Chastity Podcast Welcomes Questions - AliceInBondageLand on The Pageist

I am not that experienced, but what surprised me most about orgasm denial, is how it improved our marriage outside the bedroom. I have always been devoted to my wife, but now I want to show it all the time. All I want to do is make her happy, and I do it for selfish reasons (because it makes me very happy).

 

Things I had wished I had known before I started.

• Do not buy a chrome device. They are not suitable for long term wear.
• Do not buy cheap knock offs of the plastic devices. They are ok to help you learn about the size of device you will end up wearing but they will probably (almost definitely) do some damage.
• If you are going to get a device do not go for an expensive one first, and the mainstream sex toy vendors such as lovehoney are not selling devices that are going to be the right size, they are toy sellers after all. Look at the Chinese devices available on places like eBay.
• Do not get a device with a split ring. They pinch like crazy and are not comfortable. A solid ergonomic ring takes some gettting used to but once you have it on it will fit much better.

Problems I have seen other men have since I joined the Mansion.

• Be open and honest about what you want when trying to convince a partner to be your keyholder. You would like to try this because it would be fun, not because your penis is a worthless clitty and you want them to control your cummies.
• You have probably been thinking about this kink for a long time. It is your fantasy. You have been looking at videos and gifs and pictures for a good while now. You partner hasn't. It is your fantasy, not theirs. Let them come to understand what is in it for them in their own time. If you get all frantic you will ruin any chance of them joining in.
• Really let go. Don't just pretend. Once you hand them the key they are in charge. If you try to control the direction of the experience it will most likely fail. They can obviously do things to make you happy if they want, but to get the most out of this they have to be able to trust you.
• If you are going to spend your time trying to defeat the device and masturbate anyway, take the damn thing off and masturbate.

Biggest rule number 1. Do this your own way, do not listen to anyone who tells you it has to be done in a certain way.
Biggest rule number 2. Have fun.

 

@AliceInBondageLand I am listening to the FLR podcast. I absolutely love it! I will definitely be asking my Wife Elle to listen to it. You are describing her when you talk about gentle dominant women who don't want to identify with unhappy women.

 

Something you just said in the podcast really resonated with me.

"What you discover together might become your favourite thing of all time."

Absolutely! I have become a bit of an evangelist for Yoni massage. We discovered this way of a partner using just their fingers to gently caress a woman, where an orgasm is not the goal but something that can and often does happen, through another member of the Mansion. It is without doubt my favourite way to give my Wife pleasure, and she says the orgasms she achieves through a Yoni massage are stronger and more enjoyable than any other. She has also said that without me being kept in chastity they would either not happen or not be as enjoyable.

The critical element is that for a Yoni massage to be successful there has to be a giver and a receiver, and the receiver should not feel like any reciprocation is expected and the giver should not expect any. While before my chastity I might have said that I didn't expect anything in return she would have still felt like she should, or worse that I was lying. Now she has taken control she doesn't even care if I do want anything in return, she knows she is not obliged to do so.

This lack of reciprocation across our relationship has been an amazing catalyst, it has opened her up to all sorts of things and could even be the key to saving our relationship. She has described how before we started experimenting with chastity she would even dread having just a cuddle, knowing that I would want to take things further than she was looking to. Now she is able to relax and cuddle whenever she wants. As a result we have far more sex than we ever did before.

I just don't get to be the one who orgasms.

 

I'd add a Rule 3 ...If something hurts or is uncomfortable.. fix it NOW. Or take it off.. a day or two off before damage whilst you buy, engineer, adapt a fix will probably save you much longer time out for recovery.

And one extra bit of advice. Until someone tells me different if you are using a cage or tube of somekind and not a belt then if you don't have one you need to get a PA, frenum or some other piercing you can utilise for added security ( the better the security the better the head-fuck ) Some use inserts instead of piercings...each to their own.

 

I totally agree with @filltee about your first point, but the pedant in me would say if you are having issues with the device then you won't be having fun! But it still remains good advice. I have scars on my scrotum caused by my cheap cb6000 knock off. It was literally chewing my balls off. I thought it would settle down and get better. It didn't. It very nearly finished our arrangement before it even got started.

The second point is an example of how different people approach this from different viewpoints. I asked my Wife Elle if she would consider getting me pierced for the exact reason you state, her reason to refuse my request surprised me. She said a large reason she enjoyed this chastity arrangement was the trust she has in me not to break my vow. To her if I was pierced she would no longer be the keyholder, the device wouldn't require one.

I am well aware that this is not how others think, but that is how she feels.