Ways for keyholder to passively be in control.

Once she is holding the key she doesn't have to do anything. I'm not sure how that is draining. Could it be your behaviour that she finds draining. I'm not been an ass. But I know how much I crave attention. I have to consciously decide not to pester my other half.

 

MrLoched makes a good point:

It has taken me a long time to stop having expectations of what my wife "should" do. I had many years of fantasy stored up in my head and I imagined that it was her role to fulfill them. I was wrong. That's not her role.

It sounds like you and your Lady are using chastity from time to time, in scenes, as opposed to more long time, and that's fine. It sounds to me that you two need to talk more about what she wants from the scene.

Is she into dominating you or is that your thing?
Does she get off on spanking you or is that your thing?
Does she want to control you or is that your thing?

You see where I'm going with this. You're perfectly entitled to have a host of "things" that you crave but that doesn't mean that she wants the same things. You need to find a balance point where you both get enough satisfaction. Maybe you won't get everything you want, but that's life.

Re: Custom Cages. I suggest you keep trying different cheap Chinese cages. A custom cage will be only as good as the measurements you provide and it's difficult to get it right.

 

Regarding her control fatigue, see what happilylockedman said. Re comfortable devices, try the A273 or other devices with similar ergonomically shaped back ring.

 

Mate. If she's holding the key and reading forums back off, slow down, If it's boring for you suck it up that's your problem not hers. Either you want to be locked or you don't.

 

Softly, softly, catchy monKEY.

 

I think we have a way around this. It seems that the issue for you is a disparity between the amount of time and attention you want to have thinking about this, the amount of "attention paid" towards chastity, more than she does. Which is common!

Have you tried employing something like chastikey? She can make the deck, and put in all the forethought up front, and even estimate the time. _You_ can be needing to check the app and try and choose the right card for release every ... 6 hours. She's in charge, she's the one you see when you've gotten a green card, and every 6 hours is a chance (likely denied) for you, by her, without her having to actively do it.

See if that doesn't meet your wants and her needs.

 

I think you have hit the two most important ideas. 1) You want her to tease you and 2) she finds domination draining.

These are not uncommon concerns. One option is to gradually flip your relationship around so she is actually in charge. She is always allowed to say “no” to your desires, but you can not say “no” to hers. Put yourself in control of your chastity for her benefit. You might be surprised at what you find a tease. Just watching her dress in the morning can be a delightful tease. You will realize that her requests are no longer requests, but commands.

I am thinking about this as today I grew out BDSM toys that she told me she was not interested in playing with. Those were my attempts to show her how to domme. She already knows her own way, I just needed to listen and obey better.

 

So let her find her pace. We have a few things in our relationship that have maximum effect on me and take little to no effort on her part. I'll bring up 3 things we do.

Our Home app; i set up the account and made her the admin. She set up 3 recurring tasks one time and assigned them to me. She can micromanage, approve tasks, send me messages, or deduct points. OR she can not bother to look at the app at all, just enjoy me doing chores without hasseling her. She has a sexy boots icon and i have a gimp emoji. It works out great and takes no effort on her part.

Every night is massage night. I have my "outfit" which is a muzzle and nipple clamps. She gets a very long quiet massage and i get to feel like her bitch. This is the most "active" common thing we do. I doubt your partner will consider routine massages a burden. Don't push the outfit part, let her do her thing.

Remote zapper. We got a nice remote BDSM use tens unit. She has her remote and I put the tens loops on her property every morning and swap out the batteries proactively. Whe I misbehave, say something off color, or she feels like it, i get zapped. Very humilliating for me, just a button press for her.

These are all ideas that have worked out for us; she doesnt need to get on the dominatrix outfit or do anything besides get massages and push a remote button. I feel much more like an owned slave than a monthly kinkster.

Timing; dont force any of this. Let her drive it. It's taken my Mistress 2 years of "FLR" to get here and we're pretty tame compared to some folks on here.

Hope this helps!

 

What app is this? Is this iPhone or Android? It sounds like something I'd like to have or try.

This is brilliant and wonderful. I've come to understand that, in general, if you can bring yourself to set a high service expectation, then you can later get to have that as a baseline expectation!

This is so interesting. I would love to know all about this. It feels like more than I'd bother to remember to do everyday. But maybe if it's not a huge hassle, then that could become a thing? I like the notion of easy push-button correction. That seems like it'd be useful.

So true. I'd heard it said that usually the fella has been thinking about this for months or years, and so has mentally "built up" to his current notion of what he wants. He needs to realize that his partner isn't there, and might be starting at a significantly lower level, and need that same (or more) time to ramp up too.

 

So what im reading is that she's not participating in your fantasy at the level that you want her to...

Interesting, but what about her fantasy? Did she tell you that her ultimate turn on is to be responsible for holding the key to your manhood, whipping you silly when you don't lay out her stiletto heels, and to fondle your peanuts every night and tease you because you are hopelessly locked in a steel Jimmy jail?

I would leave the device off for a while. Learn how to cook... I mean really cook, never make her touch a piece of laundry again, make her bed for her every day, do the dishes, and take her out for a long walk every evening... Where you ask her a bunch of questions about her day and avoid talking about yourself. Don't bring up chastity.

Then learn how to control yourself without a device by not thronging your dong for a few days... then a week... then two weeks...

It's a lot less expensive and you will learn a lot about yourself....

Once you realize that you are light years ahead of her sexually, she might have a chance to catch up if you slow down a bit... Then when you realize that you have been topping from the bottom by making her "Dominate" you, things will feel more real when you tell her that the reason you only think of her all day is because you stopped fapping... She might just jump on board.

Until then... good luck talking her into locking you up and teasing you into a stuppor... That's probably not what turns her on...

Have you asked her what turns her on?

 

@jackburden
OurHome is on android and ios as well as a webapp for the computer.

As for the remote zapper, it's outstanding. I dont wear the cage much unless I've been misbehaving and need an attitude adjustment or leave to go somewhere (which isnt hardly ever lately due to covid!). She can obviously tell if I've cheated and punishes the fire out of me if I behave like I just came without her permission. The shocker on the other hand is much more proactive. She zaps me to correct any sort of behavior or actions I do that dont please her. She'll even zap me 3 times when she's not in the same room and I have to drop everything and come to her. It's *waaay* easier to wear some tens loops than a cage. She also likes it because her property is ready to go or be teased at short notice. That being said, I'm working on putting some conductive rubber loops into part of one of my plastic cages so we can have the best of both worlds; its difficult and a lot of work to wear the shocker and cage currently.

The cage got her interested in FLR and denial but the shocker has unleashed her inner sadist

 

Thank you. Downloaded and interested to give it a try. I'm fascinated by this other setup you're describing though. I apologize if I'm derailing the thread and if so, I'm sure there's somewhere else to take this. But. I've got to know all about this setup. To say it's significantly easier than wearing a cage seems really surprising. And I'm interested in how the remote works from a distance, how far at a distance it works, what other equipment you need to have with you beyond "loops" (I'm guessing those loops look and act like rubber bands w/electrical charges?)

Basically, tell me everything!

 

Sure. We can move to a different thread if needed. Mistress and I have a bit if a remote control fetish so we have a handful of things like the app, the shocker, another custom audio app I wrote, etc that we use. Basically she's normally minimally interested in the BDSM/kink side so i think we discovered this as a way to have her "make rules, assert control, and deliver punishments" with minimum to no effort on her end. It turned into where we are now, where she sends me tasks, shocks me, or controls the audio I hear with the custom audio app over earbuds (or speakers in a sensory dep. hood I made). It's all predicate on she can "control her bitch" from her phone. Or remote in the case of the shocker...

Anyway the shocker is the new model Remote power box from Estim Systems. I put it on when we wake up and have to ask to take it off when we go to sleep. Always have to keep the battery fresh as well.

I have conductive loops, like this:
https://www.currentpleasures.com/co...nductive-rubber-coil-loop-combo-pack-for-pins
I wear two of these, one around where the ball trap ring goes and one around the tip of her property. I wire those up to the box and give her the remote on "train" mode where the buttons simply deliver 25 50, 75, or 100% shocks (there are four buttons in the remote...).

With the cage. When i misbehave, I have to put on a plastic cage that we have and stick the head loop into the tip of the cage which is really inconvenient. I'm working in modifying part of the cage to accept the conductive loop comfortably and easily.

As for clothes... having a wire running from her property to a box in my pocket is a bother. I've come up with a few hacks for this. I have a few cargo pants with a small slit cut to run the cable to the power source in one of the cargo pockets. For service time, I made a small leather pouch that the power box goes into. It can clip onto a Y harness that I have. This isnt the best setup, so I've also cut a hole in the front of some tight black underwear to stick her property through; i'll wire up the loops, run the wire back into the underwear, and clip the box to the side of the briefs. No messy wires, her property is out and visible to her, etc.

I also have various attatchments, pads, sounding wands/devices, or even an estim butt plug to use with the remote whenever Mistress wants.

I highly recommend it if you're interested.

 

I see what you did there,

 

It took a long time for my wife to accept my interest in chastity.
Eventually she agreed,but rejected any active involvement.
She asked me to describe in detail how everything should work and then decided to outsource all the teasing and tormenting with the help of a Masseuse and a ProDomme.
That happend five years ago,and as she got accustomed to enjoy all the benefits and my change of behavior,she just got inspiration from the web and periodically instructed the two ladies on how to keep the "fire burning"...
As of today, she has reserved the right to grant me orgasms only to herself and the verbal and visual teasing have become natural.
I wanted to share my experience as an example on how a reluctant vanilla wife and a chastity fan can coexist happily!