Denied

I was put in chastity to stop masterbating and also due that my wife has serious pain when we would have PIV. So we talked and decided that I would lock up she would own my penis and I would orally serve her as often as wanted. She has been kind enough to allow me 3 orgasms in 9 months and I love it. We are closer know then we have been in our 26 years together.

 

I think it’s just like you stated but with a lot of gray area in between. Truth is we all have different reasons why we chose or were offered to be in chastity. In the case of my wife and I, I asked her to lock me in order to rekindle/ enhance our relationship. I felt our intimacy drifting because of busy strenuous lives, I was also making the situation more strained because of a bad masturbating habit I had.

So for us, chastity increased our emotional and sexual intimacy bringing us closer together. The further along we’ve gone down this rabbit hole the more kink we explore along the way which has made us even closer. It’s been a slow and steady path in exploring our roles but has been very rewarding and I’ve never been more happy and more in love with my wife.

Ironically, even though we’re more physical with each other now, her favorite way for me to receive pleasure from her is via handjob or watching me give myself a hand job. So the frequency of the PIV I’m allowed is less than before I was in chastity (minus the year after she gave birth to our child, No PIV that year at all). There are a couple of reasons for this, for one my wife does like PIV but it’s not a must for her every time we have sex. In the past most of our sex resulted in PIV sex because that’s what I used to push for, that was my ultimate goal because that’s how I wanted to get off. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a selfish lover, she always came before I did but where I was ignorant was thinking that just because I wanted PIV I just assumed she did too. I now know there were enough times where she just wanted me to be done or would have preferred other ways to be pleasured.

Im fortunate in the sense that my wife loves to give oral, although to some degree our lifestyle has changed how she likes to give it to me. Before chastity she was much more inclined to be on her knees in front of me. In the last 5 plus years including this last weekend she has given me roughly 3 blowjobs when she’s been down in front of me that I can remember. Mostly if she’s going to do that to me I’m usually on my back with her over me or dominating me in some way. That particular behavior is something we never actually talked about it but it is something I’ve noticed, I’m not sure if its a conscious or subconscious reasoning behind this. But she has flat out told me she does like to deny me PIV for several weeks on end sometimes because of what it mentally does to me and the power she feels from denying me for a good length of time. It ebbs and flows.

Otherwise there are a plethora of reasons why heyholders or dominant women fully deny their men. In essence we are handing over our sex lives to our female partners and asking them to take total control and it’s their various reasons for why we are in the kind of chastity lifestyle they wish us to live. Hypothetically, one thing to consider is maybe she never enjoyed PIV and now that she’s in control she doesn’t want it anymore because she doesn’t really get any pleasure from it. Maybe she’s never liked to give oral but has done so because she wanted her partner to be happy or was pressured into it by him but now the ball is in her court and he’s given up his privileges.

Then there are other couples where the female partner has zero sex drive due to a hormone imbalance, menopause, depression, anxiety and the list goes on. In this case chastity helps said male with keeping his loving focus on his partner using his built up sexual frustration as a means to energize his desire to pamper her versus becoming resentful and just masturbating and paying her no attention.

I’ve only just scratched the surface of the possible reasons why people choose what they choose with chastity. But what I’ve learned at CM is that many couples here tend to become closer and have better overall relationships with each other while discovering more about themselves.

Just a few of my thoughts on the multitude of reasons why couples choose chastity and how they choose to implement it.

 

My main thought is "what are you trying to achieve here?"

It sounds like you're trying to get to a point, but I can't for the life of me read what the point is.

To echo @Wonderwomanssub everyone on this site does it for probably different reasons, some slightly different, some closer. Some are probably also presenting a lot of fantasy, there's a ton of that on the site.


The only thing I can guess you're trying to get to is to say there needs to be other areas or sections? And again, I'd ask, why?

 

You are assuming that "other reasons" do not bring the couple closer. I don't think I agree with that. In our case, I am certainly the one driving things in the direction I want to go in. She may not understand my motivation, and I can't say I do either, but she's willing to go along and seems to be enjoying some parts of it (the Vixskin is a hit)
So in our case, the frequency of sex hasn't much changed in 30 years, in fact, it increased since we no longer have to skip a week due to periods. It never included oral, now the only difference is I am denied orgasm for months at a time, and lately limited PIV. I'm happier, I like a bit of kink. We're having fun with it, so it's working. I've never had a masturbation or porn issue. The majority of posts here do not speak to me, I'm not interested in being a cuckold or cross dressing , so I skip those. It would never occur to me to ask for a separate area to protect me from views I don't share or have any interest in.

 

For me, locking is because my wife doesn’t want sex, or to be touched. It is not because I want to be touched less, or not at all. I would love to ha e a regular sex life.

 

@Crowned based on this and your recent post it sounds like you are struggling to understand what you, the male, should get out of chastity. Like @Wonderwomanssub said you will get no end of different answers. I think the answer to your question is "some" rather than "many" - and then for very personal reasons.

Early on I asked myself what I got out of being locked and started graphing my arousal (libido, hornyness, whatever) and was shocked to realize that my "sex life" was much better locked on average than unlocked with a lot of PIV (and the associated peaks and valleys). There is a graph floating around that illustrates this.

I couldn't do locked and forgotten, if that is also your question and I doubt a large number of lockee's would enjoy that.

 

Personally, my wife recently admitted that she hated performing oral and only did it to please me, but it was chastity and the authority that came with it that gave her the courage to put an end to it.

 

I think that would be a normal response I think this is the best response yet

 

Well said

 

Where is the graph?

 

I wouldn’t say the two of you are an anomaly here. I have ready several threads from others who describe their sexual situation as similar to yours. Unfortunately I couldn’t tell you where to find those threads, perhaps this is what you were meaning in your first post about there being a separate forum specifically for how you’re living chastity. You could always message the site owner and ask her if she’d be willing to add another forum specifically for chaste men in your situation.

 

I'll be honest about my my/our own experience. I was one who originally suggested buying a cage yrs ago when we actually bought toys and stuff. It's appeal to me was simple at the time. A cock cage is the ultimate everyday discreet bondage device. Little did I know how that one "kink" stuck with us and developed over time and solidified the relationship we have today. Don't know if that helps your info quest but everyone's journey is different in some ways. Good luck!

 

My wife or me both would probably never go to those extremes at all. However we both love her controlling my urges and after yrs of self-gratification it blows my mind to see her take control and enjoy it. The thought of only her hands touching me (at least for now) is a huge turn-on for both of us. Good luck!

 

Replace the word 'many' with the word 'some', and I would agree with you.

Then there are some here who have less PIV and more sexual interaction than they did before.

 

I must have missed that thread.

 

I have a great deal of physical contact with my wife but it’s different and has its rewards. We have a sorted background with sex, from swinging, threesomes, bdsm, and now chastity. For us it was the next kink and she has fully embraced her role and we use it as kink and a way to really spice things up. I am the one with the sexual drop, blood pressure medication has resulted in performance and desire issue and medication and keeping me aroused helps. It’s not like I am out of shape and a physical wreck, I bike, ski, and play basketball and every test but blood pressure always comes back I’m in excellent health.

my wife is a very physical person, in great shape, sexual, and intimate. Every morning and evening we greet each other with a hug and a kiss and every weekend is some fun for and with her, I just might not be having an orgasm to match. When stressed, she will have me join her naked (except for my cage) with a bottle of wine to relax and be with each other. When she wants, she unlocks me and the sex is out of this world and nothing is off limits. Then again, she may lead me down into our playroom and give me a good flogging before she pegs me or has me harness up and ride the dildo of the moment.

My wife is also bi and will have one of her 2 long time girl lovers over and I will serve them and if lucky be allowed to join them while still caged. In many ways, it’s all about her but I’m very lucky when she lets me out. I may need meds, can’t get it up as much as I like, but she can take me places in and out of that cage like when we were 20. There are 4 couples in our little group and they are split in the life style. One is just like us, one is a tad toward FLR, and the other is total dom wife.

 

We use it to deal with very different sex drives, me constantly and my wife once maybe twice a month. After first she was reluctant but now loves it and wants me locked full time. I just think the guys that crave the denial and have other fantasies are more active in this forum, not that the others do not exist.

 

Being cut off from physical sexual interaction (to the extent it involves my penis) is definitely my reality and my kink/desire. I am not allowed PIV sex, or anal, or blowjobs, and I very rarely get something like a handjob, often more like only a few seconds of disinterested rubbing. But that decision was mutual. I think I suggested I would be okay with it, and she said it didn't matter if I was or not because it's her choice. For whatever it's worth, I agreed with that too.

My penis is quite small and doesn't really stimulate her in any way, and I cum very very quickly too. So it's easy for her to admit that sex with me is easily rivaled by any one of her numerous toys or the universe of potential male partners. But it's also very important to note that I am deeply sexually submissive and don't really desire PIV sex anywhere near as much as I do just being allowed to worship her and please her and see her being sexually satisfied, or even just knowing that she has been though it may not have involved me.

I often see my wife in the nude, at least her profile, as she steps out of the shower or gets dressed or whatever. She takes off her panties before bed, and I see whatever I can when her short nightgown and the sheets don't cover her. Of course, it's frustrating as can be if I'm in chastity. I am also able to see her naked genitalia and her anus when I am worshiping her and/or working the dildo. And occasionally if I am very good and if I ask nicely she lets me kiss and tongue her ass while I masturbate myself.

But other than I am not allowed to see any naked female genitalia or anus -- hers or anyone's.

Not at all. Not even in the slightest. Our sex life and relationship are better than ever. When I am able to worship her or work the dildo or even just watch her getting off with her vibrator I enjoy it immensely. More than I ever enjoyed PIV sex. And it lasts a hell of a lot longer too.

One time I mentioned to her how long it had been since we had sex, and she said, "What do you mean? We had sex last night." She is right. We have sex, and it is very pleasurable and rewarding for both of us. It's just that it never involves my penis in any way.

This site caters to many fetishes and kinks such as this that are related to, or arguably more extreme versions of, male chastity. There may be some who use chastity to drive a relationship apart, whether intentionally or not, or to make up for gaps in a relationship. But I don't think it's wise to be so quick to judge anyone or to jump to conclusions about how these kinks and fetishes fit into anyone else's life or relationship(s).