Found out my gf told her 2 friends about locking me up

I can understand the "turned on" part - it's a very common fantasy (as another thread in the last couple of days has shown), but this troubles me.
Everyone has their own relationship, and I make no judgement, but *for me* I would hate for that to happen without prior consultation (even if that consultation was one-way - notification rather than an actual discussion).
If my wife wanted to tell a friend, I would respect that wish, but if she did it without talking to me about it first it would impact the trust that is so crucial to the kinky parts of our relationship.

 

Trust is vital in kink because we are exposing our inner selves to each other. If there hadn't previous been discussion about whether exposure was a hard limit or not I'd be concerned about this. Who will she tell next? Your boss? Family?

 

Yes for us it's about a deep bond of trust and vulnerability which drives emotional intimacy, your situation wouldn't be for me but i understand it might for some. I think my KH best friend knows, but because she worked it out rather than being explicitly told.

 

Honestly.... this sounds as if it could be the start of a "Letter to Penthouse" kind of thing...
I have no reason to doubt your sincerity, but... it just seems like one of those things....
It seems like it would be, if you can handle the potential humiliation, a set of memories and experience which you would be able to reflect on quite fondly in later years... something many people fantasize about... it could, on the other hand, crash badly into a huge smoking crater.

 

First time my wife told anyone was when she had a few drinks in her and just blurted it out. I was absolutely mortified and gave her that look of "What the fuck are you doing!?!" After a few little jokes from some of them, we find out that another couple got into it. I'm fine with it now, but she tries to be more careful these days.

 

I can definitely see where, especially in the early days of being in a Chastity-practicing relationship, the non-chaste person might be somewhat stressed and really benefit from having someone else to talk with about the entire thing... I would expect it could be very difficult to come to grips with if you weren't prepared....

 

I mean, getting past the fantasy, this is not okay.

 

I think its super hot and its casual. What's the harm besides the fragile ego of a guy locked in chastity?
Yes its a mind fuck, its what it is supposed to be. Have fun and get excited.

 

Wasn’t this an episode of friends? The one where Phoebe locks her man?

 

I can sort of see both sides here. For quite a while I've wanted to tell my BFF. It seems strange to have this one piece of my life quartered off as a secret from her. It really wouldn't be a big deal. She'd be super careful not to say anything awkward in front of hubby, and I would love to be able to confide in her.

On the other hand, hubby is an intensely private person and doesn't want anyone to know. To him it's not hot, it's just a pile of anxiety. I think he might be warming up to the idea a little, but until that happens I must respect his wishes.

 

My wife is visiting her sister. Wondering how I’d feel if she shared.

 

This sounds like an opportunity to push the fantasy with your caged hubby.
I would tell my wife never to reveal our secret to anyone however if she told me she had or was going to reveal this to her bestie I would be melting in my cage.
As I know her best friend can be trusted to not share it further ultimately I would be okay with this as long as there was some tease and stimulation for me.
For eg. her friend coming over and instructing me to do chores perhaps also having to do these in only my cage.
I do feel this needs to be discussed beforehand though and would be an opportunity to use a safe word and ensure no hard limits are crossed. It truly depends on the dynamic of the relationship. Truly giving control to your KH could mean she can tell whomever she wants. Ultimately it depends on how much control is handed over.

 

This discussion surprises me - I mean the disapproval element. For me a vital ingredient is precisely NOT feeling safe and that I’ve surrendered all my boundaries… feel the same about safewords: ruins it. So frustrated in past relationships that the woman I was surrendering to couldn’t “get” that she had absolute power and that the whole point was her liberty to abuse it. I guess we’re all very different.

 

Two exes of mine once turned up unannounced, verbally humiliated me, tied me up and anally assaulted me with a wine bottle and then left me in tears. Years later one of them contacted me and apologised…. The apology took the shine of a cherished memory of that rarest of things for a masochist: genuine non-consensual bdsm.

 

Sure no safe word on this and total control for the KH means she tells who she likes. I just feel that it is a conversation that needs to be had before telling a bestie about it.
If there is no limits and KH has full control as far as I am concerned she can change your FB profile to hubby in a cage if she wants. Depends on the couple and there dynamic.

 

When Madam and I started our bdsm/flr relationship she told me then that she was completely open about her sexuality and lifestyle and kept no secrets, but I was still mortified when I relised she had told her mother about me being locked! I think maybe better communication at the beginning would of been a good idea, but hindsight is a wonderful thing! It’s done now and you have made your feelings clear so all you can do is go with it, you never now it could be fun!

 

embrace it

 

It's the constant be careful what you wish for, and that damned annoying but telling moment when every fiber of your body says "run", but at the same time, your D is straining at your cage. Big head says "Go", little head says "no". And you know how this guy thing works. The little head always wins, and the big head loses. figuratively, and literally. Oh well.

 

I'm always on the lookout for things to add to my "things that didn't happen" list.

 

What hasn’t happened now?