Is Chastity Just A Head Game?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by LittleAndLockedJames, Oct 4, 2017.

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  1. LittleAndLockedJames
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    OK, I am asking a serious question.

    I have fantasised about being held in chastity by someone for a long time. I recently bought a device to wear, as yet my wife does not know, and enjoy the feeling of not having the ability to pleasure myself. I feel almost content and despite a few biological happenings sleep well in it. To clarify, we sleep in separate rooms because of my snoring not a lack if closeness.


    Having read through quite a few posts on line it seems cages are not secure. Padlock, glue or solder all seemed leave room for escape. At a last resort brute strength would rip the things apart. And, unless bespoke, can be replaced with no knowledge of the keyholder. I cage myself at the moment as I am scared to tell my wife my fantasy.

    So here goes

    Is chastity really only in the mind, a state which can't exist if there is not a true love?
     
  2. Doug Scibor
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    Doug Scibor Long term member

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    There is no system that cannot be beaten if you want to beat it. (get it? beat it?!) Even if you're locked up with a piercing and a full steel tube, you can still put a vibrator on the cage and get off. Ball trap devices are subject to pull out. There is always a way to cheat.

    I have become to accustomed to my cage, I hate to take it off. It is a reminder of my promise and the rules of the game. It makes cheating a specific and thoughtful act as opposed to mindless stroking because there is an erection and desire.

    Chastity is absolutely a mind-game and a powerful one but the cage can play a special part in that game if you're willing to let it.
     
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  3. Guest 3729
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    Guest 3729 Long term member

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    I agree with @Doug Scibor
    The ball trap devices can be pulled out of but some models have anti pullout additions. Mine is a ball trap style and 90% of the time I'd hurt myself trying to get out of it but at the end of the day my balls drop a bit lower which makes pullout very easy. The devices that require a piercing are the most secure but as stated above you can still use a vibrator to get off. However the orgasm is not as good, more like a ruined O. Then there are the full belts, I've never worn one but I've heard that these devices can also be incredibly secure as long as the fit is right and I wouldn't think a vibrator would work well with a full belt but again I don't have experience with those. The best way to think of a chastity device is like a wedding ring. You've made a commitment to your partner and the cage is on you and serves as a reminder that you promise not to orgasm unless you have permission.

    Talk to your wife about chastity and see if she'd be interested. This lifestyle is great for relationships and can bring you even closer together.
     
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  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Devices are orgasm resistant not orgasm proof. Mine is the closest I have had so far, because the prong is attached to the device. I could use a wand on it but that might take up to an hour or more, I’ve “tested” it and couldn’t feel anything or had pain through piercing. Given enough time I still think I might be able to get there, but it certainly isn’t something that would be casual or a moment of weakness...would have to spend time and effort.

    It is certainly mostly a mind game, but it can and does have physical properties. The inability to have an orgasm, or erection isn’t just in your head...sensitivity, temporary size, and even behavior can alter...not always for the better, and may not be what you thought it would be.
     
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  5. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    A person can pull out of a ball trap device as I have done. The problem I had was when I got hard it was very uncomfortable and almost painful. So I just stopped trying.
     
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  6. Guest 3729
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    Guest 3729 Long term member

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    True, I suppose a ball trap device is most secure when you're aroused and hard, mine would be impossible to pull out of in that instance. So in that sense it helps the spur of the moment wanting to masturbate versus considering cheating the system before you are hard.
     
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  7. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    It is partly in the mind. But partly also three feet lower down. And they say the most potent sexual organ is the brain. And can exist whether there is true love or not. But then the dynamics aren't quite the same.
     
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  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Speaking only for myself, would find it impossible for me to trust someone enough, give up that much of who you are, or submit to another, without love being involved.

    I’m not bashing those that self lock or have an online kh, I just couldn’t do this without love. Heck it can be dicey and full of anxiety and doubts when you are with someone you love.
     
  9. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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    Male Chastity, as practiced by most on this site, IS a "mind game," if you want to use those words. I think "Erotic Fantasy" is a better description. But there are multiple physical aspects to it. The most obvious is the cage itself, which plays a powerful role in creating and sustaining the fantasy. Others include the physical effect, including wear and tear, on the genitals, which is fairly common. Most locked up guys have at one time had some degree of pinching, irritation or discomfort, and/or the need to sit while urinating, and/or frequent, sometimes uncontrollable leakage of semen. ("Tears of frustration, as this phenomena is sometimes referred to). All these are real, physical events that reinforce the fantasy.

    You will notice the majority of guys here are married or have a strong relationship with a women, quite a few for many years. (like me). Most of us got into chastity relatively later in life, often (at least in part) influence by real physical issues. As men get older, sexual arousal changes, usually becoming less dynamic. It's harder to get it up and keep it up, and the desire to do so lessens. Women, in contrast, don't have the same issues as they age. They don't usually experience a loss of the ability to get aroused, and may even notice an increased level of desire. Further, with long married couples, things like kids, jobs, aging parents, etc have gotten in the way of intimacy for so long that they've gotten used to not having it. That's a very fertile setting for male chastity to succeed.

    Chastity gives an extra physical source of arousal to men without being threatening. In other words, he doesn't have to worry about being able to maintain an erection in order to sexually satisfy a women. The woman experiences a (at least imaginary) degree of control over intimacy that she may have never had before, and which our society doesn't really facilitate. Both partners enter chastity-based sexual intimacy with new, different sets of feelings, which makes them highly erotic. Think about the last time you realized you were going to be successful in seducing a new partner, and how incredibly exciting it was. That kind of feeling can be recreated safely, within the context of a traditional marriage, by the practice of male chastity. For the man, the pressure to "perform" in the traditional sense is off, even though he can still evoke passion in his partner; for the woman, having "control" of her man is a psychologically powerful new feeling. Both experience increased levels of arousal. And what was typically a loving (if somewhat stifled) relationship, can blossom into passionate lover affair all over again.

    Yes, you can virtually always escape from any device. But the fascinating thing is: most locked up guys don't want to escape. Escape destroys the fantasy, which is where the arousal springs from.

    You will also notice there are many additions/modifications to the fantasy discussed here. Feminization, S&M, cuckolding, etc can be an exciting component of the experience for some, but doesn't have to be. I suspect most couples participating in chastity do very little of the more extreme stuff, but there is no way of knowing for sure. I'd be willing to bet that most couples practicing chastity show no outward signs of it. For all intents and purposes, they appear to be perfectly vanilla couples to the society at large, and they generally prefer that it stay that way.

    So, finally, without question, the best person to participate in a chastity arrangement is someone you love and trust deeply. In that setting, it can be a powerful erotic stimulus to a relationship. Of course there are exceptions to this, and many of them make it work without that deep love and trust. But, I can guarantee that if you search the web for information about male chastity, you'll notice almost every site is dominated by married couples. Tell your wife about it. You may have to overcome her reservations about what our society has considered a "fetish" or a bad thing for centuries. Once she does that, however, I'd bet you and she will greatly appreciate it. Good luck.
     
  10. Jamie's-Locked
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    Jamie's-Locked Long term member

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    Wow, I saw the thread title and none of you left anything for me to address. You've all expressed it so well.
     
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  11. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    I prefer to wear a cage which along with my PA allows no stimulation of my penis. Ths is suffice for me to be able to say that I can not cum without damaging cage or otherwise making itr obvious that I had cheated..Not that I would cheat it is the head-fuck of not being'able' to that appeals to me.

    When it comes down to it I choose to allow my current KH to control my orgasms and my access to my penis and my ability to get erect and some other things as she so wishes and do so because it pleases me to do so.

    That said I think makes it quite clear that for me it is undoubtedly entirely a mind game and for all the reasons stated above by myself and others..
     
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  12. BB69D
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    BB69D Member

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  13. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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  14. bnd2plz
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    bnd2plz I keep my favorite things locked up tight!

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    ....Hmmmmmm.
    Maybe the long-time tradition of newly weds exchanging wedding rings should be updated to include the male receiving a cock-cage and the female receiving the keys.
    I now pronounce you “Mrs. Keyholder and Mr. frustrated, you may lock the groom”.
     
  15. b2please
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    b2please A fun and powerful game!

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    I would say chastity is not JUST a mind game. The physical device being on me causes amazing changes in what I think about, what turns me on, what chores I am drawn to, how I treat my wife, etc. It's easier to eat right and lose weight. I cannot produce these changes without wearing a device, and I have tried many times. I think some of these distinct changes in behavior and preferences must be biochemical.

    Does your brain have to be involved? Of course.
    Do you have to allow it to be worn, and allow you and your wife to play the intense game? Of course.
    Is the brain an awesome complementary sex organ? Yes.

    If you are asking how secure it is, mine are pretty darn perfectly fitting and secure. I'd have to be very deliberately working hard to get out enough to get stimulated, it would be difficult and not enjoyable, questionable whether I could get back in easily, and I'd feel aweful.

    I have the discipline not to cheat on my wife, and easily have the discipline not to cheat the intention and meaning of the chastity device. But there really is a profound change in whether I would even think about that while wearing a device, at least for me. Once in chastity, the changes in how I feel go totally against wanting to cheat and trying to get out secretly and "cheat".
     
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  16. mcfeely
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    mcfeely Long term member

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    chastity forces you to re define your role in the relationship and you give up your own views and subjugate your views to hers. Most of the threads on this site have the men " changing" over time to become "better" men. Are they better men or have they become feminized and are taking on a pseudo girlfriend role? Be careful what you are willing to give up.
     
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  17. demale
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    demale Long term member

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    In our female-controlled marriage we had a power exchange that makes me the wife. There'll be no going back.
     
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  18. mcfeely
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    mcfeely Long term member

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    Exactly. You have been changed or liberated depending on your point of view.
     
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  19. demale
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    demale Long term member

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    In my case, I've been both changed and liberated, since I've always wanted to be a female.
     
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  20. masohedo
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    masohedo Long term member

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    Bravo! Bravissimo!! Great posts DrMBogo and bnd2plz!!
    Chastity is a great relationship enhancer!!
     
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  21. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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    LOL-yes! "When you hear the click, you may kiss the bride"
     
  22. Dogchasecats
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    Dogchasecats Princess Elizabeth
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    A tether spout or a Prince Albert piercing make it very hard to get out with the right cage I hear. I get regular proof pics and have put some of my techniques in another thread on this site. Yes it is a mind game, the devices are just part of it. However when I use some of my techniques over time his brain gets required. If the rewiring is strong enough it’s a device that is inescapable. The reason is his brain does not want to disobey. All the tools and techniques are just tools to rewire the brain. Can a addicted drug addict just stop in one day? Yes. does he really want to? He may have good intentions but the brain wants that pleasure he is addicted to. The longer he gets pleasure from the fix the harder it is for him to stop. The brain wiring is just to thick. Most addicts KNOW this fix will literally KILL them. They do it anyway. Obedience and submission to me will not kill him. How difficult do you think it would be for my husband to give up the pleasure he knows submission to me will give him? Very, I hold a key he can never get his hands on and he is wearing a unseen cage he does not want to escape from.
     
  23. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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    Absolutely! I do NOT want to escape! After being in "lock down" for 3 months or so, I crave it. When I get out for whatever reason for longer than a few hours, I very much want to get back in my cage! I am clearly addicted to being locked up and in submission, as are many of the males here
     
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  24. Madamebellestoy
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    Madamebellestoy Long term member

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    Everything is a head game.
     
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  25. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    Very well said. When Love is involved Trust and Respect are a natural part of the relationship. For myself we were together for 25 years before we started chastity and almost 30 before we got real serious about it. We Love, Trust and Respect each other Totally. With an online KH or someone who your paying to control you the situation would be totally different. I'm not saying it can't work but I think it would be more difficult.
     
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