For The Hell Of It

I like a pro-active submissive. It’s always a turn-on when he is ardently excited about something that he makes it happen. He tells me his fantasies and I tell him how sexy I think they are, and the next week we have all the gadgets to make them come true. That’s what I love about my puppy - he doesn’t have to be told to do things, he gets my approval and then goes about doing them. As a Domme, I’m not a micro manager or a dictator, I’m a collaborator, which means I go with the flow and enjoy the process. This suits my puppy perfectly for even though he is submissive, he likes to be the one to scout and lead me to our next ravin. This is how we flowed into playing with chastity.

Domination isn’t about making all the decisions, it’s about overseeing and guiding, taking responsibility for the pursuit. So make no mistake, my puppy might be lead dog, but I’m the musher.


Please note: I don’t chat in private. I’m very loyal to my puppy and I don’t want to share myself with another through the intimacy of private messages. However, I’m good chatting with everyone publicly. So, if you want to ask me questions, you can do it here. I will always answer honesty – truth is both my super power and fatal flaw - but please ask as a regular person. My submissive is the only one I will dominate, and he is the only one I have given permission to call me Mistress and submit to me.

 

I actually don't know how to respond to this, but I'm sure you are being rude.

I don't actually get such 'bizarre and self centred' messages because I don't attract those sorts of people. One time I did get a message from a wannabe sub who said he wanted to dress me in fur because when he was younger he saw that women who demanded to wear fur were more 'superior'. I told him how weak those women were - if they didn't have the guts to slaughter and skin the animals themselves, they were of the weakest character. True power to me is not commanding armies, but knowledge, wisdom and the ability to act for oneself.

 

They are a rare find, indeed! It's a tricky balance being pro-active and submissive - and my sub does it perfectly - but it is all about intent. My submissive never plans for me to do anything for him, there are no expectations... but he does hope, and he makes it easy for me to join in. I do when I want to, and other times I just enjoy seeing him have fun on his own. And then there are times when I rein him in and require him to do what I need. He is always delighted to do so, of course.

 

I'm aware of the other thread. It's not my style to out people for ridicule and entertainment. And, I do not like, or condone, misandry.

The 'lengthy disclaimer' is purely for convenience. I've been doing this (contributing to forums) for a long time so am savvy to setting limits from the beginning. It's direct, truthful and will hopefully reduce the amount of PM's I get. I don't like ignoring people, but after a while it gets tiresome telling every individual I don't chat via PM. I'm hoping the disclaimer will save people time from writing me.

(And, I didn't think you were being rude to me. ;P )

 

Haha! Yes, I'm very much on the deep end of diff.

 

Hey, puppy

Aww, . Come here and curl up into my arms.

 

Topping from the bottom is where the submissive tries to take control of the situation or relationship without permission, and usually for the benefit of himself. A pro-active submissive compliments and supports his Domme's dominance.

An analogy:

Imagine a D/s relationship is a car. The Domme holds the keys and is the driver. The submissive is the passenger. Topping from the bottom would be a backseat driver, and worst case, is a submissive who takes the keys and drives the car without permission. However, a pro-active submissive is one that takes on responsibility of looking after the car without being asked - washing it, filling it up with petrol, checking the oil, detailing it, but he never drives it unless he has permission, and he never takes the keys but is given them. What's more, he always returns the keys straight away when his drive is finished.

 

You miss me pushing you close to the edge...? Soon, babe... soon... ;*

 

Kinkeypup and I are often in different cities - it gives us a great opportunity to miss each other and have fun experimenting with long distance play. As he has a lockbox that I remotely control, I can be actively involved in his chastity while we aren’t together. This can make things agonising for me because, well, I don’t use chastity to lock away a man’s sexuality but to harness it. I’m highly sexual and need a lot of outlets, and I like my pup to be primed. So, with distance between us, I have to plan play wisely otherwise I’ll get myself too horny and have no Kinkeypup around to satisfy me. But the rewards of play… you learn so much about each other, and about yourself.

The other night I realised something… just how much I trust my puppy. I’ve never had to second guess if he was doing something or not, or whether he was telling me the truth. We have one of those relationships where there’s no need for lying. I’ve never had an inkling that Pup would cheat on our play. But… the other night I found myself tweaking our lock-up procedure to prevent what potentially could be a loop-hole that he could manipulate - not that he does such things. But, being a savvy Domme, I foresee hazards, assess the risks and solve the issue before it becomes one. There was a blindspot in our play. When I’d tell Pup to put his keys in the lockbox and push the button to activate the new code, I had no idea if he was doing it or not other than faith. My faith in him to do things is unwavering. However, logically, there was no proof other than his word. So, I got him to record his actions of locking his keys away, pushing the button to set the new code, and try to open it again, which he couldn’t.

Making him do this bothered me for a little while. My actions/request seem like I don’t trust him, but that is not how I feel. I value trust in a relationship - having great trust in my partner makes me feel confident and free, and Kinkeypup does that for me. As I deciphered through my intensions, I found they were not about mistrust but about enjoying witnessing his experience. I like seeing him lock away his own key - him having it locked away in a box that is still in his possession encapsulates the magical beauty of our D/s dynamic. (Will discuss further in another post.)

If you act like you don’t trust someone then obviously that person can feel untrusted. That’s not what I want. As a Domme, it is important for me that my sub understands my ‘untrusting actions or requests’ are only for play, teasing and enjoyment, and not a reflection of how I feel about him and us. You’d think that domination is about taking power away from your submissive, but for me it is quite the opposite - I want to empower him. I want him to feel the confidence and freedom I do, and to do that I must earn his trust too.

 

Yes, I understand your point. Though, only me deciding which temptations he faces is not wise–the universe is a much better teacher than I can ever be.

As you can see, I have a different philosophy than most Dommes. They tend to remove temptation from subs to help/make them be more obedient. But for me, obedience by control is not really the type of obedience I value. That's why my chastity play is very different from most. If you have a dog on a leash, of course he is going to stay by your side - he cannot wander, he is controlled no matter his nature. After a while he will like it, prefer it, and soon there will be no other way for him to live. He is conditioned. I don't dominate like that.

I prefer my sub to stay free and wild as the wolf - that's why I adore him. He keeps by my side not because he is caged or leashed, but because he wants to. He is free to do things for me out of connection and gratitude and love, but most importantly, he is free not to do anything at all. Yes, that makes our D/s relationship more delicate - I have to be strong and have more faith because nothing is fixed, or dependant, or obligatory - but that's what makes the relationship so beautiful. It's not about crafting obedience in my sub, but me being the type of woman that brings out his natural obedience. When he freely offers me his natural obedience... I am in awe and I feel humble, and grateful and loved, and that is my reward. It is one thing to train a sub to kneel into the humble pose whenever you command and quite another when he naturally falls at your feet because he adores you so much.

 

Everyone has a different dynamic, of course... Pup's and mine is organic and free-flowing, so doing things is simple, easy and quick.

How getting a lockbox happened for us was that he showed me a thread on a site that talked about lockboxes that had intrigued him. I thought it was a fun idea and read that someone was using a wifi one. I remember googling them, checking out reviews on Amazon, and I sent links to Pup. I kind of forgot about the idea for a little while - life, you know - until about a month later we walked past a locksmith store and thought it fun to check out a few coded boxes, but they were ugly, bulky and with no wifi.

Then a month later, Pup sent me a pic of a wifi lockbox in his hot little hand - it had just arrived in the mail. OMG, I was so excited! I had no idea he had ordered one but, damn, he reminded me why he's my favourite. And not only that, he had set up everything for me on the website so all I had to do was log in and make up my own codes to lock the box. Easy-peasy.

Firstly, you can see how Pup was pro-active. He knew I was enthusiastic about the lockbox and was looking forward to having one for play, so he made it happen. I love that. I'm a leader at work and I get a lot of people asking me questions that they should figure out for themselves, so having a sub like Pup is ah... so AMAZING. When we were new to each other, he would often ask me for my opinion before buying/using things but he soon learnt that I trusted him, his judgement... and his style/taste... so, it didn't take him long to realise he could just choose things himself and knew I would love it. Though, I'm not a fussy girl, I'm quite easy to please actually, and my Pup has very good taste. But to be clear, I am never indifferent – I am always engaged in our journey, always invested.

And secondly, getting a lockbox wasn't a thing he needed permission for. I don't micro-manage, and he is not dependent on me to make all his decisions (and in fact, someone who is dependent is so exhausting). I like an independent thinker and doer - a sub who makes my life easier by contributing. But, then again, Pup is confident that if he does something on his own steam he will not get into trouble for it. I don't rule with an iron fist. (The next question that should be asked is what does Pup get into trouble for...? haha!)

I don't know the dominion style of your Domme, but you guys seem fairly new with your relationship...? If you are not clear on something, I would suggest starting a dialogue about it. For example, maybe you need to understand what kind of things you are 'allowed' to decide for yourself, what sort of things you can do without asking for opinions/permission. If she doesn't know yet because she's still working things out for herself, then make an arrangement that you tell her everything you're doing (maybe in a daily report) and when something comes up that she doesn't like, she can tell you. That way you can learn together. Sometimes that's easier than just coming up with silly rules straight away.