My vanilla wife

I really like the honesty in your post. So much of the stuff that gets posted on here is either obvious fantasy, or seems a bit embellished.

My wife is very vanilla (excluding her fascination with me being chaste). She doesn’t like or even allow me to give her oral sex. She detests vibrators and any other sex toys. She doesn’t want an orgasm three times a day (or even three times a week). Sometimes she just wants to cuddle. Other times she wants to be touched and caressed, but not to the point of climax. And then there are times she doesn’t want anything but to go to sleep. Maybe once a week she’ll be in the mood for an orgasm.

Sometimes I wish she was more adventurous. But we’re both individuals and both have our own unique things that we enjoy or don’t enjoy. I can’t make her enjoy things that she doesn’t like.

 

Great post and thank you for sharing, it's nice to see the more common side of chastity being talked about. I think this ultimately is how chastity really is for most of us couples here. This lifestyle has really grown for my wife and I over the last few years. Last year my wife and I got into an argument over something I can't even remember anymore. I thought chastity was over for sure, I even asked for the key so we could be done with it. She flat out told me no and it's not a possibility for me to quit. I was shocked by her reaction, my body betrayed me, I was so turned on by the level of control and attitude she displayed and she wasn't kidding around either. This is definitely not something that would've occurred in our first year, she probably would've thrown me the key and been done with it. Granted she did put up with me trying to steer our lifestyle for the first little while after we started, I really have to hand it to her for sticking with it and molding our relationship into what she wanted and works for us both.

 

Yes. There are plenty of us living on the vanilla side of things. My Miss. travels a great deal for work, so I am usually left locked and alone as she is gone for much of the week. She might unlock me for a part of the weekend because she wants PIV, although she has become very comfortable with just oral and a few toys. The days of receiving oral for me are basically over. We usually don't have very exciting stories to tell, but sometimes it gets interesting when you least expect it to. Doesn't always feel like a great adventure. But changing things to a FLR has brought us closer and she seems to be happier with the changes that have come about in me. She still doesn't always show a lot of initiative in taking the lead.

 

After 12 years with my interest in chastity - my wife no interest in or to kh- she fine with my wearing but still can understand why - as long as she goes off when she wants is really all she asks for - last couple of years she battle health issues so her getting has some long stretches.
She only like to receive massages - touching - her wand and a toy brings her off- She never been big on oral
So I just about sexless and she gets off once in a while - chastity helps me keep focused -
So we are very vanilla even through
I locked and help her with the chores and offer get things run errands -
She has not been able to connect chastity to the situation
So the situation kinda works have all the pieces just put together in an odd way.
Yes I do wear panties off and on but 2 years ago 8 decided to wear full time because I felt better about myself. She sees them but really never says much about it.
Oneday she out of underwear and tried one of my panties.
I hear the story but no more about it
Sorry for the rambling

 

I could not agree more with your sentiments.

 

That's what I like most here on CM. There's something for everybody to feel comfortable and have the knowledge that is looking for.
This is a great site for newbies and for the veterans too, get the most of it and let us know about you too.
Be welcome!

 

This area is exactly what I needed to find. My wife of 26 years is pretty vanilla and really not into my chastity desires. I’ve backed off almost completely and self lock as I choose. She’s aware of it but like her sexual desires has very little interest. She’s very much into snuggling and such but it never goes any further.

I love how differently I feel about her and myself when locked. I just wish I could get her to see the benefits of Chastity in the broader sense.

I’d love some feedback from the CM community on how to help her see it without the kink or pressure.

 

Robinoh
Your wife might be just at limits and for whatever reason - she wont go any further - If she ok with you wearing cage then if good enough for you don't push --
I tried talking - express my feelings, books -- but she unwilling to really have any interest or KH .
She will put up with my interst in chastity as long as I keep her happy -- I really cant ask for any more
We have been married 30 years so I kind know when she still limits -

 

There's no reason to push someone into something that is not of her liking. Could it be some time in the future? Yes, it can be, but you can't push her limits for now.

 

Excellent post @matt frykowski , I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and agree, the honesty is refreshing. I particularly want to congratulate you on how you introduced your wife to your desires gently, so many men get this bit utterly, catastrophically wrong.

I still cannot believe how much of an impact my chastity has had on my relationship with my Wife. Couples who get this right are so lucky. (That isn’t a criticism of self lockers, just an observation of couples who use chastity.)

 

Relationship dynamic. Couldn’t have found a better phrase! In the vanilla world kink seems to have a negative connotation or something “wrong” behind it.

As I’ve perused CM this week the members here have made me realize that I can share this desire with my beautiful wife and in a way that relieves the pressures of her feelings that it’s too kinky or strange. But it really is just a shift in our relationship dynamics.

Thank you all for the thoughts and ideas. I look forward to sharing our success stories in the future.

 

I couldn’t agree more. The relationship is the important part, everything else is just fun.

- the footman

 

It does have a certain resemblance to a chastity cage!

 

well it does a bit yes but it wud has to be a huge willy to have that cage.

 

That sounds very familiar.

 

I like that term as well, "Relationship Dynamic."

 

I'm massively encourage by the positivity of this thread. My partner is completely vanilla and until now I have simply accepted that this facet of my life was a dead end which I could never explore.

I see there is a possibility after all. If I wait, if I raise it gently and carefully and sound her out, I may be surprised by her response. We shall see.

thanks all for your comments, advice and reflections.

 

Thanks for sharing. I feel fortunate that my KH is coming around to seeing the benefits for her. This has been a 4 year journey though.

Good luck and hang in there.

 

We are just starting out on our journey, my wife is very vanilla. She said the other day she loves the benefits of it. I would like her to be more assertive with it but I want to let her find her own feet.
She is a little scared of where it will lead, I told her I don’t want want to be whipped or see her with other men as I got the impression this is what was bothering her. Just hope she signs up here.


we talked earlier today and she said she feels cruel, I explained this is what I asked for and her being a bit cruel is a massive turn on for me.

at the weekend we stayed in a hotel when I was pleasuring her she squeezed my balls quite hard ( not hard enough ) and it blew my mind.

we will se where it leads fingers crossed she finds her inner bitch.

 

I've just joined CM after recently fully discovering chastity. Like many, as yet, i'm not brave enough the discuss chastity with my vanilla wife. Thou, this thread has given me some confidence that the revalation of me enjoying being lockup might not be taken too badly. The only problem is I have to discover fully why i enjoy chastity and if i can pass keys to another person. At the moment it's my secret and only self lock when i can for my own pleasure. After reading a number of threads/posts i'm not sure if this is the correct feeling/attitude going forward.

 

My wife was both confused and concerned about chastity. She isn't what I would class as vanilla in the bedroom, we have a varied and sometimes kinky sex life, but chastity is a big step into a lifestyle whereas kinky sex is just bedroom fun.

When I first brought it up and showed her a cage online, she looked quite puzzled, why would you want to put that on? Not really knowing much about the kink back then, my only response was she would get to choose when I orgasmed or received stimulation. Whilst this is a pretty accurate statement, neither of us really knew what that actually meant. She did get a bit of a gleen in her eye when we talked about her being in control, I took that as tacit approval and ordered the cage.

When it arrived and I tried it on, it was an instant hit (for me), I loved (and still do) the way it feels on. I showed her that night and her immediate reaction was of both concern and a bit of eeek factor at the site of my penis all squashed into the cage and the testicles pushed out.

Her attitude over the first 6 weeks or so was very much "its your thing", I was free to cage or not at my own discretion but she didn't like the sight of my penis in it and was very hesitant to touch the area at all when caged. We are about 3 months or so into it now, we are both growing and learning. She has lost the guilt factor about me not getting an orgasm every time we engage in some sort of sex act and she has lost the yuck factor about the sight of me in the cage and will semi frequently tease me.

Concern still exists for the physical well being of my penis/testicles as she likes PIV and this is an important part of our relationship, but now is 100% on her terms/schedule.

 

Congratulations on your evolving and growing dynamic and your journey, it sound like your just were your should be! And may it continue!