Alpha Male seeking help submitting

I am an alpha in many ways, but not the ways you have been or mean. I am and still need to be this way in work, but never in the bedroom. I am however not naturally submissive. It was something chastity brought about in me. My guess is that if your reaction to this is this negative, it will never change. I'm not sure how long you've been going, but for most here their initial reaction to chastity was positive.

I think (from the little I know) is that your mistake was you gave her something based on it's value to you and without regard to its cost. You said that because she hasn't experienced having this level of authority "what better gift could I give?" It might very well be she hasn't had this level of authority because she doesn't want it. I know many great tradesman in the construction industry that never go into business for themselves. They are happier being employees because they don't want the headache of leading. You also state that you "will subject yourself to this torture willingly." If she loves you I doubt she would want that for you. For many of us here this is a beautiful gift our SO's bestow upon us, not a torture.

If it is this bad for you I'd have a conversation with her. Emphasize that you want to give her something special that shows how much you love her, but that you think this isn't it. Ask what she wants, she might surprise you.

 

How long have you been locked up?

 

I have to be honest, this doesn't sound like a sustainable situation. Good luck to you both

 

Doesn't sound fun in the remotest way to me! So what's the point! You aren't submissive and that's how you are built! Whilst there isn't any right or wrong way of doing things, enjoyment is important! If you're not happy then the chances are your partner won't be!

 

Mentally, it's worth framing your submission as being a champion: a minder, a bodyguard, a knight, a devoted servant - you can be alpha for her. Similarly, you can see your suffering as heroic: you're a brave explorer weathering the hazards of your adventure, a paladin on a quest for his lady.

However, your emotional reaction... that's interesting. I wonder if it's growth pains? You've been doing alpha for a very long time, and suddenly you don't have to.

 

The cage has certain powers... Given enough time being locked it will make you submissive. Stay locked and you will see...

 

My wife/KH is really totally submissive in the bedroom, but she locked me in a cage, and still wants me to be fully dominant over her in the bedroom, it’s a little hard for me as I’m in a submissive situation (cock locked). I service her and have her restrained, roped, spanked, mild torture, all while driving her wild knowing that I can’t release even after she gets off. We are both enjoying this exciting time in our lives.

 

There are some similarities between your situation and mine. My wife was always submissive in the bedroom and mostly out of the bedroom until I introduced chastity. Though she is still mostly submissive out of the bedroom, she quickly latched onto chastity and wanted full time, pretty much permanent chastity right away. It was like a missing jigsaw puzzle piece that had always been missing from her life.

Does it get easier? I would say yes and no. I go through periods or cycles of easier and harder times. Sometimes it is easy and can be very fun, and then there can be several weeks at a time where I really miss erections and orgasms and can be grumpy, or even angry or depressed. You learn to live with it over time, but I wouldn’t say that it really becomes easy.

It’s good to hear from another guy on here who ended up being the chaste partner of a woman who ended up feeling that chastity was a definite need in their relationship. It really is a different situation from having a wife who maybe finds it a little fun and goes along with it for the man’s sake. When the wife is the one who really wants male chastity, it changes things quite a bit.

 

We’ve been doing this for about 3.5 years, but currently the last time I was out for anything sexual was February of 2018.

 

I am curious as to why your wife has immediately loved Chastity and felt you should be permanently locked. Would you share more details?

 

You are in an interesting situation.

You seem very attached to the idea of being dominant; and it seems really hard for you to accept to be submissive.
With Chastity, you chose imo the most intense way to submit. Being spanked, bondaged and whatever is all play; as long as you keep your dick, you’re still in charge.
When you get locked, it all ends. You give it all up. You can resist if you want but in the end, it is pointless; your KH holds all the cards.

If you want to enjoy Chastity you MUST enjoy her being in charge.
This doesn’t mean you have to be a wimpy sub. That’s not for everyone. I am dominant and in charge in all aspects of my life; but when I am in Chastity, my wife is in charge, no discussions.

Reading your few lines, it seems to me you are very concerned about yourself and your ego; what you get and what you lose, what submissive space you’re in and so on. It seems (don’t take it bad) very self centered; which is not very surprising as doms are often self centered.

If you are to embrace Chastity, you must love your key holder more than you love yourself. That doesn’t mean you should have little love for yourself. That means you should love her that much more! Love her a TONE!
Her orgasm are way more important than yours.
Her sexual pleasure is more important than yours.
What she wants to do is more important in all things.

If you can do that, Chastity becomes beautiful. It is almost a spiritual experience that takes you away from your selfish little needs and gives you a higher purpose: The person you love the most.

We are selfish by design and it isn’t easy at first, it takes time: Good luck!

PS: being a good KH is also very important to balance it out, and your partner should probably get more info on it too.

 

As a dominant man who is cheerfully locked by a submissive partner, I'm enjoying these stories.

 

To sum it up quickly, my wife suffers from vaginismus and penetration is very painful for her. Chastity turned physical intimacy from a miserable and grueling chore to something she could enjoy.

 

These stories are inspiring and the concept of why I started the journey. I hope more crop up.

 

I agree with everything in your response, well written.

 

I would be interested to know more about your recent experience, and why you will not be repeating it. Are you planning to use short term chastity?

 

I can really relate to the stuck in subspace. I like being alpha but also like being a sub I like I can't just be one thing. So can be a little struggle some at times to figure out. For me, it doesn't have to be chastity to feel this sub side. It works since it reminds me of her control but other things could bring me there too. Like being told to wear a certain item or punishment etc. That put me in sub mode.

 

So no teasing like edging, absolutely nothing?

 

Plenty, but always in the cage.