Trying to sell denial

Putting her first means giving her what she wants, even if it contradicts with your desires and evaluation of the situation. If she doesn't mind your drop, you're just going to have to deal with it. Trying to change her mind is classic topping from the bottom.

 

I disagree given the context of where this is being asked. If this was in the female led relationship forum then your answer makes complete sense, but in a more vanilla relationship I don't see anything wrong with asking for your significant other to indulge something that is important to you, just like every other facet of a typical relationship.

Fatkid - My biggest issue with my wife at first was that she didn't really believe that chastity and orgasm denial was something I really wanted because it wasn't something that she could relate to. The biggest thing for me was to try and understand why I wanted to have her lock me in chastity and explain that to her. Telling her that it was something that was important to me and her understanding why it was important made it something that she wanted to try because ultimately, one of the goals of relationships is to not just find someone to be with but to try and make that person happy.

 

For us it really had to do with me understanding why I wanted to be locked. Once I was able to convey that to her then she began to understand that it was something that I truly wanted whereas before she didn't believe me to an extent because she couldn't imagine why anyone would want something like that. Explaining to her that I felt closer to her when she denied me for extended periods of time and that it was both a constant sexual and emotional high made her more strict and enjoy it more.

 

make her cum first, if you can, and then when she's satisfied you can stop and tell her "I've done what I needed to, thank you."

 

When my Miss and I first started out I very much was interested in the denial aspect because I wanted to feel all of the emotions and feelings of being denied long term. From the beginning Miss has done her own thing and found her own way in regards to how I'm locked. I attempted making requests and logical arguments as to why me being locked longer would benefit both of us. She wouldn't hear it because a big part of what she likes is me cumming and especially on her. That's what she finds exciting, so not allowing me orgasms is actually taking away from something she likes.

The longer we've been living chastity the longer my lock ups have started to become. She generally doesn't push me past 2 or 3 weeks but I'm finding we're hitting that 3 week mark quite often especially this year. The first year was usually around a week, the next year was 1-2 weeks and now that we're in year 3, as I said we hitbthe 3 week mark quite a bit. I believe Miss now fully understands the difference in my behavior when I'm pre O versus post O. She's trying to find the delicate balance for us that makes her most happy. Things don't always work out the way you think though, as my lockups have gotten longer I'm not necessarily giving my Miss more O's. In fact I feel like she allows me less sexual contact with her in general. I'm way more attentive to her because of the prolonged chastity and she very much likes that but she also likes to make me very desperately want her which means even depriving me pleasuring her. She said the biggest mistake I ever made was buying her a hitachi magic wand. I've seen that sucker come out a lot more often lately which I'm happy for her but also makes me a little sad that I'm not the one pleasuring her. So I got my longer denial periods amd although my level of adoration for her is through the roof, it's still not what I expected.

I actually had to ask her if things would change in this regard when she got out of school. She giggled yes knowing that she's been driving me nuts with her form of denial. Part of it is her wanting to deny me and the other part has to do with our schedule and time we actually have for each other.

Long story short, I wasn't appreciating that she was trying and learning new things for our relationship but taking it at a much slower pace than I'd anticipated. I was always waiting for her to "try the next thing", I couldn't appreciate what she was doing for me and for us.

I'm not saying don't make suggestions, I'm saying make suggestions but leave it alone if she doesn't seem interested. I started having more fun when I truly submitted to her and went with her flow. Yes, there are several things I still wish she'd try with me bdsm/Chastity related and perhaps one day she will try them. Until then I earn her respect by doing as she wishes and doing it her way.

So I say just enjoy what she's wanting and if your patient, things typically start to slowly evolve and before you know it you're locked up for 6 weeks. Which at that point you may or may not want lol.

 

This was actually rather easy - I explained my desire, then that she would continue to get orgasms by me from toys, hands and tongue all while I stayed chaste. I followed through on that, so she actually started having BETTER sex than before I was denied.

 

It isn't something that comes natural as your sexual partner expects to be able to make you orgasm as part of their goal. You'll need to work with her and eventually she will be okay with just getting hers and not having and issue if you don't orgasm.

My biggest hurdle was I can normally make N orgasm multiple times with PIV but she only orgasms once with oral and then she is done as she is too sensitive. A bonus though is with PIV she is normally wide awake from all the physical activity but with oral she is ready to drift off to sleep soon after so she has somewhat become accustomed to oral vs PIV most of the time.

 

Exactly everything in this post is right on the money. I am working through this with my wife right now.
We typically get hot and heavy, I start to please her and, well.. i like to beg and be denied. Makes me feel more under her control. For a while she would tease and I would make my plea for a release and she'd turn me down once MAYBE twice then she'd give it over.
It took us a while to work it out because she thought that she was helping me. It took me denying myself and going over and beyond for her pleasure then explaining why a few times but she is coming around to it.
I really believe it's about understanding. Especially if you are in a healthy relationship she's going to want to please you and be pleased herself just as you would vice-versa. You need to find a way to make it known that denial IS pleasing and give her your reason why (different for everyone i guess).

For an example I really enjoy foot worship and she enjoys being pampered. So one night I was really treating her nicely and in return i was feeling really good. She says to me "you can play with yourself" and I said "I want you to tell me not to play with myself, i want to focus on you and be forbidden myself".
We continued on and 2 or 3 more times the same situation happened once I began pleasuring her. We talked afterwards AGAIN and I had to find another way to explain my wants. Not because i wanted the control, but because healthy relationships are reciprocal in one way or another.

The other scenario is she just doesn't want to do things that way, in which case you should still have a conversation and find out why and work on it together. Just because you have a D/s relationship doesn't mean 100% for her and nothing for you. It's just confusing because sometimes being denied IS our something... if you are confused reading this sentence just imagine someone who has no concept of that to begin with and work together to make the best partnership you can.
Sorry for rambling on, just thought it was interesting that this question was asked and I'm on the tail end of fixing it with my wife.