Is it ever enough?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by cshorts, May 26, 2023.

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  1. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    I've been frustrated about something, and after nearly 5 years in 24x7 chastity, it doesn't seem to be getting better. And this isn't the fun kind of frustration.

    The problem: when I'm being teased / edged / whatever, without orgasm, it never seems to be enough. I never want her to stop, and I always feel a bit disappointed and unsatisfied / unsatiated. Of course, this shouldn't be surprising perhaps, since I'm not climaxing. But it doesn't feel like a good dynamic. Basically no matter what she does, however long it goes on, I'm a bit disappointed that she doesn't continue. Hardly fair to her, or good for our relationship.

    in a way, it sometimes feels like we've just traded the pre-chastity I want sex every day and she doesn't into I want her to play with me more and more, and she doesn't.

    Here seem to be different types in this forum. Some love being denied, and don't seem too bothered if they are also ignored. Not me: I love being denied, but I hate it if not getting attention and being teased, too. And, dammit, I don't seem able to be satisfied with the teasing I get -- always want more.
     
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  2. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    When reality and expectations don't match, and it leads to disappointment, then either reality or expectations need to change.

    Have you spoken to her about it?
     
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  3. FLRAdvocate
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    FLRAdvocate Long term member

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    This is the salient question. When your experiences with a given relationship dynamic are not meeting your expectations or desires, you need to talk to the other person and work to an agreement on what needs to change to make it work for you.
     
  4. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    I hear you, and thanks for the comments. But what to tell her? “I would like longer sessions” yes. But the problem is, once she gets me worked up. If I don’t orgasm I do t want it to *ever* stop! That’s on me, not her.
     
  5. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    That's kind of the point.

    If you never orgasm then the feeling of being constantly on the edge will never end, and surely that's what you want?

    It sounds like you need to manage your dopamine addiction better :p

    It also sounds like you have not accepted her control.
     
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  6. Elfman
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    Elfman Gay werewolves & martinis

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    Taking a break from chastity/denial helps keep it fun. There is such a thing as too much of a good.
     
  7. SubDee
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    SubDee Long term member

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    I am the same, it’s never enough for me.
    I don’t mind being denied erections and orgasms. I kind of like it.
    But I always want sexual play.
    I’m often disappointed even though my Wife puts a lot of effort into being sexual with me.
    Before chastity She was having maybe 10 orgasms per year.
    Now She orgasms when we play about 4-5 times a week.
    She pegs me about once a week.
    She spanks me (which I like and don’t like) 2 times a week on average.
    She gives me golden showers which is something I always wanted and She wasn’t previously comfortable with (now She actually enjoys it).
    I’ve taken on so much more of the day to day, cooking, cleaning, kids, etc. She has time and energy to do sexy play now.

    so it all worked exactly how many say that it does. She became more sexual when I became more submissive and began catering to Her needs as much as possible.

    But it’s never enough for me. I wish I could learn to better accept it when She doesn’t feel like playing.
    But it does feel extremely disappointing still.
    To a certain extent, it is still a barter system. Which sucks.
    I don’t know how to change this part of me. But I’d be so much happier if I could
     
  8. WWSUB
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    WWSUB Long term member

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    Someone here once described all us males as bottomless pits when it comes to receiving pleasure. Sure at times we can feel satisfied but I also think the vast majority of us just want more more more most of the time. I think that’s kind of the point in what we do, we do receive a kind of satisfaction and relief with teasing of whatever…. but we always want more.
     
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  9. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    so you always want more

    that is the whole point


    if there is something you want are not getting ...try to earn it by doing stuff for her so she has nothing to do but relax when home ...and do try to learn to anticipate her needs.. then do so ..and often
     
  10. Null
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    Okay then do that... this ain't rocket surgery. You ain't got to try for some denial based High score. You don't have to like denial and you don't have to do it
     
  11. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    It's normal, or at least it used to be normal for me. I used to get really frustrated. But then she helped me focus on fixing my frustration, and I don't know how it happened, but I no longer get frustrated.

    Actually, I kind of do know: We switched back to doing chastity all the time, with the goal of it forcing me back into subspace and staying there. But specifically, I was supposed to measure and track my frustration, and let her know how I was doing, and we worked on it together, and now it's gone (I think?)
     
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  12. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    Yeah, I know it's contradictory...I can't make rational sense of it.

    I want to be teased, and then denied. But then teased some more, and denied again. And teased again, and ...

    I'm grateful that she teases me and denies me.

    But I'm also disappointed and unhappy that she doesn't tease (and deny) me *more*. I don't want to be disappointed with her. I don't want to be selfish about this. I don't want to resent that she isn't *more* giving. But that's all part of what I feel, too.

    And then I feel disappointed in myself.
     
  13. SubDee
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    SubDee Long term member

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    So are you ever allowed an orgasm?
    I feel like the longer I am denied the less frustrated I get. I come to accept whatever it is easier and easier as days go by.

    how long would you reckon it takes before you genuinely don’t feel frustrated/disappointed when She doesn’t want to play?

    longest I have ever gone is 60 days and I still was not completely rid of those feelings, but I was definitely closer than say, at 30 days.
    It’s unfortunate, but I think I need to be denied indefinitely to become my best self.
    Well that makes me kind of sad now that I see it in type.
    But also strangely excited

    Reason I ask is because you said you had switched back to chastity all the time.
    What does that entail for you?
     
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  14. FetishTools
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    FetishTools Manufacturer

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    Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom.
     
  15. true42
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    Yes. Fairly regularly. Whenever she wants me to have one, which seems to be about once a week normally.

    I peak in terms of possible frustration at about day 3-5, and then I am definitely way less frustrated after that peak.

    I do not wear it to bed -- because it's her preference that I don't. Other than that, I'm always locked. If she is away or if I'm traveling, I am locked 24/7 with no removal. It's a simple system.

    Last year, we tried the honor system, but I was still getting frustrated, and she hated my frustration, so we worked together on fixing it. The re-locking after sex definitely helps get my mind back into the proper place and keep it there. We started that around the end of last year or beginning of this year.

    I'm happy with the results.
     
  16. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    You say that you love denial, and then complain that she's denying you!

    Here's another way to approach this:-

    The one thing that you can definitely change is you!
    Change how you interpret what she's doing.

    Instead of focusing just on "you not receiving something", suggest to yourself that by stopping "she's deliberately teasing, denying and testing you". And because you've given her control, you're not allowed to complain about what she thinks is best for you.

    Convince yourself of that and you'll find that you'll enjoy the frustration just as much when she stops. You'll also find that by accepting whatever she decides, without complaint, you'll feel much more submissive, and she''ll find you much easier to live with too!

    If becoming more submissive is your thing, act it out, immerse yourself in the submission rather than being self-centred, the change of focus really works.
     
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  17. madams-sissysub
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    No it’s never enough! When madam teases or edges me she puts a timer on her phone, fe my last birthday she decided to leave the timer and kept stopping and starting during the evening. After about 2 and a half hours she said that it was enough!
     
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