trying to reel it back in a bit

Continue to obey and enjoy the fact she is embracing the new life

 

Personally, it sounds wonderful that your wife has taken that kind of control. But I also get what you’re saying.
If I were in that situation, I’d just talk to her about it and tell her you love that she’s flexing her power, but maybe corner time could be used for punishment time and then bring up sitting at her feet while she watches her shows, and maybe offer to rub her feet or something just as another way of showing her the benefits of being a keyholder.
Communication doesn’t necessarily mean “topping”, especially when you’re still working on laying a foundation for living this way.

 

My KH does it occasionally, only for a few mins and mostly to laugh at me when I've done something childishly stupid.


Why did you stay in the corner for 22 mins - and what made you end it?

If this was at her command - then I suggest know what to discuss; that you quite like occasionally but need to agree frequency and length (and maybe rules for when this happens - like you've been a Bad Boy!).

If this was your decision to stand there for 22 mins - then I suspect you also know the problem too

If it was the latter, maybe she was probably laughing and wondering how long you would stand there for if she said nothing.

 

Kind of sounds like you got what you wanted and then realized you didn't want it. You've given your wife that power and now that she wields it you don't like it because it isn't the fantasy you were hoping for? If standing in the corner sucks, then you best bite your tongue and watch what she wants to watch.

 

Conversation at dinner or over coffee:

"Honey, it's kind of hot when you randomly make me stand in the corner, but it's really difficult for me. Would you consider maybe something less strenuous, like having me sit on the floor in front of you? I could even rub your feet if you like."

 

Sounds like she’s still mad at you!

 

My wife rejected the chastity cage outright, but if she didn't, I could see her doing this if I managed to get her that far. There's an old trope about a dad making his son smoke a whole pack of cigarettes after catching him smoking. The idea being, if you think you like cigarettes, I am going to bombard you with them until you don't like them anymore. I feel like this is what your wife may be doing.

You said your wife doesn't like all of this but she is doing it anyway for you but perhaps with some anger. I could certainly see my wife turning it up like this to give me a taste of my own medicine, so to speak. The question you have to ask yourself is - if she is doing it out of anger and you aren't really enjoying it, is the whole scene really what you truly want? I would only find this fun if my wife found some joy in it, otherwise, I would be miserable with it pretty quickly as it would be driving us apart and not together. Maybe your wife will evolve from doing it out of anger to embracing it, but maybe not. Time will tell. Or I could be totally wrong and just viewing your situation through my relationship.

 

It sounds to me like she is embracing the power you have given her. She's merely doing what you've asked her to do. The first time was a punishment but now she knows it works on you she feels confident to use it more. When she wants to watch the TV in peace she stands you in the corner just like those memes you bombarded her with.

Honestly, from my perspective, I think you have it pretty good!

 

Im thinking that your right on track. You do as your told. Yiu don't have to like it. But maybe you can steer her some with your meme ideas. You have a life many desire

 

If it were me, one of the times I was "released" from corner duty, I'd just sit on the floor next to her without saying anything. That should communicate your understanding that you're the subservient one and willing to go along with what she wants.

 

Try this: "My love, I have had a lot of time to think about this. I am very sorry about arguing with you and not accepting your decision on what TV show to watch. I acknowledge that what to watch is your choice, and I should always respect your decision. I am very sorry, and I am willing to make it up to you any way you choose. I will not argue with your choices, or make fun of them any more. Of course, you can stand me in the corner any time you want to, and I will obey you, but I truly hate it. Thank you for punishing me and helping me learn my lesson. Please believe me when I say that I hate it, so I am asking you with respect to only do put me in the corner when you think that I need to be punished."

 

Been into fetish and poly married sex lifestyle for over 50 years. We lasted so long because we listened to an old experienced couple we met in our BDSM club. Their advice was to leave our fetish in the bedroom because if you try to live it 24/7 you will never last long. We saw couples divorce or find new lovers because of this. Being submissive is fun but as you are learning, only fun if your wife does what you like. Is that really being submissive? Few can last living like a slave. One day you wake up and do not feel like cleaning the house when your wife is watching TV all day. It happened to me. What I want done to me, my wife does not enjoy. What her ex girlfriend enjoyed doing to me is also not what my wife enjoys. It does force you to top from the bottom and once you go down that path, the end is near.

I am locked in chastity for over 13 years. Before that I was on the honor system and submissive to my wife and her live in girlfriend for 30 years. However, despite being kicked hard in the balls, whipped till I bled, went down on them when they had their periods and also was their toilet, once we were done playing I was once again in charge of our poly triad. Why? I made an upper income salary, have a very high IQ and was schooled in gifted student classes my entire life plus more educated. No way could I be submissive outside of the bedroom. The girls agreed that I was best suited to lead our triad and lead I did for over 30 years with great success while all our friends at the BDSM club divorced or broke up. Even the hard core submissives that were paraded around in public and in gay pride parades, normally lasted only a few years before they left.

You name it I have had it in the bedroom. Pegged so hard that my colon ripped and I needed surgery. Learned my lesson at a young age. Whipped till I bleed. Still have burn marks on the head of my cock and balls. Balls beaten so badly that it took almost two weeks to heal. Strangled, choked cut with knives, stuck with pins, slapped and punched in the face. Nipple torture of all kinds and forced to eat everything that comes out of a woman down to even ear wax.

Yet, once the scene was done we reverted to a loving poly triad again. Although I led it, I was often overruled due to their two votes against my one. I guess the proper explanation was that I led it but did not rule it since we never did anything without all three of us in agreement. Now it is just me and my wife. Never did anything the other did not agree to.

So my advice is to limit play to the bedroom or sex time but not 24/7. Your comments show that you are not really submissive, you just want your wife to do as you wish. That is not going to last long so think long and hard or ignore my advice. However, none of our BDSM or poly friends stayed married long. Only we survived over 50 years of marriage.

 

Congratulations you have a keyholder!

She only unlocks you when she wants to use you? She won’t unlock you when you want? Yep, you have a keyholder.

My wife quit the tease and denial, unlocking, and all that a few months after she started. It’s been hers ever since and it’s just attached to me.

I have since learned that she has no intention of ever having it any other way.

Good luck

 

I so get that. All of the official dom positions, and the kneeling. No cartilage in one knee, hip replacement in the other. Those days are past.

 

It took me a while to realise she is finding her way, like I am. Things will go screwy, you'll both make mistakes, but as long as you communicate then you'll be fine.

 

I get that as well. Knee replacement prevents kneeling. We never do any of this. I serve her every day needs and wants without the protocol

 

You posted in the FLR forum, but you're not in an FLR. Your wife doesn't want an FLR. She doesn't want a submissive husband. You don't want a submissive wife. Why do you think she would want a submissive husband?

She is testing you. She is trying to figure out who you are, since you have revealed yourself to be an entirely different man than the one she thought she was marrying.

You suggested the corner time, and she tested you to see if you were serious. Now she is continuing the testing, to see how far you will go, to see if you will speak up.

From her perspective, your behavior is bizarre. She needs to figure out who you are and if she can live with you. She might very well continue to test you to destruction: to the distruction of your marriage.

She is not into this, as you yourself said. Now she has to come to terms with whatever this thing turns out to be (which is what she's trying to figure out). Perhaps she will find an accommodation within herself and accept a new version of your marriage, or perhaps she will decide to cut her losses and look for another husband. The former seems more likely if you're older, the latter if she thinks she's young enough to start over.

 

this is a great idea!

 

I think I’m more jealous of your situation than I should be. In fact I know I am.

I wouldn’t like the punishment per se. It would be humiliating and I’d feel like a boy not a man. What attracted you to the standing in the corner fantasy anyway? I mean why did you send her a bunch of them if it wasn’t something you are open to?

That punishment is better than washing dishes or vacuuming or scrubbing floors with a toothbrush.

She’s locked you and thinking of herself and meeting your fantasy needs as communicated to her by you, and she is fully taking the gift you gave her. She’s a keeper for sure.

One thought is to expand her menu of punishments. I found some locktober calendars with about 15-20 tasks, and all of the tasks that I reviewed I am totally willing to play along with them. Some I’d say awe crap this will be rough. And some painful. But if she got so bold as to call on me to do them, I’d do it. thats because I so want to play with her. I’m desperate for it actually.

 

My tuppence is you've got exactly what you asked for. Your wife is actively indulging your request and being dominant towards you. She has now expressed what she gets out of it in terms of peace and time to watch her programs. She's also told you that you should use the time to relax and reflect.

Probably not what you want to hear, but... Seems to me you're really lucky and now being a bit bratty and toppy from the bottom. Compare to having a wife that doesn't have any real interest, libido, or ever take any initiative. Stick with it, be respectful, and I expect you'll be pleasantly surprised with what transpires given some time.

 

I think that once power exchange escapes the bedroom, it's very hard to make it selective. Whatever skin you've put on it as a couple, on a monkey level she just starts to feel like the dominant one and doesn't have the mental energy to remember all the various limits and rules.

You've let the genie out of the bottle. Your best bet is to enjoy the loss of power... that this is actually happening to you and there's not much you can do about it.

 

Seems like a classic case of be careful what you wish for…

You’ve described your situation and your reaction to it with language that implies a certain degree of manipulative behaviour on your part; for example, “gently steer things into a more comfortable situation for me” or using memes to suggest what you would like to happen. This is very much topping from the bottom and I would suggest that rather than trying to manipulate her in this way, you communicate clearly and concisely what you hope will benefit both of you from this arrangement. You cannot afford to be selfish in this regard. In order for your wife to be invested in her role, she has to understand how it can benefit her and your relationship as a whole. Talk to her, really, seriously talk to her and open up about your desires and feelings but it can’t all be about you, you have to allow her to express her desires and feelings too. Hopefully, you’ll be able to meet somewhere in the middle and go from there, but it may take a while so above all be patient and understanding.

 

If she likes your foot rubs / massages, you could say "Another option would be to tell me to give you a foot rub Or tell me to go clean up the kitchen." when she tells you to go stand in the corner. This will easily give her the idea to consider other options that may or may not be to her liking.

Sitting at her feet may be more distracting than having you stand in the corner. If she chooses to continue that practice, you have two choices:

• Continue going to the corner when she tells you to while amping up your game to find ways to please her when you're not in the corner. Use that time in the corner to brainstorm ideas to make her happy & feel more emotionally connected to you. Telling you to stand in the corner makes it clear she's not feeling emotionally intimate with you. The better she feels about your relationship, the less likely she will be to tell you to stand in the corner except for punishment.
• Stop showing up for TV time and find other things to do around the house; especially things that she will appreciate. Maybe she'll see your hard work and invite you back to the sofa.