Is chastity good or bad for FLR?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Guest 4454, Aug 22, 2018.

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  1. Guest 4454
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    Guest 4454 Member

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    Most of us here believe in FLR, in women superiority, in their ability to lead, in most cases if not all, better than men. There are outliers in every situation.

    Ok, let’s assume the above is correct or some absolute truth.

    Why is it then that a woman would need to control a man’s orgasem in order to move to the leadership position? Are women not talented enough, not capable to establish FLR without sexual control?

    How am I looking at it wrong?
    XO
     
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  2. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I like a FLR, but don’t believe in any gender superiority or either gender being more able to lead. For me it takes the pressure off of being wrong, and in general keeping her happy, hard for her to complain or be upset if we are doing things her way.

    Why is it that controlling a males orgasm is recommended? Because we are a different animal and wired differently than women. We have have different hormone responses, etc. We evolved different responses to suit procreation.

    We in general lose interest in trying to win over a mate after procreation, courtship is over, our drive to win over a mate is gone, and all sorts of chemical changes happen. Females do not have this drop, in fact their levels increase with more sexual activity. This promotes keeping the male to procreate instead of the male moving on to the next partner.

    Very Darwin stuff, very reptilian brain stuff, and sadly as civilized as we are, we cannot change the fact that we have chemical changes going through our system that pushes and pulls us around. We can certainly act the way we should, but it doesn’t change biological urges...we in general just aren’t as malleable after we’ve had an orgasm....think of it like going to the grocery store full or hungry...which one do you think we spend more attention and money on.

    It’s this basic animal stupidity that I find her judgement on my orgasms to be a bit more suited to relationships. If I had my way I would be like a dog and eat a weeks worth of food all at once. She spreads them out for me so I stay in that courtship mode, the mode she finds most appealing, and keeps me their.

    If I could act like I do when I’m super horny without the cage and without orgasm control, I would have all the sex I could handle. It’s not consciously, no orgasm control I stay up late, don’t follow her to bed, maybe Jack off and we sleep at different times and I miss out on intimacy. With orgasm control, I follow her to bed, using every excuse to touch and be near her, we end up cuddling until we both fall asleep. Could I have went to bed when I wasn’t horny? Sure, but there was no chemical incentive driving me.

    It has nothing to do with talent, or capabilities.
     
  3. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    I think for some couples it's like handing her the remote control.

    In our case, the chastity is more a result of the FLR. Xena just likes me better locked.
     
  4. Guest 4454
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    Guest 4454 Member

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    So is the man penis the relationship control? He (or she) who controls it controls the relationship? I think it just reiterated my point.
     
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  5. Guest 4454
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    Guest 4454 Member

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    I get all the Darwin part and I don’t disagree, but that is exactly my point. Attaching sexual control to FLR, in my opinion, depreciates it.
     
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  6. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Long term member

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    A woman can't put a man in chastity without his consent and any attempt to do so would constitute some sort of abuse. If a couple uses a chastity device and it isn't just to sate the man's fetishes with him topping from the bottom, the man has already ceded at least partial control to the woman. The chastity device doesn't allow the woman to further it without the man's consent and any attempt to use it to do so should be relationship ending, so once again, it isn't the device.
     
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  7. Cincy
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    Cincy Long term member

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    My wife loves the fact that I have a lot more energy to do housework, when I am denied orgasms and remain horny all the time.
     
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  8. RangerCuck
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    RangerCuck Long term member

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    I think it's more of a symbolic thing than anything else. It's a constant reminder to the male that the female controls his ability to get an erection and to have an orgasm.

    Some people make this stuff far more complicated than it needs to be.
     
  9. lockedUp24byKH
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    lockedUp24byKH Yes Dear...Right away.

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    You hit the nail on the head. Its symbolic with a hint of control although mutual.
     
  10. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    THis is the "all communists wear red ties" argument: All communists wear red ties. That guy's wearing a red tie, so he must be a communist.

    It's a logical non-sequiteur.

    FLR is one thing. Many men and many women subscribe to it.

    However, NOBODY has said that a woman NEEDS to control a man's orgasm in order to be in a leadership position. Some women enjoy that, and it becomes part of the dynamic. For some women in an FLR the idea of controlling orgasms may never have entered their consciousness.

    FLR and chastity are two different things. You can't conflate them.
     
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  11. tegelad
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    tegelad Class and sophistication in all things

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    // as for chastity
    IF the device improves the communication and ensure that the male is 100% engaged both sexually, mentally, physically, and relationship spirituality to his spouse ... yes

    If it leads to fantasies that distract and cause him to be toxic to the relationship (toxic culture of masculinity) ..... no

    The reality is nearly all women what men to be pure lust animals all in for their partners with no tools or restrictions, and respectful, loving and caring in public and during all non-sexual times. The chastity that women my guess desire is one of the device from the mind not the metal or plastic ordered on amazon or from dhgate or china.

    As for those wonderful souls who love BDSM .... game on ... it adds a new and fun dimension and can help in the role play and power play aspects .....

    // other points
    Your view is one based that FLR = Matriarchy. I am going to guess that a hyper majority of the women out their that are feminists are probably not going to following a radical feminism variation of it.

    It comes down to how much equality and deference towards the decision making is made and by default in an FLR/FLM the woman's vote overrides them all. That doesn't mean she can't delegate her leadership to her partner and review the decision post decision.

    To each their own, and don't get me wrong even as an assertive male who is comfortable in being a natural switch and being the traditional lead 100%, I do get a fun tickle in my gut thinking of a life of the matriarchy and how I could serve.

    So given I get guys, was a 'bro' and had lots of fun, I do believe (especially more so now that kids / boys are given a crack pipe of porn at the age of 6-8, that enforced chasity, prostate/pegging play (even in hetero situations), and giving girls leadership positions and the weight training, phsyical training of heavy sports while boys get to learn the house making aspects and other traditionally female would be of benefit.

    I chuckle about the simple act of prom. Picturing the guy asking the girl out, and the girl asking the mother or parents for the boys key or asking him how large of a strap -on he would like and what color before he gets his first sweet taste of womanhood .... but that is fantasy fodder and not real life.
     
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  12. Guest 4454
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    Guest 4454 Member

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    Thank you for this. My view is not set this way or another, which is why I posted the question, and have been enjoying the answers.

    I also think that your fantasy about prom date as not completely out of the realm of a far possibility. There is a path under which chastity becomes a standard, an acceptable practice to contain male urges.

    Could you imagine how different the world would be, if all men in office had to wear chastity???
     
  13. tegelad
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    tegelad Class and sophistication in all things

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    I have a very high libido. I would wear it for woman so they could feel safe, secure, and free. I would sign up in a heart beat. My current partner is super vanilla, anti-kink, and it is her. I respect her body, her mind, and her spirit as that is her. I won't lie, it hurts since I am very kinky very multi-faceted and experienced. As a feminist I respect her right to be traditional and live the life she wants to live, if I have a problem long term it is my responsibility to talk to her and if we can't make it happen, then end it.

    If I had another relationship, a kink-friendly woman is a must. I would also love to do chastity and I am an alpha male, but I have zero issue with sharing my partner either. My point to the share is that, all I care about is making my partner and surrounding women successful, happy, and independent as I truly love women deeply. I believe chastity would help immeasurably.

    I think I posted it else where, but picture a law that stated 4 generations of men would have to wear chastity and if successful in being "good" then the 5th generation is free on their 18th birthday, but if he fails the clock starts over. Conditioning people to be respectful and building some tradition would help curb the wildness and teach boys the control they need to be men.


     
  14. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    Not quite. In so far as the chastity part of the relationship is about discipline and reward, those apply, not whether he obeys orders, but to how well. Quality control.

    However, sometimes the chastity is more about extending the relationship dynamic into the sexual relationship.
     
  15. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    "Need?" She doesn't. We started the FLR first. But even though I was obeying and trying to honor and defer to her I still found areas of male arrogance and male conduct that weren't under control, especially my masturbation habit. Even in our FLR with a "no cumming without permission" rule I just moved to daily and twice daily edging, since very penis- and erection-centered. I proposed chastity to stop that, to put that central element of male power -- the erection -- under her control. I knew it would emphasize her authority, reduce my resistance, and make a submission a physical reality, not just a "I'll try" thing.

    Giles, I tend to see it oppositely. By controlling my sexual ability she gained authority that extended into the relationship dynamic. Generalizing, my view is that no man experiencing on-demand erections away from his wife's discretion and supervision is truly submissive -- at least that's me.
     
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  16. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Not to get into a semantic argument, but a physical device that controls my erection is not "symbolic." It is the physical manifestation that in my real life and not just in my fantasies I am a chaste submissive husband.
     
  17. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    I understand you're making a point to generalize here... but since I don't subscribe to these 'absolute truths', I feel that's an important designation to make before I answer your question. ;)

    Some women aren't interested in this type of control/responsibility (or FLR, for that matter). That doesn't make them talentless or incapable. Unfortunately, these women may also find themselves in a situation where a partner expects them to be someone they are not.

    Square peg in a round hole... Doesn't work. Not all women are dominant, nor are they all great leaders. Not sorry about bursting that bubble. :rolleyes: Anyway...

    I don't think it's a matter of talent or capability... It's a matter of preference and identity.

    Anyone 'in charge' has the freedom to dictate certain facets of a situation... But also has the responsibility of keeping said situation in order.

    Controlling his orgasms keeps things 'orderly' in our dynamic, as a method to thwart male physiology. In our situation, I do this with love rather than neglect.

    It delights Me as a Top because I adore witnessing his internal battles when we play. Watching his biological nature to spill pitted against his willful submission to please Me is an addictive process to observe. Karezza leaves us both quite happy afterwards and invites more intimacy into our lives.

    So, orgasm denial didn't 'move' Me into a leadership position. It's a byproduct of rules I set forth in our D/s relationship from the beginning, because I am leading it - not because I need it to lead.
     
  18. Subjr29
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    Subjr29 Member

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    Very well said! I agree and need my wife to lead me from my bad habits.
     
  19. kcuck5280
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    kcuck5280 Active member

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    On the contrary, orgasm control empowers the FLR. A woman who has convinced a man to give up control of his most beloved possession is indeed in control. I have, at most, been able to remain unlocked for about ten weeks before my wife has "the conversation" again.
     
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  20. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    Chastity is good for any relationship according to Mrs Chaste! And she should know!
     
  21. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    Chastity doesn't necessarily lead to a FLR lifestyle, but it seems a FLR does often lead to chastity. Inevitably, if a woman is in charge of the relationship that control is enhanced by chastity on the part of the male.

    It's not a straight-line result, but it seems to often end up that strong FLR relationships embrace chastity. (Whether its the honor system or lock-up)
     
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  22. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    This is what happened with us -- the FLR expanded into chastity when I couldn't stop edging.
     
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