My wife and I are on holiday and I finally got the chance to speak to her about trying to start an FLR. I wrote her a letter explaining how I was feeling, how I see things have played out in the past when we've tried to implement it, and how I would like to go forward with it if she is happy to. She has expressed interest in it but we have struggled to keep any consistency other than in the bedroom. She was very positive about the letter, and we sat down and spoke about things. In a nutshell, I have not been consistent enough about fulfilling my servitude towards her, and she is either not sure about or confused as to what I expect from her. She struggles with the idea of FLR. Her view of it is that I'll be the best husband in the world, and she is a bitch to me. I get that, considering I'm into pain and punishment etc so I am suggesting to her to treat me harshly. Anyway, I'll take most of the blame for it's failure as I haven't been resilient enough in fulfilling my role and not communicating enough to her. So my question is: what can I do to help improve the dynamic between us in our new FLR journey. I have a lot ideas of my own but would love input from the forum. Thanks
Maybe this is just the beginning now you set the ground rules maybe she will go further down the line somehow. Even if it's an FLR I would not assume it's necessary to be in control all of the time and play into kinks. I see it more as a way to try to please her in every way possible. If she decides to punish you for anything it just part of the dynamic and accepts it. Hope it will work out fine just don't push her.
Going at a slower pace might prove useful. Women in our society have been encouraged, especially in marriage to defer to men, or at most make it a shared relationship. Her description of FLR reflects that. Give her time to adjust to calling the shots might allow her to feel more comfortable with the new roles. Focus the changes on things that are more positive for her and less about fulfilling you kinks. That will let her see how you really want her to be happy first and foremost. Personally, I think the delay will only make it better for you when she decides to include more pain'punishment for you. Good luck.
The book "How to set up an FLR" from Georgia Ivey Green (https://archive.org/details/HowToSetUpAnFLR)gave me at least a good insight how to handle and discuss this topic with my Love. Perhaps it is a usefull direction for you both as well. All the best!.
I agree with the others, just take it slow and don’t be pushy, pay attention to her needs and focus on her compleatly.
Thanks for the feedback. I intend to take it slower this time. I know in the past, I have been to selfish and unrealistic about my expectations so this time I will do better at focusing on things to benefit her more in our vanilla side of the relationship e.g. preparing things for her, domestic duties etc.. She suggested that we have a check in each week or so. I will ask her to tell me the things she enjoys me doing, and ask her for suggestions as to how I may serve her better. In return, I will make a single suggestion as to how she could fulfill my kinky side of the FLR. I know an FLR isn't really supposed to be a, "I'll do this for you, if you do that for me", but i am new to this and the extra motivation will help me serve her better, and she is still trying to understand how this arrangement could possibly even interest/benefit me. Any more input is appreciated. Particularly as to how I can serve her, and make her life easier so she can enjoy the FLR lifestyle
Agree with taking it slow. My wife and I are in the 4th month of our FLR. I to have “fantasies” about her being more dominant but more importantly, I want her to be comfortable and at ease as we grow with her in charge. There have been a few moments where she took charge and kind of put me in my place but I work hard to please her so she doesn’t have to do that. It seems to me from reading posts here that each FLR develops at it’s own pace.
I think this is a very good approach. It is very similar to what we do. You might suggest something you would like, but she may choose not to do it. But, she has learned some thing valuable about you. Without this level of communication, how will you both learn?
Sounds like you're on a good path...and I will reiterate the advice from others: start slowly. Add rituals and such as you both agree on them. Give her lists of things you enjoy, but don't expect her to be a kink dispenser. Give her space and support as she finds out what she actually enjoys about it - especially if she can enjoy it sexually/sensually. good luck!
@loricat touches on those key aspects of FLR that males often ignore. For me, rituals are very important. Aside from proper training, positions, and practices, I need to see more romantic rituals from my subs besides the kink--which I like to dispense as well, but only if it suits me. But mostly, I cannot tolerate any pressure or whining for attention. The attention should only be on me. And I'll reward, or punish--more often, rather--quite freely when I see fit.
i think W/we are both doing a good job so far. i'm being as useful as possible and have been respectful of Her at all times. She has actually commented a few times how much She's enjoying it all because She doesn't feel the pressure like before. i will mention rituals tomorrow at O/our first weekly review. Thank You for the input.