Benefits of a device over the honor system

I like the feeling of being owned. There is something about them locking the lock.

 

You don't flop around as much with a cock cage, and when you mess around in bed, being tucked away, it is a little less likely you guys will give into the impulse. Some people like the idea of having a big engorged member, and a cage takes that away, and some people like that feeling.

We mostly used the honor system, so the cage doesn't add that much to a feeling owned for me.

 

I started with the honor system. I reached 92 days without any masturbation. I reached 160 days without giving myself an orgasm. I got pierced during that 160 day window in 2014.

I think it’s a good foundation. It builds up the willpower to submit to your wife’s desire. It focuses you on the denial and not the device. I do recommend starting without a cage for emotional reasons.

I recently went 4 weeks without being unlocked after personal record % time locked and record duration without an orgasm. I finally made it more than 3 months of denial. And I had two months of >95% chastity. Finally.

Going back to the honor system was incredibly difficult. It was probably the most challenging thing I’ve experienced submission-wise.

The chastity makes me feel owned. It feels like a collar. It’s a safe place. I don’t have to worry and think so much. It’s always there but it’s a protection. My mind went wild last month under no touch rules but without chastity. I felt ungrounded. Maybe a little ignored.

A chastity device can be comforting at night when you’re really wanting to be good, and not cheat the rules you’ve agreed to.

Chastity feels like a private collar. You become proud of it. You don’t want to remove it.

Chastity can feel like you’re doing something when you and your partner are separated by distance or stressful situations. I missed it recently during a stressful time.

I believe strongly in the honor system. I believe in comfortable well fitting chastity that isn’t constant cock and ball torture.

My cages are now comfy homes to live in. They are my safe and snug places. They aren’t a prison. They aren’t punishment.

Chastity can become a gift.
A relief from self control.
Chastity is treated as such by my keyholding wife. She knows this. This is why she gives me this. I’m better kept frustrated. And I can achieve more frustration with less stress when I’m kept locked.

Finally, when I’m in a ball trap cage that prevents erections, I sleep better. I’m actually less teased by my own nocturnal erections in my short straight little Contender than when I’m in my GlansArmor. And in that over PA jewelry, which is a massive tease in the wee hours of the morning.

 

This. Very true.

I also love feeling that i so want it removed and dont want it to be removed at the same time !

 

to quote a well known commercial, "don't leave home without it" Frankly I almost feel naked now if I am not wearing my Holy Trainer.

 

I think wearing something is a great tease and reminder that your not in control at different times throughout your day that you just don't get on the honour system.

 

Reading the replies and rereading your initial questions, maybe the best line of argument to take with your wife is the idea that a cage is the present of not having to worry about self control.

That, if you will, it is a reward, not anything else.

Do let us know how it goes!

 

By the way. I was waxing eloquent from the heart and I forgot to say this:

You are incredibly lucky. You are in a good situation. It’s awesome that she’s considering it and allowing you to convince her to let you wear chastity. I mean that’s such a wonderful dynamic. I hope my long rambling helped with some of the emotions.

Besides all the heartfelt reason I laid out above... And I do think feelings and emotions are good to communicate...

Physically, it’s a bit more than a collar. Any arousal you feel gets magnified. It feels like being gripped and held. It’s become a “third hand”. My wife will tease me and the cage is an extension of her will.

 

When I started reading this thread, this was my thought as well.

She will like knowing, that while wearing a chastity device, you will always be thinking of her. It is rare when you forget it is there.

It is a constant tease. When you notice it, you think of her. When you think of her, it gets uncomfortable quickly. It is worse at night.

In my experience, a cage amplifies every emotion. Feelings are more intense. It can be difficult to act normal around her. She seems to enjoy my struggle and she really enjoys making it worse.

Maybe you can start out wearing it for a week at a time. If she keeps you locked longer, she has made a decision.

Good luck!

 

I hate being uncaged, it’s like being punished, and my Wife knows it, sometimes, when we’re off work together she’ll lock the master padlock in the small safe She keeps the key in for two or three days.... I like the device, it reminds me that the penis attached to me is actually her property. It feels comfortable, snug and like She has Her hand around Her penis day and night. Also, She loves to tease and torture me in it, especially at bed time.... She’ll rub and squeeze my balls until I’m squeezed by my cage as hard as possible. Then I sleep naked with my cage pressed hard against Her butt in Her silky panties, it’s a joy for both of us.

 

For me, chastity is all about power exchange.

Honor system: you chastise your self with your own willpower.
Chastity device: Your wife chastise you with a cage and keys.

Mentally, it’s very different.

Also, devices prevent pleasurable free erections, which for me are a big deal.
It’s actually how I discovered chastity: my wife had just started topping me, and I woke up the next morning with a big boner, and a feeling of man power that seemed really inadequate, with what we were building.

I googled erection control, and TADA!

 

For myself, I've found that different cages give me different feelings and feedback. One I can grow and expand in, or that look like a penis, are very different from the ones that force it up into the body. I'm at the point where wearing a cage isn't a tease anymore, and an erection in a micro cage just has the head sitting in the cage bit, and the shaft is pushed up into the pubic mound. This I find very different physically and mentally from some of the other cages I own. The main bonus is that I can wear it outside the house, under clothes and there's zero bulge. If she likes to see your manly bits, or it's for home use, then a more open and penis shaped cage would suit better. Buy a few cheap ones from Amazon, and see what you both like. We all end up owning 3-7 cages in the end anyhow!

 

Dont’t discount the power exchange that can occur without a device. If you are abstaining because of Her instructions and focusing your will on following Her, that is powerful.

Don’t discount the will power needed with a cage. Anything as escapable.

The cage and keys are physical manifestations/symbols that many people enjoy.

 

I think most of the replies regarding the benefits have focused on the locked males perspective. I agree with all of them. Their is something deeply erotic in being aroused, but being denied the ability to get hard.

While I'm not a KH myself I have spent a great deal of time asking my wife what she enjoys about it. Her first response has been control. To some degree you have this with the honor system, but being locked takes it a step further. She likes how that control creates a reaction in me. Since I relish her control I respond by becoming more subservient and serving. The more control she exercises the further this escalates. She also likes knowing that once she's had an orgasm, we're done. I might be able to go a few times, a week or two on the honor system, but eventually I couldn't hold back without the cage.

I'm a big believer in whatever works for you is all good. So if you both like the way things are going, don't rock the boat. If you want to try chastity, give it a go. If you want it to take, make it fun for her and not a chore. Show her why she should want it, not just why you want it.

 

Okay, so I'll head in the other direction and add a kind-of-sexual motive that works for at least some men, something related to what shannonsanders and others wrote here. Not that the reasons others posted here aren't valid, it is just a concept I feel can benefit from being explicitly stated.

Making love while locked can bring some surprisingly erotic and fulfilling experiences. Knowing there's next to no chance of one's penis being used for sex can help channel all of one's sexual energy and desire into pleasuring one's keyholder, or help with becoming better aware of other sources of pleasure. It can take away some of the distractions of one's own physical pleasures, helping one attune to his partner's pleasures. And it can have other similar effects.

An example? One of the most memorable orgasms of my life was the first time I peaked from being so attuned to my partner's pleasure that an exceptionally intense orgasm on her part pushed me over the edge too. It sucked on the physical level, say 2 out of 10, as I wasn't receiving physical stimulation myself, but the emotional impact was 10/10.

 

I have to agree with a lot of this. I spent many years fighting off self pleasure because of my wife's health, which makes intimacy impossible.

I was frustrated, not in a good way, sad within myself and very depressed over her illness and our not having normal intimacy.

Suffering from an anxiety disorder doesn't help. I researched and learned about chastity cages.

I tried it and loved it. How could the answer to my dilemma be so simple? I told her I would wear it permanently and I do.

The anguish of years of not being able to be intimate with her has been constant. Shortly after I started wearing it, I could feel the layers of years and years of suffering with an extremely high libido, and not being able to do anything about it, just peeling off me.

My high libido will just never go away. However, I now am in year three of permanent self locking, and I am much happier, and I find it much easier to cope, because my cage carries the load of self control and suppressing my ability.

It, admittedly, feels good to wear. It is fun, feels wonderful being held by it, while at the same time, doing a serious work of inhibiting me. I am grateful. My wife is grateful as well for my willingness to set my needs aside on her behalf.

 

I'm going to mention something that's often overlooked: chastity and denial with a device is actually a different "kink" without a device. "Deviceless chastity', as I've sometimes seen it called here, is more of a D/s kink, as it involves internal control; that is, the control depends upon the willpower of the denied person. Chastity with a device, obviously, removes some/much/most (depending upon device) of the control, and ports it over to the keyholder.

Mrs Edge enjoys having all (or essentially all) of the control, so she prefers me to wear a cage. Her mindset is best expressed by the idea of "can't vs won't;" that is, even though she knows that, if uncaged, I won't, what gets her juices flowing is the idea that I can't even if I wanted to. Fortunately, my own desires parallel hers, so for us it works.

Others are more internally focused on this; the idea of a partner so well trained that he "won't" is exciting. Likewise, some of those partners can take pride in their willpower, and in the idea of obedience to their keyholder.

 

Has been said before, but I agree- the symbolism. It's like a kinky wedding ring.

And, like a collar, it doesn't have to be a 24/7/365 thing.

 

My madam likes the cage as it’s a constant reminder that I am owned. And that it means she is in control 24/7, also as we use the points of intrigue she like the instant punishment I get the second I start trying to get hard.

 

I went without a device for a month. Several times I felt the urge to touch and each time I talked myself out of it. Finally my current device came and it fit well enough for continuous wear. I was so thankful when the temptation was finally over.

 

Tom, I like reading about your POV's, because, well, they are often (usually?) different than my own.

My interest in "erotic denial" predates my wife by years, and now we have been playing with this together for over 20 years. When I was a teen, before I knew what a chastity device was, I read erotica about a girlfriend who would tease her boyfriend unmercifully and get him all worked up to do all kinds of things. When I was in college, I realized that wanking felt way better after a week, and then I found my first chastity belt stories. Playing with or without a device may be different practices, but my core interest has always been denial, and a cage has been one more tool to use.

I get why people get geeked up over cages, and we play with them for time to time. There have been phases where cock cages and chastity devices have been of intense interest to me. Sometimes my wife has found them interesting and sexy, sometimes not. We've used them with and without sex (can it count as a 3-some if I was in a chastity device the whole time?)

There are reasons why we only use them sometimes. They can be cumbersome and a hassle. Our interest comes and goes. I always know they can be defeated. But my interest in "erotic denial" never really goes away. I have a bunch of other kinky interests too (BDSM, femdom, CD, list goes on....). So---some people may really like the physical feeling - but it's largely the downsides of the physical feelings why I don't wear one all the time.

Over the last 2 years, stricter denial has become a bigger part of our relationship. My wife's interest has been strongly associated with increased "possession" and "control" of me, as well as other habits and lifestyle choices. I have a pretty intense interest in pleasing my wife (though I often fall short) and that doesn't feel like "willpower" to me.

I haven't masturbated in almost 2 years. I haven't cum outside her presence or without her permission the whole time. We see a cute, young, queer, gender fluid therapist, who gives us all kinds of advice.

Right now, is especially intense. It's been close to 6 weeks since I was allowed full "pleasure" right after a sex club outing.

Last night, she told 2 friends just last night that she and I "are getting along better than ever". Woof. I feel twisted up, embarrassed, proud, hot, and humble all at the same time. I don't think she exactly revealed any details of denial, but these friends now we do some D/s things.

When it is at its best, it feels like we are setting goals "together", not that I am struggling with "willpower". "Together" might not sound like stereotypical D/s stuff, but I'd compare it to dancing - figuring out how to move through this gracefully together.

We sort of set goals together, and at this stage of my life, I don't usually feel like I am struggling to use my "willpower" to fight of wanking, any more than trying to do better with various other habits in my life.

She likes how this "habit" of only coming for her, with her approval and it plays in without other things going in our lives. I would let her down if I gave it up now.

We don't use devices often, but I don't view myself or us as being so much different than other long term couples I encounter that use various methods for "erotic denial" over a course of time. Cages are one tool, so are various other practices we use.

So - we don't use cock cages *much* but I often feel like I am in same neighborhood as people who do. I encourage people to try it different ways and find what works for them.

 

Agree strongly with the above. It doesn't have to be an all encompassing lifestyle choice to make of a very hot and memorable night.

 

I once spent 15 months on the honor system. Overall, we decided that it wasn't as much fun for the both of us. Mrs Edge has found that she really likes the control being all on her end. On my part, I enjoy it because it's like 24/7 bondage. Yesz you need to make some accommodations, but I'm able to modify devices more easily than a lot of other wearers.

More importantly, we found something that works for us, and keeps the spark going after 30 years together.

Also, I'm stealing your expression "erotic denial." I don't understand why it's not more commonly used around here.