Post orgasm letdown

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by FancyUsername, Aug 30, 2012.

Random Thread
  1. FancyUsername
    Offline

    FancyUsername Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:46 PM
    So, a little about me. I've been interested in chastity and orgasm denial for a while now (I'm 19). But, i do not have a keyholder. I'm on my own, so i often play by self locking. I never usually go longer than a few days. My longest has been 5 days. But that's besides the point.
    What I'm trying to understand, and am hoping some of you have experience/knowledge to help me understand this:

    When i get horny, i usually indulge in teasing myself, edging, etc. Then, i feel like i shouldn't come, because the concept of not being allowed to turns me on to no end(so sometimes i lock myself). However, after i do orgasm, be it a real orgasm or ruined, that feeling is completely gone and replaced by the opposite. I immediately feel so glad that i came because I've avoided wasting so much time on this meaningless crap that i would otherwise had if i didn't (which is how i feel about the entire concept of chastity/denial at the time). So, i hate it. I hate chastity, orgasm denial, etc. It seems so stupid and redundant to me. However, after some time passes, i get horny again, and the whole process starts over. Right now I am writing this while I'm horny (I'm without orgasm for 2 days). If i wasn't, i wouldn't be anywhere near this page, i would delete my history, as i would be so completely sure that this is the last time, this is it. From now on, I'll never engage in this time wasting, stupid activity. And yet i keep coming back.

    So, what I'm trying to understand, is that do i want chastity/orgasm denial, or do i not want it. Will it make me happier(yes, i know, it shouldn't be about me, but i don't have someone that i can please), or not.

    On a side note, regarding my sexual interests, i would choose pleasing over getting pleased any time. I'll readily trade intercourse for giving oral pleasure.
    However, i am still a virgin, and have done neither, but i know what i want.

    So, any thoughts?

    Thanks.
     
  2. albert
    Offline

    albert New member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2012
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    3:46 AM
    There are a *lot* of ways to approach chastity play, and,, at age 19, everything having to do with sex is much more intense, both emotionally and physically, than it will be as you get older. So enjoy the intensity while you can!

    For me, at least, the post-orgasmic dynamic is *very* different depending on whether a partner/keyholder is involved. For solo play, there's nothing pushing back against the letdown you describe. You find yourself thinking, "Wow, this was great! Why was I denying myself? What am I getting out of this? How silly!" And you're right, as far as it goes. (Of course, as you've experienced, your feelings about this can change, and you can find the growing frustration to be gratifying in its own way).

    But there's more going on when you've got a partner involved.

    For me, the absolute best part of chastity is when my partner, right after I'm allowed orgasm, locks me back up. I don't want it then and there -- it seems silly and unnecessary - but it's also so incredibly hot. And then it gets that much hotter as my desire grows.

    Try the following experiment next time you allow yourself release: Imagine you've found yourself incredibly sexy partner who you've just had amazing sex with for the first time after a flirtation of several weeks. And that partner-of-your-dreams has just let you have a mind blowing orgasm (that you;re actually giving yourself, but play along here). Now, as you're lying there in that blissful post orgasmic state, imagine that sexy partner whispers in your ear, "I really love the way you've been the last couple weeks, and I want you that way when I see you next. So promise me right now that for the next week - seven whole days, starting right now, you'll think about me all the time but won't touch yourself at al." And then lock yourself back up (or promise yourself that you won't masturbate for at least a week, starting right there).

    And see how that works for you. You'll have to use your imagination.
     
  3. Mistress Deborah
    Offline

    Mistress Deborah Long term member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    799
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    7:46 AM
    Fancyusername
    Another way around this could be an online keyholder ?
    She would give you targets and rewards for reaching them.
    just an idea- good luck!

    Mistress Deborah
     
  4. Norwegianwood80
    Offline

    Norwegianwood80 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2012
    Messages:
    120
    Likes Received:
    204
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    8:46 AM
    I have/had the same problem as you have. And I am 32 years old. Don`t think it is something that will go away.
    But an online keyholder is actually what worked for me. Now I am allowed a few orgasm a year and I have no idea when I am allowed to have them. And when I have orgasm, it is the most intense and greatest feeling ever. You are soo exhausted after an orgasm and you do not want to hate chastity and stuff. You just forget it for a while;)

    You should get yourself an online key holder;)
    Or better......a key holder;)
     
  5. gibnot
    Offline

    gibnot Locked Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Local Time:
    12:46 AM
    You need a KH. DO IT.
     
  6. FancyUsername
    Offline

    FancyUsername Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:46 PM
    Yeah, i agree with most of you, a keyholder would be a solution.


    Yeah, i wish, it's not like they grow on trees :). But I'll try my best
     
  7. janx
    Offline

    janx Recovering Lurker

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2012
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    2:46 AM
    The feelings that you experience after orgasm are not unusual. I can't tell you what causes it, but it is a fact of life. I have experienced the same thing (maybe not as severe), and I know that there are many others out there who have as well. Do you want to be in chastity? Well, you keep coming back to it, so yeah probably. All I know to tell you is that when you do orgasm, try not to let those thoughts consume you. Try to think of other things.

    As for finding a KH, you're young, be patient. All of the great relationships I've had in my life have come along when I least expected it.
     
  8. Lady Germaine
    Offline

    Lady Germaine Active member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2012
    Messages:
    107
    Likes Received:
    44
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Southcentral Pennsylvania
    Local Time:
    3:46 AM
    The "letdown", as you describe it, is typical for a normal male following orgasm. This is just another one of the many reasons I, and many other dommes who practice enforced chastity, prefer to rarely allow our subbies to come if at all.

    At 19, you still have quite a few years to go before you might get your feelings and emotions in order. Be patient, enjoy your young life in the meantime, and as you mature, eventually you'll have a firmer grasp on what you really want in life. :smile:
     
    dereknor likes this.
  9. 2inch
    Offline

    2inch chasity,its for my own good

    Joined:
    May 15, 2012
    Messages:
    375
    Likes Received:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:46 AM
    Yes,a keyholder,i never want locked,i dont want locked now a keyholder will fix that prob
     
  10. Ladynsniffer
    Offline

    Ladynsniffer Essentially a eunuch

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    39
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Las Vegas
    Local Time:
    12:46 AM
    Fancy,

    Thank you for sharing with us your feelings. Luckily, the crowd here at CM is very supportive and you will get good information but always trust your own judgment. What you describe is very common. I suffer tremendous guilt whenever I have an orgasm. Similar feelings. Cyber sex doesn't do much for me. But, I do enjoy friendship with folks in the lifestyle. I am always fascinated about how other men and women handle their emotions and sex. I am grateful for the years of support and information I have received on-line. There are predators out there too, so be careful. Personally, hiring a keyholder for me would be fun for about ten minutes. A real relationship with a real dominant woman who understands how needy you will become after she locks you in chastity should be your true goal. It won't be easy. But, don't settle for anything less. Your virginity will be truly valued by the right woman.

    Fantasy and reality are two different worlds. My toughest task when I was your age was somehow and someway controlling myself just enough to get a college degree. Once I graduated, work took over control. There are times during the year when I would literally go in to heat and I would take a week long vacation just to indulge myself in my fantasy world. But, the reality of earning a living would always come back and take over. You will struggle with these feelings your whole life unless you become independently wealthy or have your testicles removed. Of course, the third possibility, and the one you will get if you focus on it, is a dominant woman who understands you and will control your sexual behavior.

    So much more to say but I will leave it here.

    Marcus
     
  11. Mascara^Snake
    Offline

    Mascara^Snake Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2009
    Messages:
    2,672
    Likes Received:
    4,656
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Scotland
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    7:46 AM
    Your post orgasm "refractory period" is caused by a release of Prolactin into your system post orgasm.
    It's perfectly natural for you to feel that way afterwards.
    The best way for you to avoid this refractory period is simply not to indulge in orgasms.
    Stimulation without orgasm will ensure that your blood will remain awash with serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin and other endogenous opioids.
     
    dereknor likes this.
  12. FancyUsername
    Offline

    FancyUsername Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2012
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:46 PM
    Thank you Mascara^Snake, very interesting.
    Ladysniffer, yeah i agree, a real relationship is of course what I'm looking forward to, i don't care for "hiring a keyholder".

    Thanks all for the replies, i really enjoy reading them.

    On the topic, i think one of the main reasons i keep coming back to orgasm denial, is because i find myself more willing to do things. For example, I'd easily engage in conversation with a shop attendant when I'm buying something, ask a stranger for directions if i need them, talk to a girl i like, etc. All of my shyness and fear goes away, and i feel on top of the world. However, when I'm sated, i don't usually do that. I'm with an attitude of "Fuck it, i don't really need to talk to them,", etc. In other words, i lose will.

    Anyone else has a similar experience?
     
    Mascara^Snake likes this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice