Addressing the concerns of a vanilla wife.

For my wife, something just clicked. I always assumed her that she's not hurting me and if she did, I would tell her. The guilt part, I told her no need to feel guilty, this is something that I wanted and asked for.

 

Great question. What specifically is your wife hesitant about? Once she's onboard with the idea (at least not opposed to it for non-hurting reasons), take it slow and build confidence that it won't hurt you. Wear it for an hour, let her get used to the idea, feeling, realization that it doesn't hurt, cut off blood flow, etc. Then go for a day...try this for a few days or a week. Then try over night...this is all also helping your body adjust to the cage.

We did basically this and after the first month she didn't worry about it much any more, forgot I had it on most of the time, and generally realized it was fine. She still finds it amazing that it doesn't hurt or break things putting it on or taking it off, but trusts that it all works.

I think my wife would say something along the lines of the above...take it slow, let him figure it out, be cautious and concerned but let it evolve. She definitely won't want to hurt you or you get hurt, so be respectful of that and let her feel her way to being comfortable.

 

Similar to what had already been stated. Once she got past the does it hurt stage, she looks at locking me as an organic, living thing, that is a journey we are on. We just let it go as it will, and we follow along.

 

Similar to others, once she knew it wasn't something that was going to hurt me and I'd physically be okay, she was cool with it. We are, like life, still a work in progress. My wife doesn't feel guilty about me not having an orgasm at this point. It just takes time in my experience.

 

My wife is a little kinky, but mainly at my bequest.

my wife was initially very hesitant to do it. What I did was lock it on myself and just leave the key out - with the spare in our safe. Eventually the key that I left out disappeared, then - after an argument about something completely different - so did the emergency. You have to prove 1) It doesn’t do any damage, 2) it doesn’t change the relationship, 3) no one else notices, 4) this is most important- your devotion to the relationship increases - not on your knees but in simple ways - helping with chores, more affection and more consideration.

I asked to be unlocked this weekend (have been in it 24/7 for 6 weeks now - no releases at all)… her answer was nope - I like you better this way.

good luck.

 

Oh and 5) you are locking FOR her not FROM her and her sexual needs get let on her terms..

 

Like others have said, sounds like she is concerned about your health while also fighting her feelings/comfort with this. At the bottom of her concerns may be she is just does not like/want/know how to be in control of your sex life. Maybe she wants you to remain in control, maybe she doesn’t know how to be dominant. Generally, women tend to be better then men at health issues (I work in healthcare and see this daily) so you might not feel pain but she “knows you” and your are not the best judge because your passion has blinded you previously? She is your wife, you have to work with her on these issues to her comfort level not your comfort level. You might have to give up control to her on these issues. I can absolutely say from my personal experience that once (if) your wife is comfortable with you wearing the cage and resolves (if) any guilt about denying you it will be a case of “you got what you asked for”.

 

Having your husband wear a steel cage on his penis isn’t exactly how women draw marriage up when they think about their future. It’s a bit of a struggle to get past traditional norms.

Once they see the cage as normal every day wear, that her u locking you is the only way it’s ever used, it’s probably never going back to any other way.

My wife was a bit skeptical (girlfriend at the time). Once she agreed, she said she was all or nothing, and it’s been that way ever since.

So just keep at it without complaining or making it work for her. They will learn to prefer you caged all on her own.

 

I’ll add in here from our experience with this. Biggest thing, once the comfort/hygeine and health stuff was sorted, as in no it doesn’t hurt and yes I can keep clean, it was the guilt she felt saying no. I think nearly all women struggle with this, especially those raised in the gender norm and sex norm mindset - basically man initiates sex, man cums, sex over. Once they get past that and past the guilt something clicks. Reassure her that you want her to take full control, but don’t do it in a pressuring way. Tell her to NEVER feel guilty about saying no or denying you an orgasm and to focus on her pleasure and what SHE wants.

Send articles (if she likes to read) about this, but find the ones that are less fantasy/sexual and more simply facts/feelings. The Secret to a Happy Marriage is one that many new keyholders read and then “get it” so if she hasn’t, maybe suggest her read that.
https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/

Keep in mind things may take a while to evolve, and if things go well they will… we’ve been at it for about 10 years off and on, and about 2 years ago it completely fully clicked for her and she’s been very strict since and growing more every day. She enjoys the power she enjoys as many orgasms as she wants (~100 to my 5 this year alone), and she sees the benefits as both of us are extremely happy and our sex life has never been better!

 

I read this today, and have just sent the link to my Queen. Thanks for sharing the link!

 

I was that wife, many years ago. At the time we were using the honor system, so I didn't have any cage-related concerns. The biggest obstacle was the guilt I felt about not letting hubby have an orgasm. I'm not a selfish person by nature, and it was incredibly uncomfortable for me to take pleasure and not return the favor. It took me a lot of time to let go of that. One thing that helped was that hubby constantly told me how much he was enjoying the experience.

A second concern was that I wasn't looking for anything even remotely like an FLR. We had a happy marriage, and over the course of years had sorted out who decides what and how to keep a household and family running smoothly. I absolutely did not want to rock that boat. I didn't want to be in charge of every decision. I didn't want hubby to be less assertive. So "keeping it in the bedroom" wound up being another important factor.

 

Male chastity - a wife's perspective is similar but a bit more detailed I think.

https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2023/07/04/ask-agni-a-wifes-perspective-about-male-chastity/

 

that was excellent. Not necessarily goo for men, but very astute and accurate for women.

 

I think many people confuse a female led marriage with a husband following behind as a yes man.

Although it could be that way, it certainly doesn’t have to. My wife would get tired and bored with someone that didn’t challenge her and interact as equals. That doesn’t mean I don’t defer to her on most things, but she values my opinion and uses my judgment on many things. When I’m unlocked, when I can cum, and sexual activity aren’t those things.

She doesn’t have to tell me what she wants for dinner, what to spend money on, or how to spend my time. I certainly know what she prefers and more than likely follow what I think she prefers. Could I make pork chops even though she’s not a fan? Yes but she wouldn’t enjoy dinner which would not sit well with me. Could I spend money on a new motorcycle? Yes but I think she’d be pissed that I decided to use my income so selfishly when we have other goals to achieve. Could I go out to the bar when she wants to stay home and hang out? Yes but I’m pretty sure she would be hurt that I chose to hang out without her.

Female Led, to me, simply means I know what she prefers and try to accommodate her wishes and needs. I find making her happy enjoyable.

I find it hilarious when men brag about their man cave. They act like they rule the roost, but in reality, their wife allowed them to gather all their crap into one room while the rest of the house is basically her domain…way to assert dominance lol!

In reality, most marriages I assume from my relationships, are fairly female led, just not mentioned out loud. The female usually sets the parameters on frequency and the how of sexual activity. They usually get what they prefer, the only difference is how it happens. In a female led marriage, it’s less passive aggressive, and more up front about expectations and responsibilities.

I wouldn’t let the term scare anyone from what is not really any different than normal relationships.

 

I could not agree more. If they realized how this looks, they would disassemble their “man cave” ASAP.

 

I think many people confuse a female led marriage with a husband following behind as a yes man.

Although it could be that way, it certainly doesn’t have to. My wife would get tired and bored with someone that didn’t challenge her and interact as equals. That doesn’t mean I don’t defer to her on most things, but she values my opinion and uses my judgment on many things. When I’m unlocked, when I can cum, and sexual activity aren’t those things.

She doesn’t have to tell me what she wants for dinner, what to spend money on, or how to spend my time. I certainly know what she prefers and more than likely follow what I think she prefers. Could I make pork chops even though she’s not a fan? Yes but she wouldn’t enjoy dinner which would not sit well with me. Could I spend money on a new motorcycle? Yes but I think she’d be pissed that I decided to use my income so selfishly when we have other goals to achieve. Could I go out to the bar when she wants to stay home and hang out? Yes but I’m pretty sure she would be hurt that I chose to hang out without her.

Female Led, to me, simply means I know what she prefers and follow her lead in that regard

 

Not that different really, although she now makes me run any discretionary purchases by her. Also, you did not mention chores, which I picked up a lot after this change. She still all kind of chores too, but it has taken away ~ 2 hours of my time every day that used to be mine. I have always shopped, planned and made dinners, but now I have all the clean up and unloading the dishwasher most of the time too.

 

She has read it, and has jumped on board with enthusiasm! I don’t know when she plans on unlocking me, but I do know it won’t be soon. We had one fine time this afternoon, then she locked me almost immediately. We did discuss a few things after she read it, and decided how to start this part of the journey. As some have said, something clicked!