I Think She’s Coming Around

Hi All,

I mentioned this is my intro and on my profile, but I recently told my wife of over 15 years about my desire to be in chastity and for her to be my KH.

She was very confused and uncertain. She is very very vanilla so this was really difficult to bring up. She somehow didn’t flatly refuse me and has been willing to continue discussing it. I asked her if she would read a book to help her understand and she agreed. So, she is reading Georgia Ivey Green’s handbook.

We spoke more about it last night. She said the book is helping, but she’s still uncertain. She still doesn’t understand why I want this. She doesn’t get that it is more pleasurable over time for me to please her and be denied. She doesn’t get how difficult it is not to masterbate even when she is available to me. She also feels like it’s mean and she isn’t a mean person.

Finally though last night she brought up that when we were engaged I pleased her a lot and she almost never reciprocated. It’s a long story but a very conservative upbringing made us wait for actual intercourse until we were married, but she allowed me to finger and lick her. She have me two or three handjobs in that 11 month span. She told me last night that didn’t make her feel bad, so maybe this won’t. I think that’s progress.

She also usually has a very very low libido so she’s concerned I could be in “a world of hurt” if we do this. I tried to explain to her that’s kind of the idea. She also admired though that since I told her and she has been reading the book, sex is on her mind none stop so maybe this will be a longer lasting effect of it. So far I’ve been able to convince her to allow me to give her two orgasms without any reciprocation. Last night, she even pulled back on her clothing said “now I’m tired” and rolled over.

I think we’re getting somewhere and I’ll update the thread as things develop. She has said I can continue to ask her about what she’s thinking and it won’t bother her, so hopefully I’ll have more updates soon.

Any and all advice is appreciated.

 

Thanks, I’m already noticing that. I tell her why. It’s been a desire since before I even knew what it was. That I want to show 100% commitment to her. That I want all my sexual focus to be on her and her alone. Tht I honestly get so much more pleasure pleasing her. I think she’s just trying to wrap her mind around it. I’ve also explained why it isn’t mean. That as hard as it was to bring up, I would have never done so if it weren’t something I really wanted. I think she understands, it’s jusy hard to believe.

 

So, it’s been more than a year and I think there has just been the tiniest bit of progress. Last January we talked about it several more times at my prompting. I finally told her I wouldn’t bring it up anymore unless she wanted me to. And that was that. In all honesty, I had pretty much given up. Then last week I was doing laundry. Usually I do mine separate because I go through a lot with my work uniform, PT uniform, and civilian clothes. I told her I had just put hers in as well. The next day as I’m dozing on the couch, I get a text that says doing her laundry was hot and she is now hot and I should come take care of that.

It was like a switch went on in my head at that point and I just started to do as much house work as I could and be as helpful as possible. I didn’t even know why at first. Then I thought maybe it’s bc of the chastity thing. So I just decided to be chaste all on my own to see if there was a connection. Sure enough, the desire to please increased. So I decided a few things. One is that I’m getting a good cage and self locking at the very least. Not really for me, but because it makes me a better husband for her. Another was I needed to let her know what happened and that I’m going to do my best to continue to be a better husband regardless of how she reacts. That I will not pester her or bother her about it but if she wants to know more, I think she can help me be better and I think it can benefit her. I also gave her “around your finger” by Ken Addison as I think that’s more her speed. She reminded me that laundry and housework wouldn’t always turn her on, she does worry when we don’t have sex for too long. and that she doesn’t think about sex a lot so that’s like a viscous circle. I told her I remember and not to worry about me as this is all about her. I don’t ever want to top from the bottom and I want her to see that.

Anyway, I have some hope again.

 

No problem. Slow going here. I know it’s confusing.

 

Thanks. I definitely like that plant analogy.

 

I honestly thought she had forgotten it, but she told me she still thinks about it. I guess her pace is just way different from mine. I’m finally starting to realize that.

 

We’ve actually talked about that. My unique position means I usually get a call making sure I’ll be around for the UA. I think I’ve been surprised by one in 11 years. So in all likelihood I’d be able to get the cage off ahead of time. On top of that, the NCOs always seem embarrassed to actually watch a chaplain provide a sample. I usually make a joke about holy water to calm them down some. If worse came to worse, there’s really no rule against it. Sure it would be a bit embarrassing, but no big deal really.

 

So, she now knows it’s been 19 days since I’ve masterbated (I think a record for me). She didn’t say much really, just that she can’t imagine wanting me to ever stop being as helpful as I’ve been lately. The honor system is not easy. I really need to bring up the cage idea again, but I don’t want to push it. She seems happy at the moment and that’s the whole point anyway, right?

 

Thanks. It’s definitely difficult to explain to her why this is so difficult for me. I don’t know. Maybe that’s the point? We’re about to spend almost two weeks apart as I have to travel for work and she’s going to do some sight seeing. I’m afraid I’ll fall off the wagon if I don’t have her to focus my energy on. No orgasms are one thing when I can at least through myself into serving my beautiful wife. It’s going to be a whole different challenge away from her. I let her know that and she shares my concern.

 

Thanks. Your story is really encouraging. Regardless of her decision, I’m going to do my best to continue to honor her. Hoping she’ll see that.

 

So, I asked if we could talk more tonight. She said, “maybe, but don’t expect me to say much because it takes a long time for me to process this stuff.” I said that’s fine of course, and just asked her to tell me when she had processed it. She said , “ok, but it may take another 40 years.” (We’re both 40) Dear God, I hope she’s just being playful.