Improve the Relationship! ...and then you can explore an FLR

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by enslavedbyc, Apr 14, 2021.

Random Thread
  1. enslavedbyc
    Offline

    enslavedbyc Junior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2010
    Messages:
    568
    Likes Received:
    713
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:47 AM
    I’ve written this to avoid hijacking multiple conversations. What follows are my opinions that are very much grounded in my experience. Hopefully this will prove helpful to someone. If not, please disregard the information.


    I repeatedly see questions like “…how to I introduce my wife to chastity, femdom or both?”, or “… how to I get her to participate more?” or “…how do I get her to be more dominate?”.


    So here is my answer (results are not guaranteed, but I believe based on experience it will improve your odds tremendously). Oh, and it’s a hell of a lot of work to take this advice, be warned.


    First, concentrate on improving the relationship. Sit down with her and both of your favorite beverages and snacks. Tell her you’ve been thinking it would be fun for two of you to make a five-year plan in order to end up with the future and the relationship you both want, (you need to search “5-year plans for couples “, online and pick a template or approach that feels right for you.


    Now comes the awesome part, you get check-in with each other and with work, understand each of your goals in life. Most importantly you need to LISTEN and understand what is important to her. Building this plan takes effort on both your part, requires great communication (which you might have to improve on together in order to complete the plan). This exercise will show her that you’re interested in exploring the relationship and both of your futures.


    Second, start executing the plan as soon as you two have written your first draft. Pro tip, work on one her goals first that you can show early results. Likely this is going to involve her exploring something in her life that she doesn’t feel she has the time or resources for. Fix-it for her if it’s time then pick-up the chores and create the time for her. If it’s money, then generate it. Why? Because it will show that you’re dedicated and capable in improving things in her life.


    Third, (after two or three months of executing items necessary to get headed in the right direction on your 5-year plan), sit down to review the plan. After you both agree you’re on the right track. Tell her you realize that something is missing in the plan, that you neglected a plan about making the intimate part of your relationship fantastic. Start by asking her what physical things make her feel closest to you (hand holding, kissing cuddling, slow dances, massages), if her answer is “you know!”, then respond with “I think I known, but I want to make sure and I want to make sure you’re getting what you want and need.


    Then tell her you want to make sex great for her. Do whatever is necessary to have this conversation. What does she like, what would she like more of? Where has she fantasized doing it that you haven’t (or not lately). Ask what other fantasies she has. If she’s hesitant. Tell her that you just want to make sex great for her and fun for her and that nothing if off the table. If she wants you to go first, then share one or two of your fantasies (that is in no way chastity or femdom related). Then start catering to her wants, needs and fantasies.


    Chastity and Femdom? I’ll get to it…
     
  2. Xileh
    Offline

    Xileh Happily Serving

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2018
    Messages:
    1,379
    Likes Received:
    2,656
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    2:47 AM
    You had me intrigued until the third step. It seems less than honest if a change in intimacy was the guy’s plan that was not openly shared from the start. The first thing to commit to when trying to improve a relationship, is honesty.

    The act of submitting without being up front, it is a common approach, and recommended by some self professed experts. I think being up front about it and carrying through, will demonstrate commitment. It can be a slow process, but it is an honest and sustainable approach. If nothing is being hidden, it gives both partners room to grow in comfort, or to pull back.

    Forgive me if I have misinterpreted your intent. It is a good topic.
     
  3. enslavedbyc
    Offline

    enslavedbyc Junior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2010
    Messages:
    568
    Likes Received:
    713
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:47 AM
    You make a good point, but you are misinterpreting my intent. If a couple has a solid foundation and a great plan for the future, and can confidently and comfortably about sex and intimacy, then they have no reason to be asking strangers on a website, the questions I highlighted in my post. My method isn’t stealth, it’s strengthening a foundation before adding a second story to your house.
     
    1mlockedup likes this.
  4. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    15,495
    Likes Received:
    5,489
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    9:47 AM
  5. JaySaysYes
    Offline

    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2020
    Messages:
    2,898
    Likes Received:
    5,278
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    9:47 AM
    Sounds manipulative and dishonest to me, sorry.
     
    Abstraction and Locked Unloaded like this.
  6. Abstraction
    Offline

    Abstraction Force of nature
    Verified Female

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2019
    Messages:
    329
    Likes Received:
    1,648
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    big brain
    Local Time:
    9:47 AM
    A bit too surreptitious if you ask me. Working on a relationship is all well and good but honesty is best from the start. It does feel like the man is leading the woman to the 'something's missing, don't you think? a cage, perhaps? you leading me about on a leash? let's add it to the plan and see if it works.' What if her idea of sexual satisfaction does not involve leashes and cages? You are expecting her to comply and that's definitely NOT the way to FLR or submission on the part of the man. More like bending the woman to the man's will.

    But then again, a lot of times the submission game is the man's way of asserting dominance over his woman...
     
    Unlucky likes this.
  7. Giles_English
    Offline

    Giles_English Chaste slave

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2011
    Messages:
    1,842
    Likes Received:
    1,911
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Slave
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:47 AM
    So...

    It obviously depends on the couple. However, for many couples, it seems that power exchange is the way to improve the relationship.

    A lot of stress comes from irresolvable conflicts, such as differing domestic standards, management of space and time, and boundaries, where both parties have reasonable positions, and the man is reluctant to back down because of other relationship ramifications.

    An FLR effectively resolves most of these in the woman's favour while granting recognition to the man.

    In other words, when we went FLR, we stopped having stupid arguments over chores and personal space.

    Similarly, bedroom female-focussed Femdom seems to make an end run around the issues underlying a dead bedroom... as long as you (a) still have enough of a connection to ask for it and (b) have done at least a little kink before.
     
    LockitMan and Unlucky like this.
  8. enslavedbyc
    Offline

    enslavedbyc Junior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2010
    Messages:
    568
    Likes Received:
    713
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:47 AM
    First, I don't disagree with anything you've said. But, building an FLR either requires strong communication skills that the couple already has OR they need to build the skills. It also helps if you know where you want to be 5 years out as a couple.

    My advice is based primarily on the couple that have not built strong communications into their relationships and don't have aligned relationship goals.
     
  9. Giles_English
    Offline

    Giles_English Chaste slave

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2011
    Messages:
    1,842
    Likes Received:
    1,911
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Slave
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    9:47 AM
    LOL I don't disagree with that either. However, one thing FLR can do is improve communications when they are otherwise poor; "OK I never seem to know what you want. How about you're in charge this week?" It really does depend on the couple...
     
    LockitMan likes this.
  10. enslavedbyc
    Offline

    enslavedbyc Junior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2010
    Messages:
    568
    Likes Received:
    713
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:47 AM

    You’ve made an understandable but absolutely incorrect assumption about my advice. No one in a successful 39 year relationship with an exquisitely brilliant woman, would ever give advice based on deceit. My advice is based on the assumption that a man seeking advice on this or any other website on how to proceed (on the questioned I posed on my original post), has a communication problem with his partner. Especially with regard to open conversations about sex. I make no suggestion that he offer up femdom or chastity as a solution. I suggest instead that he add the conversation about sex and intimacy to their five-year plan (something not usually covered in the plan by most couples). I further suggested he get to know all of her wants and desires and to the best of his abilities meet them. If she reciprocates and ask about his share them. Regardless of her interest in his, he should endeavor to meet hers.

    Why should he do this, if she shows so far shows no interest in his needs and desires? Because he gets to practice unselfishly putting her needs first. Second he learns whether she (now having her needs and desires met) inquires about his. At that point, he knows what their future together could look like and can make an informed decision about the best way forward.
     
  11. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    12,249
    Likes Received:
    6,636
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Local Time:
    9:47 AM
    I agree with this, I’m not saying the OP is wrong, but it does depend on the couple.
     
  12. MissyB
    Offline

    MissyB Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2019
    Messages:
    7,869
    Likes Received:
    11,321
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Occupation:
    maid, (I wish)
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Tennessee hills
    Local Time:
    5:47 AM
    Lots of good advice but i think it is so up to the couples that one can find useful or not with almost all the suggestions.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice