Owning and training a male slave.

There was a discussion going about Ingrid Bellemare's book, Owning and training a male slave, in another thread. I thought I'd start a thread on it here, rather than take over another thread.

Keeping in mind that my keyholder and I have been in the bdsm community/lifestyle for many decades, we both read this when trying to figure out how I could be better made to suit her, and what would work for both of us. We also don't live together, and I'm married, although it's a somewhat poly relationship, we are also limited by respecting my wife, above what we might desire to do, or what she would do with me if she owned me fully.

Anyhow, that said, what is in the book is obviously not a lifestyle that most people would manage or enjoy as a permanent state of being. There are however, many key parts that have since become the cornerstones of our relationship and dynamic.

Being a Queer Domme, she has mostly had female submissives, and when they have been male, she has had to "Put up with dick, and the need for their dicks to have attention.". With me, we have been very good friends for years and years, and I've been her friend through several of her relationships. When we discussed me becoming her sub, we both didn't want a relationship based on sex. For it to work with my wife, it had to be or become essentially sexless. I am her first experience with chastity/denial, and we looked at this book as somewhat over the top at first. We slowly weaned me off masturbation, then sexual pleasure in general. I was allowed some piv sex with both her, and my wife, before that was taken away for good. Then we found a device I could wear pretty much 24/7 and we worked on training me to desire giving pleasure (even if it's non sexual) over getting or having pleasure.

As of right now (everything with chastity/denial D/s evolves over time as we change and re-wire) we find that despite finding her book to be a bit on the extreme, and bordering on kink fiction, that parts of it ring absolutely true with how I am, how I feel, and what we want from me.

"The benefits of male orgasm denial become much more apparent outside the
bedroom if the slave is locked up and denied permanently. He will remain in
a constant state of submission and subservience knowing that pleasing his
Mistress in everything is his only chance for the release of his sexual
frustration.

Let me say categorically that the Mistress requiring total attentiveness and
subservience from her slave must impose a regime approaching total
permanent denial. The slave must be allowed no access to his cock,
permitted no masturbation or orgasm and, if possible, not even be allowed to
obtain erection. He must leam that as a subservient he has no rights to any
sexual pleasures and exists to provide pleasures for his Mistress."

We changed the last line from "provide sexual pleasures", but that part is the cornerstone of my chastity for me, my keyholder and my wife. My wife doesn't require submission or subservience from me, but she does require me locked and denied, and now I suit her needs better, as she is someone with a lower sex drive. I'm not off masturbating, and I'm no longer allowed piv sex with her, or as I had been in the past, with my kink partner. My need for sex and pleasure has been greatly reduced by this whole process, as I no longer feel entitled to that pleasure.

With my keyholder not being highly sexual, or motivated by sex (a difficulty in a typical relationship), I now suit her perfectly, other than not being available as often as she'd like. I touch her, kiss her, massage her body, and generally serve her intimately, but not sexually. With her, my "release from sexual frustration", is generally her beating me till i'm not horny anymore, which I've come to love/hate, and see as a mercy.

"The slave must be allowed no access to his cock,
permitted no masturbation or orgasm and, if possible, not even be allowed to
obtain erection. He must leam that as a subservient he has no rights to any
sexual pleasures and exists to provide pleasures for his Mistress."

This statement I have saved on my computer, and I read it every day. Forbidding me to have erections was the real turning point in breaking me from being a guy who likes to bottom in the bedroom, and into a properly denied and chaste submissive , or as my keyholder calls me "Her boi".

Here I am, several years after initially reading the book and I am locked full time, I do not masturbate or want to, I do my best to drop my orgasm when emptying, I do not have erections when unlocked (kink time excepted, but that is another and very painful story!) , I honestly believe that I no longer have any right to sexual pleasures, and I get so much pleasure and reward from giving pleasure to both my wife and my keyholder. Each requires something different of me (OK, both love foot rubs!) and my chastity/denial makes what were once trivial things into huge pleasure for me.

Now that I've written a full on novel here.....What are your thoughts on the book, and what parts have you incorporated into your life/dynamic?

 

There's a lot of protocols and de-humanization of the slave and such, but her thoughts on chastity are valid. You can tell it's a bit out of date as the cages mentioned are older types, but it's still good stuff.

 

That's exactly what we have found too. I think that one difference is that we don't look on male orgasm as a reward, or something that motivates me. It's become essentially preventative maintenance, and humiliation. I do feel a constant low level of frustration, and it rises to a high level when I am given attention, but it's no longer the carrot at the end of the stick.

 

Yes, I believe that to be the case. Seems a life well lived though!!!