16/11/10 Torment. Sweet, pleasant Torment. But still Torment nonetheless. i have been denied orgasm since last Friday. It is now Tuesday and over these last few days; my first days in a FLR my Mistress has taken delight in teasing and tormenting me, calling me over to Her desk at work (we are the only two in the office) and getting me to stand with my back to the window while She rubs my cock through my trousers; getting me hard and then sending me back to my desk again. Only just now She called me on the workline (She is away all day and most of the evening) and began verbally teasing me and winding me up. She asked me if i had remembered to lock myself into my cage this morning. i hadn't. I forgot- in the rush to get up today (we overslept) and shave,shower, get ready for work, let the dogs out, feed the cats, make tea for the builder who had come round and do as quick and thorough a tidy up as possible, i forgot to lock myself in my cage. i must admit i have been remiss about updating my profile thing on this website; how long have i been in the cage? Mistress let me out on Sunday morning, but has still denied me release. When i spoke to Her on the phone just now, She told me that i do not need to lock myself up this evening, seeing as i already forgot. But i had to tell Her that if i do not then this evening when i get home from work i shall find it very difficult to not play with myself...i feel that NOT simply locking the door here at work, right now, and taking 5 minutes (hell, 2 minutes would do with the way i am feeling!) and taking myself off to the loos for some quick release is challenge enough. At least here at work i can tell myself that i am obeying my Mistress and that it is very unprofessional to close up the office to potential customers just so i can have a wank. But at home??! With the whole house to myself and several hours before She gets home?...uh uh....if i don't lock myself up then i am not sure i can stop myself. It seems ridiculous though...i mean, its only been 4 days (5- if you include today) since i last came, and i feel ridiculous. i'm trying to remember whether i have ever been longer without release. i must have, though, right? Surely, i have been for longer than this without cumming? i suppose the difference though is that IF i have been longer without cumming in the past, i certainly didn't have a fiancee; a Mistress rubbing me, teasing me and then denying me! And what is worse is that She has told me that Thursday will be a week without it...so i think She intends to make me go the next couple of days without, at the very least! i want to please Her though, and hope that She shows me some mercy and allows me some kind of pleasure. i know that its an oxymoron to talk about MY pleasure in a FLR where it is HER pleasure and comfort that matters, but i am doing all i can to follow Her wishes and do all the work, all the chores She sets me, and be odiedient to Her while resisting the urge to take back power into my own hands and allowing myself the orgasm i crave. i pray She shows me some compassion. Although, having said that, sucker that i am for punishment, if i am not allowed to cum, i do hope, pray and yearn for the opportunity to be underneath Her wonderful bum again with the chance to worship Her there, or even to be allowed to bring Her to climax. No doubt this would wind me up even more (why would i wish that on myself without the chance of release?) but if i cannot have orgasm, at least, i pray- let me have this!!! Arrggh- no more for now. I'm going to make a coffee and attempt to concentrate on something other than my cock!
Talking about your pleasure in a FLR is IMHO not an oxymoron. You are both in this together, so you should both have pleasure from it. The difference is that you should never push what you think can give you pleasure on her, while she can push you for her own pleasure. In fact you should listen and look carefully to find out whatever can give her pleasure, and try your best to give her this pleasure. It looks to me like you are beginning to feel the effect of orgasm denial; getting to the point where you really start thinking about all the small - often non-sexual - things you can do to please her. Please do not destroy that with two minutes of masturbation self-pleasure. You might want to fool yourself into thinking that nobody will know, but you will. And it might hurt the relationship you are developing no matter if you tell her or not. I understand that she has expressed a desire to tease and deny you until you are so horny that you take her by force. If you are sure she would not mind being taken by force, this could be a better outlet for you if you no longer can stand it. Not because of your own pleasure (that would just be a nice side-effect), but because this is what she wants. But until then be sure to please her in any small or big way you can find. Both because she is your Mistress, and because you should show how you appreciate her effort. Have you given her flowers recently? Invited her out for a romantic dinner?
Flowers yes. Dinner out? No- i (we) are both struggling along financially as best as we can, and dinner out is a luxury we cannot afford at the moment- as She Herself says. However, i will cook Mistress dinner and wash up while She relaxes with the TV on, and always make Her a cup of tea in the mornings, or a thermos if She is going out with the dogs for training. i hear you, Jabber, when you say about not wanting to spoil things by a couple of quick masturbatory minutes. Managed to get through the day without doing that, and i guess i was spared having to take responsibility for myself this evening, as i have been on the phone for most of it with members of my family and fixing myself dinner...so i haven't had much of a chance to do anything about my horniness even if i had wanted to. Funnily enough though, i havent wanted to do anything for the last few hours. Like i forgot my feelings of lust because of how busy i have been doing other things. Hmmm...almost like my horniness was fed by boredom during the lull periods at work. No surprise there i suppose, except that i dont think i have been aware of wanting to masturbate because of boredom since when i was a school boy! lol. A hook/habit formed early which lays hidden beneath the surface???! Oh, i must go now- Mistress is calling me now- letting me know that She is coming down the road and needs me to go and carry Her bags inside for Her.
Day 6 (5 days so far without release) 17/11/10 Last night, after carrying Mistress's bags indoors from the car, i was required to make Her a cup of tea and a plate of cheese and biscuits while She sat and watched MasterChef Australia. During the programme Mistress had me strip naked to my cockcage and wear my collar, and then give Her a foot massage before sucking Her toes for a while- She had quite sweaty and smelly feet, but i did not care. Somehow, the fact that Her feet were dirty seemed to spur me on. She then made me bend over in front of Her so that She could spank me a little, and then run an icecube over me (She keeps threatening in a jokey way- i hope it is at leas- that if i misbehave too much then She might have to push an icecube up my arse). After cleaning out our cats litter tray, and letting the dogs outside to pee, i was allowed to go wash, brush my teeth and then bring Her her toothbrush and a facial wipe so She could get ready for bed whilst still watching tv. i meanwhile cleared up her plate and turned on Her electric bed blanket, then joined Her in bed where i was allowed to give Her an orgasm withe my fingers (then made to lick clean) before She turned out the light and went to sleep with my face pressed into Her tit and my caged cock in Her hand.... [more to follow later]
18/11/10 well...wow! Last night was amazing! We had a friend around for dinner- a really good evening. Pretty much as soon as our friend had left, Mistress ordered me to strip naked while She sat on the sofa and watched. i was told to go put my collar on next and finish cleaning up the dirty plates, kitchen work surfaces, etc and then join Her back in the living room. All the time i was cleaning around i felt so exposed as we are getting new curtains soon, but for the moment we have no blinds or curtains covering the windows and i was so concerned about being seen in my cockcage, naked otherwise, by our neighbours. When i rejoined Mistress, She had me lick Her feet clean and suck on Her toes, kissing Her feet until She bored of this and ordered me around to Her head end of the sofa, made me bend over and whipped my arse with a riding crop, also tapping my balls smartly. She spent some time wanking me and whipping me, before lubing my arsehole up and pushing a prostate stimulating dildo inside me, tying my hands and ankles and forcing me to lick Her out while She sat on a chair. Tying my hands above my head to the living room door, She then blindfolded me and covered my head so i would be anonymous and took photos of me, my cock all tied up. Then She drew on me with a biro (i later learnt She had written- Slave no.24 (Her name for me)- property of Mistress. She spent some time teasing me, and fucking Herself on my (her) cock before letting me cum. i came begging Her to rape me and She came all over me. She left me lying on the floor, my cum leaking from the condom, before telling me to clean myself up and join Her on the sofa- as Her boyfriend and fiance, not as Her slave. i felt vulnerable afterwards, used and a bit upset. i enjoyed the experience very much. VERY MUCH! And am extremely grateful to my Mistress and hope She repeats this again, but i did feel so...hurt? i felt scared that outside of our FLR, Femdom relationship/sex play, She might see me as a slave and not her equal. Because we are new to this, its a learning curve for us both, and Mistress wants to up the game and try new things, push my limits. That is fine with me, but i still enjoy being my other 'me' self and being equals at other times. She has told me today that She is worried that She might enjoy seeing me in pain a little too much... my concern is that this other new side to Her might creep over into our daily life- the same goes for me.
20/11/10 Well, back in chastity. i spent all of yesterday locked into my cage, but Mistress allowed me to take it off when we sat down for dinner. i have permission not to wear it for a few days, as my cock and balls have what i can only describe as sores...i KNEW that the cage was rubbing a bit, but did'nt realise that, while uncomfortable at times, it was rubbing as much as it obviously was. It may be that We have to look about for another cage- a better fitting one- but, money being tight at the moment it may have to wait a while, and we use our current cage for shorter periods of times, and use an honour system in between. Dinner was lovely though- i got home from work, was given permission to take off the cage (at which point we reverted to our vanilla relationship) to find that my wonderful fiancee had cooked dinner for us both, with a bottle of wine, after which we curled up on the sofa together and watched a movie.