I'm off of devices. Part due to kids, part work and largely because I could not handle the constant frustration well without becoming "grumpy". I haven't had a self induced orgasm in at least a year but probably closer to two. In the head I'm sure as I can cum quickly and easily with my wife. The point is, chastity devices were simply used to increase my frustration but we are finding that's not needed much. Instead, my wife has decided I'm getting ruined orgasms when she lets me and only on rare occasion a full orgasm. Like most guys it seems the recovery to wanting it again is quick if not instant with a ruined O but a full O can take 3 or 4 days for me to get back to where she wants me to be. She seems to be finding out that having a ruined O for me actually adds to the recovered frustration level MORE than complete denial. Now the problem is she doesn't want to have to do the "work" of getting me off so since I am not successful at it myself I now have a fleshlight. While still ruined I do like the fact I can pound it. She seems to like watching too. Her goal of a sex slave is well under way...I'm ready to do what she wants whenever she wants it now mostly. I liked the devices...a lot actually. It's something I hope can be incorporated back in when we can work out how best to do that.
Things are not as I thought apparently. She says she wants me back in chastity. The problem with it is the difficulty I have NOT having orgasm. I don't want that high level of frustration it causes me.
It's not an easy road to go down. Locking your penise up after you've being freely playing with it when ever you wanted to isnt easy. You need to look at the reason Why? Why do you want to be in chastity for myself it's to Give my wife pleasure. When I was masterbation regularly I was thinking about my pleasure not hers. Now that I'm locked and under her control I think about ways I can make her happy. It might even be cleaning the house, doing dishes, making her breakfast. It's not all sexual. By me not cumming on a regular basses I'm kept on a higher level of sexual desire. Think about this. The best thing about an Orgasm isn't the Orgasm it's that moment just before. If you can stay at that moment longer and longer you don't need or desire the Orgasm as much.
Agree with that ,sex isn't always involved I find after long periods locked I become more aware of her non sexual wants and am looking for ways to please her on a more general level and not trying to gain her favour in an attempt to just get an orgasm
I wasn't very clear. I don't have a problem not having an orgasm generally speaking...except, being locked up and denied makes the frustration level much higher and it's harder to not desire an orgasm. That's her point however. She wants me in that state and denied because that's when she gets what she wants. So, to answer that question Macmagna, it's her game, not mine. I'm considering suggesting cuckolding so she gets what she wants sexually and I don't have to feel so frustrated by chastity. I'm aware of the new problems that could create so it's not considers lightly.
Wow. Cuckolding is a huge step. What makes you think she will stop teasing and denying you in chastity after she has a lover? Best to open a line of communication with her and discuss your frustration and a solution that is workable. After all you sound like you are already not enjoying the game. Why would you make it worse for yourself? Remember Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If I were you I would write up an agreement with some boundaries like chastity/teasing for limited number of days, time out of device, and things that make it fun for you. Where is the reward system? What motivation do you have to continue? I read through some of your older posts. Here are some things that stood out to me... Dec 30 2016 - I have never been more surprised than I was to know that she WANTS me locked and under her control. That's not the same as being willing. It's far far more. Maybe I will be a cuck, maybe I will be bi, maybe I will enjoy humiliation. Maybe she and I will grow apart due to the knowledge we gain. Jan 1 2017 - the plan is I will not be unlocked until Tuesday morning (that's three nights) Jan 19 2017 - (no mention of "O" between then and Jan 2) She thought there's no way I'd fit but now she is a believer and of course likes it in the little cage...preferably bulging through in a wasted attempt to get hard. Jan 19 2017 -(No mention of how often or when last ruined "O" was but sounds like still interacting and enjoying but you know what you don't like) She really hasn't done a great job of making it just barely go over the top and weakly cum but recently I had that and was ready instantly for another. I'm not sure I want that but it's not as if I have a say. Feb 1 2017 (no mention of last "O" but very interested in this conditioning. Is it an audio file you could send me?) I've had some mental conditioning and now I can't cum even if I masturbate so I don't have that problem. I have only been able to cum by my wife's handy work or by having sex. I thought maybe I was just desensitized but if that were the case she wouldn't be able to get me off either. It's always taken me a long time so I'm not shocked but I am a little upset I can't do it even if I wanted. Feb 8 2017 - (still no mention of last "O" but taking pride in device) It seems to me a good fit is not just size but design and finish quality. Feb 10 2017 - (You know what you are into) All of it is interesting to me but the emasculating part of the kink isn't something that appeals to me personally. Feb 12 2017 - (You are starting to see that fantasy and reality are two different things and your wife's idea of fun isn't necessarily your idea of fun) Lately we have taken to actual orgasm control as I'm now able to lock up much more with the latest device. My wife likes it probably more than she says and I like it less than I thought I would however the benefits seem to be worth it. Feb 15 2017 - (You clearly have a good head on your shoulders haha!) I especially agree with Macmagna on the point of what's in it for her. Mar 2 2017 - (You know what works for long term chastity that's for sure) More important than different devices, have you tried different sizes of a ring and cage? April 10 2017 - ( That leads us to this thread... still no mention of last "O" date, how often do you get one? I mean I get that your wife is into ruined now and few full ones but at least you are getting one a month with all that teasing right?) Look I'm just saying. I have compiled a bunch of stuff YOU wrote. Mostly it sounds like YOU are unhappy with YOUR situation since February. Something has got to change. Adding an additional layer of YOUR fantasy (cuckolding) to this may end up wrecking your relationship because YOU were unhappy with it before YOU made it worse. Maybe you should get a pen and paper and list all of the things that you enjoy doing with your wife that don't involve sex, chastity and sexy games. Next list all of the things that you like about your relationship with your wife. Next write down the issues that you are having with chastity, tease and denial. Then go talk with your wife about enjoying more time with her and doing the things you like and not the things that you don't like. I'm just saying. You are digging a hole here bud. You are putting yourself in it and you are raking the dirt right on top of yourself....
Wow, thanks, @Mash2214 I don't know what to say.... I'm. Uh... Litterally speachless. I guess I kind of care about the idea behind what this site stands for. I want people to be successful at this and for that to happen, there really is only one rule - be happy.
Give yourself credit you went out of your way to help someone you don't even know. You went the Extra step. There are people who's lives are on shaky ground and may think that if I lock up my cock it'll help. It's not that easy and chastity may not be that magic fix to a shaky relationship. Your words should help some of these people
@macmagna Mac, you do rock! I saw the great advice you gave @Domina-na-na in her thread. You do good my friend
There is a lot of talk about what I want and how important that is to have a good grasp of. I'm not saying I disagree but I think there's a lot more to chastity play in relationships than what the guy wants. In my relationship I feel confident that anything I get, whether liked, loved, disliked and dispised, is with my permission. Being the "subject" makes it appear it's being done to me and not for or with me but that's only the appearance. So what's the point??? Well, the point is that while it's being done to me it's vastly important to gauge her likes, motivation, comfort etc...she's on a road of discovery as much if not more than me. As is said many times, it's the submissive not the dominant one that has the power. I would add that that power should be used to bring out the desires and ideas if the dominant. By "me" I mean us men in chastity relationships. We have to be strong enough to endure hardship in a way that allows self indulgence in an emotionally safe atmosphere for her. If it's done right we get to discover HER limits. That's more important to me than my limits. @macmagna you have good advice but I am not terribly concerned with my happiness, at this point, since I don't feel this is not mutually done. We talk a bunch but talk is cheap. True experience is what shows the truth. For example, the latest discussion was that she would not permit me an orgasm, ruined or otherwise, if she knew I wouldn't become an ass to be around. She says that but now I'm curious what she would or would not do if she could. I'm finding that it's that control that she loves more than she knew. She noted that she would not want to push at the potential expense of our relationship. The point is, she wants me to push myself in not having it so she can have more control.
What I didn't talk about in previous posts is our monthly bargaining sessions. Each new month we discuss what changes to make and she pushes me to make sacrifices and I push to not have more denial than I can take. This past month we had a simple agreement. It was all up to her when and if and what method I had an orgasm. It's nearly month end and I've had one ruined by fleshlight fuck and one full By handjob. I've had the chance to have at least two per week for months and while usually ruined, this month was a pretty big change. It wasn't too difficult and that's the surprise. She says I was too grumpy for her though. For July she decided I get one per week, ruined. It has to be self induced. Her expectation is that this will manage my mood better yet not let the frustration level get too low. For most on this forum I'm sure this sounds like nothing difficult. Some have gone months or more. Our journey is not intended to be torture and we have been taking baby steps for a couple years now.....but, I can see where it's going. The goal is always ready for her pleasure as the sex slave at any time and no expectations from me to have an orgasm. Last week she made it clear that she does not want to give me an orgasm herself so that's a huge change going forward. That's not going to be easy for me. She's pretty good at conditioning. I haven't been able to cum from masturbation for a couple years now...the next step is no help from her. I've had good response from a fleshlight as long as I fuck it...masturbating with it doesn't work. Her goal after no orgasm for me is to then work on orgasm on command. That's something of legends not reality but if anyone could do it she could. I think part of her thinking is to motivate me to be willing to continue towards no orgasm by giving me hope that there's a potential to have them again in months down the road after training. I'm not in chastity full time still. She said she wants that but figured out its not as important to her as orgasm control. Since I can't jack off for one she has been pretty relaxed. Instead of being strict on wearing a cage she's just made it clear that while I can break the rules the repercussion has been forfeit orgasm opportunities. This month we had a one week vacation and she decided I was not to be caged at all that week....but it also meant no stimulation at all. At the end of the week I'm ready to wear it 24/7 if I have to! However, I asked if more time gives me more opportunity and the answer was no. At this point we continue with the rule I've been under for months. No wearing it during work and beyond that I can decide to not wear it but I will lose privileges if I don't.
I have to agree that a device does increase my frustration. I have gone both ways, with and without a device. It was no fun without the device. With the chastity cage it feels like my wife is playing with me all the time. Although my Chastity cage does not prevent me from masturbating, it does give me time to reflect on what I am thinking of doing and how by doing it I will ruin all the effort and willpower I had expended up to that point. Plus masturbating with a swab or vibrator is not as good as with my wife. I cannot get erect in my cage so it would be a limp penis orgasm and I will still be horny afterwards. It takes about 3 or 4 orgasms in a few hour time frame before I can go a few more days without feeling the need for another orgasm. This is due to my former sexual life with my wife and our girlfriend. One orgasm during the threesome and then one each with each lady separately. Then the final one before I went to bed. I was used to that for 30 years and it has taken me 4 years to be able to just go a few months without an orgasm. Right now I am dying to orgasm but I am trying very hard not to do something that I will regret later. It is like my diet. I will see a piece of cake and really want it but if I do eat it, the satisfaction and pleasure ends with the last bite and I will have to loss all that weight again.
The monthly agreement on chastity rules has continued for us. July was as expected. No real issues from self inducing my orgasms once a week. For August the rules are basically the same in that I only get one ruined orgasm per week. What has changed however is my lockup time. It has been lockup when I get home from work and unlock at bedtime. When not locked I can have a personal edging session. Supervised mostly. The new rule is still the same during the week however she does wait until I am truly ready to sleep and therefore don't get to edge plus on weekends I have to be locked continuous. I've been locked up more than a full day before but that's been a circumstance of not being frustrated already and the decision was mine. Now, I don't get to decide which gives me a new level of anxiety. This evening at 5:30 ( I get home from work then) I'll start my lockup and not be out until Monday evening.