This was originally posted on my blog and explores the difference between punishment and play. Specifically in a loving FLR where sadism is not always desired. I hope you find it interesting... Punishment vs Play With a submissive there needs to be a distinction between punishment and play. Most (even the most wimpy) have a level of masochism and enjoy some discipline. Therefore as part of any female led relationship and to avoid topping from the bottom there is a need to know the difference. Fundamentally discipline play is a reward and they enjoy it, punishment is not, it is part of the controlling dynamic. They shouldn't enjoy, look forward to or worse still try to play up to get punishment. In our relationship, I enjoy discipline play and like to outsource the punishment to a professional Mistress, you can read more below on how both work for us... Play - We play maybe 4 or 5 times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less, based on my mood. Getting ready my boots for example, set an expectation for him and give me a sense of power - I'm taller, he knows they mean I'm in certain mood and I love how I look in them - this all builds up my confidence for some bedroom play. I alway tell him to get ready, he then prepares our bedroom and kneels cage on in front of the bed ready to greet me. We start with our ritual kiss to my boots/shoes as I enter and sit in front of him and place on the nipple clamps. This means we're in our discipline roles and he knows what to expect. Play can be different things - impact, sensation, etc... lots of teasing and tormenting but rarely is it harsh, it is play, I enjoy it and I know how much he enjoys its. There is pain of course, but 'my' cock normally gives me a good indication of his enjoyment and stays hard or bulging (depending on the presence or not of the cage) - a good built in indicator! Sometimes he is allowed to cum at the end, either in me or out (with clean up) - but always my call and often one I only make during play. See more on a mini blog about a recent play session on our blog here. Punishment - Over time, I have found what I enjoy and what I don't. I don't enjoy dungeons and I'm not a traditional sadist, at least when it comes to Sub B, but I do enjoy discipline at home as outlined above. Therefore for me outsourcing harder punishment and giving him the fix of a Mistress works. Sending him off with a short note which the Mistress goes through with him - how he has done since the last session, things he is to work on after the session and things he is to be specifically punished for during the session. The sessions are normally CP focused, though electrics and other tortures and torments are used. My only limits for the Mistress are no CBT, no medical and if he is allowed a release it is ruined and he cleans up completely. The aim is that he is challenged to push himself, increasing the pain level he can take and all the time being reminded I'm inflicting it, albeit in an outsourced way. He doesn't enjoy it and it pushes him much further then I want directly to as part of our relationship. I normally get him to tell me all about it when he is home, I find I really enjoy this and often check in with the Mistress after too, to get her sense of how he did and discuss ideas for the next session. So to summaries, enjoy discipline play at home, it is rewarding and fun, but consider as part of a female led relationship outsourcing the harsher parts - it really work for us and our relationship.
This is interesting. I think we fall into a third sweetspot: the punishment turns me on, but is always far enough out of my comfort zone that I'm viscerally averse to it. Xena, meanwhile gets her sadistic kicks.
Lol... Yeah, you would definitely need to pick the right cp Domme to do this to order. One who doesn't mind being a service Domme. I think I'd only trust a Domme friend. Though, I wouldn't want to give the pleasure of intimacy away to another Domme though, I am a little into cucking...I love watching my sub get pleasured by a Domme who is my submissive. When I'm at a club I've had Dommes ask me to cp their sub. I always make sure the Domme knows what they are asking... Lol. I'm a sexual Domme so a lot of interactions I have gets me aroused and my dynamics with subs are usually sexually charged. I prefer the Domme to double Domme with me so things don't get complicated. But for privates, I usually decline. I dont stand for other Domme's putting restrictions on me - if they give me their sub for an afternoon there has to be no limits. One time I unwittingly found myself in a 'forced' service Domme situation. I was in Berlin and found myself a few play subs. One of them showed up with a cock cage on. Was not impressed. It wasn't the deal but his Mistress had decided at the last minute to use me to be his arousal warm up for her play with him that night. She disrespected me, and her sub was embarrassed for it. But, of course, I got to the bottom of it - subs tell me their Mistress's secrets - Haha, apparently jealousy had got the better of her and I just laughed. Ownership makes one insecure about sharing. But, I felt sorry for the sub - obviously if he had a great time sexually with me he'd be punished for it (emotionally for days or weeks , as he and his Domme were in a romantic relationship as well). So, I did nothing to sexually arouse him, but we had a great time - we decided to go out on a date instead and he showed me around town and we went to a few bdsm stores. Back at my hotel we played dress ups that afternoon and I dare say he discovered his femininity. I'm sure his Domme would have been put out because she apparently liked him being an alpha sub. She might have owned him, but he was completely mine for four hours.