I have transitioned from being a sub to being a dom most of the time. My current girlfriend is rather submissive and playful, and encourages me to dominate and spank her. I quite like it and over time have realized that I wanted to be dominant for years, just did not dare. I somehow associate masculinity being bad, like men are potential rapists, take advantage of women in the workplace by getting paid more, are physically more powerful. Taking all this together somehow made me feel guilty and that I would have to submit to women to make it even out a bit. In sessions, however, I am always topping from the bottom. And if a session does not follow my script, I get pissed and want out. I had thought that I was just a bad sub, but now I realize that I actually want to be a dom. One some occasions I give my girlfriend the task to tie me up and treat me exactly like I want. We basically embrace the topping from the bottom and we are then a dominant bottom and a submissive top, which works for us. When I have a wave of insecurity about anything come in, I start to feel more submissive again. And also I get a high interest in chastity, fantasizing about it turns me on a lot. I imagine how hot it would be to get locked up by her. On confident days I like to wear my leather clothing outside proudly. When I feel insecure I feel that I need a push to do it, to show myself that I can wear whatever I want on that day. So eventually I think that it would be amazing to get locked up and then forced to wear leather in public to earn a release. And in the fantasy it would not be leather pants and leather jacket at the same time, it would be the leather uniform hat in addition to make it really cruel. Additionally I could always say that it wasn't my idea but that my domme forced me to wear this if people should judge me. Also somehow I feel that chastity would be somehow comforting. If my masculinity would be in a woman's hands, I could not do anything wrong with it. It feels as if I wanted to cure my insecurity issues by having a domme confront me with them. I talk to my girlfriend and other people about my insecurity and it is getting better. Yet the chastity craving comes up every now and then. Ironically I have tried like 10 different devices, among them a fitted original My-Steel (which did chafe and could not be worn for more than two hours), a knock-off CS-100 (which was the best so far), a knock-off CS-500, a original CB 6000 (which I could pull out of), a knock-off Holy Trainer V2 and V3 (pull-out as well) and various metal ball-trap devices (either pull out or circulation issues). Basically I am done testing and have concluded that it just does not work for me. Yet still I have an original CS-500 on my wishlist. But I would hate to actually have to wear it. I would not want to go to sleep without an orgasm if I wanted one. My rational part says that I would be buying it for the wrong reasons and now want to wear it, whereas my aroused part just wants to be locked and denied so badly at times. Could you help me to get some understanding into this chastity craving?