Hey all, I had a previous thread but our relationship took a hit and we put our adventure on pause. My domina is @dominadee . The biggest thing we learned is that we LOVE to push the envelope but when it comes to this lifestyle, slow and steady is the best for us. This time around i will do a better job of documenting the authenticity of what it looks like as we grow our dynamic and make a concerted attempt to highlight the struggles as well as the exciting kinky fun. I want this journal to be an authentic reference for both of us to look back on as well as a journal that others dipping their toe into this world can look at and help to set some healthy expectations. Yes, there is gonna be some wild, kinky adventure but it comes with a whole lot of other aspects that are equally necessary to ensure you continue to grow and be fulfilled in your relationship. Don't be impatient, your relationship WILL grow and you WILL get where you wanna be but its not an overnight thing. To catch you up, im married and we started off our journey all the way back at my wife thinking that if a man wants to try butt stuff (even if i was putting it in her) that makes you gay and that meant her whole life might as well be over (dramatic i know). It was so deeply ingrained in her that she would lose it at the thought of anything non vanilla and it would cause a huge rift between us. Fast forward to just this week, she is confident, wears sexy revealing outfits, penetrated me, had 4 orgasms strapped to our fucking machine in the yard, and we just went to our first kink party. Enough on that, there will be plenty more to share. My goal is not to be the super sub with a locked collar in a dungeon with my wife being the leather clad dominatrix straight outta the best porn (although...i would definitely welcome it lol) but focusing on one thing has helped us mend, and start this journey off far better than before (we are a month in already fyi) and that is focusing on growth. Specifically growth of the intimacy between us. Sure there are bumps in the road but if overall that is decreasing, then whatever we are doing is not something we should continue to explore. Our current arrangements Currently, with our reboot, we have a smaller contract that starts with a 90 day period of 24/7 chastity for me. We are on day 31 right now. I have responsibilities as well as my Domina, but the most crucial for me are two. First, the chastity does not come off - no excuses. She still struggles with i think guilt and feeling like its my right to cum as well as needing PIV. I understand the PIV although our strapon and my tongue have pleasured her far more than our typical piv session. Secondly, she is responsible for shaping me to be the man of her dreams, whatever that may be. One crucial way this happens is that she is responsible for punishing me for any infraction, consistently and without loopholes. I have somewhat of a silver tongue and i can pretty much convince her of anything given the opportunity or time and thus, we have seen that punishment (currently spanking) has been necessary to help set me straight. It is a tool to set boundaries for me and to help empower her to set the rules she wants and to inhibit me from topping from the bottom. I dont know why i need this but we have seen a lot of difference in my behavior when this is wielded effectively and it gives me an overwhelming sense of peace and trust knowing that i wont get away with stuff and she is not a "weak" leader if that makes sense?
Thank you all for your well wishes, it means a lot! Shopping Yesterday we signed up for our second party next month as we both really loved the first one. Domina got a ton of enthusiastic compliments for her outfit (to the point people were begging us to tell them where we got it) and it just so happens that i literally picked out and purchased every piece of her outfit since i love combing the internet to find slutty clothes for her and to slowly push her boundaries in that arena cause there is nothing more teasing that sexy, slutty outfits for me and she has the body to rock em. I took the opportunity to spend most of the day finding her a new dress with all the sales and it felt good to adore her and buy her a few new ones. Public Submission... The Next Step The reason i am writing today though is that when we attend that next party, she is very very adamant and really desires that i will be performing my first scene. She wants me to get up and tied to one of those crosses while she whips me with an instrument from the many supplied toys. When it comes to spanking, i have a pretty low tolerance. Even when she spanks me for punishment, we made our closet so she can chain my arms, legs, and neck to the walls so i don't move and gags me cause i am a wuss and will somehow guilt her into stopping even if its not hard enough to leave a sting more than a minute afterward. Also, she is quite beginner in that regard as well. Last time we only saw women get spanked so in addition to being terrified and nervous of being spanked in front of a live audience i also feel a little out of place. I love the fact that she wants to take this next step and she flat out tells me this WILL happen. The assertiveness with which she has made this decision is so very sexy and authoritative it gets me aroused every second i think of it. I want to submit. I want to push my boundaries. I want to show everyone that i belong to her, especially in public. I am also terrified, self conscious, nervous, and i dont know if thats a normal struggle. Anyway, if anyone has gone through this or has a thought, by all means please chime in!
I have conflicted feelings about this type of bold public submission. It sounds hot, and I might do it someday. And I clearly have some exhibitionist tendencies and fantasies. But I often feel uncomfortable with an audience. I don't think I'd like being watched in that particular predicament. Not sure why. Everyone is different. On another note, we've often gone hiking on a quiet trail where she ties my wrists behind me, sometimes they are sort of under a day pack. This is fun for me, more the "risk of being exposed" vs. on full display Good Luck! Hope you love it. Also, sometimes (a few little scenes in particular) I was very uncomfortable with the contents of a scene, and then it becomes really hot in my mind weeks or months later. That's weird! So sometimes it takes time to eroticize something that she is interested in doing.
@dominasbichboy Don't overthink it. Focus on how erotic it will be for her to take this step and Domme you in front of others. You know she wants it and I’m willing to bet you’re looking forward to it as well.
I have been caned in public at Pedestal in London and at a party. I was also caned at a Domina studio when there was another client in the room as well as 2 other dominas. It is a challenge to go through with it the first time but there is of course added excitement. It is one of those steps you take as you lose your inhibitions.