The Dichotomy Between Possible and Improbable

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  1. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    It's been some time since I journaled on this site. In fact, finding my own journal on this site brought back a host of emotions and even some reservations to write again. Tonight I have very good reason. Well I actually have a few. The first, and most important one, is because I was directed to by my Mistress. Seems She likes my writing style and enjoys getting a different perspective from my mind. The second is because I really have been pondering the idea. In fact, during my studies today I came up with this title.

    Ah yes, the title. This was an easy one for me. Anything is possible in this lifestyle, but not all things are probable. One not look very far in these forums to realize that it's not always a world of intense fantasy. In fact there are struggles along the way. Sometimes, if I am honest, there are times when I have thought this lifestyle would not even happen for me. Even in a great marriage, there are times when it is easy to lose touch of the intimacy, let alone this lifestyle. If I am gut wrenching honest, there are times when I don't think My Wife/Mistress really wants this part. Oh make no mistake she has never said as such but sometimes I wonder if my selfish side kicks in and She has just been obliging me. I worry if I a topping from the bottom, or if She somehow feels that She has a duty to perform in these rituals or events. The truth is, I like many I am sure, want her to want this as much as I desire it. Then of course there is that whole path to go down. I am choosing not to go down that rabbit hole for tonight. I mean after all, who can explain wanting so bad to be denied ye wanting so bad to orgasm, all along, hoping she denies the chance. It's comical at best on the surface.

    Yet here I am tonight sitting in a pet crate, locked I might add, wondering how did I get here. Yes it was possible all along but not probable...or so I thought.

    Being cooped up these past few weeks had left me oddly at peace. It has given me a chance to really invest in my marriage and even more time to indulge in my school work. Oddly, this part of the life has been a little slow. I think we both have been carrying some extra stress. I have been laid off for a short while and surprisingly today out of the blue, Mistress gave me some very strict instructions. No clothes, collar on, and I would remain in chastity. It felt weird. Not that we haven't done it before but it was different today. Today She was a new creation in this world. She wasn't playing a role, She was living the role. Eating dinner in the nude at the table while she sat fully clothed felt oddly erotic. She just smiled as we ate together. We each did our own thing with tasks and then She decided it would be good to watch a movie together. Something I welcomed as W/we have been rather preoccupied with life lately. What I didn't plan for was being the center of Her amusement while watching the movie. I found myself with four leather wrist and ankle cuffs on and a chain connecting it all behind my back. There I was in a fairly strict hog tie in he middle of the living room floor. At first I truly thought it was just a joke or that she was trying to appease my desire for bondage. Nope. Instead She took out a dice and and rolled it. The number on the dice represented the amount of time I would spend in that position, multiplied times ten. She rolled a three. Thank God because I can barely make ten minutes. Thirty minutes went by pretty quick nd I was grateful. My wrists were really starting to hurt from the tension caused by my legs. No matter what I did I could not find comfort.

    When the 30 minutes had ended She walked over to me to unlock me. I was relieved. You can imagine my surprise when She asked if I was ready for my next position. I was shocked. No, really I was. This new take charge demeanor of Hers was not something I was used to seeing lately. Appreciative? Yes. Turned on? Even more so? Expecting? Not a snow balls chance in hell. Needless to say a heavy chain got attached to my collar. From there she cuffed each of my wrist cuffs about one inch short of my neck. She had removed the Chastity device at this point which was much appreciated as I have been for a few weeks now. I suppose she wanted to see me strain. LOL Next thing I know she pulled my knees p to my chest and secured the other end of the chain to my ankles. This of course kept me balled up and unable to move much at all. There were still over 90 minutes of this movie left and I once again assumed I would be out in 30 minutes, seeing that was the them. Wrong again. I was left that way the entire remainder of the movie. She laid on the other couch all stretched out looking sexy as heck and smug as could be. She had pushed me to my discomfort level. All of a sudden the bondage want as fun. My neck hurt, my back was aching, my wrists were sore once again, and I couldn't stretch out. I think I was even sweating from the strain to the joints.

    You can imagine my relief when the movie ended. Mistress walked over and unlocked the ankle cuffs and even the wrist cuffs. However, the long chain attached to my neck collar remained. She didn't say much. As I went to stand she stopped me and said "on you hands and knees! Follow me!" It was stern and to the point. She led me down the hallway to our spar bedroom. There on the bed are three sets of chains that go around the mattress. It is a great set up for multiple positions, but it is not set up we use very much. Tonight, that was not going to be the case. Obviously arroused beyond measure, I found myself with my arms pulled taunt. Expecting the traditional, and sometimes painful, spread eagle I instead found myself with that long chain on my neck collar running down to the foot board. She pulled it tight enough that it ut a strain on my collar. If that wasn't bad enough my ankles were locked to it. The next thing I know she is walking out of the room with a smirk and giggle. The lights went off and she closed the door. I had no idea how long I was going to be in there. I heard the shower in the next room turn on and that could mean anything. Usually it means at least another 30 minutes. My suspicions were about right. The cold chain running from my neck down between my things to my ankles played havoc on my mind. Erect as I could be the cold steel played a rhythmic melody as I struggle to get free. Not a chance that was happening. What was once cold steel was now ever so softly cutting into my flesh. No, it was not breaking the skin, but the sharp edges of the chains were definitely present.

    When my Mistress walked in with her vibrator in hand I knew at las something pleasurable would be coming my way. After all, it was possible, but as the title said, not probable. No, instead as she mounted me and began writhing back and forth to pleasure herself the chains cut deeper into my scrotum. It began to tug at my bar sack and while I was enjoying the time in and with my Mistress, I was breathing deeply to get to the end. Oh the end came alright. After she had a few orgasms at my demise, she jumped off leaving me there and told me she wasn't done. She released me and pointed to this cage I now find myself in. It was left here my our daughter who went off to school and while she took her dog with, the crate managed to get left behind. We joked about its potential other uses many times. I never thought I would be in this thing. The demise hasn't stopped. Its cramped and trying to write this quick as to earn my release is not easy. My back is sore, my hands are trembling, and erotica is wearing off.

    I am in a locked dog crate....letting that sink in is not something that has hit yet. My rather hot and sexy Mistress is in the other room with a new demeanor. I haven't been allowed a sexual release in weeks and now that odd sensation of not knowing if I want one or not is setting in. Yes there is a high in this realm. But there is also that original question. Did the fantasy I hoped for, the one I was sure would never happened, just happen? As it sounds, there won't be a need for clothes in the upcoming days. I went from something that was always possible, but not probable, to something that is not only probable, but has happened. Its good to be back writing again even if it had to be persuaded to take place. It is time to sign off now. I am desperately hoping this pleases Mistress so I can get out to something a little more relaxing.
     
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  2. Mistress2U
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    @xcitex2 well done. You earned your freedom...for tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. Muah!!!
     
  3. Mrloched
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    Mrloched Long term member

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    Living the dream mate. Enjoy.
     
  4. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Well the fun thing about a journal, at least for me is the ability to be real. I think it is easy in life, especially on sites like this to make a highlight reel and all of a sudden every wants that. I doubt anyone is looking at my highlight reel, but just in case, here is the other side of what you don't see.

    Tonight I lost my cool. I have a daughter (step daughter) who I love as much as if she were my own. However, because of that I have the same expectations and I have to realize she is an adult. It is with that said I handled a situation tonight poorly and here I sit at 1AM in the morning trying to let the affects of my adult beverage kick in so I can get some sleep. The thing is I came from a past relationship that was always about the kids. Every decision revolved around them first and I got what was left over. This weekend has sucked because I found out Friday that I am now among those affected by this stupid pandemic and am officially unemployed. Never ever have I faced this situation. I have had headhunters come ofter me more than once. But when you get my age, not so much anymore. My two boys are with their mom this weekend and have been for sometime so not seeing them as much is taking a toll on me as well. I guess you could say I just snapped. I had this trigger that "here we go again Mike" went through my head. Was it reality? Probably not. Was it real for me in the moment...perhaps. But there you have it. Now Mistress is in the other room, hurt, and me and my stubborn pride are now sulking and drowning our sorrows. Its funny how in these moments, these gut wrenching real moments, the last thing I think about is this lifestyle. Oddly it is one of the first things I miss though. But one has to realize, at least for some of us anyway, that the two sides of the relationship go hand in had. One with out the other leaves a void. Obviously for me the more vanilla side is what we build on. Tonight I kind of kicked that to the curb, which automatically ruins this, and not in a good way. Anyway, thank you to whoever you are reading this as I vent to the cyber world.
     
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  5. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Well I found myself in that place last night where nothing was expected, but happened all the same. Mistress was looking around this site last night as well as a couple other places. By the time we got to the bedroom last night she ordered me to go put on my leather wrist and ankle cuffs. Next thing you know there is a short spreader bar between my ankles and a chain connecting it to my wrists. We haven't exactly b been playing much so this caught me off guard. Then she got this devious laugh and took the chain in the middle and using a small padlock, connected it to the bars on the tube of my chastity device. From there she decided to tease and torment the crap out of me. Any bit of struggle I put up pulled on the device and cause me discomfort. Of course the pure arrousal of the situation was causing pain in the device. Its a love and hate thing. I love the bondage and the pleasure of wanting her so damn bad but I hate the pain that comes through the process. I tried to calm myself but then she decided to watch a few of her favorite videos. By the time She was done being worked up by those and the site of me fighting for comfort she was ready to go. I had hope that maybe she would let me out for some fun. Nope! Instead she began to pleasure herself over and over and the site of that was nearly too much to bear. I think she had about 5 or six orgasms and the entire time I am laying next to her in bed all balled up with no way to stretch out. Next thing I know she ordered Alexa to turn out the lights. I was sure she would be letting me out. At least I hoped so anyway. Instead I spent nearly two or more hours that way as she dozed off. The sound of her breathing next to me was enough to calm me enough to finally doze off myself. The scene played well into my dreams though and I was frustrated as could be. I woke this morning yearning for more. How is that possible? I was sooooo frustrated and aroused by being denied and here I was in my dreams and mind coming up with all the other possible scenarios of how today could play out. I had a list of things I planned on doing today, but suffice it to say I am a little distracted. Who knows, maybe an afternoon nap is in order....perhaps there is another session in store for that. Either way.....what a high that was.
     
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  6. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    It is hard to believe it has been over a month since I posted on here. I assure you it is not from the fact that I had nothing to share. Mistress has been busy and enjoying life and I have been, well.....a little distracted. Unemployment, as it turns out, can lead to a full time job. Serving in the evening, to my Mistress of course, and job searching during the day. It has been very rewarding and fun lately. I haven't had the need for laundry chores because She has not allowed me much in terms of attire. At first it was very odd and somewhat humiliating. I never gave it much thought until the orders came out of her mouth and the directives were followed. Walking around in nothing but a chastity device while she sat fully clothed felt both erotic, and a little uncomfortable. I obviously felt as though I was on display, and when you don't have all the self confidence you would like, well it sent my mind racing. Time took care of that. As our daughter was home for a few weeks from college I got a break and we just did the normal vanilla life. Tonight we returned home from dropping her off to college and just like that my Mistress was right back in her role. I don't know why I would expect any different, but it caught me by surprise. A good surprise though. Anyway, I thought I would take the time to ramble on a bit and just wish all of you well. I hope that life is treating you well and that the crazy world around us is not affecting you in adverse ways. Duty calls and I have a feeling there is more in store for me tonight that I initially realized.
     
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