A completely different sexual journey

Some years ago, my wife had an affair. Up to that, we were a very traditional couple with a mostly traditional sex life. I realise now, there was a lot I didn't know. I found out about the affair and made her give me details even thought it was tearing me apart, but we ended up having the greatest sex of our lives for a time.
Then, some years later again, in 2014, she suddenly switched off, rejecting me completely. I haven't had intercourse since then. So I masturbated a lot, too much (I was doing it anyway, so no change there ). I became demoralised, and frustrated. At one stage I even began to panic, feeling I couldn't control myself any longer.
I have never been unfaithful. Not that I'm that moral, maybe just circumstances. I found this site about a year ago and couldn't believe all I had in common with so many of you. I do know I have a very fertile sexual imagination.
I have no locking device, I tried to make a home made one, not out of meanness, but because I felt too embarrassed to order one. I'm still at that stage but I don't think for much longer. I abandoned the home made device after a few hours and that was last year, shortly after discovering this site.
I have began practising edging to precum stage and chastity since finding this wonderful site. From masturbating three times a week over the years and experiencing low moral and actual physical symptoms including felling cold and no energy afterwards, I have managed a few weeks. This time I'm on 11 days and hope to go at least a month. I find my imagination is greater and I'm happier, but I eventually give in after two weeks at the most. Then it's a problem not to keep going. Having to start all over again. If only I could tell her what is going on.
I've spoken to my wife several times, complaining 'you never touch me, we never have intimacy, never mind PIV'. I had to explain to her what that was
I now fantasise about her taking a lover and locking and feminising me, but she doesn't know this. That's the tragedy, we are on completely different sexual journeys. I just can't take the risk of broaching this subject yet, although this evening I did suggest, half jokingly, that she return to her original lover for a 'weeks holiday' He is a cousin and she still knows where he lives.
I keep asking her 'is it just me or have you lost all sexual interest?' I'm still not sure, she seems completely indifferent to my situation. In all other respects, we are a good couple.
I'm enjoying the fantasying, and I have started looking for my first cage. Who knows where this will go? Hopefully I'll have more to say. Happy locking you lucky ones whose wifes/partner are on board.

 

She doesn't say much. She has had a lot of health issues. I love her and she has stood by in in bad times. I guess I won't quit. She'd have to leave me. So carry on in sickness and in health I guess

 

You mention a lot of points there. I have spoken to her many times. Like I said, after her affair, we had fantastic sex. I guess I'd love to have that back. And we had a great sex life for 30 years. You can't just quit when things go wrong not when you love someone. The only sex I've had since is masturbation and I want to control that and focus on my wife which I believe this site is about. Also I appear to have cuckhold tendencies. I told her I was reading up on men in similar situations to us but haven't mentioned this site yet. Someone once said a marriage is like a thousand funerals, as a part of you dies as the decades pass. So yes, it is real as you ask. But don't forget the first 30 years I was the dominant male. But I've mellowed over the years.

 

yes, we have problems. That's why I'm here. Health issues played a part as well. But I have to try

 

Hi IB-Chaste, no need for apologies, but thank you. However, you do bring up a good point, about drink. That was another issue I didn't get to. I drank too much. You make a lot of good points and thanks for taking the time to make them. I'm a good deal older than you so three times a week is a lot, too much in my opinion now. I'm very interested in what you have said and I'll consider all the views. They have been a shock. I think what I didn't get across was that I was under a lot of pressure back then and was difficult to live with. She said at the time she thought I didn't want her around, which was not the case, I was just so preoccupied with my other problems.
So thanks, I'll take a while to give your opinion some thought and that of the others here and see what I can do. It definitely pays to share these issues if you can find the place. So kudus to CM. I wouldn't say you have 'no answers' I think you came u with a lot of avenues for me to consider. The affair was not eight years ago, we stopped being intimate eight years ago, the affair was 10 years !! before that. You add all those years you'll realise we're not young.
So again, thank you for your considered and respectful reply. Good luck with your own life and enjoy your health while you have it. Really appreciated, thanks.

 

Rectrix, you have summed up my problem well. I don't object to masturbation on moral grounds, it's just it leaves me knackered these last few years. I have a very wide sexual tolerance and that is why I find this site great. and I have discovered that I find chastity very satisfying. it had never occurred to me until I came on this site. Also, sharing my views here and realising there are others in similar situations is incredible. And yes, I think its 'time to buy the damn cage'

 

Andy 88. I don't know did you mean to be funny, but this post lifted my spirits. Especially the line 'she might be the one who needed chastity'. Well, not any more. Hard to believe guys envied me back in the day, they told me that to my face once or twice. She was considered 'hot'. health has a lot to do with it and as I explained in an earlier post, I was not the easiest to live with. I did actually suggest a marriage counsellor, I'd forgotten that. She didn't disagree, we just never followed it up. Might try that now...thank you

 

Hi Andy 88. Thank you for your comments. You seem to be very understanding and I appreciate that. Yes, there is a history there as regards her cousin. They were an item long before she met me. But I didn't know any of this until her affair with him. She told me she was going to visit a sick relative. I believed her. She said afterwards, 'I hoped you wouldn't let me go'. How was I to know? I knew something was wrong when she came back. The first time was a few days but the next time was a whole week. A whole week with him, in his bed. After I suspected something, I challenged her. She just looked at me and nodded. After that, all hell broke lose. I was both furious but them began to realise I was also aroused. We had sex, I think I said for a week, but it was longer now that I rethink, Great passionate sex for about six weeks. I drank heavily and came home drunk, then I'd make her tell me exactly how they did it. It was only several years later I read about cuckholds and realised I had those tendencies. It was the craziest few months of my life.

 

Thank you

 

Collaredhubby, thank you. You are correct, in the past I have been a poor listener. In a moment of self-realisation I realised I sometimes 'had an answer for everything and a solution to nothing'. I really didn't listen. I'm trying to now, but habit and routine, even when it's bad is hard to break. This site and your replies are really giving me encouragement. I'm looking forward to some form of sexual life going forward, starting from zero right now. So not a very high bar to jump initially

 

Wow, littleguy3, thank you for this amazing advice, added to collaredhubby's. No, she's not paralyzed thankfully. She just seems to have lost even the desire for a foot rub, and she used to love that. Or a shoulder message, of course, that always led to sex. She was a very sexual person. Yes, I do love her. She stood by me in the bad times and I was often not appreciative of this. I am now and I want to get back some of what we had. But I realise now it will be different. I have already hinted that I have found a site 'with a group of men' facing similar problems to me and her, where the wife has lost interest in sex. Of course, I'm referring to here, Chastity Mansion, but I haven't said that yet. But I know now that I will, eventually. I have hinted that if we renew intimacy, there will be no PIV. That it will all be about her enjoyment. Oh, and I just finally plucked up the courage and purchased my first cage. Can't wait not for it to arrive. I have never hear of oxytocin production. I'll research that now. Thank you.

 

Thank you. Long way back for both of us.