Has your keyholder lost interest over time?

After four years it has definitely become our normal. She has given no indication that she's bored of it, always says she loves it when it comes up in conversation. She's stricter than ever in ensuring I'm pretty much locked 24/7 but last time we had sex she allowed me to go home uncaged for an hour or so before I sent video proof I had locked up and she had control of key in keybox. So as I have become more obedient I am trusted more. Don't think this is due to lack of interest, she just expects me to comply with her being in control. There are a fair few non-sexual nights because we like our board games and yahtzee, etc. I had a lot of guilt early on that it may seem like I expected her to perform domme like stuff so I feel this is a settling down. I spend a lot of time between her legs and she likes long foot massages. I've learnt to be grateful.

 

My partner very rarely forgets to close my lock after what I would call our weekend, and if she does ill lock myself up.

But yes I would say she has lost interest on the more varied activities we used to do. Every now and then we will get the remote zapper out that she likes...and there is the paddle, but its been a long time since she has actually denied me during sex. At the same time I like the mutual pleasure....

I am grateful however for her love, company and the affection I do get.

 

I wouldn't say my wife has lost interest. Well, not overall, but recently yes since she had a major surgery and sexy stuff really isn't on her radar at the moment. But her view of chastity in our relationship has changed over time.

She never cared much about the chastity devices themselves, they were just a tool that helped us achieve what she liked. Preventing me from having erections or orgasms was and still is what she likes. I no longer wear a cage for practical reasons (I don't have testicles anymore, so it is nearly impossible to keep a cage on without a piercing which neither of us wants for me; and I don't want the bulge of a cage in my pants), but she still wants the same dedication to no erections or orgasms for me.

The no erections requirement is automatic and not something I have any choice in, not having testicles to produce testosterone solved that issue. And I am quite happy with it, since I always hated erections anyway. The no orgasm part is more difficult. I can achieve orgasms with some effort and enjoyed them a lot more when I was able to during our separation than I did before I transitioned. They felt a lot better and not having an erection made it easier to enjoy them without the distraction of a body part that always felt like an intruder.

For my wife, the effect on sexual functions of me transitioning was rather positive. It's way easier for her to control my orgasms, because masturbating is much, much more difficult now and not something I could realistically do very easily without her knowing. And that, in turn, had a pretty positive impact on our sex life. Up until she had a major surgery in early February, we'd had the best 9 months of our sex life in our 15 years of marriage. The fact that she had so much control over me sexually without a mechanical device to help it happen really gave her a confidence and comfort to express herself more sexually. So, that has been interesting to see develop. When we first started down the chastity road, she almost never expressed her needs or desires, but all these years later she is not afraid to assert her wishes in the bedroom. And she enjoys her part of our bedroom relationship far more than she did in the beginning.

I don't think at this point she would have any interest at all in going back to chastity devices, but being the decision maker on all things sexual still is very appealing to her.

 

She's gotten stricter about staying caged constantly. If I even joke about having a day around house to be cage free take care of myself when I want she gets legit mad. Ive been told we're never going back to how things were.I use to be able to cash in foot rubs to get out that stopped awhile back. I've been told longer lockups are coming she won't say when so guess I'll enjoy my relatively short 15 day or so ones I do now while I can. Piv sex is almost nonexistent which I do kinda miss but it's still once a month ish so not completely gone. Her sadistic side is coming out which I encouraged so can't complain. We're going on 7 or so months now and I feel like she's just now gaining confidence and finding her footing in our new normal. Lucky or poor me I don't know lol. I did ask for this though and would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it.

 

My wife and keyholder is not losing interest. Even more, she has become more confident. She now accepts, and moreover, probably enjoys lashing me, me wearing a collar. She enjoys me giving her oral service before going to sleep. No, I am not seeing her losing interest to chastity game, probably her interest has become more matured and the whole lifestyle is now more accepted by her.

But! It looks like I have started to lose interest in the game! I was very aroused by the fact my cage was locked some years ago. Not like that at all now. I am being locked, say, 40 per cent of the time. I have become reluctant about the next lock up period. I wouldn't now enthusiastically embrace the next lock period as wearing a cage creates discomfort anyway, especially for sport activities.

So, it's me, not my wife, who has started to lose interest over time!

 

Nope.

 

This seems very familiar to me.

Xena's interest in locking and unlocking and playing with periods of denial dropped off over the first couple of years. However, interest in just keeping me locked increased during that time, and that's where we're at.

I read somewhere - Gloria Brame's Sex for Grownups, I think - that you can divert somebody's sexuality for about 2 years, then it tends to snap back. However, I wonder whether it also takes about that time to take a kink and make it hers.

 

These replies are very interesting to to me. For a couple of years we were in anon's situation. It was kind of like constant play time for the male. I would read about giles' situation and think, "that seems very rare and extreme and overly cruel". However, I do not think the playtime phase sat well with my mistress. It was too indulgent for the male, and what really is a sub if he's not visibly sacrificing pleasure and suffering a little for the mistress to see? So I find myself in this stricter form of chastity where infrequent erections and orgasms are absolutely mandatory and quite cruel d/s activities are an indulgence to my male fantasies, treats that are not given out frequently as if my mistress is obliged to fulfil her duties in the relationship. So there seems to be 3 general states;
No chastity. It hasn't worked for one party. The male has been bratty, annoying or cheaty.
Male playtime chastity. It may dawn on the mistress this is not sustainable. It knaws at her that she is not genuinely being dominant and getting the sadistic kicks she should.
Extreme long term chastity. The mistress has reached peace and normality with her dominance. She does not feel obliged to do anything other than enforce chastity. This may well look like being less interested.

 

To be clear I'm not ignored or neglected, locked and forgotten would be unsustainable long term for me. It's just things she enjoys like spankings. That's a two or three times a week thing and to be fair I enjoy them too. She has no problem letting me out of my cage to put on shocking one while I rub feet. She plays her part and is actively involved just in her way.

 

... and don't get me started about tease schedules not being fulfilled by the mistress! How rude. We have a free night tonight and have been getting ourselves worked up about what we'll do. I will likely have an evening of extreme humiliation, servitude and torture. If she's tired after work then maybe just a little servitude. But it certainly isn't any kind of "tease schedule" I would expect for her to demonstrate to me she's still interested. She'll torture me if it pleases her to torture me.

 

Yeah, it sounds a fun and healthy d/s relationship for you both and despite what you think about me I'm not saying my way is the right way to do it... or even the most fun. What's interesting to me is that in the domme's mind I very often see the more sex-game related chastity, given time, settle down to less sex-game related with longer lockups that may be punishing for the male but that is what arouses my mistress and gives her stronger orgasms during oral. The penny dropped with me that compared to others I'm pretty lucky to have her and I've learned to be grateful for her chastity enforcement alone. She enjoys pegging and torture herself anyway so doubt I'll ever be locked and forgotten.

Sorry if I'm belittling it by calling it playtime, you've been getting way more sex than me for a long time, sounds great!

 

Our play days are generally wednesdays and friday nights though not set in stone. We're foregoing tonight being we're getting our monthly hotel room and dinner tomorrow. She wants my butt not all red and bruised for videos tomorrow night. I get to actually cum too, go me lol.

 

I've been told I'm getting my balls electrocuted all night and pegged. I doubt the cage will come off as I recently had my first orgasm of the year. If I can't cum from pegging, which I can't, or get milked from the electric shocks that's my problem not hers. She has a long day so I'll be naked, caged, on the dog lead and serving drinks on hands and knees, maybe human footstool if she wants to watch anything on TV. We've been discussing me not feeling completely in sub space after piv last week.

 

We've tried a collar not our thing. It's uncomfortable for me and she says it reminds her of that 9 to 5 movie where dolly parton kidnaps her boss lol. If house is empty on weekends she likes me naked except for cage in ankle cuffs shuffling around doing house stuff.

 

We had a lot of fun with the collar when we were in our cabin in the woods a couple of weeks ago. She led me around behind her crawling naked, took me walks in the rain (it was very private) and led me to the toilet... you can probably imagine why. She slipped the lead around her ankle when she wanted me to kneel beside her.

 

We're renting a lifestyle cabin in Gatlinburg or nearby forget exactly where in May. Has a whole play room, hot tub all that. Should be fun. We've never got to use a proper spanking bench or cross before.

 

No chastity, quitting chastity = no sex, no penis-related activity with her.
Chastity with unauthorised masturbation, brattyness, refusing painful or degrading treatment, safewording too easily, asking for sex or release, LACK OF ENTHUSIASM = no sex, no penis-related activity with her. Extended lock up depending on severity of offence. No maintenance punishments if serious.
Absolute obedience and acceptable of permanent chastity enforcement = possibility of very infrequent sex, severe frequent maintenance punishments, access to her body for cunnilingus, analingus and foot worship, etc.

The point for us is not the male enjoying chastity. It the foundation upon which the rest of our d/s dynamic is built.

 

No. And, I ask periodically. She likes it. We’ve been at it eight years and it gets more interesting every year. She likes being in control and keeping me frustrated and desperate.

 

My better half's interest fluctuates over time. Sometimes she's really into it, sometimes she seems a bit bored with it. We then go through a period of being a vanilla couple for a while. Usually after a few weeks she starts to miss having me locked and obedient, not that I misbehave, she just starts to miss the dynamic. So then she locks me back up and we re-start the cycle.

 

Wife has never been into it. I hope she starts to enjoy it.

 

My wife has lost zero interest in keeping me locked, but that doesn’t mean her routines and preferences hasn’t changed. It’s dynamic and evolving constantly, just like everyone.

Her interest in reciprocating orgasms has reduced dramatically. Her desire to unlock me for touching (or any reason for that matter) has reduced dramatically.

Our dynamic has fluctuated over time, but I would say the one thing that is constant is her interest and demand that I stay in my cage. So no loss of interest in that department, that doesn’t mean she acts the same way now as when we started.

 

No I don't think so. You make a good point though. My KH likes to change it up and keep it fresh. So I'm happy.

 

Yes, I think there are two very different chastity paths for couples.

I think of first successful option as "keyholder style", and would perhaps characterise it as "playful" rather than just playtime for the male. I think that this style of long term relationships is rare, partly because it requires planning and effort, but mainly because most women who enjoy that style of dominance are also enthusiastic about vanilla sex. Maybe also, whatever psychological quirk it is that nudges certain men towards chastity, probably also tends to nudge us towards partners who regard our penises as optional extras.

 

A lifestyle cabin? how do you find those in Gatlinburg, if I may ask?