it. Anyway, the honor system seemed to works for a couple months. I was amazed at how in to her I was when I didn’t cum. Like we were kids again. Butterflies in stomach and everything. As with a lot of couples doing the honor system we would have a lull in sexual activity here and there as life got busy . I would get resentful and resort to my old masturbatory ways. It’s a vicious cycle once you start masturbating again. We played on and off with the honor system for the last year and I realized I needed to go all in. I worked up the courage to ask her about a device. I was shocked that she didn’t seem completely disgusted by the idea. I sent her the neocities article and we had some very nice discussions about it and she agreed to jump into this adventure. Just purchased a couple of devices and will be starting soon. Will log my journey here. I’m so excited yet scared. My biggest fear is if she will lock and forget. I know, I need to let go. My dick will be hers to do with as she pleases and hers only but think it is ok to be scared a bit. If you made it this far, thanks for reading and I’ll keep you all posted on my journey.
     
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  2. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    Welcome, and your journey sounds like it will be fun for you both.

    If it's what you want then really there is nothing to be scared of.

    Tip: Use paragraphs to break up blocks of text. It makes it so much nicerand easier to read.
     
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  3. Jail Bird
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    Jail Bird Long term member

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    Good luck.

    Many of us have back stories like yours. Masturbation is a marriage killer.

    Yes, once you're in a device, you have given control over to her to do as she sees fit. I speak from experience here as locked and forgot sometimes. Our cages are a constant reminder to us. The fact we can no longer touch or play with ourselves is on our minds full time. Women see things differently (really?) While we seem to to be led by our clitties women are not.
    Being honest here, you will learn to do other things with your sexual frustrations. Serve your wife, tend to her needs and do whatever you can to make her life easier. You will find submissive joy in that, trust me.

    It sounds like you're a oral champ already. More of that for her!

    Try not to beg or try to control her with letting you out. Here, we have rules. Releases are gifts from my wife and we never ask for a gift, right?

    It might be a good time to start sending your wife romantic emails, texts etc. to show her she's the only thing on your mind.

    PM me if you ever want to chat
     
  4. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Thank you all for the support. Can’t wait to get started. Devices are on the way. Will make sure to log the journey here and use paragraphs from now on.
     
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  5. 3DIY-4HER
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    3DIY-4HER Member

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    Awesome!

    Welcome back to your honeymoon phase!

    I love being scared of my KH, she is quite vanilla but is really starting to have fun with my predicament, she loves how easy it is to fill me with lust and frustration by just a short peek-at-boobs.

    She now completely understands that I don't need an orgasm but just want it really bad and that I always regret it soon afterwards...

    Periods of "lock and forget" are difficult, I try to focus on her, her pleasure is my pleasure.

    After a few weeks of not cumming it doesn't really matter to me what happens, as long as I see that she is happy and is enjoying herself.

    The hardest part for me is to not interfere with her plans, or confuse her thoughts. I should just let her grow at her own pace.

    I need to remember that my fantasy is seeing her live hers, unconditionally. She loves me very much, I should trust her completely.

    You seem to have the right mindset for a great adventure, I hope you find a comfortable cage, start slow and use lube on the ring.

    Please keep us updated!
     
  6. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    Good for you! Kudos! I'm looking forward to hearing more of your journey.

    Did she ever become aware of your PMO addiction? Have you discussed it openly with her?
     
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  7. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Oh yes. She knows but I don’t think she knew the extent of it until more recently. Every single day pretty much since I was a teenager.
     
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  8. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    You are very fortunate she doesn't suffer from betrayal trauma! Happy to hear this!
     
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  9. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    She is a good woman and mother. I feel blessed to have her in my life. Now I need to show her I can change.
     
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  10. madams-sissysub
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    Thanks for sharing and good luck!
     
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  11. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Thanks. I ordered two cages. One gets here today. The other gets here in Monday. The wife is excited. There is just this feeling of Electricity between us right now as we get ready for the cages to arrive.

    Fingers crossed that I am able to find a cage that fits ok quickly. I realize it will be trial and error for a while.
     
  12. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Day 1 has begun!

    As mentioned above, I ordered two plastic cages to start. The first one I got over the weekend was definitely a bit flimsy and too big for me. I just couldn’t get it to work and just thought to myself this things has so many pieces I can’t see this being a long term option I was a bit peeved as it wasn’t cheap. They are a sponsor on this site so I’ll not trash the device too much.

    I got another one yesterday and it fits much better. It is a Holy Trainer V5 nano. I did have to modify it a bit by warming in boiling water to make the ball gap a bit larger.

    Slept in it last night and it wasn’t too bad. The feeling of my penis trying to get morning wood in it was interesting and a bit exciting!

    When my wife woke up this morning I told her right away. She is the type of person that needs a little while to wake up and didn’t seem too excited so was a bit concerned but just gave her space. After she had her coffee and a shower she stopped in my office where I was enjoying my morning coffee and said “ok…let’s see it” with a smile on her face. I jumped right up and showed it to her. She took a long look. fondled it a bit and asked me if it hurt. I told her it hurt a bit but I already have another one on order as I don’t know if the HT will work long term. I think I want a device that is more open and will be easier to clean.

    I gave her the keys and asked her to hide one in the house. I work from home and if I really need it I’ll text her.

    OMG…I can’t believe this is starting. Will log more here as the days go by.
     
  13. saruman
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    saruman Active member

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    Good luck!
     
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  14. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Day 2

    Yesterday went well. Was really just getting to learn how to move around with the device attached to me. Learned a lot on positioning the device and how to move without it pinching me in some sensitive areas.

    Wife had to work late so didn’t get any action yesterday other than her constant grip on my (ahem her) penis through the day via the cage. Found myself thinking about her a lot and doing housework that would make her happy when she got home.

    Woke up this morning and worked out in my basement with the device on. Wasn’t a problem.

    When my wife got up I suggested to her that this particular device needs to be cleaned once a day. I have the HT nano(probably should have got the HT nub) and, although I can fill it to the tip sometimes, a lot of the times my flacid state doesn’t completely fill it. If I have to pee in that state it gets all over the inside of the tube. I could tell that hygiene will be a problem if I don’t take it off to clean it because of this.

    She unlocked me and said I can take a shower and clean the cage but need to put it right back on after. As I suspected it was pretty stinky inside when I gave the tube a wiff. Gave everything a good clean and put it back on.

    I feel like my scrotum is learning to deal with that pinch in the gap already after just one day as I was able to put it on so much easier today than yesterday when I was struggling to get my balls through and the tube on without crushing my balls.

    My wife worked out while I was taking a shower and came up afterwards. She directed me to bring her to orgasm in her sweaty state (I love eating sweaty pussy). I ate her out from behind. Giving her a nice asshole licking and then getting to work on her clit. She had a shuddering O in a few minutes. Had the cage on the entire time and got my first real glimpse of how it feels to get really excited down there with the cage on. She then told me I’ll be keeping the cage on for the rest of the day and will get to take it off tomorrow for cleaning. She said she will expect to be eaten out again tomorrow and may let me stick her dick in for a few thrusts but will need to put it back in my cage right after. Definitely no O for me tomorrow and her plan right now is to wait until the weekend of the 11th to allow me to ejaculate in her (which I will promptly need to clean up after).

    I have another device on order that is a more open tube design. I’m hoping it will allow me to pee without getting pee all over the tube when I wear it so I can go longer without needing to remove for cleaning.
     
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  15. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Evening if Day 2 and morning of Day 3.

    I realized by late in the day on Day 2 I was very tired. Could barely concentrate at my work meetings. I think this is because I have had a really hard time sleeping the last two nights with the device on, even though it feels fine. My wife gave me mercy and let me take it off and get cleaned up before going to bed as long as I put it back on in the morning.

    Slept in a bit (skipped workout) and woke up this morning feeling refreshed and put my HT5 nano on right away. Wife was just finishing workout and asked me if I locked up. The nice thing about the HT5 is this I can lock without a key. She said she doesn’t have time for me to give her full to O oral today but will let me eat her asshole out for 30 seconds which I enthusiastically did.

    I’m starting to realize the closed design of the HT5 really needs removal and cleaning every day. Maybe it would be better if I had the nub tube but, idk for sure. She said she would let me out at night until we can find a more long term device. I have a kink3d baby cobra set to arrive soon. Fingers crossed it is allows more long term wear without removal.
     
  16. saruman
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    saruman Active member

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    I have a HT Nub, and it sure needs cleaning every day as well. I think will be true for most (all?) closed-design devices.
     
  17. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Good to know. I’m hoping the open design of the kink3d cobra will allow more long term wear. I’m going to try that and see what happens. The airlock system on that is also very interesting. I travel a bit for work and I think that system may work very nicely for travel. I’m also looking at the mature metal jailbird but want to make sure I understand sizing and all the nuances of living with a cage 24/7 before I take the plunge and order one of those.

    BTW, Been reading your journal Saruman and it is quite interesting!
     
  18. saruman
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    saruman Active member

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    Thanks man. It's good to have a place where we can converse with like minded people.
     
  19. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Day 4:

    Asked to be removed again so I can sleep last night. I think I have found sleeping with the HT5 nano is not something I would like to do and my wife agreed that if I don’t get sleep this isn’t going to work. I get the k3d cobra this weekend and will see if that is better for overnight wear.

    Woke up this morning and my wife allowed me to pleasure her orally before I put the cage on for the day. She stroked my hard penis a bit. First time she has touched my penis since we started this and it felt incredible. I gave her an orgasm orally and then she said I can put it in her for a few strokes but if I ejaculate there will be severe consequences. I could only give her a few good thrusts before I had to stop but it felt sooo good.

    We are going to a sporting event tonight and there will be metal detectors there. She said she would unlock me for that since we don’t want to take a chance the little metal lock on the HT5 will cause issues. It is so small that it probably won’t but we will be with our kids and don’t want to take a chance. I asked her if I could just leave it off all day since I would just get removed by late afternoon/early evening anyway. She gave me a look and said “No way. You are wearing it during the day.” Just the fact that my super vanilla wife said this to me with a sly smile on her face almost made me explode right then and there.
     
  20. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Day 5:

    Woke up this morning uncaged as my wife had allowed me to sleep w/o the cage at night the last few nights. We are getting a new cage today and I asked her if we can just wait for it to get delivered and keep my cock free until then. Said said “no” so I locked it up and am waiting for the new cage to get here. Running errands and doing housework today. She did let me give her oral to completion a little while ago but insisted the cage stay on. My dick was pouring out pre-cum the entire time. When she was finished she looked down at my caged cock and was laughing at said I left quite the puddle. She said I may be able to have some PIV tomorrow (definitely not to completion) if I’m good today. Man…what a mind-fuck it is to pleasure her with this cage on!
     
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  21. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Seems to be going well for you both. Good luck.
     
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  22. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Thanks. Things are going well so far. I think I have realized I need to take the cage wearing slowly. Can’t just right into 24/7 wear. Not only because the device I have is not practical for 24/7 without mantainance removal and cleaning but also because I need to toughen my skin up down there slowly.
     
  23. ChastityUrges
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    ChastityUrges Member

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    Day 7:

    I locked up in my Holy Trainer Nano this morning as I have for the last week in the morning. My wife got home from work early today and allowed me to pleasure her to orgasm orally. She said she will let me ejaculate in her this weekend if I behave. I can’t wait.

    My Kink3d baby cobra finally arrived in the mail this afternoon. I asked if I can change out the cage to the new k3d now instead of waiting until tonight to remove the HT. She unlocked me and allowed the swap.

    Now, I’ve only been wearing a device for a week and it has just been the HT Nano (real one…not a knock off) and it has been quite uncomfortable. Due to my inexperience, I kept thinking to myself, I’ll get used to it. Many people on here have said it takes time to get used to and your balls and penis will slowly get used to it but, man, there have been times over the last week where I felt my balls were just getting destroyed. At other times, it felt ok…especially if I was warm and my scrotum hung lower. I always felt the pinch though and there were times when the burn was extreme. A lot of it had to do with the fact that the ring on the HT is pretty wide so it pushes my balls forward a bit. It also has a strange nub at the top facing you that just digs into your skin. Then the Nano tube comes down at at angle that just pinched my scrotum down in the middle very forcefully, especially if my balls were cold. Getting my balls and penis through in the mornings always took a lot of painful effort too.

    Now…I wasn't sure what to expect with the K3d. I bought the same size ring diameter as the one I got for the HT. I got the XD ring as they recommend that if you are high and tight. I slipped my balls and shaft through so easily compared to the HT. I couldn’t believe it. Then I but the baby cobra cage on and I just couldn’t believe how comfortable it was. I kept thinking there is no way this thing is securely on but it seems to be very secure. Took a long walk with my wife in the cold tonight and I could barely even notice I had it on. I could hardly believe it.

    I know a lot of people here swear by the HT but my anatomy must just not be compatible. I know it has only been a few hours with the K3d but it is really night and day. I’ll check in again after a few days. Fingers crossed that this is my first step to more long term multi-day wear!
     
  24. 3DIY-4HER
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    3DIY-4HER Member

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    I have used a dremel to remove that nub from my HTv4, it is very comfortable now.
     
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  25. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    The title of this chain should be "Habitual Masturbator Getting Stopped!" LOL
     
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