After 4 years of Chastity and Feminization, a next big step...

It's almost 4 years since I joined the mansion.
It's been a long long road, a roller coaster, I would say.

Some of you might still remember me. I started experimenting with chastity a long time ago (long before joining the mansion). Chastity never left me and I never left chastity. It was always there, sometimes I would pay more attention to it, sometimes less. The most important thing is that I always kept coming back to it because of the benefits I would get from it.

Unluckily, I never had a partner open minded enough to join me in this journey or in discovering new things within sexuality, relationships and BDSM. After a long bumpy road I recovered my freedom, and I'm single again! Totally free now to develop and enjoy my sexuality/spirituality as I feel it and as I need it.
As long as I don't find a new partner to join me, I will continue developing and experimenting on my own, always busy with new ideas and new steps and challenges.
By now, I'm almost sure that my next partner is going to be male. But that's again a challenge, finding a man, a kind of Daddy, who understands my complexity and dynamics and can support me in this process.

It was always clear that my approach to chastity is very different to most members of the Mansion. First of all, I never had a keyholder, tried it with my previous partners but they just couldn't wrap their heads around it. I used to be a big fan of FemDom and Female Led Relationships, but I think very different about it now. During my discoveries and experimentation I realized that discovering and developing the female inside of me brought me much further in my spiritual, personal and sexual development.
I look much further than just the kink of being caged, or the BDSM games related to chastity and feminization. At some point I started studying the role of gender in ancient cultures and human history and discovered that in many cases "transgender" or "gender fluid" (as we call it now) human beings used to have a special position in many cultures. In most cases those humans (mostly men), that would have a strong male and female side both in balance in the same body, would be seen as special beings for having the ability to connect with almost everyone, males and females. In some cultures they would get a special role such as priests or some kind of spiritual leader role.

In my journey I discovered that the chastity and feminization of my sexuality (see my threath about rewiring) helped me to tame and control the wild testosterone driven male sexuality. Eliminating the orgasm as a goal of sexuality, helped me to learn that sexual energy can be canalized and used for other purposes in life (spiritual and personal development). Old indian and asian cultures used to have entire rituals around this "orgasm avoiding" practice mainly linked to spirituality (e.g. tantra, yoga, etc) (I also practice yoga, by the way)

In the past years I learned to focus on gaining as much pleasure as possible just from arousal and very often just from penetration and trying to entirely forget about the orgasm, then redirect that energy in my body. All this done by self discipline and using tucking as a chastity method. Tucking is for me also very important because of esthetics. I can wear the sweetest panties ever and they all just fit perfect. But also the feeling of "having nothing" between my legs feels so great when walking, sleeping, etc. It really supports the female feeling and helps with refocusing (rewiring) arousal to other areas (anal and oral) instead of male genitals. Because of that I had the motivation to focus more on penetration, always using dildos.

But now THE NEXT BIG STEP, going for the real thing. The ultimate experience of being a girl is being with a real man. But as I mentioned before, its easier said than done. Finding a nice guy who understands all this development, respects it and supports it, not an easy task.
Most guys feel that they've done a great job if I get an orgasm. It's difficult for them to understand that all I want is penetration (and pleasing him orally) but PLEASE don't bring me to orgasm.
I can only imagine how excited and aroused I will be after being with a man and not having an orgasm. Redirecting all that arousal energy is going to be the next challenge.

So, I hope to be able to make this next big step soon and share my experience with you. It's not a common approach here at the mansion, and maybe that's what makes it interesting for some of you.


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Here you find the links to some of my old threads I mentioned above:

The Neurochemistry of Sex (and Chastity)

Rewiring sexuality. Moving from cock to anal centered sexuality

Tucking instead of wearing a device

 

Thanks!! Great to hear that you recognize many things. It's always great to be in touch with other like minded people.

 

Thanks a lot!

 

Thanks for your feedback! It's just great to eliminate the orgasm as the goal. Feels so liberating!!

 

@tvalex Thanks for your kind words!

@R2002 I love this place. Not so often here as I would like to. But i found many liked minded people here. Great to be here, and a pleasure to share my experience with you all.

@winstonmacgregor thanks for your reaction. Ansolutely. Having both, a strong male and female side inside of me helps me connect easier with both, But I also see that i'm moving more and more towards the feminine side. And i also realize that I connect much more with girls now and less and less with guys. I just love being feminine.

@Finn-egan Thanks! Ohhh yes!!! I LOVE THIS SHOES!!! I have the also in red!