What's the difference between FLR and chastity

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Lockedwithlove, Apr 9, 2016.

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  1. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #1 Lockedwithlove, Apr 9, 2016
    Okay I kinda feel like I'm asking a stupid question but I could use some clarification if some of you wouldn't mind helping.

    When I asked my wife to lock me up and be my mistress last year I told her that if she said yes to this that she would be the one in charge and I would follow and obey her commands. And as some of you already know she most certainly said yes.

    Well fast forward to now, a couple weeks back Mistress and I were talking about our finances and better ways to manage our money etc. To be honest with all of you I am not the smartest with money and I can be an emotional spender when I'm feeling down. So I asked mistress if she would like us to be FLR and told her I could outline it in an email so she knew specifically what an FLR was. So when I was doing a little research on the subject I really had a tough time discerning the difference between chastity and a FLR. When I emailed mistress she reviews it and said "aren't we already doing
    this, I'm already in charge" and said it matter of factly. I thought about and said yes you are but this would put you in full control of our finances too. I would have my paycheck deposited into her account and then she would give me an allowance.

    She thought about it for the night and then decided that she didn't want the financial responsibilities just everything else. So nothing changed but we seem to have come to the same conclusion that are chastity play is pretty much making our lives FLR. So my stupid question to all of you is... Based on what I've described are we already living an FLR and I didn't really realize it or is there more to an FLR that I'm missing?
     
  2. Mark Owen
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    Mark Owen Active member

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    #2 Mark Owen, Apr 9, 2016
    In my opinion, FLR is just like "letting her decide", whatever the topic.
    Chastity is simply a matter of "not coming" - "not playing with yourself", or in a more scientific term <abstaining from coming> XD. You can even do it alone, so they're basically completely different things.
     
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  3. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    #3 jemima, Apr 9, 2016
    well all the money is my Mistress money and i has a little bit off Her on a Friday but i don't has a paycheck.
     
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  4. Tombow
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    Tombow Active member

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    #4 Tombow, Apr 9, 2016
    Chastity and a FLR are two different things. You can combine them, or you can have them as separate topics that never cross paths. It is most likely that most people do a combination, but not necessarily in a consistent way.

    I generally segregate all sexually related Dominance and submission into two categories. There are those who use it for sensation/kink play and those that adopt it as a lifestyle choice. Obviously you can move along a continuum with these two categories. I don't make a judgment on what is better, people choose what works for them.

    Chastity is more of a sensation/kink behavior, and FLR is more of a lifestyle choice. You can adopt chastity as part of a FLR. In the case of FLR you are taking the clear submissive role and the decisions are left up to your Dominant. That means that your Dominant chooses what they want to decide and when they want to decide it. They can delegate any decision hey feel like delegating and they can take back that delegation as they choose.
     
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  5. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #5 Lockedwithlove, Apr 9, 2016
    I think I inadvertently asked her for both chastity and FLR without knowing I did when I first asked her to lock me. Since the beginning of our relationships I don't think that either one of us ever felt or acted more dominant than the other, I certainly didn't, it always felt like we were on an equal plain. We always made important decisions together as two heads are better than one.

    However this last year when she chose to be my mistress she always has the last word. If in try to interject she puts me in my place and reminds me that I asked for this. Again if it's an important decision that effects the family we are going to put our heads together. As far as everything else goes it's up to her unless she asks me but in the end it is her decision. So it appears that we are living in a kind of hybrid FLR where it crosses over to our kink as well as lifestyle. I must admit I like it :)
     
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  6. Tombow
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    Tombow Active member

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    #6 Tombow, Apr 9, 2016
    You know what is important----if it works for you, then however you describe it, it is a good thing! It is interesting that she "expanded" the idea of chastity to a FLR. I wonder how typical that is. An interesting progression! You are a very lucky guy!
     
  7. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    #7 Jasmic68, Apr 9, 2016
    @Tombow appears to have this covered pretty well. I think you can have an FLR without chastity and you can have chastity without an FLR. You can have an FLR that is like the Femdom porn you see on Tumblr et al or it can just be a normal, simple relationship where the female is the person who decides most things.

    My Wife was nearly put off when we were researching chastity and FLR and listened to Mistress Dede's guide to make chastity on audiobook. It was pretty intense and she wanted no part of anything like that. So there are levels of how deep into an FLR you go.
     
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  8. Tombow
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    Tombow Active member

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    #8 Tombow, Apr 9, 2016
    Nice summary :) and good advice on the introduction methods!
     
  9. keyser_sose
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    #9 keyser_sose, Apr 10, 2016
    FLR and chastity are two separate things but can overlap.
    My wife and I have had a FLR for many years although it didn't involve chastity. A true FLR doesn't necessarily have to envolve sex at all. That said, I would consider that we had a 'normal' sexual relationship (whatever normal is) before we envolved the chastity element to our marriage. It has only been in recent years that chastity has become part of our relationship. We both realised that more often than not, whenever I had an orgasm, it would be followed by a drop in my enthusiasm to please her and my commitment to our FLR. Chastity is also used as a tool fpor her to enforce and strengthen her dominance. It's just another way to have things as she wants without having to do things just to please me.
    She enjoys her natural dominance and so do I, and this is added to by her being able to enjoy sex as and when she wants without having to be concerned about me, and I love it. A win win for both of us.
     
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