Transitioning from fantasy to reality.

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by downtherabbithole, Aug 24, 2014.

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  1. downtherabbithole
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    downtherabbithole Fucking amateur hour

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    I had no idea that CM was back online. It's been a rather hectic few weeks in the rabbit hole. I have found a KH! (Queue rousing applause). I had started a blog but there was something of a threat to the anonymity, so had to take it down. So I'm going to share the saved drafts of those blog posts for the amusement of all. Enjoy.

    Apologies for weird uses of tense- I had written these and uploaded them as I was going, but now they are a bit older the use of current tense might be a bit odd. For the record I'm now in my second lock-up period. My first lasted a fortnight and ended with a single orgasm, and since then I have been locked away again for the past 10 days. There is a chance of my release on Thursday but it is not guaranteed.

    Also some of the posts will be split in two due to character limits contraints.

    ----------------------

    Since I was an awkward teenage boy I’ve had a fantasy I’ve found difficult to share, even amongst the kinky friends I inevitably end up gravitating before. It’s easy to tell someone that you want to hurt them during sex, that you want to tie them up or deny them the use of their hands or their voice or their senses, that you want to see them beg for relief while they’re in pain. But telling them you want your cock to be locked up in a chastity device, for them to hold the only key, and that you want to be pushed to the limits of frustration? That takes some balls.

    I think I first came across BDSM while browsing the internet at the age of 11. A little site, still running, called Slave Farm. At first I was shocked, I even wondered if the police had come across this form of modern-day slavery and if not, how I as a small, technologically-inept child had beaten them to the punch. However, much like that moment when you first notice a missed punch in wrestling, I soon came to see the smiling eyes and signs of negotiation taking place in the more amateur images I happened across. It was an eye opening moment which really opened my eyes to what sex could be about.

    A couple of years later I came across a photo series entitled ‘Mistress Bitch’, and for nearly a year my major masturbatory fantasy involved being pegged by a woman with a large, flexible, rubber strapon and a big red boa (I’m a sucker for dramatics okay?). From this I began looking into the broader world of Female Domination. There were a lot of things which interested me- power exchange, shiney shiney costumes, CBT, golden showers, wildy impractical high heels, public exposure, feminisation, play piercings; there were also things which turned me off- scat, severe masochism, those slightly-paedophilic schoolground fantasies, and perhaps the worst, fixed notions of what it meant to be a ‘man’ and a ‘woman’. Perhaps the greatest turnoff was talking to online kinksters. Their insistence on the way kink MUST be done, their exclusivism and elitism, and the near-constant gender essentialism. I met a couple of people in my late teens who were in ‘the scene’ and frankly, they put me off ever trying to get involved in the kinky collectives. They seemed like the same dickheads you met as a kid when you played Warhammer- desolate of any meaningful social power they chose to exercise their expertise in a niche area in a way designed to exclude new people, lest they be eclipsed. Telling people I was something of a switch went down about as well as a hangover-fart in a funeral. You couldn’t be categorised and were therefore dangerous.

    I’ve never been able to say whether I was strictly dominant or submissive. When I was younger and first started developing real-world sexual experience, I tried to express my submissive side, but generally partners found this a little weird, and would take much easier to the idea of me taking the lead, with them surrending their power to be mildly abused and debased. In time my fantasies started becoming more dominant than submissive, a reflection of the experiences which seemed more available and rewarding to me (the amount of people who seem to have gone through life without trying rough sex is disheartening, truly, but on the plus side generally they have a reet laugh when they get into it). Though I enjoy being the dominant party in a situation, there was still a sense of unease as a large part of my sexual persona was remaining dormant. After my last relationship ended a little over a year and a half ago, I decided that sexual experimentation and the exploration of my submissive tendencies should really go to the top of my list.

    When I was younger and first discovering Femdom, I happened across Altairboy. I would spend hours after my family had gone to bed, reading the hastily-written tales, most likely typed out with one hand while the other remained busy with more pressing matters. I rediscovered the site and the wider world of chastity, and saw how mass-production of less intrusive devices had seemed to have seen the fetish become prominent across wider online kinky communities. I started chatting with a few people online (one of whom has been nothing but encouraging in my exploration of sexuality, and is in a similar situation herself) about the topic, before taking the plunge and buying… dun-dun-de-dun… my very first chastity belt. A Chinese steel model sold through uberkinky with a detachable urethral insert, it seemed like the very example of quality on a budget. And then I tried to sleep in it. My god. I knew I was meant to expect discomfort but a strong burning sensation on the underside of my balls? No. Just no. I chalked it up to its quality and decided to buy the Holytrainer V2, which it must be said, is one of the best products to be graced with one of the worst names of any commodity ever produced (sexual or not). In this device you could sleep like a charm, but sadly when I woke up often my erection had damn near forced the device over the tip of my penis. I’d like to get all macho now and claim that its obviously the size of my massive erection which just shot the small version which I had purchased off my body. Thinking back on it, the fact that I used baby oil to get the device on and in place probably didn’t help this issue (next week’s to-do list includes buying nylon socks to see how well the device stays on without lube) .
    ....
     
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  2. downtherabbithole
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    downtherabbithole Fucking amateur hour

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    ...

    Nevertheless, I owned the devices, I did some reading up on the practicalities of chastity (how to get into a routine, maintenance, the negotiation of parameters, the symbols of submission and domination, other sub-kinks such as cuckolding, sissification, etc), and decided that the time was nigh to find someone to lock my cock up. The longest consistent time I had worn the device was two and a half days and the longest I had gone without orgasm was five days. Clearly my self-discipline is not a trait to be banked upon. This search for someone to control my sex life did not hamper my really-existing sex life however, I re-established contact with an old flame who seemed to miss rough sex and was tired of her obnoxious boring. We began seeing each other now and again, exchanging dirty messages about all the vile and degrading things that I would do with her. When we met up for sex it was absolutely incredibly. I generally don’t find it too easy to cum, whereas she finds it very easy to cum (particularly when being called a slut, slapped, bitten, restrained, blindfolded, and being told she would be filmed for an eager audience), and so our sexual tristes became rum-soaked marathons of days at a time. She particularly enjoyed being submissive having not experienced anything but vanilla for close to four years.

    The other week, however, all this changed practically overnight. We were due to meet up on a Monday, and having just come back from a holiday in a small and over-busy room, I informed her that I hadn’t cum in close to a week, and that I would probably need to either have a quick wank before seeing her, or else she could expect a very short immediate fuck. Her response? “Don’t cum.”

    “Don’t cum.” Those words circled round my head like bluebirds round a concussed creature in a Merry Melodies cartoon. I decided that if there was ever a time to reveal this particular fetish, it was now. I mentioned orgasm denial and even brought up the fact that I had a chastity device. She seemed intrigued and asked for a picture, to which I happily obliged, sending her the standard ‘look my cock is in a chastity device’ image you seem to get on every chaste boi’s kinky social media profile. She was excited. We threw a few ideas around about how she’d treat me if I was locked up, and though I was giving something of a lead, she seemed delighted with the possibilities.

    When we met up on the Monday, we had our usual (and I must say, very enjoyable) round of drunken rough sex, with me acting as the more dominant partner. The next morning, I mentioned the chastity device, and asked if she’d like to see it on. I’ve never seen someone bite their lip so hard. After facing away and thinking deep unsexy thoughts, I managed to oil up my dick and squeeze it into the cage which provides ample room when flaccid, but nowhere near enough when erect. I handed her the keys and suggested she put them round her necklace. Her eyes lit up and a somehow-innocent, yet definitely-sadistic smile spread across her face. She knew my dick was now hers to own. She asked for a few suggestions as to what to do, I suggested potentially licking my dick through the device, or rubbing it up against her (magnificent) tits or perfect pussy, of how she could tease me with her key, or just make me service her in any way she chose. She quickly moved beyond my rather mild suggestions to more cruel activities, such as unlocking the device and making me fuck her until she came, before locking me back up and teasing me further. I was allowed to cum twice through the course of the day, but not without extensive teasing periods first. She really seemed to enjoy dangling the locks next to my locked up and frustrated cock, knowing that I was unsure when I would be allowed out and totally dependent on her for my ultimate pleasure. She took great relish in having me lick, kiss and caress her feet, and the sense of power she got from riding my face until she came all over my mouth.

    Afterwards I asked her how she enjoyed it and she seemed positively gushing (in more ways than one, buddum tsch). She particularly seemed to enjoy learning that she could now use the title ‘keyholder’ (you should have seen the look of realisation of power in her eyes- a tiny glimmer which gave away a newfound knowledge of total power). Later that day when she left (we live in different cities) I couldn’t stop masturbating just thinking about how incredible it had been to experience my fantasies if only for a few hours.

    But it didn’t stop there.

    While we were still together I had mentioned to her the idea of her being my remote key-holder which had created a mixture of child-like wonder and sadistic joy on her face. After she left we kept chatting on snapchat (young people today, right?) and I mentioned to her the possibility of buying another device which comes with those plastic tearaway individually-numbered locks, so they can be removed in an emergency but still guarantee the keyholder’s control, and the idea of having a plastic device (cb6000s) so I could see my cock but not stimulate it. To say she was intrigued would be like saying Adam Sandler is intrigued by the idea of making terrible movies. She insisted I get one as soon as possible (next week, I promise) before moving on to say she still felt horny after the days events, having only cum 8 or 9 times. I suggested maybe we could introduce on orgasm ration, tentatively suggestion that maybe 10 orgasms for her to 1 for me might be more satisfactory. Her response was that ‘there’s no maybe about it, if you don’t do it you won’t be allowed to fuck me’. It was at this point that Chastity Mansion’s tagline- be careful what you wish for- really started to hit home.

    She wanted me back in my device straight away, and photographic proof that I was keeping it on before bed and keeping it on throughout the following day. She told me that I wouldn’t be given permission to remove the device until she had cum at least 3 times. I received intermittent messages asking for proof that it was still on, and promising that I wouldn’t be inside of her for a very long time if I had removed it. By the next day she had cum 3 times, each time informing me of how powerful her orgasm had been, made all the more so by my inability to even have a full erection without permission. She gave me half an hour release from my device, during which time I could do what I like, and I managed to hastily beat out two orgasms before locking myself back away.

    I sent her proof that my cock was back in my chamber and told her how I spend my time off, before thanking her profusely. She point-black informed me that she was jealous that I had managed to have two orgasms while she was busy, and that I would have to pay for that decision. She also informed me that she had been doing a little research online into different ways to tease and deny me, as well as edging. She outlined a couple of scenarios for our next play date- one involving lots of ice and a dice to determine the number of orgasms she gets and the number of times I get edged (I foolishly mentioned that I have a twenty-sided dice knocking about- I think she might get a kick out of the higher numbers involved there), as well as informed me that for much of the session I wouldn’t be allowed to touch her, let alone myself! My job would soon become her chaste little fuck-toy, there to bring her amusement while she masturbated watching my frustrated pain and uncontainable desire to be released, only occasionally being allowed to sexually service her, and any mention of my sexual gratification was conveniently side-lined during the conversation. She also told me she wants to bring me to the edge as much as is humanly possible before forcing me back into my cock cage to once again watch her get off and assist her in the process.
     
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  3. downtherabbithole
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    downtherabbithole Fucking amateur hour

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    .... Oh wow a three-parter

    Later that evening I was watching a film at a friend’s house, and I received another message. I was to receive another chance at release provided I followed a series of instructions that she would message me. After telling her of my semi-public location and inability to immediately respond, she retorted with the line ‘Fine, if you’re going to make me wait, I’m going to make you wait even longer’. 45 minutes later I received another message telling me how hard she had cum thinking about the fact that I can’t even get erect, and that I had better enjoy another night in chastity because I had missed my chance. She also informed me that begging would be the only way I was allowed out of my device. Needless to say I begged, I pleaded, I apologised, I offered anything to be allowed some release and even sent her a picture of my cock leaking pre-cum and leaving a little wet patch in my boxers (something she really seems to enjoy). The next morning I awoke to a message, not one which gave me permission for release, but which thanked me for the begging which had helped her climax incredibly hard. She later said she would let me later in the day, but was going for a walk with her family first, and so I probably wouldn’t hear from her for a while. Later that afternoon she told me she had changed her mind, and that I shouldn’t be released. Foolishly this was the point where I said I would do anything, including ruining my orgasm if I were released. She relinquished and said that I could have half an hour’s release, with no more than two ejaculations, both of which I would have to stop as I could feel myself climaxing, so my semen would dribble out but no sensation of orgasm could occur. 25 minutes later I had locked myself back up, more frustrated than when I began. I asked when I might be next be released to which she responded when she felt I had earned it. Throughout the day I was told to send pictures of my locked and leaking cock to verify that I was remaining loyal to her, while she sent naked and semi-naked pictures to tease me, reminding me that even when I next saw her I would have to beg for the right to touch and serve her perfect body.

    The next day I was told that this next period of lockup would not be a short one as before. I am to remain frustrated and locked away until I next see her face-to-face again, which will not be for at least a week. I will be allowed to remove the device to check for sore spots, ensure hygiene, and keep my pubes trimmed for her, although in each case I will need permission before removing the device. She has informed me that she knew it would be difficult but definitely worth it for me, and since then has had me send her elaborate dirty messages explaining what I would want to do to her if we were together and I was locked up. Needless to say it’s been more frustrating than any amount of self-locking. She has told me that next time we meet I will still not be released for a long time (there was even a vague hint of not being allowed a full orgasm at all), and has promised to make me watch as she strips, uses a vibrator on herself, and cums repeatedly in front of me as my hands are restrained. She wants to see my beg not for the right to touch myself, but for the right to touch her.


    It’s amazing the difference a week can make. Last Sunday I would have told you that this was a fantasy that I would keep online, and seek out specific partners who would be into it if I wanted to make it into any sort of reality. But now I have a KeyHolder who insists on being called Goddess, is already pushing my limits of what I think I can handle, and if anything seems even more enthusiastic about the lifestyle than I am! It’s quite an odd set of feelings which are somewhat difficult to balance. On one level I hope that chastity-the-reality is as enjoyable as chastity-the-fantasy. On another I’m worried about what it will mean for my lifestyle. On yet another (and more important) level I’m worried about disappointing my sexual partner- I want her to get more out of this than I ever have. But greater than any of these worries is the excitement I feel- the potentialities and possibilities are as limitless as our imaginations and ability to enact them. I genuinely feel like I have begun a new chapter in my life. Long live the Second Act.
     
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  4. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    Cool you do type lots xx

    What lifestyle are you worried about, our colonial friends use that term in relation to swinging which chastity would be unusual !.

    Or just life in general and you not spending your day playing with your boy bits watching port? :spank:

    Xx Wendy
     
  5. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    What a great post! I can only say well done and congratulations on your enviable result, and that I look forwards to your updates. Dont think I'm stalking, but I'm going to go and hit the 'follow' button as you write very well. Please, write more.

    Xx
    V
     
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