I have asked ex girlfriend to be my key holder

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Misty Sissy, Mar 29, 2016.

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  1. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    From what I've seen so far this topic has not been addressed. I have recently asked my ex girlfriend to be my key holder. She is one of the greatest people I know. We are very good friends and she knows more about me than anyone else. I am in a sexless marriage (haven't had sex in probably over 5 years) and she knows this. We live in different states but she has agreed to do this if after some research she feels comfortable with it. Since this is not a normal relationship involving chastity, what can we each expect to get out of it and how can we make it exciting and beneficial to the both of us?
     
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  2. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    I trust your wife knows about all of this ?????
     
  3. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    Lol
    The implications omg

    I am going to hide behind the sofa with @jemima on this one !!

    Xx Wendy
     
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  4. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    No she doesn't. As I've said, we are living in a sexless marriage. It is more a marriage of convenience with literally zero intimacy.
     
  5. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    QUOTE="Misty Sissy, post: 157260, member: 41995"]No she doesn't. As I've said, we are living in a sexless marriage. It is more a marriage of convenience with literally zero intimacy.[/QUOTE] And I should add that there will be no physical contact between us.
     
  6. wishful
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    wishful Locked for Love

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    Hi Misty.
    This is a real challenge as you have given no background. Personally we went through a longish period with little or no intimacy for about two years. Then I grew up and we worked together to sort things out. Everything I write here is post this time. If a relationship is irretrievably broken then it is but if not then would this have a negative effect? From what you say it's unlikely to provide the support that I certainly find I need when locked especially for long periods so it's probably not a choice I would make for that reason. If it works for you and hurts nobody then why not, would it hurt your wife to find out as she may well do anyway? If so then it's best to tell her if practicable. Just my views though I really do feel honesty is always the best policy in the long run but as I say that's just my thought. All the best with things and let us know how it turns out.
     
  7. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    Thanks for the comment wishful. I'll give any background I can. Just ask me. I don't think she would find out because like I've said, we have no intimacy whatsoever. The reason I want to do this is because I find myself masturbating all day every day and I would like someone to have some control over that.
     
  8. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    IMO an ex can often be an ideal KH. Though this scenario is not a typical one. Especially if your wife isn't to know. I think a lot may depend on other underlying factors.

    That said it's certainly got potential.

    Do you know what your ex WANTS to get out of it?
     
  9. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    I'm not sure yet what she wants out of it yet. We are just in the research stage right now. That's why I'm looking for opinions. I do know that her husband will be aware of the situation if it moves forward. I am fine with that because I would never put her in a bad situation.
     
  10. manintyres
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    manintyres Junior Member

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    I have a couple of questions.
    What if your wife wants to become intimate with you again?
    What if her hubby isn't happy about ex g/f doing this for you?

    I'm trying not to sound judgmental in them questions but these are things that may come up for both you and your ex g/f (she sounds great by the way for doing this for you) .
    And the elephant in the room is if you do go ahead with this with your ex g/f your wife will notice a change In you and at some point questions will be asked of you by her (just because it may seem you two not noticing things etc it doesn't mean that they are not bei noticed) .
     
  11. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    Thanks for the input. It's not judgmental at all. To answer your first question, it has been over 5 years since we have been intimate. I don't forsee that changing but if it does I will have an emergency key. As for her husband, if he doesn't agree then the whole thing is off.
     
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  12. loyalhack
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    loyalhack Unlocked man. Mind over matter.

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    Can I ask why you do not feel it is possible to ask your wife to be your keyholder or to ask her permission first?

    I ask because you say you marriage is like a marriage of convenience, that you have no physical intimacy, and yet have remained together (faithfully?) for over five years, so unless it is simply a marriage of convienence, you must each see some value in it. Given that you have no current intimacy, what has led you to consider asking her for chastity rather than physical intimacy a less constructive route? Even if she would have no interest whatsoever, if no intimacy / no erotic interest in you is her position, why would she object to your request, or at least object to the extent she felt it reasonable to expect you not to pursue the idea?
     
  13. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    She is not into any kind of kink. Even when we were having sex it was always very vanilla.
     
  14. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    That is a good start. But I am a bit concerned about your wife not knowing, even though you do currently have a sexless marriage. She may well not have a problem with it, but she's sure to notice if you resume communication with your ex on even a semi-regular basis.
     
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  15. loyalhack
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    loyalhack Unlocked man. Mind over matter.

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    Thanks for responding, Misty - I hope my question didn't seem rude. I suppose my reaction is similar to Joroincharge's, that there might well be intriguiing possibilities in the situation you suggest, but that not informing your wife is perhaps worth reconsidering. I can't imagine what a non-intimate marriage of five years feels like for either of you, so I really hope this doesn't sound judgemental. I'd likely have behaved far worse, far earlier, then felt guilty afterwards.

    I totally appreciate that her disinterest in kink could have convinced you that such information is either not her concern, or not her business. However, she might not see it that way - depending on the reasons you have for staying married.

    I don't think that someone who expresses no interest in intimacy can really argue that you choosing denying yourself orgasm is unfair on them, but at the same time, I can see how even if that is the case, they might see not having been asked as a kind of breach of the relationship - the way your ex and her husband are dealing with the idea seems to deal with this well.

    Perhaps, you are tired of the confrontation, tension and even rejection such conversations might have led to in the past. I can understand that! I suppose all I'm saying is that if you value your current relationship with your wife, incomplete as it is, her feelings if she should discover what you have done need to be a factor in your choices.
     
  16. Misty Sissy
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    Misty Sissy New member

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    I really appreciate your feedback. I don't think you're being judgmental at all. I asked for opinions and I value them all. I just don't see any upside to involving my wife. Yes, there is plenty of downside. When I let her know that I like painting my toenails and wearing panties she pretty much lost it and said she couldn't handle it. This is why I can't involve her in this.
     
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  17. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    If there is no sex in the marriage can I ask a secondary question. Is there any love? Non intimate but love nonetheless?

    The reason I ask is if the marriage is one of financial convenience only are you doing yourself or your Wife any flavours staying together?

    Have you asked your Wife what her sexual needs are? Is she happy with things being sexless? If she is then My only concern is that a successful marriage or partnership has to be based on trust, but in your case I wouldn't describe it as a successful marriage if love is not involved. Sex doesn't have to happen for a marriage to be successful, but in my opinion love does.
     
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  18. Panda2010
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    Panda2010 There's a fine line between pleasure and pain

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    Hi Misty. I am totally new to the thought of being locked up, and experience is zero. So I am no expert.

    Without knowing more details about your situation with your wife I can't quite see how the logistics would work without her finding out. I know you have said there has been no intimacy for years, and no prospects for any in the future. But I would have thought that there would be a chance she would notice it when you are getting changed or having a shower etc or even in bed if you happened to bump into each other in the wrong place. If your wife accidentally finds out it might damage remaining aspects of the relationship between you and your wife(eg trust??).

    I suspect a better course of action would involve being upfront about this. Mention to her that you love her but you find yourself masturbating all the time and want to find a way to stop/reduce masturbating. Then can mention and discuss the cage idea. She might not have a problem with you masturbating all the time and ask you why you want to stop/reduce. Presumably you have thought about why you want to stop/reduce. But if you haven't you might want to think about it. Take your time to talk it over and try to bring her along over the course of days/weeks/months.

    If she outright rejects the idea and refuses to discuss it then on to plan B - could probably say you are going to get a cage anyway.

    Anyway, just my 2 cents worth (from an absolute newbie)
     
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  19. Tombow
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    Tombow Active member

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    So, now I have to ask...what has happened? Did her husband agree? I think I understand what you will get out of this, but I am not sure what she gets...most problematic is what MAY eventually transpire. Is HER relationship secure? Is there any chance you two may get back together? Because if that is a potential consequence, I see some very messy times ahead...
     
  20. nikkel
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    nikkel Long term member

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    Misty Sissy ,
    By all means go right ahead with your long distance key holding relationship. Imagine you and her on Sype, and she having mailed you the only key to your cage. Now as she watches ,you follow her orders.

    Wow! I think you will be a natural for this kind of lifestyle, or you wouldnt have been asking about it.
    You mentioned "not being in chastity" I assume you mean with your sexless wife.

    If your girlfriend holds the key , obviously you will be in chastity ,as for what she will get out of it , well, she will hold the power over you to use as she wishes. Who knows what lurks in the hearts of women ? .
    The monkey wrench in this could be her husband. Why would he consider letting his " faithful" wife keep an old friend in chastity? This chastity thing is purely sexual.
    You mentioned that she is researching "keyholding" . Hopefully she will see the many benefitrs of it.
    As for your wife , she won't know , and if she does, since its a marriage of convienence I dont think it will matter. ,
    She has stayed with you all these sexless years for her own selfish reasons. What is she doing behind your back,hmm .
    Wouldnt that be cool if she has a lover and turns you into her cuckhold. ( I got a little carried away there ) .
    Back to the husband who will know about his wife's keyholding, I don't think it will work unless he's into bi sexual stuff , or maybe a cuckhold himself.
    Regardless, I hope you post your adventures on here . Good luck, and if this doent workout ,don't give up. There are so many possibilities you will find what you seek .
     
  21. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Hmmm. But if you're locked up how can she not know sooner or later? OK, you'll not be having sex anyway but even so.....
    But clarifying things with your ex's husband is defo necessary also. He will surely need assured there can be no sex between you & your ex again......
     
  22. HollyC
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    HollyC Active member

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    Do you really expect to hide this from your wife for the rest of time? Trying to deceive her in this way, with an ex, seems an awfully dangerous idea, not to mention (imho) ethically questionable.

    Perhaps you should first try having a discussion with your wife on the issues that @Jasmic68 outlined above.
     
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  23. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    I agree with this too, as well as above. I think you are treading on thin ice. While in some situations having an ex as KH can be beyond brilliant, in this situation there looks to be too much baggage with both your and your ex's partners needs sorted out first. It has to be in the open both ways.
     
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